Mindless Ones

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(That’s computer-speak for ‘write your own blurb jerkbag’)

<ITEM> It’s a big dollop of SILENCE! right up in your mush. So get used to that. Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die bringing it in the only way they know how: on all fours and begging to be put down.

<ITEM> Sponsorship,Dadmin, and My Two Dadmin? Yart! Plus Bradley Walsh, Shane Ritchie and Nick Knowles. Comics!!

<ITEM> Finally – finally – The Reviewniverse arrives in the pair’s wing-mirror. Remember though that objects are bigger than they appear… covered are Mister Miracle (Jack Kirby and Tom King’s),  Brian Michael Bendis’ The Talky 10, Tank Girl, Kamandi Challenge and more more more

<ITEM> Ach what more do you need you pack of jackals!!?

@silencepod

@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@kellykanayama
[email protected]

 

HHKHRrrrhhhHtttchhhhh…HHHHWWWWRAAALLLPPPSSH

*kaff*

Sorry. Had to clear that hairball. That’ll teach me to lick Lockjaw’s blanket.

Hoo-hah! It’s only anuvver faakin’ SILENCE! innit bruv? With those two town gadaboouts Gary Lactus and the ever-lovin’ blue-eyed Beast Must Die! Double barrelled. You are the quarry.

<ITEM> Admin, admin, ‘oo wants admin? Featuring  Dadmin, and Paul Reiser’s autobiography?

<ITEM> Tales of Halloween, with The Beast Must Die and Lord Nuneaton Savage’s horror marathon. Featuring Rituals, Tales From The Crypt: Demon Knight and The Comeback.

<ITEM> SILENCE! Because The Film Has Started features Gary Lactus on Thor: Ragnarok and TBMD on Wonder Woman. Films mate. We shit ’em.

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse opens it’s greedy maw and welcomes the pair in to talk some honest to goodness comics. Including The Lakes Festival Spirit Special, Black Crown Quarterly, CUD: The comic, Mister Miracle, Philippa Rice’s Soppy and probably some other stuff as well.

<ITEM> Only 5 items or less in this queue.

@silencepod

@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@kellykanayama
[email protected]

MELON-RISING CALIFORNIA SUN, DRIFTING IN A DAY NOT YET BEGUN

SORRY! SO SORRY! We’ve neglected you dear listenoids, with our foolish ‘responsibilities’ to our families. Can you forgive us? Would you? Could you? Would you, could you, in a pod. Would you could you with a Furry Man and a Space God?

Well, we’re back in some fashion with the latest SILENCE! Your tired old pals Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die return to the heartland to bring you their frazzled recollections of Thought Bubble 2018, the Leeds-based comics hootenanny. In doing so we mention Hitsville, Alex Automatic, Triskelion, Tom Eglington, Cindy & Biscuit: Sundays, The Cleaner Issue 4 and a bit more.

There’s also some My Two Dads. WHO LOVES YA BABIES?

Part 2 is the epochal era-defining planet-shattering SILENCE! TO ASTONISH live event from the aforementioned T-Bubz18. It’s a shambolic thrillride with lovely Al To Astonish, special guests John Allison, Kieron Gillen, Alan Moore, Geoff Johns and Stan Lee.

Dig in, hunker down, bug out, kick back, suck it down, pucker up and sit tight. It’s going to be…a time.

@silencepod

@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@kellykanayama
[email protected]

MY NAME IS CHIP AND I’M DIFFERENT

Bit of a change of pace here dear listenoids. While Gary Lactus tutors Little Barry Lactus in the ways of cosmic righteousness, The Beast takes a solo sojourn into the 4-colour wastelands outside your window, till he finds himself knee deep in the comics slurry. There he encounters none other than Tom Oldham, of Breakdown Press and Gosh Comics.

The two proceed to have a nice long chat about the origins of Breakdown Press, and their newest release, the long awaited Good News Bible: The Complete Deadline Strips of Shaky Kane. It’s a rambling, yet laser-focused conversation taking in Deadline, 2000AD, Brett Ewins, Nick Abadzis, Bulletproof Coffin, Connor Willumsen, Fort Thunder, Michel DeForge, Steve Cook, music and comics, Beserker Magazine, Jonathan Chandler, Antoine Cosse, the comics virus, David Quantick, Richard Short, David Hine, Crossed, Worthing and a whole heap more.

It’s two hours of high qualidee chad, and you know you want it.

WARNING: Contains no discussion of My Two Dads

@silencepod

@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@kellykanayama
[email protected]

JUST ONE TIME I’D LIKE TO SEE EVERYONE SMILE, I GUESS IT WON’T HAPPEN, NOT FOR A WHILE

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water…you realised that you’d only just finished eating quite a stodgy lunch and if you went for a swim there’d be a good chance that you’d get a jolly nasty stitch. At best you’d have a very uncomfortable swim, at worst things could get dicey.

Oh and there’s a f*ck off great big shark in there with a grudge. Might want to give that one a swerve.

<ITEM> You lucky lucky people. You get not one, but TWO goshdurned podcasts today!

<ITEM> Firstly there’s the SILENCE! section. Just good old Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die shooting the breeze. Terrible shots they are though so once again the breeze gets away free. Plus – who’s that there? A very special new guest…

<ITEM> My Two Dads – the comic

<ITEM> A review of the Defenders? Sort of…

<ITEM> A sideways jaunt into the Reviewniverse, dealing with Mister Miracle and Joe Matt’s Peep Show. Plus Squirrel Girl (spoiler = he liked it, it was good)

<ITEM> Then, for part two you get a bonus new podcast Walker’s Crisps, aka Trisps aka In The Bag, wherein Gary Lactus and special US guest Michael Walker eat crisps together. For humanity’s soul.

YOU WANNA GET INTO IT BOY!

@silencepod

@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@kellykanayama
[email protected]

MY NAME IS IVOR, I’M AN ENGINE DRIVER

Comics? Comics? We don’t need those stinking comics!

<ITEM> They’re back, and they just can’t stop telling people that they’re in LOVE! It’s Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die return from the bearhunt, ripped, randy and raring to podcast. Are you ready for SILENCE!??

<ITEM> Look, I’m not going to waste your time – this is easily the most discursive, digressive, rambly episode in a long while as the boys seem determined to avoid talking about comics. Along the way though they manage to incorporate Lars Von Trier’s Top Cat, The Five Obstructions, Dancer In The Dark, SILENCE to Astonish LIVE at Thought Bubble 2017, David Lynch: The Art Life, Daredevil season 2 (audio version), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (audio), Universal Soldier: Resurrection, Gun Mobiles, Supersonic, Michael Fleischer’s Steve Ditko’s Oasis Comic, SDCC News, Arkham Asylum 2, Dave McKean, Photocopied clocks, Squirrel Girl, Dr Strange, ESCAPE issue 10, the birth of maturity, Stray Bullets, Bernie Mireault’s The Jam, American Splendor, Shade The Changing Girl, Mystery In Space, Captain Victory, Silver Star and a whole rambalicious slew more. Dive in why don’t you, and grab yourself some treasure…

@silencepod

@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@kellykanayama
[email protected]

WE’RE SO SORRY, UNCLE ALBERT

Hadrian-like, The Beast returns erecting a psychic wall between the listeners and their memories of the recent Scottish invasion. That’s right, it’s a  ‘Classic’ SILENCE! with those stodgy old pros Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die.

<ITEM> Fake pleasantries, artfully inserted Sponsorship and a bit more discussion about Small Press Day 2017. A ‘classic’ meat and potatoes intro.

<ITEM> A bit of proper Sadmin as The Beast eulogises recently departed horror auteur George A Romero.

<ITEM> Hot topix section alert! There’s a new Doctor Who in town. HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THIS INCREDIBLE SECRET?? Hot-takes like hot-cakes – ALL HERE!

<ITEM> Finally – finally – the Reviewniverse is breached. Thar she blows! Al Ewing’s Rocket is discussed and then there’s a nice long digressionary ramble about autobio comics, taking in King Cat Comics, Joe Matt, Billy, Me & You, Robert Crumb, James Kochalka and The Cleaner.

A few audio fumbles and then it’s a hop, skip and a jump off to la-lal-land. Did I mention how CLASSIC (classic) this all is??

Ta-ta!

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@kellykanayama
[email protected]

“SOME LIKE IT SCOTT!”

With The Family Beast still busy chewing on cigars with the big boys of Amazon “Optimus” Prime, mere minutes away from negotiating a deal that will see them broadcast into living rooms and pockets across the world, Gary Lactus is forced to do the one thing he didn’t want to do…. negotiate with the Skype-inept monsters of Mindless North for a second episode running.

Despite the usual technical problems that occur when North and South try to get together – blame Nicola Sturgeon for nationalising Scottish Skype in a better reality! – Gary Lactus is joined by Illogical Volume and Mister Attack, their shirts wet with rain, their bellies full of macaroni and rage.

<ITEM!> Who sponsors Gary Lactus? Some guy called Dave.  Who sponsors the sponsemen?  Fuck it, I dunno, Geoff Johns probably.

<ITEM!> The gang discuss the recent Small Press Day, the life changing/band forming dangers of encountering strange works by shifty creators in darkened rooms and the explosive properties of turtles.

<ITEM!> Shifting effortlessly out of the classical forms he has already mastered and into the new realm of Perhaps, R. Gary R.R.R. Lactus presents his new science fiction masterpiece: A Westworld.

<ITEM! > The question of who the nicest Mindless One is raised again.  Will Illogical Volume prove that he is actually a callow, cynical monster whose whole existence is a lie perpetrated against human decency by actually holding a twitter poll to determine whether people think he is nicer than Mister Attack?  Only time will tell.

<ITEM!> In SILENCE!…Because The Film Has Started, Gary Lactus is surprised by Spider-Man: Homecoming, and the Scottish are grumpy about Marvel movies and enthusiastic about gingers and ants.

<ITEM!> With all the relevant admin taken care of, the trio dive arse-first into the Reviewniverse for purposeful wallow in the  inky pleasures of comics.  John Allison’s Giant Days, new non-hierarchical/anonymous arts project SLAB, Al Ewing, Dan Brown and Travel Foreman’s Ultimates 2 (which Illogical Volume has finally started to read!), Craig Collins’ Oubliette, Hot Trash Dimension and Ross Geller Fanzine, the cosy era of the Justice League, Gumby comics, and the wonderful info-comics produced by the University of Glasgow’s Wellcome Centre for Molecular Parasitology.

After making a speedy exit from the Reviewniverse, the team take a brief detour through the pages of Show Call…

…and tolerate Illogical Volume promoting Cut-Out Witch (drawn by the wonderful Lynne Henderson), Looking Glass Heights and Living Rent before heading off in search of more dinner.

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I AM ALWAYS HIGH, I AM ALWAYS LOW, THERE IS ALWAYS CHANGE

‘Oo told you to come and see me then? Eric the Mouth was it?  Bloody chancer that Eric, always sendin’ hopeless my cases my way. Finkin’ I got the time to sort out every knoc-kneed tosspot ‘oo comes blinkin’ into my lock up. Oh yeah, course I got a lot of quality gear in this place, all sorts. Got everything you might want actually.  Course there’s a price though in there? What kind of businessman would I be if I din’t ask for a proper price? So you seen what you need ave ya…? Yeah, thought you might’a done. No, no, you put yer wallet away. Don’t want cash for what I’m sellin’, no no. I want something a bit more precious. Bit more valuable.

If you get my drift?

<ITEM> Welcome listenoids, to the newest, chewiest, brouhaha that is SILENCE! The Beast Must Die & Gary Lactus are here to bring you nourishing comics podcasting to see you through this warm, sticky patch.

<ITEM> Sponsorships set out on the choppy seas of Admin, looking to bring us back treats and treasures. Also: The Mini-Beast Speaks!

<ITEM> SILENCE!…Because The Film Has Started, with Gary Lactus weeping actual tears for the kindness in Wonder Woman‘s heart. Also, The Beast talks up Twin Peaks: The Return, in particular Laura Dern.

<ITEM> Finally it’s time to squeeze our svelte figures into the tight-fitting lycra of The Reviewniverse. Comics covered include Slasher, Jimmy’s Bastards, Dark Days: The Forges, DKIII: The Master Race, Black Hammer, Bug, Squirrel Girl, Peter Bagge’s Sweat Shop and more, oh so very much more…

<ITEM> Finally we have I Recky-mend by The Beast, with the Tony Law episode of The Comedican’s Comedian. 

And then we’re done, like old slow dog’s lying in the sun.

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@kellykanayama
[email protected]