Mindless Ones

I’VE BECOME A GIANT, I FILL EVERY STREET

y’know yer my besssht pal, y’know? I love you mate, I rilly rilly…love you. Yer a real pal. Besht mates. Thass what we are. Besh..besht. I know, I know I’ve had few…a few beersh but..iss still true, yknow? Me ‘n’ you…we’ve bin through a lot y’know? But we’re shtill..besht…besht,..

*HWWWRRARRRRRAAAAAALLLPPH*

Ohhh…ohh. shorry man….shorry about yer…yer shoes…

So whaddya shay pal? Can you help out an old out-of-work…hic…blurb writer?

<ITEM> It’s a brand spanking new spanking in the form of SILENCE!, the world’s premier weekly lifestyle podcast. Join Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die as they lead you down the merry country lanes of comics chat and easy bonhomie. A veritable tonic in this sea of hideousness.

<ITEM> Some classic sponsorship, some legendary admin, and most likely a bit of dadmin

<ITEM> Tip-toe…through the Reviewniverse…as the podpals  take on Grant Morrison’s Green Lantern, Mister Miracle and the Punisher

<ITEM>  We interrupt the Reviewniverse for some urgent Sadmin, with the passing of the legendary Stan Lee!

<ITEM> We detour from the Sadmin into a bit of Cudmin, with Gary Lactus’ tales of going to see the erstwhile band Cud live, and then the Beast regales a tale of going to see an exhibition of Chris ‘Mauretania’ Reynolds art.

<ITEM> Then we pivot back to the Reviewniverse for some last comics morsels, with The Fantastic Four and The Many Deaths of The Batman. Phew! We’re through the Looking Glass here people!!!

THE END!

@silencepod
@bobsymindless
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

si************@gm***.com

THAT WAS PATROL, THIS IS THE WAR

Listen, can you do me a favour? It would really help me out if you just imagined that there’s a really good blurb here. Something wry, funny and a bit surreal. Something to cause a smile to flicker across those cherry lips of yours? Becuase frankly I just don’t have the time today to put the necessary graft in. So it would really help me out if you could just cut me some slack this once, and just scrunch your eyes closed and just…imagine. Imagine that this is the blurb you’ve always dreamt of.

<ITEM> It’s a SILENCE! And not just any old SILENCE! but a SILENCE! featuring your old pals Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die. Come to drop a comics plopsy right in your tea.

<ITEM> Admin, Dadmin, sponsorship and some honest to goodness SILENCE! News?? Right here effendi. Hot takes on the latest Rob Liefeld and Neil Gaiman announcements.

<ITEM> Suddenly… THE REVIEWNIVERSE! Comics old and new are ingurgitated: World Without End, The Beef, Shade The Changing Woman, Ragman, The Highest House, Gideon Falls, Oblivion Song, The Spider King, Prism Stalker and more. Plus hot news about the John Higgins-painted Cronenbergian body-horror Batman comic that simply does not exist.

@silencepod
@bobsymindless
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

si************@gm***.com

 

Whaddya looking at? What?? You write a blurb, I’m busy. I’ll blurb you mate. Go blurb yourself. What? What did you say? HOW DARE YOU! You can take your blurb and shove it right up your {REDACTED}

“Okay bud, I think it’s probably time you clocked off. You been working this blurb shift for 36 hours solid. You put your time in. You’ve done us proud. But it’s time to go home bud.”

No dammnit! No! I’ll get this blurb done if it’s the…just..just stop all a’them starin’ at me wouldya?? Just…make them stop…

“Okay bud. Jacket on. It’s time to go.”

<ITEM> What schedule? It’s SILENCE! pals and your week just got a whole heap better. So suck it in bucko.

<ITEM> Dadmin, Admin, and the briefest of Sponsorships. It’s just how we do. That’s Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die bee tee doubleyas.

<ITEM> Tat-talk with some chat about Action comic – the banned UK thug kids comic, not that boring American institution

<ITEM> SILENCE!…Because The Film Has Started with The Beast recommending Colossal.

<ITEM> Finally…The Reviewniverse. Right here, right now. Or…then, When it was recorded. But now for you. But not now in the blurb because that’s now for me, but then for when you’re reading this. So…when? Anyway there’s very important chat about Doomsday Clock, Doom Patrol, Julia Scheele’s comics, The Beautiful Death, Dr Radar, Dork, The Grim Ghost, Lomax NYPD, Tiger Man and the rest of the Atlas fools. And more probably. WHO CAN REMEMBER?

<ITEM> Get outta here! No more items for you, Christmas shopping to do.

@silencepod

@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@kellykanayama


si************@gm***.com

 

Forty years I been a blurb-writer y’know? My father before me was a blurb-writer and his father before him. And he started the blurb-writers union and all – every blurb-writer worth their salt still talks in hush tones about the blurb riots of 1933. Wouldn’t have the rights we do today without my grandfather and his mates. It’s in the blood is what I’m saying. If you cut me, do I not blurb. Heh.

But it’s a dying art. It’s dead to be honest. Got these new machines that can write a blurb in half the time, and no chance of a spelling mistake or a missed deadline. Oh sure they don’t read the same, but when the bosses see those bottom line figures, you think they care? And the readers hardly notice, that’s the real kicker. In too much of a hurry to get to the content. Click the link, access the content. Content, content content. Well what about conTEXT is what I say? What’s the point. You probably aren’t even reading this anyway. Oh well. Sorry grandpa…I’m trying. I’m trying to do you proud. Once more unto the breach…

<ITEM> HA! A new SILENCE! and it’s only been a week? What is this – a regular schedule or something??

<ITEM> Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die hold hands and do their merry aural dance for your ears only. Bit of Dadmin, some righteous Sponsorship, Gary’s Birthday and the Beast recounts his adventures in going VIRAL!

<ITEM> Reviewniverse shenanigans ensue with talky-talks of Fence, the DC House of Horror special, Bob Godfrey, 2000AD, Indigo Prime, Revere, John Smith, Captain America, Generation Gone, Not Brand Echhh and more, dammnit so much more. Also features some live John Constantine-ing.

<ITEM> I Reckymend features Paul Verhoeven’s brilliant Elle and the latest Adam Buxton Podcast.

And that really is, my friends, the end.

@silencepod

@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@kellykanayama


si************@gm***.com

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1011110010010010010101000100010101010101000111101010101010010

10010100100100100101000101010001010100011100100010100010100

1010100101001010011001010010100101011101010101010010000101010

(That’s computer-speak for ‘write your own blurb jerkbag’)

<ITEM> It’s a big dollop of SILENCE! right up in your mush. So get used to that. Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die bringing it in the only way they know how: on all fours and begging to be put down.

<ITEM> Sponsorship,Dadmin, and My Two Dadmin? Yart! Plus Bradley Walsh, Shane Ritchie and Nick Knowles. Comics!!

<ITEM> Finally – finally – The Reviewniverse arrives in the pair’s wing-mirror. Remember though that objects are bigger than they appear… covered are Mister Miracle (Jack Kirby and Tom King’s),  Brian Michael Bendis’ The Talky 10, Tank Girl, Kamandi Challenge and more more more

<ITEM> Ach what more do you need you pack of jackals!!?

@silencepod

@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@kellykanayama


si************@gm***.com

 

HHKHRrrrhhhHtttchhhhh…HHHHWWWWRAAALLLPPPSSH

*kaff*

Sorry. Had to clear that hairball. That’ll teach me to lick Lockjaw’s blanket.

Hoo-hah! It’s only anuvver faakin’ SILENCE! innit bruv? With those two town gadaboouts Gary Lactus and the ever-lovin’ blue-eyed Beast Must Die! Double barrelled. You are the quarry.

<ITEM> Admin, admin, ‘oo wants admin? Featuring  Dadmin, and Paul Reiser’s autobiography?

<ITEM> Tales of Halloween, with The Beast Must Die and Lord Nuneaton Savage’s horror marathon. Featuring Rituals, Tales From The Crypt: Demon Knight and The Comeback.

<ITEM> SILENCE! Because The Film Has Started features Gary Lactus on Thor: Ragnarok and TBMD on Wonder Woman. Films mate. We shit ’em.

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse opens it’s greedy maw and welcomes the pair in to talk some honest to goodness comics. Including The Lakes Festival Spirit Special, Black Crown Quarterly, CUD: The comic, Mister Miracle, Philippa Rice’s Soppy and probably some other stuff as well.

<ITEM> Only 5 items or less in this queue.

@silencepod

@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@kellykanayama


si************@gm***.com