Mindless Ones

At the end of the day, when the lonely trumpet sounds its mournful note, and you’re finally called to account for yourself; when you’re making the case that yes, damnnit, yes I did deserve to be here; that all the mindless consumption and waste, the hours spent idling, all the petty thoughts, insecurities and jealousies, all of it could be justified because didn’t we just create the greatest, the finest, the absolute zenith of podcasts? Didn’t we do that? And doesn’t that make it okay? All the tears, the loneliness and the broken dreams…it makes it okay doesn’t it?

Well doesn’t it?

HA HA HA!! It’s time for SILENCE!

<ITEM> It’s the ultimate classic team of Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die – it’s like putting on a pair of tatty old piss-stained jeans isn’t it. SO COMFORTABLE

<ITEM> There’s some SponSORship (check my weird enunciation) featuring special guest star Charles ‘CHUCK FORCE’ Forsman. Also some admin, including a review of the recent  Comic Pop-up in Brighton. There’s probably some other hot nonsense in there too.

<ITEM> Have you seen the SILENCE! Facebook group? It’s where all the pretty young things are hanging out, just waiting to be noticed. It;s right here

<ITEM> That gum you like is stuck to your backside. It’s a quick chat about the Twin Peaks: The Return, although for your detailed anal cysts, head to Diane.

<ITEM> Finally! Comics! Inserting themselves deftly into the pillowy comforts of the Reviewniverse, the pugnacious pairsome talk about Corey Lews’ Sun Bakery, Your Black Friend,  All New Ultimates, Shaolin Cowboy, $ Kids Walk Into a Bank, Curse Words, Squirrel Girl, and proabably some other jibber-jabber too.

<ITEM? Some last minute Backmin, with a heads up about this:

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@theQuietusFilm
@kellykanayama
[email protected]

THERE’S A MESSAGE TO YOUR MOVEMENTS THAT REALLY GETS MY GOAT

Look, don’t stare at me like that. I don’t have a blurb for you ok? I mean it, stop making those sad eyes at me! I ran out of blurbs ages ago and I’m sure as sugar not going to just rustle up something right here and now! I’m not some johnny-come-blurbly! If I choose to do another blurb it’ll be on my terms. I will not be strong-armed or emotionally blackmailed. My blurb, my rules!

The ol’ classic team, back in the game, two for two, in a blaze of dust and feathers. Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die, bringing you a SILENCE! the likes of which you’ve never heard. I mean apart from the previous 222 times of course.

<ITEM> Sponsorhips passing in the night, some truly 1st class admin and a whole lot of kerlassic bants.

<ITEM>SILENCE!…Because The Film Has Started features Guardians Of The Galaxy 2 (aka Space Friends 2), Dr Strange and X-Men: Apocalypse (now).

<ITEM>Eventually the pair drag their time-ravaged carcasses into the Reviewniverse, and turn their Care-Bear like love beams towards Coady & The Creepies, Slasher, Stray Bullets: Sunshine & Roses, American Splendor, Mark Kozelek, Amazon Reviews, Comics International, E for Evolution, Convergence: Shazam and mo’ mo’ mo’ including a very special Joe Decie’s Collecting Sticks Amazon Review review.

And don’t forget…

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@theQuietusFilm
@kellykanayama
[email protected]

 

I USED TO BE CARRIED IN THE ARMS OF CHEERLEADERS

Well isn’t this swell? All of us, in the same hot-tub. First time in 5 years since we were all in our trunks. Just splendid….Hey! Those bubbles aren’t from the jets! You get the hell out right now! And stick the internet on when you do so we can listen to the latest SILENCE! (The comics lifestyle magazine chat show).

<ITEM> Take a long luxurious preamble with Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die before the arrival of speshul guessed Bobsy,  After a gentle stroll through the Sponsorship gardens, you can gaze out across the glorious expanses of SILENCE!..Because The Film Has Started with Gary’s review of Star Wars: Rogue One and the roast dinner following it; also Lady Ms Beast’s text review of Batman Vs Superman, plus some recommendations of The Man In The High Castle and Search Party.

<ITEM> The main event kicks off with the arrival of the everlovin’ blue-eyed Bobsy and after a quick takedown of Sherlock, plus some thoroughly depressing SILENCE! News, the three plunge groin-first into the Reviewniverse.,, taking in the sights and smells of Superman: Multiplicity, CIA propoganda, Steven Segal, Resident Alien, Copra: Round 4, Hawkeye, Prez TPB, The Unstoppable Wasp, US Avengers, Sexy Batman, Shade The Changing Girl, Mother Panic and a whole slap-bass solo more.

BIDID-DIDDLE-BIDDDDLEEEOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!

(credits roll)

@silencepod

 

JUST GIVE ME SOME SECURITY, I’M A PARANOID SCHIZO PRODUCT OF THE 20th CENTURY

Well gawsh shucks and golly gee willickers! It’s the first new SILENCE! of 2017! Time to shake off the cobwebs, blow open the windows and let the singing bluebirds of the new year come twit-twitting right into your flaming gob holes. Got a resolution? Break it! The only resolution you need is to listen to SILENCE! and no other podcast. Oh, and be excellent to each other.

<ITEM> Join those lounge lizards Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die as they shed their old 2016 skins and reveal their shiny new 2017 bods, ready to rock the new year and shake the comics firmament.

<ITEM> Bit of post-festive admin including some spooky TV recommendations, Cat News and of course the boundless joys of unfettered sponsorship!

<ITEM> There’s a micro-edition of SILENCE! (Because the Film Has Started) as The Beast reviews Captain America: Civil War

<ITEM> Carrie Fisher RIP

<ITEM> New year, new Reviewniverse, and we ring in both the old and new, with discussions of Motro, Alan Moore’s Star Wars stories, Snyder and Lemire’s AD, Steve MacManus’ Mighty One: My Time In the Nerve Centre, She Hulk, Civil War II, Detective Comics, Rick Veitch’s Swamp Thing, Keith Giffen on Spectacular Spider-Man and Hex and more, oh so much more.

So let’s go! Now! GO! NOW GO!!

 

PA RUM PUM PUM PUM

It’s beginning to smell a lot like Christmas. The goose is on the ground, the snow is getting fat. Welcome to the none-more-festive edition of SILENCE! This is it folks, the culmination of 100’s of hours of work – choreographers, lighting, a full orchestra, special guest stars, yule logs burning on open fires, christmas fucking jumpers…absolutely NONE of this will appear on this SILENCE! Christmas Special!! What you will get is Gary Lactus, too ill to podcast and lying on the sofa, beloved Bobsy representing in full effect and The Beast Must Die holding it all together like some hirsute Michael Parkinson. We can’t promise you eggnog, but we can promise a hot pocket full of comics chat to warm your jingle bells in this most wonderful time of the year. Strap in, strap on and prepare for docking!

<ITEM> Blimey, look what happens when the sturdy hand of the Space God is off the tiller…shambolic admin on an unimaginable level, barely remembered Sponsorship, plus our lewdest opening banter ever. Blame that pottymouthed club comedian Bobsy!

<ITEM> In a spurious nod towards our festive theme, there’s some chat about festive movies including Krampus and Scrooged. Plus the mysteries of Karen Black, Karen Allen and Margot Kidder

<ITEM> SILENCE! (Because The Film Has Started) features chat of little known B-movies Star Wars: Rogue One

<ITEM> Lo! The Reviewniverse. There’s some hefty chat about the penultimate episode of Alan Moore’s late-stage masterpiece Providence. Then the Young Animal books Doom Patrol and Shade The Changing Girl are discussed at some length. Bobsy rounds up his Thought Bubble 2016 top picks and there’s a bit of chat about Rick Veitch. Christmassy as all heck right!?

<ITEM> Lazarus-like, Gary returns with a festive kiss off, and some Christmas cheer is finally raised.

Now go forth and unwrap!

 

I KNOW IT MIGHT SOUND STRANGE BUT I BELIEVE IN THE COMING BACK BEFORE TOO LONG

In this latest pulse-shredding, nerve-shredding, skin-shredding, heart-shredding, mind-shredding, soul-shredding, bed-shredding, wedding-shredding, shred-shredding episode of SILENCE! you will two, count them two grown men discussing comics. On the internet. I know. Can you believe it? Into the brave new world we go, with pioneering hosts Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die guiding the way.

<ITEM> Listen! That’s the sound of admin in it’s natural habitat. And look! There goes a herd of Sponsorship pass by us. MR James adaptations, mince pies, and decorating the tree? It’s beginning to smell a lot like Christmas…Oh and plenty of cat-chat just the way you like it.

<ITEM> There’s a whole lot of wheel-spinning and flim-flam as Gary Lactus talks about some modern comics such as the Batman Annual, Deadly Class and Great Lake Avengers while TBMD tries to derail at every turn. But it’s okay, as he’s here to talk about Batman: Son of the Demon and Devlin Waugh: Chasing Herod. That’s the Reviewniverse for you. Always different, always the same.

<ITEM> Bit of chat about DC: Legends of Tomorrow, The Flash and the death-pall of Dawson’s Creek.

Then it’s out like trout (that’s a thing kids say, right?) after some shameless hucksterism and a bit of the old toodle pip.

MY CAR IS UGLY BUT THEN, I’M UGLY TOO

Welcome gentle listenoids to the latest greatest, tightest, freshest, sprucest, fittest, cutest, sweetest, sickest, foulest, slickest, toughest, ice-road truckest edition of SILENCE! the comics lifestyle magazine show challenge. With your hosts the Burke & Hare of the podcasting world, Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die. 

Look, I know that was below par, but sometimes…sometimes I wonder if there isn’t more to life than writing podcast blurbs y’know? For so many years I thought I’d found my true vocation, my life’s work but now…well. Now I wonder – what else is out there? What am I missing? What could I have been?

<ITEM> Bit of the old ‘how’s yer admin’? Don’t mind if I do sir! I’ll have a dash of Sponsorship with it if I might be so bold? And maybe a sprinkle of self-promotion to sweeten the deal.

<ITEM> The boys unveil their new raft of spin-off podcasts. The SILENCE! empire starts here.

<ITEM> Reviewniverse, Reviewniverse we all want to know howdoyouverse? Treats yielded include Mégalex form Alejandro Jodorowsky, Moebius’ World of Edena and District 14. I know what you’re thinking – “LA-DI-DA Mr fancypants, where are my Spiderman comics? Not here, as TBMD admits his #gaimanshame and talks about Books of Magic, Summer Magic and U2. Then it’s Patsy Walker Hellcat, Rachel Pollack’s Doom Patrol, and the Vertigo Visions one-shots Dr Occult and The Phantom Stranger.

<ITEM> Top culinary tips in SILENCE! Because my Mouth is Full of Delicious Food

Then it’s a saucy bumsqueeze for all and then home for a bath and bed.

IT IS TIME… IT IS TIME…  IT IS TIME FOR STORMY WEATHER

 

I DANCED MYSELF RIGHT OUT THE WOMB, IS IT STRANGE TO DANCE SO SOON?

Morning has broken, like the first podcast… Yowza dear listeners, you’re staring down the barrel of the earliest-recorded SILENCE! yet. Will Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, or bleary-eyed and bushy-bearded? YOU DECIDE.  Imagine a bowl of crunchy, nutritious comics flakes, sodden with the milk of human opinion, and that’s this week’s show.

<ITEM> There’s a whole heap of admin for the upcoming Thought Bubble festival, including SILENCE! TO ASTONISH live, and the Sound & Vision panel. Jinkies! Add in a bit of hasty sponsorship and you got yourself some prime admin.

<ITEM> Through the dreamsqueezers threshold  and into The Reviewniverse. Only two men singing this time – it’ll never be the same again… it’s brief but nutritious with talk of Johnny Ryan’s Angry Youth Comix, Stray Bullets, Brendan McCarthy’s Dr Fate, Shade The Changing Man and maybe a bit more. Or a mit bore?

<ITEM> The Beast recounts his visit to see John Carpenter live.

NO MORE ITEMS. See you at the festival!