Mindless Ones

I’VE BECOME A GIANT, I FILL EVERY STREET

y’know yer my besssht pal, y’know? I love you mate, I rilly rilly…love you. Yer a real pal. Besht mates. Thass what we are. Besh..besht. I know, I know I’ve had few…a few beersh but..iss still true, yknow? Me ‘n’ you…we’ve bin through a lot y’know? But we’re shtill..besht…besht,..

*HWWWRRARRRRRAAAAAALLLPPH*

Ohhh…ohh. shorry man….shorry about yer…yer shoes…

So whaddya shay pal? Can you help out an old out-of-work…hic…blurb writer?

<ITEM> It’s a brand spanking new spanking in the form of SILENCE!, the world’s premier weekly lifestyle podcast. Join Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die as they lead you down the merry country lanes of comics chat and easy bonhomie. A veritable tonic in this sea of hideousness.

<ITEM> Some classic sponsorship, some legendary admin, and most likely a bit of dadmin

<ITEM> Tip-toe…through the Reviewniverse…as the podpals  take on Grant Morrison’s Green Lantern, Mister Miracle and the Punisher

<ITEM>  We interrupt the Reviewniverse for some urgent Sadmin, with the passing of the legendary Stan Lee!

<ITEM> We detour from the Sadmin into a bit of Cudmin, with Gary Lactus’ tales of going to see the erstwhile band Cud live, and then the Beast regales a tale of going to see an exhibition of Chris ‘Mauretania’ Reynolds art.

<ITEM> Then we pivot back to the Reviewniverse for some last comics morsels, with The Fantastic Four and The Many Deaths of The Batman. Phew! We’re through the Looking Glass here people!!!

THE END!

@silencepod
@bobsymindless
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

[email protected]

THIS SKILLED TRADE LIKE A TAILOR-MADE SUEDE, HIT THE STUDIO AND I’M PAID

Is there anybody there…?

If you’re there, speak now. Or…let us know you can hear us.

Just a sound. Any sound. To let us know.

There are loved ones here who want to speak to you…

THERE! DID YOU HEAR THAT?

Words! Words, coming through the ether…forming…what is it that you are trying to tell us..? Wait. I don’t understand…Item? Are yo trying to say item..?

<ITEM> Welcome to the latest, greatest, invite you out on a datest, edition of SILENCE!!! The internet’s first and only podcast with your spooky old pals, Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die.

<ITEM> Admin, sponsorship and the whole nine yards. Nine yards of what? QUALITY!

<ITEM> She heavy duty Sadmin, with the passing of two comics titans Norm Breyfogle and Carlos Ezquerra

<ITEM> The gang are still lost in time, so who knows what happens when. Know this: they definitely enter the Reviewniverse and talk about the Immortal Hulk, Tank Girl All Stars, Michael Kupperman’s All The Answers, Give Me Liberty, The Scream & Misty Halloween Special, the Justice League film and probably some more

<ITEM> Just time to talk about the brilliant Halloween edition of Inside No.9, then it’s all bad to the morgue for a quick Monster Mash.

@silencepod
@bobsymindless
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

[email protected]

YOU’RE GONNA BE REMEMBERED FOR THE THINGS THAT YOU SAY AND DO

If you only knew the existential dread with which I approach the writing of these blurbs. The loaded Colt 45 is sat on the table in front of me. Could this be the week? Come on. It’s easy. Just … just write something witty. Or pithy. Or surreal. Cold, dead lump of metal in my hand. It’s easy. Just write it. Find that concept. Something to hang your hat on. Something. Just. Write. Squeezing the trigger now. Just that sprung lever gently…gently…

Oh wait! I’ve got it!

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…

<ITEM> Welcome to the latest weekly edition of the internet’s most regular podcast, SILENCE! The podcast equivalent of All-Bran we are! Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die, ah-coming on like a seventh sense!

<ITEM> God knows – look this bastard was recorded across different times, locations and dimensions. It’s got everything in it and nothing. All life is contained here. The answer to the ultimate question could be in here. What’s definitely in here though is…

Neighbours, Gary Lactus experiments with being right wing,  TBMD explains comics gate to stupid old Gary Lactus,  Redundant chat about the upcoming Thought Bubble which has by this point been and gone, Komisk,  Sticky Ribs,  The Beast has seen Infinity War,  Gary and Little Barry Lactus on the park with a little bit of talk about Fantastic Four #2 and The March Hare,  TBMD talking Knights of Pendragon,  Recording of Ben Mitchell talking about The Storm Cloud Story from Thought Bubble,  Silence To Astonish! with guests John McRea, Sam Humphries, Matthew Rosenberg and Babs Tarr, Post Tbubz chat, Doctor Who, Comedy and Errors written by Nick Bryan, Dead Rabbit and on and on and on.

@silencepod
@bobsymindless
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

[email protected]

IF I COULD MOVE MY HEAD IN TIME WITH A BRIGHTER BEAT

WANTED:

One blurb, fully composed, grammatically perfect.

Essential: Pithy, original tone, mentions of Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die, SILENCE!, the Reviewniverse, admin and comics.

Desirable: Arch, conceptual structure, subversive punchline, Swiftian satire, gentle ribbing of beloved genre tropes.

(Please include mention of the following in your blurb: Thought Bubble 2018, Silence To Astonish Live, Crowded, Aliens: Labyrinth, West Coast Avengers, Tale of One Bad Rat, Tangent Comics: Tales of the Green Lantern, The New World, The Vigilant.

Please also include the phrase ‘much, much more’)

Needed: ASAP.

Please contact Silence at gmail.com with proposed blurbs. A shiny gold star is your reward.

@silencepod
@bobsymindless
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

[email protected]

JONATHAN IT’S LATE. DON’T YOU THINK THAT I SHOULD GO?

Hello…?

Is there anyone receiving this signal?

We seem to have become unshackled from time and space…we no longer no where we are, where we should be or where we are.  We are unmoored, adrift. Time looks like an inside out rubiks cube. I can see your beginning and my end, and they are. The. Same. Thing.

Help us. Something has happened. We’re sending this….this podcast out there into the no-space to try and cast an anchor on a point in time, any time to try and get home. Please. This is a message. A message. In a bottle.

Is anyone there? Or is it just…

silence.

<ITEM> Whelp, we’re back and we’ve even changed our scanties. Motherbox would be proud. It’s time for a brand new encounter with Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die bringing you the world’s most regular podcast, SILENCE!

<ITEM> So much to say, so much to do. Sponsorship, admin – all present and correct SAH! There’s probably some other nonsense in here too, but I certainly won’t be listening to the pdcast to find out!

<ITEM> The yawning maw of the Reviewniverse is prosed open by the plucky pair, and inside is lurking … COMICS, just the way you ordered them – out of date, stale and irrelevant! DIscussed are League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Tempest, 2000AD Sci-Fi special, Captain America, Marvel Rising, Jemm Son of Saturn, Vertigo Pop: Tokyo, Squirrel Girl & Ms Marvel, New Lieutenents of Metal, Oblivion Song, Die Die Die!, Mick Garris as the Zelig of Horror, Terminator: Secondary Objectives and Terminator: Enemy Within. Phew!

<ITEM> Time for a couple of I Recky-mends and then it’s tearful, cheerful, fearful goodbyes! Lap it up you suckers!

@silencepod
@bobsymindless
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

[email protected]

Ah, podcasting. The oldest profession. Since the dawn of time began throughout history it has been podcasters who have kept us warm and fed our children. In some ancient cultures podcasters were revered, even worshipped as living gods. Of course today the podcaster occupies the lowest tier of respectability alongside estate agents, prostitutes and Piers Morgan but where would we be without them? Surely dead.

This issue Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die manage to fit in some time for you, generously allowing you to listen in on them talking about Small Press Day, the Kinder Egg scandal that no one is talking about and the collector gene.

Then it’s off to Outpost Reviewniverse for Dice Man Comic, Proxima Centauri, Slasher, Mister Miracle, Bloodstrike Brutalists, By Night, Oblivion Song, Neil Gaiman’s Helblazer, Sandman, Howard Chaykin’s The Shadow, Chester Brown’s Little Man and The Weather Man

Finally there’s some Rekkymend from Gary Lactus of Liam Williams’s Pls Like and The Beast Must Die has seen Black Panther.

You’re welcome.

@silencepod
@bobsymindless
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

[email protected]

COMPETITION TIME!!!

The first person to listen to this podcast, write a full blurb and show notes and send them to silencepodcast at gmail dot com will win FIVE GREAT BRITISH POUNDS in their paypal account.

EDIT! We have a winner! Thanks, Glenn Jacobs!

I don’t really know how to write a blurb in the inimitable SILENCE! house style so I’m going to forfeit my cash prize and just submit you some show notes instead. Hope these help. cheerio-bye.

9 00 The Prisoner by writer Peter Milligan and artist Colin Lorimer.

12 20 The Hellblazer #22 by Writter Tim Seeley and artist Davidé Fabbri.

13 55 The Hellblazer #1 by writer Jamie Delano and artist John Ridgway.

17 00 Transformers Collected Comics #3 by writer Steve Parkhouse and artist John Ridgway.

25 10 Fraser Geesin Is A Lot Of Help live clip. *EDIT* This is actually a clip of Gary Lactus years ago when he was in a band and the singer didn’t turn up so he ended up talking over some synths.

26 55 The Toys That Made Us (TV Series 2017).

35 50 A Walk Through Hell #1 by writer Garth Ennis and artist Goran Sudžuka.

39 00 Flayed Corpse and Other Stories by Josh Simmons.

44 30 Doom Patrol by writer Gerard Way and artist Nick Derington.

44 50 A duck.

48 40 Audience with Charles Forsman at Gosh Comics.

THE FLOOR’S AN OCEAN AND THIS WAVE IS BREAKING

This podcast was completed three days ago and do you know what held it up? Writing this bloody blurb! Please submit your blurbs for future use via email so this sort of thing need never happen again.

It looks like SILENCE!#250 ushered in a bold new age for the pod pals as they once again piece together an episode at free moments in their very busy, extremely important lives. There was chat about The Fourth Of May With You, the burgeoning Evil Of The Minibeast, Bob Mortimer and Maria Bamford’s recent podcast appearances and the forthcoming shows by Fraser Geesin, Matt Banks and Dunce Tank. SILENCE! Because The Film’s Started brings Avengers: Affinity Friends and Brawl in Cell Block 99.

Then from Outpost Reviewniverse we have The Prisoner, Legionnaires and Tales Designed To Thrizzle as read to Little Barry Lactus. The Free Comic Book Day offerings of James Bond, Tank Girl, Street Angel’s Dog, 2000AD Re-Gene, World’s Greatest Cartoonists and DC Nation. Finally, Batman, The Avengers, Eternity Girl and The One. Probably something else too but I’ve had it with writing this stupid blurb, time to set this pod free and watch it soar freely into the ears of our three or four listeners.

@silencepod
@bobsymindless
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

[email protected]

YOU KNOW THEY DON’T GIVE A F*CK ABOUT ANYBODY ELSE

Well, it’s a right ruddy great anniversary for the SILENCE! boys innit? 250 years of podcasting! Not only that but they invented podcasting. And the internet  – they invented that too. Did I mention listening? Yeah, they invented that. Invented the bloody lot they did. 250 years ago.

So why not join those two gentlemen, hellbent for leisure, Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die as they invite you into the inner sanctum for some verite, fly-on-the-wall, dogme 95-style podcasting. Ot’s a 2.5 hr epic that will test your patience to the very hilt! And they wouldn’t have it any other way.

Talked about are Marvel 2-in-1. The Immortal Men, Captain America 700, Legion, Xerxes, Oblivion Song, Eternity Girl, Megahex, Lockjaw, Walking Dead, Wonderful World of Tank Girl, Punk’s Not Dead, Tap-dance Killer, Action Comics 1000, and Highest House. All recorded in majestic ‘SIGHT ‘N” SMELL-ORAMA’!

AND PLUS The Beast and speshul gest-schtar Bobsy have a good old chinwag about Star Wars: The Last Jedi.

So checkitowtonetimewon’tyou?? And raise a glass to 250 glorious more years of the world’s premier lifestyle podcast…

(all together)

SILENCE!!!

@silencepod
@bobsymindless
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

[email protected]