Mindless Ones

MUSIC TO QUIET THE MAN MADE OF METAL AND BRICKS

“I say” said Bunty, as she shone her torch at the corpse. Maggots writhed beneath the beam. “What a jolly disgusting mess!”

“Yes,” I agreed “utterly rum!”

“Nanny must have slipped and fallen down the cellar steps. Look at the strange angle of her head!” Bunty wrinkled her nose in disgust. ” I suppose this rather explains the smell coming through the floorboards”.

“Rather!” I trilled. “And I suppose that this means we should call the police too?”

Bunty shot me a crafty look. “Well…we could. Or we could see what Nanny tastes like?”

<ITEM> It’s a new day, which means that it’s time for another cracking edition of the comics lifestyle magazine show SILENCE! with your hosts The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus, puffing and wheezing through the motions. But what motions!

<ITEM> Admin, sponsorship and all that jazz. Bookplate editions and food on slates. We got it all.

<ITEM>SILENCE!…Because the Film Has Started with a Batman V Superman: Gaze Upon the Face of Justice and Despair! special.

<ITEM> The Beast Must Whore! He’s been putting it all about town. First an interview at the fabled comics critical establishment The Comics Journal. Then waving it in the direction of Kraken, the internet’s second best podcast.

<ITEM> Finally The Reviewniverse is breached and the jaunty gents chat at length about Daniel Clowes’ Patience, Ted McKeever’s Pencil Head amd 2000AD.

<ITEM> Gary Lactus vs The Scorpions

<ITEM>And let’s not forget…THIS!

click to download SILENCE!#182

IT’S A MUST THAT I TAKE THE STREETS BACK SO FAST, EVERYBODY THINKIN’ IT’S NOT GONNA LAST…

Okay big picture people, big picture only. Blue sky thinking, big picture stuff. Blue sky, big picture, out of the box stuff people. Big, blue, out-of-the-box thinking. Big picture, blue sky thinking, right out of the box, take the ball and run with it stuff people. Big runny blue balls, right out of the box. OK people? OK?

<ITEM> It’s the comics podcast that man, feels like a woman! It’s SILENCE! you lucky, lucky pea-pods.

<ITEM> Not just any episode, but one of our fabled Guesticodes featuring none other than Kelly Kanayama aka Maid of Nails. Scholar, Rob  Liefeld character, and Frank MIller gang member? Whatever, she’s here and she’s raising the bar. Limboing smoothly under it are old hams Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die.

<ITEM> Sponsorship as usual, but with some red hot Dundee recommendations! Also The Beast has some life admin to share, and is ready to introduce…the Phantasmacats! Also, Team Poppet and the Final Solution?? Oh and Dicks. Don’t forget the Dicks.

<ITEM> Let’s go go go into The Reviewniverse, and it’s a humdinger. We talk The Discipline, Shade The Changing Man, The Extremist, Grant Morrison, Peter Milligan and bondage, Ted McKeever’s Pencil Head, Cerebus The Aardvark, problematic creators, Jiro Kawata’s Bat-Manga, Black Widow, Judge Dredd, Strontium Dog and a slab more.

<ITEM> Gary has to duck out early so The Beast and Maid of Nails sing it out in style…

GERTCHA!

click to download SILENCE!#179

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YOUR CIGARETTE STILL BURNS, YOUR MESSED UP WORLD WILL THRILL ME

Who loves you, and who do you love? SILENCE! that’s who. SILENCE! loves you like a pig loves lemonade. What do you mean pigs don’t love lemonade? What the eff do you even know about pigs anyway? I tell you, if you go to a shop and ask it to pick out a can of fizzy pop, it won’t pick out Cola, it won’t pick out Ginger Beer and it sure as sh*t won’t pick out got-tamned Cherryade! Whuddya even know ’bout pigs…come round here tellin’ ME about pigs willya??

So, like a pig loves lemonade, SILENCE! loves you. And what more could you want from a comics podcast hmmmmmmmmmmmmm?

<ITEM> Who’s that I hear outside, scratching to get in? Why it’s only special guest presenter Clark Burscough, aka Clark T-Bubz! He joins The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus in their latest traipse around the 4-colour wastelands. And what a touch of class he brings!

<ITEM> Sponsorship, RAW, the Truth Behind Thought Bubble and Gary’s Vegan Adventure? It’s all here true believers!

<ITEM> A Reviewniverse three-way? You betcha! The boyzzz talk up Ben Marra’s Blades & Lazers, Tango & Cash, All New X-Men, DKIII: The Master Race, Star Wars: Chewbacca, Star Wars: Lando, Batman: Mitefall, New Avengers, Venture Bros, Batman: Brave & The Bold, Degrassi Junior High, Saved By The Bell and Ian Beale: Martian Manhunter…oh man, even I want to listen to it now and I’m just …. DISEMBODIED NARRATORBOT X-1575! HA HA HA HA AND YOU THOUGHT I WAS DEAD!!!

Ta ta!

click to download SILENCE!#178

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WHEN YOU’VE BEGUN TO THINK LIKE A GUN, THE REST OF THE YEAR HAS ALREADY GONE

Welcome welcome welcome welcome….WELL COME ON THEN! Don’t just stand there on the doorstep snivelling! In or out, make your choice. But when you’re in you’re in, if you know what I mean. And if you don’t know what I mean, then you’re out. And if you’re out, you’re out for good, if you get my gist. And if you get my gist then you’re on my team – and if you’re on my team then you’re in. SO GET IN FOR GOODNESS SAKE. You’ve let out all the heat. And I’d only just got this podcast nice and toasty. GAH!

Welcome to SILENCE! The comics podcast for discerning imbeciles.

<ITEM> The Beast Must Die & Gary Lactus pack up their troubles in their old kit bags and  smile, smile, smile – all the way into some classic admin. And it’s a doozy. Sponsorship out the wazzoo, some honest to goodness SILENCE! News abbout DC: Resnooze and a whole heap more

<ITEM> BUT! There’s also a great episode of SILENCE! (Because the Film has Started) with The Beast Must Die on Austrian horror Goodnight Mommy and Gary Lactus on Deadpoo. I mean Deadpoo. Goddamnit, no, I mean Deadpoo. DEADPOO!

<ITEM> Das Reviewniverse with hot topical chattering on Sammy Harkham’s Crickets, Spider Woman, Stray Bullets, Power Man & Iron Fist, Bitch Planet, Swamp Thing, Katsuhiro Otomo’s Memories and Farewell To Arms, Huck and the Deadline 1990 Xmas Special

Whooooooooooosh! Hear that? That was your mind being blown.

click to download SILENCE!#177
 

SEE HER FACE EVERY DAY, SEE HER FACE IT DOESN’T HELP ME

What is that thing? Wait a minute that’s disgusting. But nonetheless there it is. There it is indeed, sat in the corner looking at you. What the hell is it? Who does it think it is? Does anyone know? Can anyone tell me? Wait a minute…it’s opening it’s mouth. God, look at it’s teeth, they’re like tombstones in a haunted graveyard. Revolting. I’m disgusted. I shan’t pay it a second more of my attention. I’m turning the other way. I’m looking away. How dare that thing ruin my day with it’s…OH GOD IT’S IN FRONT OF ME AGAIN… IT’S ON MY FACE, IT’S TRYING TO BITE MY EYES…WHAT IZZZZZ IT….!??

It’s SILENCE! of course. And Jumpin’ Jiminy Crizzmass it’s a podcast that comes to you by the skin of the hair on it’s teeth…. Not to spoil anything but Gary Lactus deserves a medal for being here for this one, but we’ll let him tell that particular tale. It’s all part of the podcast that walks like a baboon but think it’s a fancy country squire.

<ITEM> Traumatic Life Event! Star-studded Sponsorship! Guest-filled admin! SMASH! Biblical references! EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!

<ITEM>But always rely on the Reviewniverse to clasp you to its multi-coloured breast and feed you nurturing comics juice.  Along with the Liefeld of the Land, we have Code Pru, The Eighthe Seal, Paper Girls, Saga, Uber, Mercury Heat, Klaus, Johnny Red, Battle, Battle Action Force, Storm Force and a whole hootenanny more.

Now come on. We’ve all had a bit too much excitemence. Let’s grab some ginger tea and have a nice sit down. Shhhh!

click to download SILENCE!#175