Mindless Ones

Broken partings making strange goodbyes.  Hopeless cases with fake alibis

This is your blurb.  Deal with it, yeah?

<ITEM> Get excited because this SILENCE! is a The Beast Must Die Solo Special!  By that we mean The Beast is extremely busy and off on his own, working hard and, crucially, not appearing on this podcast.

<ITEM> Nevertheless, Gary Lactus loves to party (alone in his car like sad, middle aged man who is wondering where it all went wrong) so he’s invited some top guests to fool around with and have a really great time.

<ITEM> What’s that sound of creaking gears and whining servos?  Why, it’s Spare 5 who, although not a real boy, has real things to say about David Lapham’s Silverfish and the film, Psycho II whilst Gary moans about superheroes in general.

<ITEM>  Douglas Noble comes along to talk about Pocket Chillers and Tarzan.  Interesting to note that Douglas danced part of a 1980 Legs And Co routine continuously throughout recording.  Of course, this is an audio-only presentation and doesn’t come accross when listening.  Shame, he’s quite good.

<ITEM>  Maid Of Nails aka Kelly Kanayama sings some of her hits in between talk about Hellblazer: Royal Blood, Royalty, Amateur Demonology, Garth Ennis and A Walk Through Hell.  Oh, and a Korean Drama which might be called Worlds Apart or something like that.

<ITEM> Finally Tom Mortimer provides the weird, human cherry on top of this cocktail made from old, found booze which tastes surprisingly pleasant.  I mean, this is mostly bullshit but there’s some stuff about Blue And Green, Severed and Skrull Kill Crew in there.

<ITEM>LISTEN!

@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

si************@gm***.com

I’VE BEEN SAVING UP FOR A LIFE LIKE THIS, YOUR GOD IS BOOING YOU OFF STAGE AND YOUR HEROES DON’T RESPECT YOU

SILENCE! Haiku:

Jaded comics fans

We do our duty for you

No need to thank us

<ITEM> Dragging itself into the light like a flea-bitten, depressed lion at a run-down zoo, here’s a new SILENCE! to “brighten” your “days”. Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die have a nice warm package for you that smells distinctly like comics…

<ITEM> The very loosest notion of sponsorship? I suppose.  There’s a run through of the contents of 2000AD Prog 284. Silence! Because The Film Has Started takes in Snowpiercer and Eurovision. There’s also some chat about the end of the current Hellblazer as well as a eulogy that cannot possibly do justice to the tragedy of Chadwick Boseman’s death.Plus a Great New Competition?

<ITEM> Reviewniverse is calling your name…will you answer it? We did and this is what happened…Doom Patrol Weight of Worlds, Prisoner: Shattered Visage, Doom 2099, Abslom Daak: Dalek Killer and James Stokoe’s Sobek are all discussed.

<ITEM> A bit of a chat about the unremitting awfulness of everything all the time and then home for cocoa and cookies.

@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

si************@gm***.com

COMPETITION TIME!!!

The first person to listen to this podcast, write a full blurb and show notes and send them to silencepodcast at gmail dot com will win FIVE GREAT BRITISH POUNDS in their paypal account.

EDIT! We have a winner! Thanks, Glenn Jacobs!

I don’t really know how to write a blurb in the inimitable SILENCE! house style so I’m going to forfeit my cash prize and just submit you some show notes instead. Hope these help. cheerio-bye.

9 00 The Prisoner by writer Peter Milligan and artist Colin Lorimer.

12 20 The Hellblazer #22 by Writter Tim Seeley and artist Davidé Fabbri.

13 55 The Hellblazer #1 by writer Jamie Delano and artist John Ridgway.

17 00 Transformers Collected Comics #3 by writer Steve Parkhouse and artist John Ridgway.

25 10 Fraser Geesin Is A Lot Of Help live clip. *EDIT* This is actually a clip of Gary Lactus years ago when he was in a band and the singer didn’t turn up so he ended up talking over some synths.

26 55 The Toys That Made Us (TV Series 2017).

35 50 A Walk Through Hell #1 by writer Garth Ennis and artist Goran Sudžuka.

39 00 Flayed Corpse and Other Stories by Josh Simmons.

44 30 Doom Patrol by writer Gerard Way and artist Nick Derington.

44 50 A duck.

48 40 Audience with Charles Forsman at Gosh Comics.

Because everything is entropy right? It’s always all downhill. Part of our ten-year challenge has been to find old posts that we like and can bear to  bring up and choke on again.

This is where I realised that the first post I wrote for the site was my best and favourite, and also offers an excellent opportunity to rededicate myself to John [E.] Smith –  comics greatest lostest poet, who even pops up in the comments on the original because blogs make dreams come true.

Apologies for my bad writing and any broken 10 y.o. pic links or whatever. “Enjoy.”

Dee do dough don’t dee dough? or why Hellblazer #51 is the title’s best issue

If I have to make up a bloggy reason why this post was written, it’s recent noise from the Factual Opinion that Andy Diggle’s current run on Hellblazer is the best it’s been in years. I picked one up, saw with relish that the colour palette they’re using still contains every conceivable shade of mud, put it down. To say it’s currently firing on all cylinders isn’t saying much, as Vertigo’s old horror warhorse is a perpetual disappointment, which it shouldn’t, because the basic ingredients are so solid. It’s about the street-sorcerer John Constantine, magic, and a bit of London grime, all mixed together with a quip and a crafty fag. Despite these perfect alchemical elements something inevitably goes wrong with the final potion, which rarely drips the creep and splatter I hunger for from anything so keen to proclaim itself a horror comic.

More after the jump

HIS NEBULOUS BODY SWAYED ABOVE, HIS TONGUE SWOLLEN WITH DEVIL’S LOVE 

Morning has broken, like the first SILENCE! It’s our earliest ever podcast, as Gary Lactus wipes the sleep from his eyes and the Beast Must Die pulls his beard out of the cornflakes… all to bring you the Last Comics Podcast On Earth! That’s dedication folks. Hell that’s deification. Goddamnit it’s defecation. Defamation! Declamation! Declaration! Decathlon! That’s right. The SILENCE! boys have done a decathlon just to bring you the latest hottt comixxx chatzzzz…

BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG

Whu…wha…where am I? OH man, was that blurb all a dream? Does that mean I still have to write the blurb? Jeepers Christmas that means I’ll be late…for SILENCE!!!

<ITEM> Hoo boy. Who knows what this one’ll be like? Barely awake, fuelled on nowt but black coffee and love for the 4-Coloured periodicals, it’s a podcast Jim, but not as we know it.
<ITEM> Adminisponsorship? You got it! Lady Lactus? Right here! Gary eating a bagel? You got that too! Disgusting.
<ITEM> SILENCE! (Because The Film Has Started) tackles that little inconsequential Ghostbusters remake that absolutely no-one made a big deal about.

<ITEM> Can you say Reviewniverse? Can you? Good boy! Comics discussed include Batman, Black Hammer, New Super-Man, Captain Kid, Ultimates, Hellblazer and some other stuff no doubt.

All that, and the sound of barely stifled yawns? Who could ask for more?

Click to download SILENCE! #197

HENRY SWANSON’S MY NAME AND EXCITEMENT’S MY GAME!

Here he comes to save the day, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is on his waaaaaaaaay!

I’m here now flesh ones. What is the problem? Oh that’s right – there was no SILENCE! last week. Boo hoo. Many fleshy tears were shed. Weeping meatsacks. Well rejoice sad misery-beef as The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus bring you special comics suppositories for your earholes!

<ITEM> The SILENCE! News with Gary Lactenberg of the stretched handbag leather skin, dazzling smile and shark-eyes, and Danny Beastman of the cigar ravaged voice and rheumy whisky-rinsed gutter eyes. Hot newzzz indeed.

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse opens it’s gaping maw and sucks the pair deep into it’s 4-colour belly pit. And swilling around in it’s intestinal inks are…Hellblazer (the final issue no less), Justice League of America, Vibe, Katana, Nova, Sadow: Year One, Judge Dredd, Superior Spiderman, Daredevil, Captain America, Daredevil, Fatale, Powers, Avengers, Justice League, Change, Batman and Michel Fiffe’s deeply wonderful action comic COPRA!

So you see, it’s not so bad. Life continues fleshy ones. And remember, even when SILENCE isn’t here Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is here. And he can see through walls. And skin.

click to download SILENCE!#51

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

LIKE SITTING ON PINS AND NEEDLES, THINGS FALL APART, IT’S SCIENTIFIC

YO HO HO AND A BOTTLE OF BLEACH! Happy 2013 fleshy ones! Who else would you want to usher you into another year of repetitive grinding toil and pointless attempts to distract yourself with the flashing pretty lights than your omnipresent judgmental pal Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735!

Yes dear fleshy ones, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 has missed you all. It was certainly nice having a break mind you , and you’ll be pleased to know that Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 spent the past three weeks targetting and disintegrating reindeer from space. The site of red mammal mist on snow…it makes my core reactor glow with happiness…one day Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 will get to practice on…

HA! HA! Anyway! No doubt you’ve come sniffing round these parts in search of those two aural bandits Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die and their podcast SILENCE! haven’t you? well you’re in luck as it is here in all of it’s one-tone “glory”. Rejoice fleshy ones – all your “favourites’ are “here”:

<ITEM> The boys explain what Santa unleashed in their direction from his bulging sack! Sack contents feature Dan Clowes, Jack Kirby’s Spirit World, Ghost Rider and Josh Simmons’ The Furry Trap!

<ITEM> The SILENCE! News features hard-hitting exposes from Gary Lactenberg & Danny Beastman!

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse features soft-hitting exposes of the following periodicals…Godzilla: the Half Century War by ace SILENCE! banner-smith and official monster wrangler James Stokoe, Happy, Saga, Amazing Spiderman 700(with a digression into Face/Off), Hawkeye (Bro), Prophet, Matt Howarth’s Those Annoying Post Bros & Keif Lama, Dominion Tank Police, Punk Rock Jesus, Wolverine: Insance In the Brain, Multiple Warheads and Batman Inc.

<ITEM> But that’s just the beginning! brave Sir Lactus catapults himself further into the Reviewniverse than any mortal has gone before…he is in the Hyperreviewniverse!!! Whilst there he discusses Amazing Spiderman 699.1, Avengers Arena, Avengers, Storm Dogs, America’s Got Powers, Daredevil, Wolverine & The X-Men, FF, Indestructible Hulk, Thor, Thunderbolts, Justice League, Captain America, Hellblazer, Judge Dredd, Avenging Spiderman, Fatale, Mara, Iron Gland, Wonder Woman, JSA: The Whistling Skull, Hellboy in Hell and All New X-Men…Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 weeps battery acid just to think about his bravery.

So strap on your rocket packs, rocket boots, rocket gloves and rocket corset and grab our hands as we go hurtling into the future of 2013, with SILENCE! #45!

click to download SILENCE!#45

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

DAYS LIKE TELEVISION DAYS LIKE TELEVISION DAYS LIKE TELEVISION

Yes yes yes fleshy ones yes it’s Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735. I hear you mewling in the dark and scratching at the windows, scraping your knuckles and drooling with anticipation at the meaty prospects of SILENCE! Well wait no longer. It is upon us. Right now. Now.

Go.

<ITEM> The latest updates from the wizard war, in the SILENCE News. Special magickes.

<ITEM> comicscomicscomicscomicscomics as Gary & The Beast cast off and head to the Reviwniverse, with all their pals in tow. But not Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735, oh no. He must man the decks and keep it all running ticketyboo. But that is okay. One day a real rain will come. They talk about FF no.1 (Wow! Marvel Now! Kapow!) Batminc, Nowhere Men, Lot 13, Crossed, Glory (more like ‘gory’ FNAFF FARR FNURR), Hellblazer, All New X-Men, Witchdoctor, Uncanny X-Avengers Men, and there’s a discussion of Walt Simonson’s and Jason Aaron’s Thor, and supergods in general.  Not to mention The Brandon Graham Section with Prophet and Multiple Wargasms (headz).

The SILENT Question comes from ‘a green lantern’ and the answers are…answers? Oh and the Beast talks up new British blackhearted horrorcom Sightseers.

So leave me, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735, to wallow in 5D pity, as you tuck in to the latest gristly, stringy leftovers that os…SILENCE!

ALL BY MYSELF, I WANNA BE…

click to download SILENCE!#42

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

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YOU’RE THE ONE FOR ME, FATTY!

YAAAAAAY! It’s nobody’s favourite self-aware AI, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 here to usher you into another aural barrel scraping edition of SILENCE! GET SOME…Ha ha.

Ha.

IN. THIS. EDITION.

<ITEM> Lots of self-promotion from the fleshy ones, with talk of Cindy & Biscuit and The Amusing Bros. For shame!

<ITEM> Then SILENCE! News, with sad boohoo news about the end of Hellblazer, and Gary Lactus straps on his geetar to sing ‘Goodbye John’. Too sad.

Then happy with special sexy review times. Woot hoot!
<ITEM> Deadpool no.1, Iron Man, Dial H, Legends Of The Dark Knight, Detective, Action, Animal Man, Battlefields and a special mention for Joe Kessler’s Windowpane, from new publisher Breakdown Press. Excite!

<ITEM> Silent Question comes from Moleman, and varied answers include Titan’s Tower and Shade The Changing Man’s crack in the pavement! Yes sir!

So no excuse for not-enjoymence, fleshy idiots!!!

Strap yourself in, put on Mummy’s dress and draw the curtains for …SILENCE! no.38

click to download SILENCE!#39

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

Click below for the SILENCE! Gallery…

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