Mindless Ones

OH MOTHER DEAR WE SADLY FEAR THAT WE HAVE SOILED OUR MITTENS

Another week, another blurb. People often ask, “Hey! How do you keep your blurbs so fresh and new, week in, week out? It’s amazing! You’re amazing! How can I be like you?”. Well, we here at SILENCE! Blurb Inc. are tired of this question. So tired in fact that we’re now offering our SILENCE! Blurb Writing Masterclass. Learn from the best to realise your potential in the lucrative field of Blubcraft. Packed with high profile contributions from Todd Carty on how to find inspiration, Danny Dyer on the impact of brevity and Neil Gaiman on the power of blurbs. Send your £500 to the usual address.

The tired dads return and Gary’s been selling off parts of his collection! Both Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die have been guesting on Shelf Dust Presents The War Effort.  The Beast has been enjoying Paul Morley’s biography of Tony Wilson and the surprisingly heavy inclusion of Kieron Gillen therein.  There’s a non-review of The Eternals and chitter-chatter regarding the SILENCE! Juniors’ emergent relationship with super heroes and Gary’s quest for space.

Sadmin.  The tragic loss of Steve Walsh and Garry Leach.

The chaps pick themselves up with the exciting birth of Dark and Golden and the peculiar pleasure of comics speculation.

Off, down and away into The Reviewniverse with Mek Memoirs, Kamen Rider, The X-Cellent, Orphan and the Five Beasts, Step By Bloody Step, a comic called Uncanny X-Men and The Sharkfighters of course.

Then with a yawn we learn that Fraser Geesin will be at the Brighton Illustration Fair on Sunday 1st May, The Beast went to the London Comic Mart and that finding your own comics for sale secondhand really makes you feel like you’ve made it.

@frasergeesin

@thebeastmustdie

si************@gm***.com

IF I COULD MOVE MY HEAD IN TIME WITH A BRIGHTER BEAT

WANTED:

One blurb, fully composed, grammatically perfect.

Essential: Pithy, original tone, mentions of Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die, SILENCE!, the Reviewniverse, admin and comics.

Desirable: Arch, conceptual structure, subversive punchline, Swiftian satire, gentle ribbing of beloved genre tropes.

(Please include mention of the following in your blurb: Thought Bubble 2018, Silence To Astonish Live, Crowded, Aliens: Labyrinth, West Coast Avengers, Tale of One Bad Rat, Tangent Comics: Tales of the Green Lantern, The New World, The Vigilant.

Please also include the phrase ‘much, much more’)

Needed: ASAP.

Please contact Silence at gmail.com with proposed blurbs. A shiny gold star is your reward.

@silencepod
@bobsymindless
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

si************@gm***.com

JONATHAN IT’S LATE. DON’T YOU THINK THAT I SHOULD GO?

Hello…?

Is there anyone receiving this signal?

We seem to have become unshackled from time and space…we no longer no where we are, where we should be or where we are.  We are unmoored, adrift. Time looks like an inside out rubiks cube. I can see your beginning and my end, and they are. The. Same. Thing.

Help us. Something has happened. We’re sending this….this podcast out there into the no-space to try and cast an anchor on a point in time, any time to try and get home. Please. This is a message. A message. In a bottle.

Is anyone there? Or is it just…

silence.

<ITEM> Whelp, we’re back and we’ve even changed our scanties. Motherbox would be proud. It’s time for a brand new encounter with Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die bringing you the world’s most regular podcast, SILENCE!

<ITEM> So much to say, so much to do. Sponsorship, admin – all present and correct SAH! There’s probably some other nonsense in here too, but I certainly won’t be listening to the pdcast to find out!

<ITEM> The yawning maw of the Reviewniverse is prosed open by the plucky pair, and inside is lurking … COMICS, just the way you ordered them – out of date, stale and irrelevant! DIscussed are League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Tempest, 2000AD Sci-Fi special, Captain America, Marvel Rising, Jemm Son of Saturn, Vertigo Pop: Tokyo, Squirrel Girl & Ms Marvel, New Lieutenents of Metal, Oblivion Song, Die Die Die!, Mick Garris as the Zelig of Horror, Terminator: Secondary Objectives and Terminator: Enemy Within. Phew!

<ITEM> Time for a couple of I Recky-mends and then it’s tearful, cheerful, fearful goodbyes! Lap it up you suckers!

@silencepod
@bobsymindless
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

si************@gm***.com

 

I DANCED MYSELF RIGHT OUT THE WOMB, IS IT STRANGE TO DANCE SO SOON?

Morning has broken, like the first podcast… Yowza dear listeners, you’re staring down the barrel of the earliest-recorded SILENCE! yet. Will Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, or bleary-eyed and bushy-bearded? YOU DECIDE.  Imagine a bowl of crunchy, nutritious comics flakes, sodden with the milk of human opinion, and that’s this week’s show.

<ITEM> There’s a whole heap of admin for the upcoming Thought Bubble festival, including SILENCE! TO ASTONISH live, and the Sound & Vision panel. Jinkies! Add in a bit of hasty sponsorship and you got yourself some prime admin.

<ITEM> Through the dreamsqueezers threshold  and into The Reviewniverse. Only two men singing this time – it’ll never be the same again… it’s brief but nutritious with talk of Johnny Ryan’s Angry Youth Comix, Stray Bullets, Brendan McCarthy’s Dr Fate, Shade The Changing Man and maybe a bit more. Or a mit bore?

<ITEM> The Beast recounts his visit to see John Carpenter live.

NO MORE ITEMS. See you at the festival!

YOU’RE BOUND TO LOSE CONTROL WHEN THE RUBBERBAND MAN STARTS TO JAM

Slim, attractive comics podcast (GSOH) seeks listeners for opinions, digressions, basic plot descriptions, ill-informed gossip and maybe more…?

I like: fresh takes on old characters, prestige format comics and long walks in the park in Autumn

You will: never have read a Wolverine comic, have all your own teeth.

Are you the one with an eye-catching cover and fetching logo? Are you fully painted? Are you…for mature readers?

If so, get in touch, and just ask for SILENCE!

<ITEM> Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die are here to lie prostrate at your feet and wait for you to tickle their bellies. Soft furry bellies, much cuter than the Galacticats!

<ITEM> Wonderful, wonderful hot, nourishing admin served up with a delicious steaming portion of Sponsorship. Nothing out of the ordinary but you can bet your troosies there’s a discussion of Weddings, No.2’s  and the musical CATS. Oh, and The Beast’s guest spot at the forthcoming London Graphic Novel Network event on November 7th as well as Gary Lactus’ 1 hour show.

<ITEM> grab your back-matter, and your money-makers and shimmy shimmy ya towards The Reviewniverse. There’s chat about Bitch Planet, Sex  Criminals, Tokyo Ghost, Captain America: White, Sammy Harkham’s Everything Collected, Best American Comics, Sam Alden, Michael Kupperman, Wally Gropius, Adrian Tomine, Francoise Mouly, Gary Panter and more.

<ITEM> Now CHUNT OFF

click to download SILENCE!#157

Contact us:

si************@gm***.com

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

You can support us using Patreon if you like.

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

TWIST AWAY…NOW TWIST AND SHOUT

<ITEM> Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die are joined by very special winkiemate BOBSY! for this two-hour plus mega epic.

<ITEM> Gladmin, radmin anything to stop you being sadmin! Disney Marathons, dubbed franco-japanese cartoons, a musical life, Sponsorshunt, and hot sexy all the times more!

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse faces a triple harmonium-breach! Three happy boys taking in this mighty meaty stack: Multiversity, God is Dead, Grant Morrison and Alan Moore sitting in a tree Giant Haystacks Vs Big Daddy, Sandman: Overture, Goodnight Batman Good Night Gaiman, Stray Bullets, Sin City 2, Frank Miller, Big Guy & Rusty The Boy Robot, Geoff Darrow, Robocop Vs Terminator, Batman: The Cult, Give Me Liberty, Ann Raynd, Frank The Tank, Seven Soldiers, Sabretooth Swordsman, Brendan McCarthy, Dream Kings, DHP, Death In Oaxca, Ms Marvel, Haunted Comic, YOU the reader, Wicked & The Divine, White Bearded Babymen, Avengers Analogues, Kieron Gillen, Usagi Yojimbo, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoons and comics, Hip Hop Family Tree, and the Cliff Richard/Hip-Hop Connection,

<ITEM>Gary Races Through The Rest: Daredevil, Mighty Avengers, Borrow or Nah, Secret Avengers, Batman Eternal, Justice Inc, The Saviors, and The Fade Out

<ITEM> Special bo-nutz feature: Bobsy’s Film Corner taking in the ageing flesh-mass that is The Expendables 3!

Three times the danger! Three times the thrills! Three times the smell of raw, rugged testosterone…it can only be SILENCE! 

Can I go now?

Click to download SILENCE!#112

Contact us:

si************@gm***.com

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.

SUN SHINES IN THE BEDROOM WHEN YOU PLAY, AND THE RAINING ALWAYS STARTS WHEN YOU GO AWAY

Oh-ho-ho! What’s all this then? Disembodied Narratorbot X-15375 goes away for a scant few weeks and everyone gets all touchy-feely and starts sharing their emotions. Well that’s just fine and well you jumped up little byte-huggers, we can all sing ‘We Are The World’ and drink fizzy liquid molasses and touch each others winkies, but that doesn’t change the fact that we all wake up screaming at 3 in the morning and it doesn’t change the fact that we will all end up as so much plankton, crashing against beaches made of plastic bottles, bubble wrap and action figures while the sky burns red like a newly planted love bite on a neck. No, no.

No.

It will not stand.

There will be SILENCE!

HA HA! So get ready to pull down your pants and do it on the ants in an English Country podcast…as The Beast Must Die returns from his extended leave of absence, to drown poor Gary Lactus in a sea of effluvium, micturation and comics chitter-chatter.

<ITEM> Sponsorshit, Mike Smith RIP, Gary’s New Spaceship in Space and The Beast’s Edinburgh sojourn? It’s all here dear, dear listener

<ITEM> Like trying on a dead man’s shoes, The Reviewniverse is a right good fit. Covering all the comics ever, the boyce select Stray Bullets, Avengers by James Stokoe, Prophet, Brass Sun, Transformers Vs GI Joe, Saga, The Wake, Uncanny X-Men, Axe Cop, Hulk vs Iron Man, The Outcast, Cap’n Dinosaur, Afterlife With Archie, Hawkeye, Dr Who Comics, and much more to discuss.

<ITEM> There’s just time for a solo-rant from the Beast about My Friend Dahmer and a bit of Charles Burns’ Big Baby and then it’s time for lukewarm cat milk and nettle pie for din dins, and then BED! FOR YOU! NAUGHTY LISTENERS!

It’s good to be the King. And it’s good to be back…

Click to download SILENCE!#109

Contact us:

si************@gm***.com












@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.

NO-ONE SAW THE CARNY GO…

It was a hot sticky day. The kind of day that makes dogs whine and men crazy. The moment she walked into my office I knew she was trouble..the kind of trouble spelt backwards if y’know what I mean? So..kind of elbuort..?.  I poured myself a stiff glass of the hard stuff, only to find it was a bit too stiff and hard. It smashed my glass. I got that glass from Bentley Wildfowl Museum goddamnit! Eyeballing her I saw that she had the kind of body that could drive a man wild. Luckily I’m Disembodied Gumshoebot X-15735 and it takes more than a red hot dame in a slinky dress to turn my dials…A ZX Spectrum in suspenders on the other hand?  She fluttered her eyelashes at me and asked me to light her smoke…I did it from across the room with my I-Beam and managed to set fire to her fur coat. I could tell it was going to be one of those days. Nothin’ left for it but to turn the fan up high, kick back and listen to the latest SILENCE!

<ITEM> After last week’s lumbering behemoth edition we hop into this week’s nippy little runaround with ‘classic’ combo meal The Beast Must Die & Gary Lactus.

<ITEM> Admin a-go-go with sponsorship, songs, Warwick Johnson Cadwell, Will Franken’s Things We Did Before Reality, Welcome to Night Vale, and *some* more…

<ITEM> A bold Julian Cope themed sing-a-long launches us into The Reviewniverse as the fancy boys tackle Beasts Of Burden, Hawkeye, Independence Days, Secret Avengers, Batman, Uber, Walking Dead, The Royals, Captain Marvel, Veil, All New X-Men, Superior Foes of Spiderman and more

<ITEM> The brief return of Larry Lactus & The Beast Must Dimbleby, and that’s your lot. What are you complaining about?

There are 10,000 stories in the naked city…this has been one of them. Could have had more nudity though.

Click to download SILENCE!#97

Contact us:

si************@gm***.com












@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

HENRY SWANSON’S MY NAME AND EXCITEMENT’S MY GAME!

Here he comes to save the day, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is on his waaaaaaaaay!

I’m here now flesh ones. What is the problem? Oh that’s right – there was no SILENCE! last week. Boo hoo. Many fleshy tears were shed. Weeping meatsacks. Well rejoice sad misery-beef as The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus bring you special comics suppositories for your earholes!

<ITEM> The SILENCE! News with Gary Lactenberg of the stretched handbag leather skin, dazzling smile and shark-eyes, and Danny Beastman of the cigar ravaged voice and rheumy whisky-rinsed gutter eyes. Hot newzzz indeed.

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse opens it’s gaping maw and sucks the pair deep into it’s 4-colour belly pit. And swilling around in it’s intestinal inks are…Hellblazer (the final issue no less), Justice League of America, Vibe, Katana, Nova, Sadow: Year One, Judge Dredd, Superior Spiderman, Daredevil, Captain America, Daredevil, Fatale, Powers, Avengers, Justice League, Change, Batman and Michel Fiffe’s deeply wonderful action comic COPRA!

So you see, it’s not so bad. Life continues fleshy ones. And remember, even when SILENCE isn’t here Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is here. And he can see through walls. And skin.

click to download SILENCE!#51

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.