Mindless Ones

I’ve done almost shit all blogging on this site. Plenty of comics and podcasts but only one proper blog, so when it came time to choose my classic post my decision was incredibly easy. Here it is, nearly ten years old. It’s gone a bit stale, iPods aren’t a thing anymore and there’s plenty more magnificent millinery and hamazing headgear not included here which I have discovered since. Ten years! We’ll all be dead soon…

Hello, Gary Lactus here. I’m just sitting at home enjoying an Excelsior lager and thinking about The King’s Crowns.

More after the jump

NICHOLAS KNICKERLESS IN A NICKEL NECKLACE ON A RHINOSOROUSOUS

The year is 2099.

Blurbs have been outlawed by the totalitarian US government.

Luckily we’re not in America so it’s fine.

Welcome to another sodding episode of SILENCE! your heroes Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die are here with their unique brand of jealousy inducing chat from their aspirational lives.

After we celebrate The Beast Must Die’s Birthday they discuss anxiety dreams which look like they might be coming true. There’s some chat about the now dead Mark E Smith which segues into a moving song about music called Music Song. SILENCE! Because The Film’s Started this week actually has something to do with the nominal point of the podcast, comics as Beasty done watched The Image Revolution.

The Reviewniverse revels in Doom Patrol, Days Of Hate, BatMan: Creature Of The Night, more Atlas Comics, LIFE Brigade, Frank Miller’s Tales To Offend, Tainted, Dissonance, Valerian and the City Of A Thousand Planets, Vinegar Teeth, Legion, The Further Adventures of Nick Wilson, Assassinistas and Tales Designed to Thrizzle

That’ll do, surely.

@silencepod

@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

[email protected]

Hey Kids – Stop snogging and listen to me!

Silence is back! And it’s smaller, longer and more claustrophobic than ever before! Welcome to The Temple of Lactus where the atoms of reality are comics and batman really is the god of my two fathers.

Cursing silver, Das Biest Muss Sterben drags his bloody pelt through the wilds of the black forest gateau and has NO TIME FOR PODCASTING, LOSERS. This means: homely, hirsute but dutiful farmer’s daughter Bobsy is kidnapped from his cosy homestead and forced into the servitude of the Spacelord and his menagerie of wives (x1) sons (x1) and cats (x2).

They strip down to their essentials and get down to business. Their business is comic book reviews and business is in no particular order –

Magpie 1&2, Triskelion 5 – Kathryn Briggs
The Cleaner 4 – Fraser Geesin
Rok of the Reds 1-3 – Wagner, Grant and Cornwell
Reads 4 – Avery Hill Publishing
Berserker 1 – Breakdown Press
Battle Action Force – Major Black
Here come the beautiful people and Counting Stones – Douglas Noble
Prismatik Man 1 – Stathis Tsemberlidis
Stone Focus and Propagation of… – Lando
STEELBLADE 1 by Steven Steelblade
Into the Black by Benjy Goldsmith and Cicy Reay
Generation Gone 1-3 – Ales Kot and Andre Lima Araujo
What is Left – Rosmary V-O
Mr. Higgins Comes Home – Mike Mignola and Warwick Johnson-Cadwell
Kid Lobotomy – Peter Milligan and Tess Fowler

@silencepod

@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@kellykanayama
[email protected]

GUEST BLURB WRITTEN BY OUR FRENCH EXCHANGE STUDENT

My name is Gary. I am twelve years old. I live in Brighton. I have two cats. I like pop music but I love rock music. I live in a house. I hate classical music. At the weekend I play table football with my friend Jean Pierre. I enjoy swimming in the swimming pool. In my bedroom I have posters of pop musicians. I like reading comics.

SILENCE! #228 is a right old state on a plate, mate as Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die reconvene with reports on the new Pat Mills novel, Serial Killers plus ICE Brighton and MCM London, (they’re no Thought Bubble).

Then it’s time for some Sadmin as the chaps Bat-bid a fond Bat-farewell to Adam West.

There’s only one place to go from there and that’s The Reviewniverse where Bulletproof Coffin: 1000 Yard Stare, Doctor Strange, Divided States Of Hysteria, Rocket and Extremity with a couple of brief thoughts on All New Guardians Of The Galaxy, Saga and Kaijumax

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@kellykanayama
[email protected]

I DREAMED A DREAM OF TIMES GONE BY

Welcome back to the SILENCE! Got Talent semi final. Here’s a reminder of the acts you’re voting for tonight:
To vote for Lenny Menus and his mind reading dinners phone 0345791
Or for Jurgen Klart and his turd flinging chimps ring 0345792
To see the big, ugly one who’s alright at singing go through to the final call 0345793
If you want abattoir worker Cherry Bristols and her speed slaughtering act perform for The Queen text 0345794

<ITEM>It’s Maid Of Nails joining Gary Lactus for a period of recorded talking.

<ITEM> Maid Of Nails tells Gary all about MCM (Man Crush Monday, we think)

<ITEM> Mom Of Nails is discussed in relation to Nails’ Punisher podcast, Frank Discussions

<ITEM> It’s Reviewniverse time where Underwinter, Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur, Good Hair, All New Guardians Of The Galaxy, Star Lord Annual, The Archies, The Wicked And The Divine and Secret Empire are looked at.

<ITEM> That’ll do.  Let’s go.

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@theQuietusFilm
@kellykanayama
[email protected]

NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO DO, NO NOT ME

Well, this was a lot of fun. On May 11th 2017, Gary Lactus, The Beast Must Die and Lord Nuneaton Savage sat atop the Bishop’s Finger with a the finest fellows a bunch of pod bods could ever hope for.

Small Press was the theme of the evening but first we started off with Tam Laniado leading a tribute to the recently rest-in-peaced Leo Baxendale.

Proceedings proceeded with some rambling chat which covered such small press obscurities as Bum Child by Tim Leopard, OHM by an odd chap that John Bishop met at a convention many years ago, Fast Fiction, Meow by Cyriak and L.I.F.E. Brigade by the delusional genius C. A. Stormon. There was also talk of Viz and the indestructible Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

After a pleasant refill we decided it would be sensible to talk to the creators present. This meant John Riordan going on about Hitsville UK, Douglas Noble waffling on about Strip For Me and Gareth Hopkins guffing about Intercorstal. Luckily there’s some top top chat about daytime TV wine experts to liven things up.

After a lovely singalong we turned off the recording devices and indulged in social activities which shall go unrecorded and spoken of in hushed tones as the years passed thus turning all present for this wonderful evening into legends.

LEARN MORE!
John Riordan
Nick Bryan
Steve Lacey
Anton and Amy
Gareth Hopkins
Douglas Noble
Two Headed Thingies

CLICK HERE FOR A GALLERY OF STARS AND SUPPLEMENTARY IMAGES

THE MASTER HEALED MY WOUNDS… AND SHOWERED ME WITH FOOD

DID YOU KNOW there’s a word in German for the weight gained whilst overeating because of emotional distress? Amazing!
DID YOU KNOW there’s a German word for the witty come backs you think of later? Yeah, it’s true!
DID YOU KNOW the Germans have a word to describe the a longing for far off places? Our German cousins, eh?
DID YOU KNOW that in Germany they have a word for the conversations English speakers have about how Germans have words that describe really specific things?
DID YOU KNOW sharks can smell London from space?

<ITEM> It’s SILENCE! #225 with Gary Lactus, The Beast Must Die and special robot guest Spare 5.

<ITEM> We pay tribute to artist Edmund Bagwell.

<ITEM> Lots of film and TV chat including Alien Colon Covenant, the Blair Witch remake, The Void, Iron Fist, and there’s some Highlander and Judge Dredd fantasy elevator pitches.

<ITEM> we are hanging out on the new SILENCE! Facebook group

<ITEM> We enter the Reviewniverse where we find Bug The Adventures of Forager, Doom Patrol, Rocket, World War Tank Girl, Shade The Changing Girl, and John Smith’s Tyranny Rex text piece from the 2000AD Annual 1991

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@theQuietusFilm
@kellykanayama
[email protected]

Edmund Bagwell
SILENCE! on Facebook
SILENCE! LIVE!

Reviewniverse
Bug The Adventures of Forager, Doom Patrol, Rocket, World War Tank Girl, Shade The Changing Girl, John Smith’s Tyranny Rex piece from 2000AD annual 1991

NO TRESPASS BY ORDER, BY DRUNKEN DISORDER MORE LIKELY OLD PRICK

When you dine at the devil’s table you better make sure you bring your own cutlery. Also bring your own napkin. Some sort of hand santitizer wouldn’t go amiss either. Basically, everyone knows the Devil’s a bit of a prick so take precautions. This should all really go without saying. The real question is why are you dining at the Devil’s table in the first place? Obviously you’re better off not dining at the Devil’s table. Tell you what, if you’re dining at the Devil’s table you deserve everything coming to you (unless you’re buttering him up for a reduced membership fee at the Devil’s Gym with its Olympic sized swimming pool that isn’t full of school kids and old people taking up too much lane space with an impossibly slow breast stroke. It’s a great gym.)

Gary Lactus and Bobsy are creeping up the creaky wooden stairs in the old haunted house that is your ear mind, hoping not to knock anything over and disturb the SILENCE! #224.

<ITEM> Sip a glass of cold Champagne wine, The rug that we lie on feels divine.

<ITEM> SILENCE! LIVE! is happening again. Thursday May 11th from 7pm ish at the Bishop’s Finger 9-10 W Smithfield, London EC1A 9JR.  We have a vague theme of Big Press/Small Press.

<ITEM> Comic Pop Up should be fun too! It’s on Saturday May 13th in Brighton

<ITEM>Swiftly the diphallactic duo swiftly swoop into the Reviewniverse where they guff on about Secret Empire, Hero Killers, Batman: Botchmen, Guardians Of That Galaxy, Bullwhip, Aliens: Dead Orbit, Predator Hunters, Hawkeye, Black Bolt, Champions and Shaolin Cowboy

And don’t forget (we’ll stop going on about it soon)…

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@theQuietusFilm
@kellykanayama
[email protected]

HURDEBUH BUH BBUHDEDBERRR OI!

There’s a hole in my bucket, Dear Listener, Dear Listener,
There’s a hole in my bucket, Dear Listener, a hole.

Then mend it, dear Gary, dear Gary, dear Gary,
Then mend it, dear Gary, dear Gary, mend it.

With what shall I mend it, Dear Listener, Dear Listener?
With what shall I mend it, Dear Listener, with what?

With THE BEAST MUST DIE! you prick!

ITEM SILENCE! LIVE! is happening again. Thursday May 11th from 7pm ish at the Bishop’s Finger 9-10 W Smithfield, London EC1A 9JR

ITEM Comic Pop Up should be fun too! It’s on Saturday May 13th in Brighton

ITEM Gary went a bit viral and tells you about it

ITEM Free Comic Book Day at Gosh has The Beast Must Die drawing in a window! Get there early before they catch him and make him stop.

Then we make our way into the Reviewniverse for
Bullwhip, Hitman, Akira, Ganges, and Gareth Brookes’ A Thousand Coloured Castles

That’s your SILENCE! #222

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless
@theQuietusFilm
@kellykanayama
[email protected]