Mindless Ones

Don’t call it a comeback! We been here for years (and years and years and years and)

ITEM Gary Lactus and Bobsy enjoy a return visit from The Beast Must Die.
ITEM Everyone really enjoys some more of Gary’s brilliant Slash Fiction, there’s some chat about the Thor: Ragnarok trailer, and The Beast tells us about Doomed! The Untold Story of Roger Corman’s The Fantastic Four.
ITEM It’s time to hold hands as these noble heroes sing you into The Reviewniverse and a great big long bit of talking about the final issue of Alan Moore’s Providence and great small shorter bits of talking about X-Men Gold, America, Batman, Black Cloud, Captain America, Akira, Champions, Hawkeye, Shade The Changing Girl and World War Tank Girl.
ITEM SILENCE! LIVE! Thursday 11th May 9-10 W Smithfield, London EC1A 9JR from 7PM
ITEM Dinner.

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SILENCE! Man’s oldest friend. Since time immemorial began throughout history it has been SILENCE! which has fed our children, built our houses, lit our fires and shoed our horses. Welcome to what is probably the single most essential issue of SILENCE! ever. Gary Lactus and Bobsy talk a load of balls, discuss SILENCE! LIVE #2 (to be held May 11th at the same place as last time, tell us in the comments if you’re up for it) and create some Slash Fiction///./../../..>>>>>##””’][=-`

‘;#.,/=-p][p’ITEM This has never happened before! Gary and Bobsy are both posting simultaneously and the streams are getting crossed!!! Gary had this chill- ironic narrator thing going, see above, but bobsy was going to do a bit about that show about the Mormon wives, and the guys with all the unhappy wives? Gary is the dumb guy who has to remember four wedding anniversaries per annum and TBMD, Maid of Nails, bobsy and co are all his babymakers who all loathe each other? It was gonna be a bit like that.

ITEM Bobsy didn’t really know where this was going to go however, so he started writing the end first and hoped a good bit for the start would come to him while he was going along. It to be honest, hadn’t…

ITEM And then the thing with the crossed streams happened which saved bobsy’s bacon quite a bit. Good old Gary: it’s his spaceship, we just float in it.

ITEM Then Gary and his third, or is it his seventh, fave wife have a great TV news section they didn’t have the presence of mind to call Silence! Because I’m trying to watch the telly and they say stuff about Legion and Samurai Jack.

ITEM Death is gripped as the celestially betrothed and cosmically neglected couple pair bond and enter the Reviewniverse! where they talk about the comics time of course: Inhumans Prime, Xmen Prime,  Lone Wolf and Cub, Galaxy of Brutality: Space Riders, Spider Woman, Black Widow, Rick and Morty, Cinema Purgatorio and Detective Comics.

ITEM that’s it G you can do the podcast embed now:

ITEM Right you are, Bobsy.

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WHAT WHAT, MY POP ROCKS!

Gary Lactus hosts an epic mash up lash up* starring hard boiled gritty pre-Giuliani New York cop just two weeks away from retirement, Johnathan Dick and a hypnotic robotic Spare 5 who returns like the monster from an ever diminishing horror franchise! Better than that though is the explosive entrance of crime fighting duo The Beast Must Die and Mini-Beast, ready to deliver a 200+ megaton purple nurple right on the left boob of the London Underworld! Wanna know what we talk about? There was loads and load and plenty of it not comics. Here’s a list of words!

2000AD Titan Editions, akira, Animal Man, Beneath, Blair Witch, Cry of the Werewolf, Curse Words, Dennis Potter, Doom Patrol, Found Footage, Found Footage Films, Gabriel Hardman, Gi Joe Vs Transformers: The Movie, Hitman, horror, Invisible Republic, Johnathan Dick, Judge Dredd Deviation, Junji Ito, Justice League Trailer, Kong: Skull Island, Larry Cohen, Larry Fessenden, Lone Wolf and Cub, Manga no Manben, Mini Beast, Naoki Urasawa, Nemesis, Not Quite Hollywood, Roger Corman, Romaction, Romance of a different name, Sandman: Overture, Scratched Live!, Silence! Because the Film’s Started, Slaine Choose Your Own Adventure Comics, Stray Bullets, TBMD, The Beast Must Die, The Belfry, The Origin of Spare 5, walking dead

FEAR THE NIGHT!

*made you look!

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His time has come! A fury of man and metal known to mortals as Spare 5 joins the Reviewninuats Bobsy and Gary Van Lactus for more of the old usual (sid james wink and a sid james cackle) comic reviews and ‘e ain’t even jolly well red em! Don’t matter though does it listener? Strap on dear listeners as CIA batman, Amazing Spiderman, USAVENGA Boys, sorry USAvengers, Coady and the Creepies, Daredevil, All-Star Batman, Wildstorm, American Gods, Poe Dameron, Casanova, Head Lopper and God Country are all dissected for the pleasure of no one.

Also Spare 5 done seen a film, Get Out yeah and and and Gary done a song about Brighton public transport AND AND AND Bobsy paps the Dave’s Comics crew!

It all ends with High Fives and hungry Gary and no dinner for Spare 5.

Boooooo!

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Gary Lactus and Maid Of Nails did a podcast and it was called SILENCE! and they talked about presents for babies and the film called Logan and the telly show called Legion and then they went to a place called the Reviewniverse and then they talked about comics called Man Thing, Got Your Nose, Horrible Folk, Grass Kings, Kingpin, Mother Panic, Super Friends, The Wicked and the Divine, 2000AD, Squirrel Girl and Motor Crush then they went away from the Reviewniverse because they wanted their dinner then I woke up and it was all a dream. I don’t like it here. I want to go back to sleep.

Check out Nails’ endeavors as Kelly Kanayama:
Until The End Of The World Patreon
Improper Use Of Commas Tumblr

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With my left hand free and I’m on TV
(Getting the lyrics wrong makes Junior very cross)

What would you do with a squillion dollars?

Imagine a bath full of Kryptonian Shagg Juice. Drifting Gotham’s corners in the ride Batman turned down becaude the mileage was bad. Wearing a power ring jot because you have great willpower, but because you have great ca$h and that’s a lot more cool.

THESE are the questions asked towards the end of this you-might-just-die epicisode of Silence #216

I honestly can’t even. We start I think with a good review from Gary of the new Loganverine movie. He has much feels about the film and it is lovely.

The spoilers in his review actually make the boy bobsy a little upset so be careful out there.

Evench our critiqueonauts enter the Reviewniverse, where they review a lot of comics including Crime Destroyer (a very very good comic), Champions, Hawkeye, America, Royal City, Extremity, Savage Things, CIABatman, Cinema Purgatorio, and possibly some other stuff. I’ve forgotten. No, really I actually think that’s it. It’s a long one. The CIA Batman bit is great and we nearly nearly solve all the world’s problems by distributing Bruce Wayne’s cash. It’s great, we nearly sort it all out but playtime endeth and dinner calls.

Byeee! Love you xxx

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Silence children, silence. I hear a whisper ‘pon the leaves and a mist has descended. WHO COMES TO TROUBLE OUR CAMPFIRE?!

Why, ’tis Mister Merry and his sack full of pranks! Open your sack Mister Merry, let us all benefit from its bounty!

But what is this!? Little crippled Froomashoom, you shall have your comics wish! It is a bumper to bumper edition of SILENCE! Now we shall truly make merry!

That’s right, Gorbarek the weepy, this sack contains all the four colour nourishment you will ever require as Gary Lactus and Lord Nuneaton Savage expound upon many an inky truth. From The Wildstorm to Transmetropolitan; Cursewords, The Visitor and why He Stayed, Tank Girl Gold, Storming Heaven, Batman and the 2000AD 40th Anniversary Special. Ho, but this is joy indeed! There is a SILENCE! The Film Has Started, with Savage expanding and expanding on the subject of Anna Billison’s The Love Witch, oh sires! There shall be merriment in these hills afore long!

But, hark… what is that in the shadows? There, by the babbling brook, do you see? Snuffling and slipping between sight.

EGAD! ‘Tis The Beast Must Die!

And he has… a strange new familiar…

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I LOVE YOU BUT YOU’RE SO PARTICULARLY BORING

ITEM SILENCE! #213 is on your doorstep with a dozen roses. But how does it know where you live?!

ITEM When comics podcasts are outlawed, only outlaws will have comics podcasts. Your outlaws this week are Gary Lactus, Lord Nuneaton Savage and Maid Of Nails

ITEM Maid of Nails stops by with a Very Special Report on 2000AD’s 40th birthday celebrations and what renowned comics creators get up to when they’re drunk.

ITEM In the Reviewniverse we find Squirrel Girl, All-Star Batman, Resident Alien, Nemesis shoots Slaine in the face, Motor Crush, Blubber, Judge Dredd, Picnoleptic Inertia, lady War Stories, and Cerebus…in HELL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

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ITEM HEY BOY MAN, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU’VE DRAGGED YOUR WAY HERE FROM UNDER SIX FEET OF SHIT, GET THAT STENCH OUT OF MY ATRIUM AND WIPE YOUR NINNY FEET ON THE BEAR’S HEAD

ITEM WHAT’S THAT MILKY BOY KID? TIRED OF MUMMY’S GREENS? WANT TO GO WHERE THE REAL CHAT IS FOUND? THE HARD CHAT? THE GREASY CHAT? THE COMICS CHAT?SILENCE, YOU FUCKING MUDDLE, SILEEEENCE!!!

ITEM OH THAT’S NEW, OH THAT’S SPECIAL, SILENCE! SIX BILLION, YOU WANT A CUNTING MEDAL OR THE CHEST TO PIN IT ON, CHICKEN LEGS?

ITEM WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? SOME GRIPPER PISSING HIS INITIALS INTO THE MANTLE OF THE BEAST? WANTS TO BE THE MAIN COCK? WANTS TO PARADE HIS BROILING BULK? LORD NUNEATON FUCKING SAVAGE IS IT? HARDLY A MAIN ATTRACTION, HARDLY A HARD ANYTHING, LOOK AT HIM CHATTING UP GARY LACTUS, MAKES YOU FUCKING SICK

ITEM ADMIN! SPONSORSHIP! SILENCE! THE FILM’S STARTED WITH LACTUS BANGING FIT TO BURST ON THAT FUCKING FULL TIME CARD TRICKSTER JODOROWSKY AND HIS ART SHOW RODEO BAKE OFF. CUNT.

ITEM BALLY HAI WHAT A SURPRISE, AS THIS FUCKING COBBLING TEAM FROM THE DEEP DEEP DEPTHS OF ONY-FUCKNUTS-CARE-A-SHIT DELVE INTO FUNNY BOOKS LIKE FROGMEN THROUGH BOILING PISS: KAMANDI CHALLENGE! SAGA! DOOM PATROL! HOOKJAW! THE RAY! VIXEN! KILLER FUCKING FROST! DR STRANGE AND HIS BROKEN HANDYCLAMPS! MOOK KNIGHT! ISLAND! GIVE ME FUCKING STRENGTH

ITEM YOU LOOKING BACK AND REALISING YOU BEGGED FOR EVERY COB OF THIS SHIT
​

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