Mindless Ones

 

JUST GIVE ME SOME SECURITY, I’M A PARANOID SCHIZO PRODUCT OF THE 20th CENTURY

Well gawsh shucks and golly gee willickers! It’s the first new SILENCE! of 2017! Time to shake off the cobwebs, blow open the windows and let the singing bluebirds of the new year come twit-twitting right into your flaming gob holes. Got a resolution? Break it! The only resolution you need is to listen to SILENCE! and no other podcast. Oh, and be excellent to each other.

<ITEM> Join those lounge lizards Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die as they shed their old 2016 skins and reveal their shiny new 2017 bods, ready to rock the new year and shake the comics firmament.

<ITEM> Bit of post-festive admin including some spooky TV recommendations, Cat News and of course the boundless joys of unfettered sponsorship!

<ITEM> There’s a micro-edition of SILENCE! (Because the Film Has Started) as The Beast reviews Captain America: Civil War

<ITEM> Carrie Fisher RIP

<ITEM> New year, new Reviewniverse, and we ring in both the old and new, with discussions of Motro, Alan Moore’s Star Wars stories, Snyder and Lemire’s AD, Steve MacManus’ Mighty One: My Time In the Nerve Centre, She Hulk, Civil War II, Detective Comics, Rick Veitch’s Swamp Thing, Keith Giffen on Spectacular Spider-Man and Hex and more, oh so much more.

So let’s go! Now! GO! NOW GO!!

 

PA RUM PUM PUM PUM

It’s beginning to smell a lot like Christmas. The goose is on the ground, the snow is getting fat. Welcome to the none-more-festive edition of SILENCE! This is it folks, the culmination of 100’s of hours of work – choreographers, lighting, a full orchestra, special guest stars, yule logs burning on open fires, christmas fucking jumpers…absolutely NONE of this will appear on this SILENCE! Christmas Special!! What you will get is Gary Lactus, too ill to podcast and lying on the sofa, beloved Bobsy representing in full effect and The Beast Must Die holding it all together like some hirsute Michael Parkinson. We can’t promise you eggnog, but we can promise a hot pocket full of comics chat to warm your jingle bells in this most wonderful time of the year. Strap in, strap on and prepare for docking!

<ITEM> Blimey, look what happens when the sturdy hand of the Space God is off the tiller…shambolic admin on an unimaginable level, barely remembered Sponsorship, plus our lewdest opening banter ever. Blame that pottymouthed club comedian Bobsy!

<ITEM> In a spurious nod towards our festive theme, there’s some chat about festive movies including Krampus and Scrooged. Plus the mysteries of Karen Black, Karen Allen and Margot Kidder

<ITEM> SILENCE! (Because The Film Has Started) features chat of little known B-movies Star Wars: Rogue One

<ITEM> Lo! The Reviewniverse. There’s some hefty chat about the penultimate episode of Alan Moore’s late-stage masterpiece Providence. Then the Young Animal books Doom Patrol and Shade The Changing Girl are discussed at some length. Bobsy rounds up his Thought Bubble 2016 top picks and there’s a bit of chat about Rick Veitch. Christmassy as all heck right!?

<ITEM> Lazarus-like, Gary returns with a festive kiss off, and some Christmas cheer is finally raised.

Now go forth and unwrap!

 

I KNOW IT MIGHT SOUND STRANGE BUT I BELIEVE IN THE COMING BACK BEFORE TOO LONG

In this latest pulse-shredding, nerve-shredding, skin-shredding, heart-shredding, mind-shredding, soul-shredding, bed-shredding, wedding-shredding, shred-shredding episode of SILENCE! you will two, count them two grown men discussing comics. On the internet. I know. Can you believe it? Into the brave new world we go, with pioneering hosts Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die guiding the way.

<ITEM> Listen! That’s the sound of admin in it’s natural habitat. And look! There goes a herd of Sponsorship pass by us. MR James adaptations, mince pies, and decorating the tree? It’s beginning to smell a lot like Christmas…Oh and plenty of cat-chat just the way you like it.

<ITEM> There’s a whole lot of wheel-spinning and flim-flam as Gary Lactus talks about some modern comics such as the Batman Annual, Deadly Class and Great Lake Avengers while TBMD tries to derail at every turn. But it’s okay, as he’s here to talk about Batman: Son of the Demon and Devlin Waugh: Chasing Herod. That’s the Reviewniverse for you. Always different, always the same.

<ITEM> Bit of chat about DC: Legends of Tomorrow, The Flash and the death-pall of Dawson’s Creek.

Then it’s out like trout (that’s a thing kids say, right?) after some shameless hucksterism and a bit of the old toodle pip.

MY CAR IS UGLY BUT THEN, I’M UGLY TOO

Welcome gentle listenoids to the latest greatest, tightest, freshest, sprucest, fittest, cutest, sweetest, sickest, foulest, slickest, toughest, ice-road truckest edition of SILENCE! the comics lifestyle magazine show challenge. With your hosts the Burke & Hare of the podcasting world, Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die. 

Look, I know that was below par, but sometimes…sometimes I wonder if there isn’t more to life than writing podcast blurbs y’know? For so many years I thought I’d found my true vocation, my life’s work but now…well. Now I wonder – what else is out there? What am I missing? What could I have been?

<ITEM> Bit of the old ‘how’s yer admin’? Don’t mind if I do sir! I’ll have a dash of Sponsorship with it if I might be so bold? And maybe a sprinkle of self-promotion to sweeten the deal.

<ITEM> The boys unveil their new raft of spin-off podcasts. The SILENCE! empire starts here.

<ITEM> Reviewniverse, Reviewniverse we all want to know howdoyouverse? Treats yielded include Mégalex form Alejandro Jodorowsky, Moebius’ World of Edena and District 14. I know what you’re thinking – “LA-DI-DA Mr fancypants, where are my Spiderman comics? Not here, as TBMD admits his #gaimanshame and talks about Books of Magic, Summer Magic and U2. Then it’s Patsy Walker Hellcat, Rachel Pollack’s Doom Patrol, and the Vertigo Visions one-shots Dr Occult and The Phantom Stranger.

<ITEM> Top culinary tips in SILENCE! Because my Mouth is Full of Delicious Food

Then it’s a saucy bumsqueeze for all and then home for a bath and bed.

IT IS TIME… IT IS TIME…  IT IS TIME FOR STORMY WEATHER

BUT FOIST TRUE BELIEVERS, YA GODDA GET TREW SOILENCE #199.99 AND LEMME TELL YA IT’S A DOOZY! PIN BACK YA EAR HOLES AN’ EYE FLAPS, COS THIS IS GONNA HURT!!!!

…

Ugh…*cough*…*hack*…out…get out vile spirit. Begone from this vessel with your crass huckesterism and vile self-promotion. That’s simply not how we *do* things on SILENCE! Excuse me while I use this mouthwash…

<ITEM> After the hiatus…the OTHER hiatus!  Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die are back from their Holiday Cruise and they want to talk to you! That’s right, we’re back and ready for a refreshing comics enema!

THE ENGLISH MOTORWAY SYSTEM IS BEAUTIFUL AND STRANGE

THE ENGLISH MOTORWAY SYSTEM IS BEAUTIFUL AND STRANGE

Can you help us? We went on holiday by mistake…

That’s right Boils and Giggles, Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die have returned to brighten the corners and blow the dust from your ear-holes. How did you cope? What did you do? Where did you go to get uninformed, half-baked opinions about comics? WHY? HOW? WHO? Well don’t fret….SILENCE! is back and all is right again in the world*

*apart from everything that’s wrong and the fact that we’ll be lucky if we make it out of the decade as a species

<ITEM> Who wants some admin? Some sponsorship? Some waffle? Digressions? Begging? Apologies? All present and correct. Your mileage may vary.

<ITEM> DIY horror and comedy gone bad

<ITEM> Top secret news about SILENCE! #200…although by ‘secret’ I mean that we’re talking about it publicly on a podcast that anyone can listen to.

<ITEM> Finally we breach…THE REVIEWNIVERSE?!!? Like a Kirby-collage it reveals it’s shimmering 4-colour splendorousness… Discussed: Stray Bullets, Batman, Blue Beetle, JLI, New Superman, Kill Or Be Killed, Falling Asleep Watching Films, Batgirl, the transience of pop culture, Sun Bakery, Sixpack & Dogwelder, Loeb & Sale’s Challengers Of The Unknown and more more more.

<ITEM> Live DIY and paint on the recorder.

<ITEM> Out-the-backdoormin and the promise of a rosy future.

Didn’t you miss us? Couldn’t you just weep?

 
Click to download SILENCE!#199
 

THE ENGLISH MOTORWAY SYSTEM IS BEAUTIFUL AND STRANGE

YOU JUST HAVEN’T EARNED IT YET BABY

It’s that time people. A time of change. A time of peace. A time of war. A time of hope, of laughter, of tears. A time of tests. A time of trials. A time of twins. A time to live, a time to die. A time to kill. A time of hours, of minutes and seconds. A time to sleep. A time to wake. A time to eat. A time to fast. A time to slow. A time of potential. A time of possibility. A time of depair. A time of…TIME>

WHAT TIME?

Time for SILENCE! you worms.

<ITEM> Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die are not going to let time and space get in the way. Gary is broadcasting from the Edinburger festival up in sunny Scorchland while the Beast is broadcasting lieve, live from the Work Hive! All to bring you the most 5 star super fun and hot and zzzzzexy comics chat.

<ITEM> Sponsorship? Why not, with a guest shout to DeadHead Comics and some self-promotionalistaion for Gary’s FREE one man show at Edinbruge: https://tickets.edfringe.com/whats-on/fraser-geesin-jack-of-all-polymaths

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse you saps, so you better shape up. Talky talking about Kill Or Be Killed, Papergirls, Shade The Changing Man, Frank Miller’s Cheeseburger comics, Robocop Vs Terminator, Moon Girl & Devil Dinosaur, Batman, Walking Dead, Andrew O’Neill and Comedy Posters. GET SUM.

Hoo boy. I wouldn’t want to be here when your Mum gets home…

Click to download SILENCE! #198

HIS NEBULOUS BODY SWAYED ABOVE, HIS TONGUE SWOLLEN WITH DEVIL’S LOVE 

Morning has broken, like the first SILENCE! It’s our earliest ever podcast, as Gary Lactus wipes the sleep from his eyes and the Beast Must Die pulls his beard out of the cornflakes… all to bring you the Last Comics Podcast On Earth! That’s dedication folks. Hell that’s deification. Goddamnit it’s defecation. Defamation! Declamation! Declaration! Decathlon! That’s right. The SILENCE! boys have done a decathlon just to bring you the latest hottt comixxx chatzzzz…

BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG

Whu…wha…where am I? OH man, was that blurb all a dream? Does that mean I still have to write the blurb? Jeepers Christmas that means I’ll be late…for SILENCE!!!

<ITEM> Hoo boy. Who knows what this one’ll be like? Barely awake, fuelled on nowt but black coffee and love for the 4-Coloured periodicals, it’s a podcast Jim, but not as we know it.
<ITEM> Adminisponsorship? You got it! Lady Lactus? Right here! Gary eating a bagel? You got that too! Disgusting.
<ITEM> SILENCE! (Because The Film Has Started) tackles that little inconsequential Ghostbusters remake that absolutely no-one made a big deal about.

<ITEM> Can you say Reviewniverse? Can you? Good boy! Comics discussed include Batman, Black Hammer, New Super-Man, Captain Kid, Ultimates, Hellblazer and some other stuff no doubt.

All that, and the sound of barely stifled yawns? Who could ask for more?

Click to download SILENCE! #197