Mindless Ones

OH MOTHER DEAR WE SADLY FEAR THAT WE HAVE SOILED OUR MITTENS

Another week, another blurb. People often ask, “Hey! How do you keep your blurbs so fresh and new, week in, week out? It’s amazing! You’re amazing! How can I be like you?”. Well, we here at SILENCE! Blurb Inc. are tired of this question. So tired in fact that we’re now offering our SILENCE! Blurb Writing Masterclass. Learn from the best to realise your potential in the lucrative field of Blubcraft. Packed with high profile contributions from Todd Carty on how to find inspiration, Danny Dyer on the impact of brevity and Neil Gaiman on the power of blurbs. Send your £500 to the usual address.

The tired dads return and Gary’s been selling off parts of his collection! Both Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die have been guesting on Shelf Dust Presents The War Effort.  The Beast has been enjoying Paul Morley’s biography of Tony Wilson and the surprisingly heavy inclusion of Kieron Gillen therein.  There’s a non-review of The Eternals and chitter-chatter regarding the SILENCE! Juniors’ emergent relationship with super heroes and Gary’s quest for space.

Sadmin.  The tragic loss of Steve Walsh and Garry Leach.

The chaps pick themselves up with the exciting birth of Dark and Golden and the peculiar pleasure of comics speculation.

Off, down and away into The Reviewniverse with Mek Memoirs, Kamen Rider, The X-Cellent, Orphan and the Five Beasts, Step By Bloody Step, a comic called Uncanny X-Men and The Sharkfighters of course.

Then with a yawn we learn that Fraser Geesin will be at the Brighton Illustration Fair on Sunday 1st May, The Beast went to the London Comic Mart and that finding your own comics for sale secondhand really makes you feel like you’ve made it.

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LET’S GO TO MISTERLAND, THE LAND OF MAGIC

You have passed the final test. Welcome… to TEAM BASTARD FORCE!  We are an elite team of men, dedicated to protecting the patriarchy at any cost!  Over there is The Ab, whose might always makes right!  This is the mysterious Explaino!  Who knows where from where his opinions hail but they are always right.  Be careful now, don’t get too close to the surly Incedible Sulk, who can slowly crush any opponent’s will to live.  I am your heroic leader, Mister Right.  I sit on my all-powerful Testosterthrone and direct proceedings.  Now, new recruit, I am entrusting you with the highest responsibility a man can shoulder… you shall be… PROTECTOR OF THE BLURB!!!

YOU WANT A PODCAST WHERE TWO PALS TALK ABOUT COMICS AND CHILDREN’S BOOKS FRO THE 70s IN DIFFERENT LOCATIONS OVER THREE NONCONSECUTIVE DAYS?!  YOU GOT A PODCAST WHERE TWO PALS TALK ABOUT COMICS AND CHILDREN’S BOOKS FRO THE 70s IN DIFFERENT LOCATIONS OVER THREE NONCONSECUTIVE DAYS!!

The men kick off with a couple of separate pond adventures and some mourning over Ian Kennedy and Neighbours.

Into the reviewniverse with Dave Cooper’s Mud Bite, A Walk Through Hell, Good Boy Magazine, Grendel: Devil’s Odyssey, Hannah Berry’s Livestock and Deathlok of course!

The Beast Must Die gets the telling-off from Pat Mills that comes to everyone in time.

Then it’s time for the brand new podcast-within-a-podcast, Men On Men.  This week, Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die look at the first two Mr. Men books, Mr. Tickle and Mr. Greedy.

See you next week!

 

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I’M GOING TO FAST! I GOT NO BREAKS ON MY ROLLER SKATES!

Hi, come this way, that’s right, just through here.  Now, our first exhibit is this collection of bricks.  As you can see there’s five in total.  Two of them are the same and one of them is made of latex.  That’s right! It’s a stunt brick!  Then over here we have a wooden duck painted like Superman, right next to this wide-necked plastic bottle with some piss in it.  Well that’s it.  I hope you’ve enjoyed your tour of the Museum of Gary Lactus.  Oh, I almost forgot, here we have a classic blurb written by the human disappointment himself.

Two men!  One pod!  Some saucy innuendo!  Some sentences ending in exclamation marks!  After a break, Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die reacquaint themselves with a bit of chat about Douglas Noble and pal’s A Pocket Chiller series, not doing comedy and an imaginary space battle between billionaires.

Then it’s off to a bumper Reviewniverse with Simon Hanselmann’s Crisis Zone, Jack Teagle’s Collected Madness, Fight! and Teagle Comics, Cinema Purgatorio, Nick Edwards’ It Had To Be You, Doctor Tom Brent – Young Intern, Battle, Walls’ Chill, Sean Azzopardi, Orphan and the Five Beasts, Mr. Men and Battle Action Force of course.

Then it’s away but not before you are urged to buy John McRea’s stuff to help him through a pretty devastating bout of long covid.

See you next week!

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IT’S HAPPENING NOW. THE CRAZED IN THE HOT-ZONE

Leaping lizards, it’s only our flipping 300th episode specktaklyar! OR IS IT? No it is. OR IS IT? You’ll have to listen to find out won’t you?

In this firm, festive and juicy edition of the world’s first, favourite and indeed only podcast SILENCE!, Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die answer listener questions. That’s right it’s primo pod-content provided by the loyal SILENCE massive and let me tell you the boys rise to the occasion, like a couple of rum happy castaways bobbing on a raft made of pure hot comic opinions.

Lots of things discussed, all of it delivered in the mighty, meaty, beaty, big and bouncy SILENCE manner. I’m not going to list it all here, that would spoil th fun and it has nothing to do with laziness.

Thanks to all who provided questions, and keep it festive, freaky during the holiday season. Be nice to each other.

END MESSAGE

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Presented here is a recording of SILENCE! To Astonish! form Thought Bubble 2021 with descriptive narration for the more visual elements of the original presentation. Our humble thanks and sincere apologies to Rachel Stott, Becky Cloonan, Al Ewing and Hannah Berry.

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Welcome to a very special SILENCE! in which two masters of the craft sit down in conversation with each other. Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die have somehow managed to secure Dan White and Fraser Geesin for an in-depth chat about their latest comics.

Terminus is White’s collection of his acclaimed weekly cartoon for Mindless Ones in glorious hardback form.

Purple Hate Balloon floats into view as Geesin collaborates successfully with animator Laurie Rowan.

Cindy and Biscuit: Year One takes us back in time to Cindy’s first battles with all things monstrous in a beautiful, un-dislikeable tabloid newspaper format.

The two legendary geniuses will be debuting these life-changing, earth-shattering, germ-killing comics at Thought Bubble on the 13th and 14th of November 2021, on tables 27B-28   Mindless Ones And SILENCE! And Pals in the Comixology Originals Hall.  Their comics will be available from their websites once this crazy weekend is over.

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IT KEPT TALKING SO I PUT IT IN THE LAUNDRY

Oh cripes! Sorry, yes, erm… of course, yes, no quite right, yes, hmm… Gosh, what to do, what to do… Oh blimey, sorry, I wasn’t prepared for this, ah, um, as you can probably tell! Haha! Ahem, right, yes. Okay, right… Ah, yes! Right then, here we go… Blurb.

Forget about the hot shit in your pants, that can wait. THIS can’t. It’s SILENCE! time!

The two buddy pals, Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Be Regretting Not Choosing A Shorter Name By Now are back to talk about whatever they bloody well like as long as it kinda relates to comics (or not).

<ITEM> The usual Thought Bubble preparation, anticipation and panic.

<ITEM> Halloween japes of yore.

<ITEM> Come with us to Reviewniverse, with  Blocks by Oliver East, The Mighty Crusaders, Pride and Joy, Second Coming and The Comics Journal of course.

<ITEM> off to bed, but not before some Reckymends of stuff like Taskmaster New Zealand and podcasts such as The Weird Rap Podcast, the Cartoonist Kayfabe Frank Quitely Interview and good, long enthuse over List Off.

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SONG LYRICS HERE

Look, do you want a blurb or a podcast? You can’t have both.

Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die are back together. It’s a sad occasion as comedian and SILENCE! contributor, Phil Jerrod has passed away.  This month’s Patreon money plus extra will be going to Sarcoma UK.  Perhaps you’d consider sponsoring Julie Oliver and Phil Lucas as they run in his memory.

https://justgiving.com/team/teamjerrodtoo

Anyway, there’s other stuff here. Gary tells you about his absence, The Beast recommends the One Day In America documentary and both of them decide to maybe think about getting ready for Thought Bubble.  There’s a bit of Neighbours chat in there too, sadly and inevitably.

Come with us to Reviewniverse, with Kane & Able, Superman and The Authority, God Of Tremors, The Extreme Self and The Age Of Earthquakes by Douglas Coupland and Room For Love of course.

Stop!  Look!   Listen!

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Here’s the 2nd episode of STAR RIDER!  Will you telephone Andre Yeats?  Will your relationship with Richard deepen?  Will you finally get a bloody drink?!  Find out here!

This was previously only available to members of C-Unit, the crack team of special elite laser force warriors who fund the SILENCE! Channel on Patreon.

Series one has ended and Dan and Fraser are now onto book two, Riddle Of The Runaway.  If you’d like to catch up on what has turned out to be the most fun Dan and Fraser have had in ages, you know where to go and what to do.

Normal SILENCE! should descend soon, thank you for your patience.

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