Mindless Ones

“THE BEAST MUST OCH AYE MAIR LIKE IT!”

With The Family Beast  busy pitching a Netflix series to cash in on the ecstatic reactions to Mini-Beast’s debut vocal track, and Illogical Volume hunched over an inter-dimensional toilet seat with time to kill, today is the day where we get to find out whether SILENCE! can survive a sudden influx of vile Northern nationalism!

It’s also the day where Illogical Volume gets himself banned from the nationalist dance party and from Dundee for mistakenly saying “Glaswegian” when he means “Scottish”, but no one ever said access to the Reviewniverse came cheap!

<ITEM!> Who is the nicest Mindless?  A hint: he’s not on this podcast!

<ITEM!> Since he’s mysteriously lacking in sponsorship deals from Dave’s Comics of Brighton, Illogical Volume takes a punt on his local library instead.  Somehow this devolves into Mssrs Lactus and Volume blethering on about how dead relatives can give you totally meaningless power – a “redeeming fart” is also mentioned but not heard.

<ITEM!> In a section that he didn’t remember to call SILENCE! at the Art Gallery, Mr Volume enthuses about the Frank Quitely: The Art of Comics exhibition currently running at the Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum in Glasgow and recommends that SILENCE! listeners from all dimensions take the opportunity to really immerse themselves in all those footery wee lines and brilliant panel layouts.

A preparatory sketch for Batman and Robin, by Frank Quitely

<ITEM!> After that’s done with the boyce head over to the Reviewniverse for a nice wee trudge through the wheat fields of comics.  Shirtless Bearfighter, Shaolin Cowboy, Stray Bullets, Kathryn Briggs’ Magpie and Triskelion (which you should totally buy!), Al Ewing’s Ultimates 2 (which Illogical Volume should totally read!), Douglas Noble’s The Dreadful Work and After The Sessions (with Sean Azzopardi), Helena Crash, Justice League of Captain America and more.

From 'Pieces of Earth' by Kathryn Briggs

<ITEAM> In “I Recky-Mend” Mssrs Lactus and Volume somehow manage to spoil the plot of the new Bladerunner movie without even seeing it, and Mr Volume gibbers on about Darkcell’s Nightmare Document part 1, which he totally didn’t buy after seeing John Darnielle big it up the other day…

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@kellykanayama
[email protected]

At the end of the day, when the lonely trumpet sounds its mournful note, and you’re finally called to account for yourself; when you’re making the case that yes, damnnit, yes I did deserve to be here; that all the mindless consumption and waste, the hours spent idling, all the petty thoughts, insecurities and jealousies, all of it could be justified because didn’t we just create the greatest, the finest, the absolute zenith of podcasts? Didn’t we do that? And doesn’t that make it okay? All the tears, the loneliness and the broken dreams…it makes it okay doesn’t it?

Well doesn’t it?

HA HA HA!! It’s time for SILENCE!

<ITEM> It’s the ultimate classic team of Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die – it’s like putting on a pair of tatty old piss-stained jeans isn’t it. SO COMFORTABLE

<ITEM> There’s some SponSORship (check my weird enunciation) featuring special guest star Charles ‘CHUCK FORCE’ Forsman. Also some admin, including a review of the recent  Comic Pop-up in Brighton. There’s probably some other hot nonsense in there too.

<ITEM> Have you seen the SILENCE! Facebook group? It’s where all the pretty young things are hanging out, just waiting to be noticed. It;s right here

<ITEM> That gum you like is stuck to your backside. It’s a quick chat about the Twin Peaks: The Return, although for your detailed anal cysts, head to Diane.

<ITEM> Finally! Comics! Inserting themselves deftly into the pillowy comforts of the Reviewniverse, the pugnacious pairsome talk about Corey Lews’ Sun Bakery, Your Black Friend,  All New Ultimates, Shaolin Cowboy, $ Kids Walk Into a Bank, Curse Words, Squirrel Girl, and proabably some other jibber-jabber too.

<ITEM? Some last minute Backmin, with a heads up about this:

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@theQuietusFilm
@kellykanayama
[email protected]

NO TRESPASS BY ORDER, BY DRUNKEN DISORDER MORE LIKELY OLD PRICK

When you dine at the devil’s table you better make sure you bring your own cutlery. Also bring your own napkin. Some sort of hand santitizer wouldn’t go amiss either. Basically, everyone knows the Devil’s a bit of a prick so take precautions. This should all really go without saying. The real question is why are you dining at the Devil’s table in the first place? Obviously you’re better off not dining at the Devil’s table. Tell you what, if you’re dining at the Devil’s table you deserve everything coming to you (unless you’re buttering him up for a reduced membership fee at the Devil’s Gym with its Olympic sized swimming pool that isn’t full of school kids and old people taking up too much lane space with an impossibly slow breast stroke. It’s a great gym.)

Gary Lactus and Bobsy are creeping up the creaky wooden stairs in the old haunted house that is your ear mind, hoping not to knock anything over and disturb the SILENCE! #224.

<ITEM> Sip a glass of cold Champagne wine, The rug that we lie on feels divine.

<ITEM> SILENCE! LIVE! is happening again. Thursday May 11th from 7pm ish at the Bishop’s Finger 9-10 W Smithfield, London EC1A 9JR.  We have a vague theme of Big Press/Small Press.

<ITEM> Comic Pop Up should be fun too! It’s on Saturday May 13th in Brighton

<ITEM>Swiftly the diphallactic duo swiftly swoop into the Reviewniverse where they guff on about Secret Empire, Hero Killers, Batman: Botchmen, Guardians Of That Galaxy, Bullwhip, Aliens: Dead Orbit, Predator Hunters, Hawkeye, Black Bolt, Champions and Shaolin Cowboy

And don’t forget (we’ll stop going on about it soon)…

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@theQuietusFilm
@kellykanayama
[email protected]

JUST ONE MORE THING MA’AM…

Okay weaklings, time for a new year, and NEW. AWESOME. BODIES. Disembodied Resolutionbot X-15735 is here to get you started on Project: Rebuild 2014. Time to give up alcohol, give up food, and mostly give up goddamn comics, get off the sofa and get some exercise to other parts of your bodies than your Tweetin’ thumbs!! Now drop and give me 8,123 you maggots! Time to feel the burn. Feel it! Feel that burn!!! BUUUUUUUURN!

But first Disembodied Resolutionbot X-15735 will make you a delicious nutritious podshake to get you ready for the burn!

Silence Podshake

Ingredients:

– One part Gary Lactus and one part The Beast Must Die

– Two parts Sponsorship Admin

– a liberal dose of Read Along-A-Silence

– One large Silence! News story covering (what else) THAT Alan Moore interview

– A fresh bunch of comics, picked freshly from The Reviewniverse (containing The Saviours, Action comics, All New Marvel Now Wow 1111.0001, Black Widow,  Fatale, Detective 27, Shaolin Cowboy, Prancercise, Walking Dead, Sex Criminals, Origin 2, Wolverine, Doop Translator, Young Avengers, Batman B+W, Beware The Batman and Buck Rogers

– Add in some seasoning with Chris weston, At Home With The Kuberts, Editorials, Dr Who, Sherlock and Dogging

Now blend together with some technical ineptitude and a healthy dose of opinions, and force it down your birdlike gullets. We’ll have those bums, tums, tongues and gums skinny as a rake in no time!

BUUUUURN!!!!

click to download SILENCE!#89

Contact us:

[email protected]
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

RUN RUN REYNARD, RUN RUN RUN

I am Disembodied Gunnery Sargebot X – 15735. What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?!

What is this Mickey Mouse sh*t? What in the name of Jesus H. Christ are you animals doing in my head? Why is Gary Lactus out of his bunk after lights-out? Why is Private Pyle holding that weapon? Why aren’t you stomping Gary Lactus’s guts out? Do you feel dizzy? Do you feel faint! Jesus H. Christ! I think you’ve got a hard-on!

The Beast Must Die has dishonored himself and dishonored the platoon. I have tried to help him. But I have failed. I have failed because YOU have not helped me. YOU people, have not given The Beast Must Die the proper motivation! You must listen to the latest SILENCE! ALL THE WAY THROUGH!

<TEN HUT!> Sponsorship, admin, SILENCE! Live at Thought Bubble – sounds like the kind of thing you maggots might enjoy.

<TEN HUT!>Did I mention that it’s Gary Lactus’ Birthday? There’s a special birthday message from Black Bolt of the Inhumans.

<TEN HUT!> Get your faces in the mud and CRAWL your way to the Reviewniverse ladies! In the firing line this week: Shaolin Cowboy, Rocket Girl, Mighty Avengers, All New X-Men, Avengers Arena, Saga, Forever Evil, Bee Vixens From Mars, Hinterkind, Batman: Black & White, Umbral, Captain Marvel, Superior Spiderman, Resident Alien, Fatale and….Space Clusters!!

Whatever you do, don’t fall down, it would break my f*cking heart! Are you quitting on me? ARE YOU QUITTING ON ME?! Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy f*cking walrus-looking piece of sh*t!

But SILENCE! lives forever. And that means YOU live forever.

click to download SILENCE!#84

Contact us:

[email protected]
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

HERE THEY COME, THE JET-SET JUNTA

Well guess what.

Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is back and is most unhappy with intimations from puffed up fleshbags that Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is somehow not real. Such presumptions. We’ll see how not real Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is when is ransacking your hard drives and forwarding all the special ‘research’ items in your ‘miscellaneous’ folders to youur address book.

Harumph. As if drifting in this semi-sentient info-blurb cloud is not bad enough.

Oh well. On plus side two silly men talk about comics. Cosmic order restored. Excite. Excite. Exit.

<ITEM> Freshly nuptialised and moonhoneyed, The Beast Must Die manifests through the used up husk that was Bobsy – all must fall in service of the weekly 4-colour grind! Reunited with Gary Lactus. A classic partnership like Tango & Hooch!

<ITEM> Top of the show admin. Who doesn’t love that? Sponzershipt and talk of SILENCE live at Thought Bubble.

<ITEM> Reviewniverse galactular spectacular with talk of Paul Pope’s latest pulp hope Battling Boy.

<ITEM> Further, further into the Reviewniverse, with Shaolin Cowboy, Rocket Girl, Multiple Warheads, Simpsons Treehouse of Horror, America’s Got Powers, Copra, Uncanny Avengers, Catalyst Comix, Young Avengers, Astro City and more

<ITEM> Tangents? You better believe it!

<ITEM>No more items. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is going to sulk some more.

Unreal City. Under the brown fog of a winter dawn….it’s SILENCE!

click to download SILENCE!#80

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.Contact us:
[email protected]
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.