Mindless Ones

I’VE BEEN SAVING UP FOR A LIFE LIKE THIS, YOUR GOD IS BOOING YOU OFF STAGE AND YOUR HEROES DON’T RESPECT YOU

SILENCE! Haiku:

Jaded comics fans

We do our duty for you

No need to thank us

<ITEM> Dragging itself into the light like a flea-bitten, depressed lion at a run-down zoo, here’s a new SILENCE! to “brighten” your “days”. Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die have a nice warm package for you that smells distinctly like comics…

<ITEM> The very loosest notion of sponsorship? I suppose.  There’s a run through of the contents of 2000AD Prog 284. Silence! Because The Film Has Started takes in Snowpiercer and Eurovision. There’s also some chat about the end of the current Hellblazer as well as a eulogy that cannot possibly do justice to the tragedy of Chadwick Boseman’s death.Plus a Great New Competition?

<ITEM> Reviewniverse is calling your name…will you answer it? We did and this is what happened…Doom Patrol Weight of Worlds, Prisoner: Shattered Visage, Doom 2099, Abslom Daak: Dalek Killer and James Stokoe’s Sobek are all discussed.

<ITEM> A bit of a chat about the unremitting awfulness of everything all the time and then home for cocoa and cookies.

@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

[email protected]

SHE SAID THE CITY WAS DEAD AND GUTLESS

Watch out, cos here we come. It’s been a while but we’re back in style. So get set, to have some fun. We’ll give you action…and satisfaction. We are SILENCE! coming on stronger than ever before. We are SILENCE! Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Door (Die)

That’ll do won’t it? Come on, be reasonable, you can’t expect more from a blurb at times like these right? Take a look at yourself. When did you last have to write a blurb eh? EH? WELL?

<ITEM>It’s a brand new day, it’s  brand new SILENCE! with those two testy old goats Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die ready to fill your ears up with a hunka hunka burning comics.

<ITEM> Admin, rambling and SILENCE! (Because the Film Has Started) with the Steve Rude documentary and Dream Dangerously, the Neil Gaiman documentary. QUALITY WATCHING

<ITEM>Slip inside the Reviewniverse, step over the slumped prone body of James Stokoe and check out the chit chat about Morbius The Living Vampire no.1, Batman pocket books, Joe Kessler’s Windowpane, Doug Moench’s Spectre, and a bit more plus

<ITEM> RIP Denny O’Neill

ALL OUT OF ITEMS

@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

[email protected]

I KNOW YOU WANNA HOLD MY HAND, I KNOW YOU’RE GONNA LOVE MY BAND

BEEEEEP

Listen, I know you’re there, so pick up the phone. I can wait….Look I know you, I’ve been your agent for 20 years. I know when you’re ignoring me. Listen, they just need this blurb okay? Correction – they needed it yesterday. So just write the damn thing William Shakespeare! Get back to me.

*CLICK*

BEEEEEP

ANSWER THE GODDAMN PHONE! COME OUT FROM UNDER THE TABLE, GET OUT OF THE BATHTUB, WHATEVER! Just…it’s not that…hard. Just write me a god-damned blurb for this god-damned podcast! It’s not art! It’s not literature! But it pays the god damned bills and keeps the god damned light on. So please. For me. Pick up thy god damned quill, and write! Get back to me.

*CLICK*

BEEEEEEP

I’m coming round. I’m bringing weapons…

<ITEM> HOO HAH! It’s only a ruddy SILENCE! guv! Here to fondle your charlie browns and brighten up your day. Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die have dug themselves up and are ready to talk comics, comics, comics!

<ITEM> Adminge. Sponsorhitz. And ‘SILENCE! Because The Film Has Started…‘ with The Beast’s review of Ant Man & The Wasp and more importantly In Bed With Chris Needham.

<ITEM> PISSCRIME!

<ITEM> When Wakes The Reviewniverse? RIGHT NOW PUNX! Lotsa chat including Swamp Thing 60, League of Extraordinary Gentelemen: Tempest, Grave Horticulture, Demon by Jason Shiga, Eve Stranger, Immoral Hulk, Immortal Hulk, Hey Listen!, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and The Freshmen Force, Green Lantern, Hellblazer 40 and probably more. Oh and probably Game of Thrones. But more importantly The Shitpipe Chronicles.

<ITEM> NEW FEATURE ALERT. The Beast Unboxes, featuring the thrilling sounds of a man opening packages in the toilet!!

<ITEM> No more, greedy guts!

@silencepod
@bobsymindless
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

[email protected]

BUT DON’T DESPAIR, THIS DAY WILL BE THEIR DAMNEDEST DAY

Nah, nah. Nope. Nu-uh. No way. Noooooooo sirreeeee. Nup. No-ew. Nein, Not in the slightest. No thanks. Nup.

Not feeling this blurb today.

No.

<ITEM> It’s a magical week boys and girls! A special week. A SILENCE! week! And Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die are here to build a city of comics for you to all live in.

<ITEM> Look I’m not even going to mess around – this is some seriously digressive ish. I mean…do these boys really think that this is anyway to run a podcast? Oh well – once more unto the breach…

<ITEM> Some cursory sponsorship, some in-depth discussion of Jamie Oliver and Sunday Brunch, and a bit of Dadmin. Then The Beast ushers in another ker-lassic episode of SILENCE!…Because the Film Has Started talking about Coherence, The Autopsy of Jane Doe and Kong of Skull Island.

<ITEM> Dragging their heels, the sadsack pair find themselves in the snowy wastes of the Anti-Reviewniverse! Then normal service resumes and they hit the Reviewniverse. ‘Discussed’ are Sooner or Later, Deadline, Jamie Hewlett, Nick Abadzis’ Dream Logic, Skidmarks by Ilya, Tundra, Tales From The Hyperverse, Hastings, Mister Miracle, 2000AD Christmas special, and somehow more.

Jeez that’ll do won’t it?

<ITEM>

@silencepod

@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@kellykanayama
[email protected]

 

Whaddya looking at? What?? You write a blurb, I’m busy. I’ll blurb you mate. Go blurb yourself. What? What did you say? HOW DARE YOU! You can take your blurb and shove it right up your {REDACTED}

“Okay bud, I think it’s probably time you clocked off. You been working this blurb shift for 36 hours solid. You put your time in. You’ve done us proud. But it’s time to go home bud.”

No dammnit! No! I’ll get this blurb done if it’s the…just..just stop all a’them starin’ at me wouldya?? Just…make them stop…

“Okay bud. Jacket on. It’s time to go.”

<ITEM> What schedule? It’s SILENCE! pals and your week just got a whole heap better. So suck it in bucko.

<ITEM> Dadmin, Admin, and the briefest of Sponsorships. It’s just how we do. That’s Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die bee tee doubleyas.

<ITEM> Tat-talk with some chat about Action comic – the banned UK thug kids comic, not that boring American institution

<ITEM> SILENCE!…Because The Film Has Started with The Beast recommending Colossal.

<ITEM> Finally…The Reviewniverse. Right here, right now. Or…then, When it was recorded. But now for you. But not now in the blurb because that’s now for me, but then for when you’re reading this. So…when? Anyway there’s very important chat about Doomsday Clock, Doom Patrol, Julia Scheele’s comics, The Beautiful Death, Dr Radar, Dork, The Grim Ghost, Lomax NYPD, Tiger Man and the rest of the Atlas fools. And more probably. WHO CAN REMEMBER?

<ITEM> Get outta here! No more items for you, Christmas shopping to do.

@silencepod

@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@kellykanayama
[email protected]

 

HHKHRrrrhhhHtttchhhhh…HHHHWWWWRAAALLLPPPSSH

*kaff*

Sorry. Had to clear that hairball. That’ll teach me to lick Lockjaw’s blanket.

Hoo-hah! It’s only anuvver faakin’ SILENCE! innit bruv? With those two town gadaboouts Gary Lactus and the ever-lovin’ blue-eyed Beast Must Die! Double barrelled. You are the quarry.

<ITEM> Admin, admin, ‘oo wants admin? Featuring  Dadmin, and Paul Reiser’s autobiography?

<ITEM> Tales of Halloween, with The Beast Must Die and Lord Nuneaton Savage’s horror marathon. Featuring Rituals, Tales From The Crypt: Demon Knight and The Comeback.

<ITEM> SILENCE! Because The Film Has Started features Gary Lactus on Thor: Ragnarok and TBMD on Wonder Woman. Films mate. We shit ’em.

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse opens it’s greedy maw and welcomes the pair in to talk some honest to goodness comics. Including The Lakes Festival Spirit Special, Black Crown Quarterly, CUD: The comic, Mister Miracle, Philippa Rice’s Soppy and probably some other stuff as well.

<ITEM> Only 5 items or less in this queue.

@silencepod

@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@kellykanayama
[email protected]

I AM ALWAYS HIGH, I AM ALWAYS LOW, THERE IS ALWAYS CHANGE

‘Oo told you to come and see me then? Eric the Mouth was it?  Bloody chancer that Eric, always sendin’ hopeless my cases my way. Finkin’ I got the time to sort out every knoc-kneed tosspot ‘oo comes blinkin’ into my lock up. Oh yeah, course I got a lot of quality gear in this place, all sorts. Got everything you might want actually.  Course there’s a price though in there? What kind of businessman would I be if I din’t ask for a proper price? So you seen what you need ave ya…? Yeah, thought you might’a done. No, no, you put yer wallet away. Don’t want cash for what I’m sellin’, no no. I want something a bit more precious. Bit more valuable.

If you get my drift?

<ITEM> Welcome listenoids, to the newest, chewiest, brouhaha that is SILENCE! The Beast Must Die & Gary Lactus are here to bring you nourishing comics podcasting to see you through this warm, sticky patch.

<ITEM> Sponsorships set out on the choppy seas of Admin, looking to bring us back treats and treasures. Also: The Mini-Beast Speaks!

<ITEM> SILENCE!…Because The Film Has Started, with Gary Lactus weeping actual tears for the kindness in Wonder Woman‘s heart. Also, The Beast talks up Twin Peaks: The Return, in particular Laura Dern.

<ITEM> Finally it’s time to squeeze our svelte figures into the tight-fitting lycra of The Reviewniverse. Comics covered include Slasher, Jimmy’s Bastards, Dark Days: The Forges, DKIII: The Master Race, Black Hammer, Bug, Squirrel Girl, Peter Bagge’s Sweat Shop and more, oh so very much more…

<ITEM> Finally we have I Recky-mend by The Beast, with the Tony Law episode of The Comedican’s Comedian. 

And then we’re done, like old slow dog’s lying in the sun.

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@kellykanayama
[email protected]

 

I USED TO BE CARRIED IN THE ARMS OF CHEERLEADERS

Well isn’t this swell? All of us, in the same hot-tub. First time in 5 years since we were all in our trunks. Just splendid….Hey! Those bubbles aren’t from the jets! You get the hell out right now! And stick the internet on when you do so we can listen to the latest SILENCE! (The comics lifestyle magazine chat show).

<ITEM> Take a long luxurious preamble with Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die before the arrival of speshul guessed Bobsy,  After a gentle stroll through the Sponsorship gardens, you can gaze out across the glorious expanses of SILENCE!..Because The Film Has Started with Gary’s review of Star Wars: Rogue One and the roast dinner following it; also Lady Ms Beast’s text review of Batman Vs Superman, plus some recommendations of The Man In The High Castle and Search Party.

<ITEM> The main event kicks off with the arrival of the everlovin’ blue-eyed Bobsy and after a quick takedown of Sherlock, plus some thoroughly depressing SILENCE! News, the three plunge groin-first into the Reviewniverse.,, taking in the sights and smells of Superman: Multiplicity, CIA propoganda, Steven Segal, Resident Alien, Copra: Round 4, Hawkeye, Prez TPB, The Unstoppable Wasp, US Avengers, Sexy Batman, Shade The Changing Girl, Mother Panic and a whole slap-bass solo more.

BIDID-DIDDLE-BIDDDDLEEEOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!

(credits roll)

@silencepod

 

JUST GIVE ME SOME SECURITY, I’M A PARANOID SCHIZO PRODUCT OF THE 20th CENTURY

Well gawsh shucks and golly gee willickers! It’s the first new SILENCE! of 2017! Time to shake off the cobwebs, blow open the windows and let the singing bluebirds of the new year come twit-twitting right into your flaming gob holes. Got a resolution? Break it! The only resolution you need is to listen to SILENCE! and no other podcast. Oh, and be excellent to each other.

<ITEM> Join those lounge lizards Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die as they shed their old 2016 skins and reveal their shiny new 2017 bods, ready to rock the new year and shake the comics firmament.

<ITEM> Bit of post-festive admin including some spooky TV recommendations, Cat News and of course the boundless joys of unfettered sponsorship!

<ITEM> There’s a micro-edition of SILENCE! (Because the Film Has Started) as The Beast reviews Captain America: Civil War

<ITEM> Carrie Fisher RIP

<ITEM> New year, new Reviewniverse, and we ring in both the old and new, with discussions of Motro, Alan Moore’s Star Wars stories, Snyder and Lemire’s AD, Steve MacManus’ Mighty One: My Time In the Nerve Centre, She Hulk, Civil War II, Detective Comics, Rick Veitch’s Swamp Thing, Keith Giffen on Spectacular Spider-Man and Hex and more, oh so much more.

So let’s go! Now! GO! NOW GO!!