Mindless Ones

SONG LYRICS HERE

Look, do you want a blurb or a podcast? You can’t have both.

Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die are back together. It’s a sad occasion as comedian and SILENCE! contributor, Phil Jerrod has passed away.  This month’s Patreon money plus extra will be going to Sarcoma UK.  Perhaps you’d consider sponsoring Julie Oliver and Phil Lucas as they run in his memory.

https://justgiving.com/team/teamjerrodtoo

Anyway, there’s other stuff here. Gary tells you about his absence, The Beast recommends the One Day In America documentary and both of them decide to maybe think about getting ready for Thought Bubble.  There’s a bit of Neighbours chat in there too, sadly and inevitably.

Come with us to Reviewniverse, with Kane & Able, Superman and The Authority, God Of Tremors, The Extreme Self and The Age Of Earthquakes by Douglas Coupland and Room For Love of course.

Stop!  Look!   Listen!

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Here’s the 2nd episode of STAR RIDER!  Will you telephone Andre Yeats?  Will your relationship with Richard deepen?  Will you finally get a bloody drink?!  Find out here!

This was previously only available to members of C-Unit, the crack team of special elite laser force warriors who fund the SILENCE! Channel on Patreon.

Series one has ended and Dan and Fraser are now onto book two, Riddle Of The Runaway.  If you’d like to catch up on what has turned out to be the most fun Dan and Fraser have had in ages, you know where to go and what to do.

Normal SILENCE! should descend soon, thank you for your patience.

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Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die are currently buried under a mountain of life turds. To fill the gap, please enjoy this first episode of Dan And Fraser’s Starlight Adventures in which we navigate the world of horses in Star Rider, the first Starlight Adventure game books for girls from 1985. This was previously only available to members of C-Unit, the crack team of special elite laser force warriors who fund the SILENCE! Channel on Patreon.

Series one has ended and Dan and Fraser are now onto book two, Riddle Of The Runaway. If you’d like to catch up on what has turned out to be the most fun Dan and Fraser have had in ages, you know where to go and what to do.

Normal SILENCE! should descend soon, thank you for your patience.

@frasergeesin

@thebeastmustdie

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HEY PUT IT DOWN, THAT’S DAD’S SWORD!

It’s a Very Special Episode! The Beast Must Die is flying solo, with an episode-length exegesis on the myriad pleasures and horrors of the fabled Prestige Format Comic. It’s an epic for our times for sure, and when you look at these times that tells you everything you need to know about this epic…

<ITEM>Okay gird your girdles, stop your grinnin’ and drop your linen…here we go. The Beast talks about Batman: Gotham By Gaslight, Batman: Holy Terror, Batman: Full Circle, Batman: The Scottish Connection, Batman: Mitefall, Batman: Year 100, Batman: Manbat, Batman: The Cult, Batman: Run Riddler Run, Robin 3000, World’s Finest, Catwoman Defiant, Cosmic Odyssey, Legend Of The Green Flame, Blackhawk, Deadman: Love & Death, Deadman: Exorcism, The Horrorist, The Golden Age, Hawkworl, The Books of Magic, Martian Manhunter: American Secrets, Adam Strange: The Man of Two Worlds, Twilight, OMAC, Justice Inc, Black Orchid, The Prisoner: Shattered Visage, Breathtaker, Black Mask, Gilgamesh II, The Nazz, My Name Is Chaos,  Clash, The Psycho, Skull & Bones, Tempus Fugitive, The Griffin, Grendel Vs Batman… sweet christmas… I need a lie down.

<ITEM> Normal business resumes soon.

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YOU’RE JUST TOO TOO OBSCURE FOR ME, YOU DON’T REALLY GET THROUGH TO ME

OVER HERE!  MAN ON!  IN THE BOX!  CROSS IT  ONTO MY HEAD MY OLD SUNSHINE! WHAT WAS THAT?!  WHERE ARE YOUR SPECS, REF?!

Ah, Footblurb.  The beautiful game.

<ITEM>WELL, THIS WAS A MASSIVE PAIN IN THE ARSE TO EDIT!

<ITEM>Having said that, it was a delight for The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus to welcome Dan Cox and John Riordon for a reasonably informal wag of chins.

<ITEM>But it’s not entirely informal, as Danny and Johnny, the Hitsville Brothers tell us tales of their experiences of running the Hitsville UK Kickstarter.  

<ITEM>Inevitably, everything falls apart as the SILENCE!#295 experience becomes one of listening in to the rambling chat of the four men on the table next to yours.  What kind of men are these?  What drives them?  What interests them?  Well, in short:  Jeff Bezos, their children’s relationships with super heroes, cosplay families, their dream Strontium Dog TV show and the music documentaries King Rocker, The Chills: The Triumph And Tragedy Of Martin Phillips and the Tina Turner doc, Tina.  Oh, and Timmy Capello.

<ITEM>Anyone read any comics?  Well sort of.  There’s talk of Danny Hitsville’s Chris Claremont Completion Crusade, Paul Jon Milne’s Grave Horticulture, the forthcoming Pocket Chiller Speckle and Ash, Gareth Brookes’ The Dancing Plague, Gareth Hopkins‘ Ghosts In Things, LDN by Ramzee, Jim Woodring’s Jabba The Hutt and Thriller.

<ITEM>Finally there’s some reckymends, namely List Off, Three Bean Salad, The Office US, Laser Fart and, (as usual) Chart Music.

<ITEM> In long:

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NOW IS THE TIME AND THE TIME IS NOW FOR OUR CHILDREN TO ASK FOR THE WORLD, LIFE’S UNREASONABLE, DEMAND THE IMPOSSIBLE

DID YOU KNOW?  Sharks can smell London from space!

DID YOU KNOW?  If you remove the sax breaks from every 80s song, the 80s actually only last for 7 years!

DID YOU KNOW?  This is actually a blurb!

<ITEM> It’s another episode of SILENCE!.  You know the sort of thing to expect.  Lots of talk about Hanson.

<ITEM> The Beast Must Die unboxes a load of stuff in a very special The Beast Unboxes

<ITEM>  Gary Lactus has also picked up a Lorne Bomb.

<ITEM>  Come with us to Reviewniverse, with The Young Lawyers, LOEG Tempest, Monsters, Girl and Silverblade of course.

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I’LL SAVE MY BREATH AND TAKE IT WITH ME, TIL A HUNDRED YEARS OR SO

Blurbs.  Does anyone actually read them?  The Beast must Die created this format for the SILENCE! show notes and it has become a hated chore for whoever is unfortunate enough to be creating it.  Am I just typing into a void?  Tell you what, if you’re reading this, let us know by writing the secret phrase, “OH DEAR LORD MY GUTS ARE FULL OF SQUID!” and tweeting us, emailing to us or posting it on the Facebook page.  Thanks.

<ITEM> The Beast Must Die is back to save Christmas a full eight months early.

<ITEM> The Beast has got naked and gone bathing in a world of eased restrictions, rubbing dusty old comics all over himself.  Full report inside.

<ITEM>  Gary Lactus has a great new business idea.

<ITEM>  Come with us to Reviewniverse, with The Union, The Spiral Cage and 2000AD‘s Summer Offensive featuring Judge Dredd, Big Dave, Slaughter Bowl, Really and Truly and Maniac 5 of course.

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Broken partings making strange goodbyes.  Hopeless cases with fake alibis

This is your blurb.  Deal with it, yeah?

<ITEM> Get excited because this SILENCE! is a The Beast Must Die Solo Special!  By that we mean The Beast is extremely busy and off on his own, working hard and, crucially, not appearing on this podcast.

<ITEM> Nevertheless, Gary Lactus loves to party (alone in his car like sad, middle aged man who is wondering where it all went wrong) so he’s invited some top guests to fool around with and have a really great time.

<ITEM> What’s that sound of creaking gears and whining servos?  Why, it’s Spare 5 who, although not a real boy, has real things to say about David Lapham’s Silverfish and the film, Psycho II whilst Gary moans about superheroes in general.

<ITEM>  Douglas Noble comes along to talk about Pocket Chillers and Tarzan.  Interesting to note that Douglas danced part of a 1980 Legs And Co routine continuously throughout recording.  Of course, this is an audio-only presentation and doesn’t come accross when listening.  Shame, he’s quite good.

<ITEM>  Maid Of Nails aka Kelly Kanayama sings some of her hits in between talk about Hellblazer: Royal Blood, Royalty, Amateur Demonology, Garth Ennis and A Walk Through Hell.  Oh, and a Korean Drama which might be called Worlds Apart or something like that.

<ITEM> Finally Tom Mortimer provides the weird, human cherry on top of this cocktail made from old, found booze which tastes surprisingly pleasant.  I mean, this is mostly bullshit but there’s some stuff about Blue And Green, Severed and Skrull Kill Crew in there.

<ITEM>LISTEN!

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WELL THEY LOOK SO GOOD I WANNA EAT ‘EM, AND THEY TASTE SO GOOD i GET TO NEED ‘EM

Okay, I want you to split into two teams. Now you guys are the red team, and you guys are team two. Now, everyone in the blue team needs to split up into teams of one and practice the trust exercises I showed you earlier. Team One, I want you to elect a leader then shout any ideas that come into your head at them. There’s no bad ideas here, brown sky thinking but you have to do this in complete silence. Okay, now I want the green team to split into two groups then those groups who will be Team A and Team Seven. Those teams then need to split in two once more and those groups split in two again and agin until everyone is in Team Blood Red And Bisected Lying Dead On The Floor. I’m off to the staff room to watch pornography. And Richard? You write the blurb.

They said it could easily be done and they were right!  It’s SILENCE! #291!

<ITEM>Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die have both got into separate scrapes recently.  Listen to them tell you all about it in the new feature, SILENCE! Because The Internet’s A Prick!

<ITEM>SILENCE! (Because The Film’s Started). The Beast Must Die has seen a film and that film Justice League, The Snyder Cut.

<ITEM> Gary Lactus is now doing commissions so get in touch with him as he needs the money.

<ITEM>Come with us to Reviewniverse, with Pssst!, Kiss Of death by John Watkiss, The Eternals and Darker Image of course!

<ITEM>Buy Gary Lactus’ comics at frasergeesin.com.

<ITEM>Buy The Beast Must Die’s comics at milkthecat.wordpress.com.

@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

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