Mindless Ones

 

I DANCED MYSELF RIGHT OUT THE WOMB, IS IT STRANGE TO DANCE SO SOON?

Morning has broken, like the first podcast… Yowza dear listeners, you’re staring down the barrel of the earliest-recorded SILENCE! yet. Will Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, or bleary-eyed and bushy-bearded? YOU DECIDE.  Imagine a bowl of crunchy, nutritious comics flakes, sodden with the milk of human opinion, and that’s this week’s show.

<ITEM> There’s a whole heap of admin for the upcoming Thought Bubble festival, including SILENCE! TO ASTONISH live, and the Sound & Vision panel. Jinkies! Add in a bit of hasty sponsorship and you got yourself some prime admin.

<ITEM> Through the dreamsqueezers threshold  and into The Reviewniverse. Only two men singing this time – it’ll never be the same again… it’s brief but nutritious with talk of Johnny Ryan’s Angry Youth Comix, Stray Bullets, Brendan McCarthy’s Dr Fate, Shade The Changing Man and maybe a bit more. Or a mit bore?

<ITEM> The Beast recounts his visit to see John Carpenter live.

NO MORE ITEMS. See you at the festival!

That’s right puny humans, your favourite podcast has been on air for 200 years! And to celebrate those national pleasure treasures Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die invited a select group of 1200 of their closest fans to attend SILENCE! LIVE, in The Nexus Of All Realities. And then they recorded it for all you lucky, but less dedicated, dear listeners. Featuring able pod-lietentants Bobsy and Lord Nuneaton Savage, as well as an array of amazing guest voices. Comics! Talking! Drinking! It’s all here and it’s just as amateurish as you want.

<ITEM> I can’t remember what we talked about, but basically we focused on Anniversary Issues…look stop yelling at me, I’m hungover! I need some cheese on toast. Just listen to the damn podcast and write your own blurb would you? Shut the curtains on the way out would you?

BUT FOIST TRUE BELIEVERS, YA GODDA GET TREW SOILENCE #199.99 AND LEMME TELL YA IT’S A DOOZY! PIN BACK YA EAR HOLES AN’ EYE FLAPS, COS THIS IS GONNA HURT!!!!

…

Ugh…*cough*…*hack*…out…get out vile spirit. Begone from this vessel with your crass huckesterism and vile self-promotion. That’s simply not how we *do* things on SILENCE! Excuse me while I use this mouthwash…

<ITEM> After the hiatus…the OTHER hiatus!  Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die are back from their Holiday Cruise and they want to talk to you! That’s right, we’re back and ready for a refreshing comics enema!

THE ENGLISH MOTORWAY SYSTEM IS BEAUTIFUL AND STRANGE

THE ENGLISH MOTORWAY SYSTEM IS BEAUTIFUL AND STRANGE

Can you help us? We went on holiday by mistake…

That’s right Boils and Giggles, Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die have returned to brighten the corners and blow the dust from your ear-holes. How did you cope? What did you do? Where did you go to get uninformed, half-baked opinions about comics? WHY? HOW? WHO? Well don’t fret….SILENCE! is back and all is right again in the world*

*apart from everything that’s wrong and the fact that we’ll be lucky if we make it out of the decade as a species

<ITEM> Who wants some admin? Some sponsorship? Some waffle? Digressions? Begging? Apologies? All present and correct. Your mileage may vary.

<ITEM> DIY horror and comedy gone bad

<ITEM> Top secret news about SILENCE! #200…although by ‘secret’ I mean that we’re talking about it publicly on a podcast that anyone can listen to.

<ITEM> Finally we breach…THE REVIEWNIVERSE?!!? Like a Kirby-collage it reveals it’s shimmering 4-colour splendorousness… Discussed: Stray Bullets, Batman, Blue Beetle, JLI, New Superman, Kill Or Be Killed, Falling Asleep Watching Films, Batgirl, the transience of pop culture, Sun Bakery, Sixpack & Dogwelder, Loeb & Sale’s Challengers Of The Unknown and more more more.

<ITEM> Live DIY and paint on the recorder.

<ITEM> Out-the-backdoormin and the promise of a rosy future.

Didn’t you miss us? Couldn’t you just weep?

 
Click to download SILENCE!#199
 

THE ENGLISH MOTORWAY SYSTEM IS BEAUTIFUL AND STRANGE

YOU JUST HAVEN’T EARNED IT YET BABY

It’s that time people. A time of change. A time of peace. A time of war. A time of hope, of laughter, of tears. A time of tests. A time of trials. A time of twins. A time to live, a time to die. A time to kill. A time of hours, of minutes and seconds. A time to sleep. A time to wake. A time to eat. A time to fast. A time to slow. A time of potential. A time of possibility. A time of depair. A time of…TIME>

WHAT TIME?

Time for SILENCE! you worms.

<ITEM> Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die are not going to let time and space get in the way. Gary is broadcasting from the Edinburger festival up in sunny Scorchland while the Beast is broadcasting lieve, live from the Work Hive! All to bring you the most 5 star super fun and hot and zzzzzexy comics chat.

<ITEM> Sponsorship? Why not, with a guest shout to DeadHead Comics and some self-promotionalistaion for Gary’s FREE one man show at Edinbruge: https://tickets.edfringe.com/whats-on/fraser-geesin-jack-of-all-polymaths

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse you saps, so you better shape up. Talky talking about Kill Or Be Killed, Papergirls, Shade The Changing Man, Frank Miller’s Cheeseburger comics, Robocop Vs Terminator, Moon Girl & Devil Dinosaur, Batman, Walking Dead, Andrew O’Neill and Comedy Posters. GET SUM.

Hoo boy. I wouldn’t want to be here when your Mum gets home…

Click to download SILENCE! #198

HIS NEBULOUS BODY SWAYED ABOVE, HIS TONGUE SWOLLEN WITH DEVIL’S LOVE 

Morning has broken, like the first SILENCE! It’s our earliest ever podcast, as Gary Lactus wipes the sleep from his eyes and the Beast Must Die pulls his beard out of the cornflakes… all to bring you the Last Comics Podcast On Earth! That’s dedication folks. Hell that’s deification. Goddamnit it’s defecation. Defamation! Declamation! Declaration! Decathlon! That’s right. The SILENCE! boys have done a decathlon just to bring you the latest hottt comixxx chatzzzz…

BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG

Whu…wha…where am I? OH man, was that blurb all a dream? Does that mean I still have to write the blurb? Jeepers Christmas that means I’ll be late…for SILENCE!!!

<ITEM> Hoo boy. Who knows what this one’ll be like? Barely awake, fuelled on nowt but black coffee and love for the 4-Coloured periodicals, it’s a podcast Jim, but not as we know it.
<ITEM> Adminisponsorship? You got it! Lady Lactus? Right here! Gary eating a bagel? You got that too! Disgusting.
<ITEM> SILENCE! (Because The Film Has Started) tackles that little inconsequential Ghostbusters remake that absolutely no-one made a big deal about.

<ITEM> Can you say Reviewniverse? Can you? Good boy! Comics discussed include Batman, Black Hammer, New Super-Man, Captain Kid, Ultimates, Hellblazer and some other stuff no doubt.

All that, and the sound of barely stifled yawns? Who could ask for more?

Click to download SILENCE! #197

OH YOU HEADLESS CHICKEN, CAN THOSE POOR TEETH TAKE SO MUCH KICKING?

Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, every other podcast disappears and stops downloading.

I’m not a photographer, but I can picture me and you together recording a podcast.

Are you an interior decorator? Because when I saw you, the entire room became beautiful and full of amazing pod-content.

Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile and leave a comment in the comments.

Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass. PODC-ASS-T THAT IS AMIRIGHT??

<ITEM> It’s the two! Back again! It seems like just a week since their dulcet tones were here speaking truthisms and dropping raw wisdom. But nonetheless here we are. It’s  A Gray Cult. It’s A  Stagy Curl. It’s Cry At A Slug. It’s Gary Lactus. It’s Atheists Be Muted. It’s Ambushed Tie Test. It’s Headsets Tub Time.   It’s The Beast Must Die. It’s Ice Lens. It’s License. It’s SILENCE!

<ITEM> There’s an extended admin/sponsorship session with recollections of Small Press Day 2016 at Dave’s Comics, Gosh Comics and Orbital Comics. Plus The Beast Must Die talks about Cerebus Again.

<ITEM> Reviewniverse time for boils and goils. Talk turns to Tales of The Wedding Present, Batman, Dark Knight III, Jupiter’s Legacy, Justice League Rebirth, Paper Girls and more.

So come on dive in…the water’s lovely. And full of comics.

Click to download SILENCE!#196

I TOOK A TRAIN, I TOOK A PLANE…AH WHO CARES YOU ALWAYS END UP IN THE CITY

“You remind me of the babe!”

“What babe?”

“The babe with the power!”

“What power?”

“THE POWER TO MELT MEN’S BRAINS WITH IT’S EYES, TO REND THEIR SKIN FROM THEIR BONES WITH NARY A THOUGHT, THE POWER TO LEVEL CITIES WITH A BLINK, TOO MAKE A CHARNEL HOUSE OF THIS WORLD AND THE NEXT, TO TRAVEL OUT INTO THE STARS AND FURTHER AND TO BURN ANYTHING THAT GETS IN IT’S WAY…THAT POWER!”

“Oh. Well in that case I think you can keep that babe away from me. Nasty thing.”

<ITEM> LA HA BOO HA! It’s a new SILENCE!, the comics podcast with ‘tude to boot, and boots with ‘tude. Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die bring you their thoughts, their opinions, their hopes, their dreams and they demand that you listen.

<ITEM> Sponsorship? Admin, Earth-Pigs? Self-promotion? Stand-up comedy? Take your pick, treacle, they’re all here

<ITEM> Into the Reviewniverse we go, with a hi-de-hi and a ho-de-ho! Despite The Beast forgetting himself and talking about the Brian Wilson biopic Love & Mercy, the boys do eventually talk about comics, including The Dark Knight: The Last Crusade, Batman no.1, Patsy Walker AKA Hellcat, DC Legends of Tomorrow (with Sugar & Spike), Island, Michael DeForge, Black Widow, Ted McKeever’s Pencil Head and more, oh so much more!

<ITEM> Laughing. About Laughing. And then not.

P.S. COME TO THIS IT WILL BE FUNNYYYYYYY!

Click to download SILENCE!#193

MY MINIATURE KINGDOM, MY KING-SIZE EGO

…and the thing is, you should have seen the size of the bleeder’s head! Like a bloomin’ bit of roast beef it was, with all these filthy mouths full of doll’s teeth…snapping they were, just all snapping! And the way it moved! Like a film running back it was, like some awful old film… and the smell! Like a flippin’ abbatoir that someone had sprayed with perfume…sickening it was, sickening!

I tell you. Last time I go internet dating.

<ITEM> HOO-HAH! It’s only a brand new SILENCE! up in your grill with a boatload of sass and a pocketful of attitude. So join The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus as they take you on a journey into: the internet’s ONLY comics podcast

<ITEM> Bit of preamble ramble, some uewd and rude Sponsorship, plus a bit of promotion for Gary Lactus’ London gig.

<ITEM> Behold! The Reviewniverse! In all it’s many angled glory. There’s some DC Rebirth fun, with The Flash, Detective Comics, Wonder Woman and Aquaman. There’s The Fix, All New All Sexy Avengers, The Vision and a whole mess more

<ITEM> But wait! It’s the Beast’s Bargain Basement with Alan Moore’s Majestic one-shot, Eddie Campbell’s Deadface and the 1991 Judge Dredd Mega Special.

<ITEM> Cheeky review of the ill-fated Fantastic Four movie? Don’t mind if I do.

More? More? Listen Oliver Twist, take your ‘more’ and shove it right up your

*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*

Click to download SILENCE!#192