Mindless Ones

MUSIC TO QUIET THE MAN MADE OF METAL AND BRICKS

“I say” said Bunty, as she shone her torch at the corpse. Maggots writhed beneath the beam. “What a jolly disgusting mess!”

“Yes,” I agreed “utterly rum!”

“Nanny must have slipped and fallen down the cellar steps. Look at the strange angle of her head!” Bunty wrinkled her nose in disgust. ” I suppose this rather explains the smell coming through the floorboards”.

“Rather!” I trilled. “And I suppose that this means we should call the police too?”

Bunty shot me a crafty look. “Well…we could. Or we could see what Nanny tastes like?”

<ITEM> It’s a new day, which means that it’s time for another cracking edition of the comics lifestyle magazine show SILENCE! with your hosts The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus, puffing and wheezing through the motions. But what motions!

<ITEM> Admin, sponsorship and all that jazz. Bookplate editions and food on slates. We got it all.

<ITEM>SILENCE!…Because the Film Has Started with a Batman V Superman: Gaze Upon the Face of Justice and Despair! special.

<ITEM> The Beast Must Whore! He’s been putting it all about town. First an interview at the fabled comics critical establishment The Comics Journal. Then waving it in the direction of Kraken, the internet’s second best podcast.

<ITEM> Finally The Reviewniverse is breached and the jaunty gents chat at length about Daniel Clowes’ Patience, Ted McKeever’s Pencil Head amd 2000AD.

<ITEM> Gary Lactus vs The Scorpions

<ITEM>And let’s not forget…THIS!

click to download SILENCE!#182

AN EVENING OF FUN IN THE METROPOLIS OF YOUR DREAM

Ninjas, ninjas, who wants ninjas? I got ninjas mate, ninjas coming out the wazzoo. Ninjas here, ninjas there, farkin’ ninjas everywhere mate. Sick o’ bleedin’ ninjas I am, tryin’ to offload the LOT of ’em…tell ya what mate, you take this lot off my ‘ands and I’ll chuck in this lovely watch. Solid adamantium that is mate, worth a flippin’ bomb. Tough as you like that is…

GETCHER NINJAS ‘ERE!

<ITEM> Welcome Dear Listeners, to the internet’s most cherished comics podcast, SILENCE! with that couple of nation’s sweethearts The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus.

<ITEM> It’s some record level admin, with sponsorship, Arrested Development as Watchmen, Daredevil Season 2, The Phantasmacats and the Galacticats, The SILENCE! News covering Civil War 2, Donald Trump and the Mark Millar-isation of modern culture, The Edinburgh Festival, Misery, SILENCE!…Because the Film Has Started with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and unbelievably a whole lot more…while somehow there being so much less…

<ITEM> Finally the Reviewniverse coughs, splutters and belches into life, with Spiderwoman, Huck, The Vision and Turn Coat.

<ITEM> One Vision…that’s all I can say really.

IT’S A MUST THAT I TAKE THE STREETS BACK SO FAST, EVERYBODY THINKIN’ IT’S NOT GONNA LAST…

Okay big picture people, big picture only. Blue sky thinking, big picture stuff. Blue sky, big picture, out of the box stuff people. Big, blue, out-of-the-box thinking. Big picture, blue sky thinking, right out of the box, take the ball and run with it stuff people. Big runny blue balls, right out of the box. OK people? OK?

<ITEM> It’s the comics podcast that man, feels like a woman! It’s SILENCE! you lucky, lucky pea-pods.

<ITEM> Not just any episode, but one of our fabled Guesticodes featuring none other than Kelly Kanayama aka Maid of Nails. Scholar, Rob  Liefeld character, and Frank MIller gang member? Whatever, she’s here and she’s raising the bar. Limboing smoothly under it are old hams Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die.

<ITEM> Sponsorship as usual, but with some red hot Dundee recommendations! Also The Beast has some life admin to share, and is ready to introduce…the Phantasmacats! Also, Team Poppet and the Final Solution?? Oh and Dicks. Don’t forget the Dicks.

<ITEM> Let’s go go go into The Reviewniverse, and it’s a humdinger. We talk The Discipline, Shade The Changing Man, The Extremist, Grant Morrison, Peter Milligan and bondage, Ted McKeever’s Pencil Head, Cerebus The Aardvark, problematic creators, Jiro Kawata’s Bat-Manga, Black Widow, Judge Dredd, Strontium Dog and a slab more.

<ITEM> Gary has to duck out early so The Beast and Maid of Nails sing it out in style…

GERTCHA!

click to download SILENCE!#179

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YOUR CIGARETTE STILL BURNS, YOUR MESSED UP WORLD WILL THRILL ME

Who loves you, and who do you love? SILENCE! that’s who. SILENCE! loves you like a pig loves lemonade. What do you mean pigs don’t love lemonade? What the eff do you even know about pigs anyway? I tell you, if you go to a shop and ask it to pick out a can of fizzy pop, it won’t pick out Cola, it won’t pick out Ginger Beer and it sure as sh*t won’t pick out got-tamned Cherryade! Whuddya even know ’bout pigs…come round here tellin’ ME about pigs willya??

So, like a pig loves lemonade, SILENCE! loves you. And what more could you want from a comics podcast hmmmmmmmmmmmmm?

<ITEM> Who’s that I hear outside, scratching to get in? Why it’s only special guest presenter Clark Burscough, aka Clark T-Bubz! He joins The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus in their latest traipse around the 4-colour wastelands. And what a touch of class he brings!

<ITEM> Sponsorship, RAW, the Truth Behind Thought Bubble and Gary’s Vegan Adventure? It’s all here true believers!

<ITEM> A Reviewniverse three-way? You betcha! The boyzzz talk up Ben Marra’s Blades & Lazers, Tango & Cash, All New X-Men, DKIII: The Master Race, Star Wars: Chewbacca, Star Wars: Lando, Batman: Mitefall, New Avengers, Venture Bros, Batman: Brave & The Bold, Degrassi Junior High, Saved By The Bell and Ian Beale: Martian Manhunter…oh man, even I want to listen to it now and I’m just …. DISEMBODIED NARRATORBOT X-1575! HA HA HA HA AND YOU THOUGHT I WAS DEAD!!!

Ta ta!

click to download SILENCE!#178

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WHEN YOU’VE BEGUN TO THINK LIKE A GUN, THE REST OF THE YEAR HAS ALREADY GONE

Welcome welcome welcome welcome….WELL COME ON THEN! Don’t just stand there on the doorstep snivelling! In or out, make your choice. But when you’re in you’re in, if you know what I mean. And if you don’t know what I mean, then you’re out. And if you’re out, you’re out for good, if you get my gist. And if you get my gist then you’re on my team – and if you’re on my team then you’re in. SO GET IN FOR GOODNESS SAKE. You’ve let out all the heat. And I’d only just got this podcast nice and toasty. GAH!

Welcome to SILENCE! The comics podcast for discerning imbeciles.

<ITEM> The Beast Must Die & Gary Lactus pack up their troubles in their old kit bags and  smile, smile, smile – all the way into some classic admin. And it’s a doozy. Sponsorship out the wazzoo, some honest to goodness SILENCE! News abbout DC: Resnooze and a whole heap more

<ITEM> BUT! There’s also a great episode of SILENCE! (Because the Film has Started) with The Beast Must Die on Austrian horror Goodnight Mommy and Gary Lactus on Deadpoo. I mean Deadpoo. Goddamnit, no, I mean Deadpoo. DEADPOO!

<ITEM> Das Reviewniverse with hot topical chattering on Sammy Harkham’s Crickets, Spider Woman, Stray Bullets, Power Man & Iron Fist, Bitch Planet, Swamp Thing, Katsuhiro Otomo’s Memories and Farewell To Arms, Huck and the Deadline 1990 Xmas Special

Whooooooooooosh! Hear that? That was your mind being blown.

click to download SILENCE!#177
 

MONSTER PUSS, MONSTER PUSS, MEOW, MY MONSTER PUSS

Look you’re not geeting some fancy schmancy blurb this time okay?? Above, you can see the first two entries in the new game I have created and trademarked. It’s called ‘INSERT EDDIE’ and the point is to prove that inserting Iron Maiden’s Eddie into any album cover automatically improves it. Have a go, and post the entries somewhere I can see them. Winner gets a warm feeling in their undercrackers. Anyway. Here’s SILENCE!

<ITEM> It’s a Bobsy week! Joining The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus to talk enthusiastically, is..well Bobsy. I just said it was a Bobsy week. Really ballsed that one up didn’t I? Oh well. Expect opinions!

<ITEM> Some glorious admin, and discussion of the 2nd of our SILENCE!: The Prestige Format podcasts, available EXCLUSIVELY to our Patreon subscribonauts. Get involved why dontcha?

<ITEM> Bobsy reviews some farkin’ art doesn’t he? Jamie Hewlett’s Tarot designs get a mauling. Ooh I say!

<ITEM> After the usual technical mishaps, the boys enter the Reviewniverse. Discussed: Providence no.7, Deadpool, New Romancer, Vision,  a bunch of Marvel stuff I can’t remember, Batman & TMNT, The Saga of The Victims and no doubt a whole scunt more

<ITEM> Bobsy swears!

And like a crap thief in the night, tripping over a sleeping dog, waking the household, setting off the alarms and getting arrested, we’re out!