Mindless Ones

LET’S SHAKE AND SAY, WE’LL OPERATE IN HITSVILLE UK

Welcome to a special edition of SILENCE! wherein The Beast Must Die has a jaunty, rambling conversation with the lovely Dan Cox and John Riordan (aka Dan & Johnny Hitsville) to discuss there excellent series Hitsville UK and in particular the Kickstarter to fund the collected edition (get on board True Believers). We talked about the origins of the comic, how the boys met and the inspirations behind it.

But don’t worry! It’s still a SILENCE! so you can expect variable sound quality and lengthy digressions into Deadline, Free  Tapes, Menswear, Dig!, The Specials AKA, Cate Le Bon, the UK Small Press, Thought Bubble, FJ McMahon, Barbelith and much. much more. It was a warm summer evening in a nice pub in Waterloo, with two of my very favourite people in comics, so I hope you enjoy…

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BACK TO NATURE, THE VOYEUR WILL REALISE THIS IS NOT A SIGHT FOR HIS SORE EYES

I sit here and stare. I wait. It is coming. It will come. It is out there, searching for me. Sniffing the air, turning it’s head towards where I wait. I must be calm. I cannot run, I cannot hide. There is no point. I need it and it needs me. We are meant to be together even if it means our mutual destruction. Nearer. Nearer. I can feel it now. It is … it is here.

THE BLURB IS HERE

<ITEM> PHEW What a scorcher! It’s only time for another SILENCE! and what a shaggy misshapen beastie this is. But pet it and you will see it has a lot of love to give. So settle on the veranda, plug in old Gary Lacytus & The Beast Must Die and let our verbal fingers do their aural massage.

<ITEM> Let’s see. We’ve got Illness, Gary’s Bible Studies, Fraser Geesin’s Amusing Character Videos, Mortimer & Whitehouse Gone Fishing, House of X, LOEG Tempest, Kevin O’Neill…and that’s just the intro! Throw in some Sponsorship and now we’re making gumbo!

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse is calling you. Will you answer? Inside it is The Beast Doesn’t Care About Superheroe Films, Walking Dead, Jack Kirby’s Prisoner, Mark Evanier’s 100 Things I Have Learned About Comics, Editors,  Wild & Crazy Guys, Killer Groove, Marvel Action Avengers, Evan Dorkin, How Did This Get Made, Neighbours and more

<ITEM> There’s a special Beast Unboxing with guest start Gareth Hopkins, talking about Best of 2000AD Monthly, New Teen Titans Drug Awareness, X-Force, The Shadow Strikes, Spectacular Spiderman, Fashion in Action, Later Eraser & Pressbutton, Loner, ABC Warriors, Fantastic Four, Iron Man, Fuff, Days of Hate, Marvel 2 in 1, Crytsar the Crystal Warrior, Comics Forum and Man Thing. 

<ITEM> YOU’RE AN ITEM!

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@bobsymindless
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

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I KNOW YOU WANNA HOLD MY HAND, I KNOW YOU’RE GONNA LOVE MY BAND

BEEEEEP

Listen, I know you’re there, so pick up the phone. I can wait….Look I know you, I’ve been your agent for 20 years. I know when you’re ignoring me. Listen, they just need this blurb okay? Correction – they needed it yesterday. So just write the damn thing William Shakespeare! Get back to me.

*CLICK*

BEEEEEP

ANSWER THE GODDAMN PHONE! COME OUT FROM UNDER THE TABLE, GET OUT OF THE BATHTUB, WHATEVER! Just…it’s not that…hard. Just write me a god-damned blurb for this god-damned podcast! It’s not art! It’s not literature! But it pays the god damned bills and keeps the god damned light on. So please. For me. Pick up thy god damned quill, and write! Get back to me.

*CLICK*

BEEEEEEP

I’m coming round. I’m bringing weapons…

<ITEM> HOO HAH! It’s only a ruddy SILENCE! guv! Here to fondle your charlie browns and brighten up your day. Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die have dug themselves up and are ready to talk comics, comics, comics!

<ITEM> Adminge. Sponsorhitz. And ‘SILENCE! Because The Film Has Started…‘ with The Beast’s review of Ant Man & The Wasp and more importantly In Bed With Chris Needham.

<ITEM> PISSCRIME!

<ITEM> When Wakes The Reviewniverse? RIGHT NOW PUNX! Lotsa chat including Swamp Thing 60, League of Extraordinary Gentelemen: Tempest, Grave Horticulture, Demon by Jason Shiga, Eve Stranger, Immoral Hulk, Immortal Hulk, Hey Listen!, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and The Freshmen Force, Green Lantern, Hellblazer 40 and probably more. Oh and probably Game of Thrones. But more importantly The Shitpipe Chronicles.

<ITEM> NEW FEATURE ALERT. The Beast Unboxes, featuring the thrilling sounds of a man opening packages in the toilet!!

<ITEM> No more, greedy guts!

@silencepod
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@thebeastmustdie

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I’M JUST LIVING IN A LIFE WITHOUT MEANING. I JUST WALK AND WALK AND DO NOTHING

Imagine a blurb, stamping on your comics. Forever.

STOMP! Take that, you chromatic, fully painted, prestige format, limited edition, ashcan piece of sh*t!

Are we having fun yet?

<ITEM> It’s been a while but we’re back in style. well, not really. We’re just back. In a way we’ve sort of slunk in the back and tried to sit down without anyone noticing. SILENCE! What? We’ve always been here.

<ITEM> Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die bringing you our usual mix of incompetence and insouciance – comics opinionating just the way you like it. Admin, Sponsorshiup? Yup! Discussion of Comics Crossovers as euphemisms for Toilet Breaks? Right here baby!

<ITEM> Reviewniverse time! There’s a hefty discussion of Heroes in Crisis (Cry-sis more like amirite??) The Skrulls, Zack Soto’s ‘Secret Voice’, the 1989 Catwoman series, and a bunch more that I can’t remember cos it’s been so long since we recorded. Find out for yourself! Life’s like a box of chocolates apparently.

<ITEM> Some reckymends? yeah probably

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@thebeastmustdie

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YOURS IS HOLLOW SOUNDING, FRANKLY YOU’VE BECOME SUCKERS

Alright pod-monkeys! I recorded a chat with the extremely talented comic creator, friend of the pod and all right super-mensch, Gareth Hopkins about his amazing new comic Petrichor. As it’s me, we’re out and about, so you get the aural delights of the Barbican as a background for our chat. Gareth was gracious, eloquent and honest so I hope you enjoy the chat.

Pick up a copy of Petrichor here.

Normal SILENCE! Service will resume shortly.

@silencepod
@bobsymindless
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

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LIFE I LOVE YOU, ALL IS GROOVY

Listen can you do me a favour? I just need to nip out for a bit…no not for long. I’ll be real quick. I wouldn’t ask, but it’s actually really, really important that I go. Yeah. No, I honestly wouldn’t ask unless…y’know. Important, that’s right. You will? Oh mate that’s brilliant…honestly you don’t know what a favour this is. So I just need you to just literally sit here and do nothing till I get back. Yeah, I’ll be so, so quick I promise. Ok, so just like…just sit there, that’s right. Yup, just there. And that’s it! Till I get back. Okay? Ok cool.

..oh wait, there is just one other thing. If anyone turns up asking about a blurb, can you just whip something up? Ok great.

<ITEM>BOOOOOOOOOOM> NEW YEAR NEW DANGER! It’s only Bloody SILENCE! coming up on 2019 like a masked intruder! Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die are here and brimming with new year’s resolve. And you’re going to get it, with barrels. Hot comics pottage, in that wily old SILENCE! fashion. AND IT”S NEARLY THREE HOURS LONG YOU [email protected]!!

<ITEM>Bit of post-XMAS admin? Why not. As if anyone gives a rat’s chuff about that anymore! Probably some Dadmin, some sponsorships and a bit of chat about Adventures in the January comics sales.

<ITEM> Big chunk of Sadmin about the recent passing of Mega City One architect Ron Smith.

<ITEM> Gary talks about the Raymond Briggs Snowman exhibition, The Beast wants to tell you all about the Charles Schultz ‘Peanuts’ exhibition at Somerset House, and he also NEEDS to tell you all about Penda’s Fen too, in SILENCE! (Because the Film Has Started).

<ITEM> Have you heard that Gary Lactus Prunes? No, Well listen up…

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse uncurls it’s sticky paw and reveals some top quality chat about League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Fantastic Four Wonderful Wonderful Wedding Comix, Klaus: The Crying Snowman, Lodger, DIE, Justice League Europe,  GoBots, Thirteenth Floor and probably some other stuff that both of us have forgotten.

<ITEM> BONUSSSSSS! There’a a meaty chat with Tom Oldham of Breakdown Press, talking about Joe Kessler’s Windowpane, Jon Chandler’s John’s Worth (1-4), Beserker and a whole lot more, including some quality Todd McFarlane chat.

WELL WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR SWEETHEARTS? YOU WANNA LIVE FOREVER???

@silencepod
@bobsymindless
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

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THERE’S A BOX FULL OF SHOWER-GELS, I’VE LEFT AROUND THE WORLD

It’s SILENCE!, there’s no need to be afraid
At SILENCE!, we let in light and we banish shade
And in our world of plenty we can spread a smile of joy
Throw your arms around the world at SILENCE!
But say a prayer, pray for the other ones
At SILENCE! it’s hard, but when you’re having fun
There’s a world outside your window
And it’s a world of dread and fear
Where the only water flowing
Is the bitter sting of tears
And the Christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it’s them instead of you
And there won’t be snow in Africa this SILENCE!
The greatest gift they’ll get this year is life
Where nothing ever grows
No rain nor rivers flow
Do they know it’s SILENCE! at all?
Here’s to you
Raise a glass for everyone
Here’s to them
Underneath that burning sun
Do they know it’s SILENCE! at all?
Eat the world
Eat the world
Eat! the world
Let them know it’s SILENCE! again
Eat! the world
Let them know it’s SILENCE! again
Eat! the world
Let them know it’s SILENCE! again
Eat! the world
Let them know it’s SILENCE! again
Eat! the world
Let them know it’s SILENCE! again

<ITEM> INSERT FESTIVE! It’s the SILENCE! XMAS DING-DONG CRACKErJACK SPECTACULAR! AND YOU’RE ALL INVITED! Lock the door…they’re in now.

<ITEM> Well we’re all feeling very festive indeed aren’t we? Yes we are. Whether you celebrate Christmas or not there can be no uncertainty that the geese are gaining weight. So put a Yule log on the radiator and cosy up for 2+ hours of comics-adjacent chat with your pals The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus!

<ITEM> Inside this overstuffed figgy pudding of an episode you’re going to find the following: The Christmas Chronicles, The Immortal Hulk, Enjoyable Conversations in Glasgow bu David Kerr, Hard Boiled, Safari Honeymoon, 2000AD prog 2111, Best of lists, My Two Dads 600, Bat-Thing, Driving Britain, Secret Cosmic Heroes of Infinite Crisis…of the Gods, Doomsday Cock and a whole lot more

<ITEM> Who is…what is…The House of Ideas??

@silencepod
@bobsymindless
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

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I’VE BECOME A GIANT, I FILL EVERY STREET

y’know yer my besssht pal, y’know? I love you mate, I rilly rilly…love you. Yer a real pal. Besht mates. Thass what we are. Besh..besht. I know, I know I’ve had few…a few beersh but..iss still true, yknow? Me ‘n’ you…we’ve bin through a lot y’know? But we’re shtill..besht…besht,..

*HWWWRRARRRRRAAAAAALLLPPH*

Ohhh…ohh. shorry man….shorry about yer…yer shoes…

So whaddya shay pal? Can you help out an old out-of-work…hic…blurb writer?

<ITEM> It’s a brand spanking new spanking in the form of SILENCE!, the world’s premier weekly lifestyle podcast. Join Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die as they lead you down the merry country lanes of comics chat and easy bonhomie. A veritable tonic in this sea of hideousness.

<ITEM> Some classic sponsorship, some legendary admin, and most likely a bit of dadmin

<ITEM> Tip-toe…through the Reviewniverse…as the podpals  take on Grant Morrison’s Green Lantern, Mister Miracle and the Punisher

<ITEM>  We interrupt the Reviewniverse for some urgent Sadmin, with the passing of the legendary Stan Lee!

<ITEM> We detour from the Sadmin into a bit of Cudmin, with Gary Lactus’ tales of going to see the erstwhile band Cud live, and then the Beast regales a tale of going to see an exhibition of Chris ‘Mauretania’ Reynolds art.

<ITEM> Then we pivot back to the Reviewniverse for some last comics morsels, with The Fantastic Four and The Many Deaths of The Batman. Phew! We’re through the Looking Glass here people!!!

THE END!

@silencepod
@bobsymindless
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

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THIS SKILLED TRADE LIKE A TAILOR-MADE SUEDE, HIT THE STUDIO AND I’M PAID

Is there anybody there…?

If you’re there, speak now. Or…let us know you can hear us.

Just a sound. Any sound. To let us know.

There are loved ones here who want to speak to you…

THERE! DID YOU HEAR THAT?

Words! Words, coming through the ether…forming…what is it that you are trying to tell us..? Wait. I don’t understand…Item? Are yo trying to say item..?

<ITEM> Welcome to the latest, greatest, invite you out on a datest, edition of SILENCE!!! The internet’s first and only podcast with your spooky old pals, Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die.

<ITEM> Admin, sponsorship and the whole nine yards. Nine yards of what? QUALITY!

<ITEM> She heavy duty Sadmin, with the passing of two comics titans Norm Breyfogle and Carlos Ezquerra

<ITEM> The gang are still lost in time, so who knows what happens when. Know this: they definitely enter the Reviewniverse and talk about the Immortal Hulk, Tank Girl All Stars, Michael Kupperman’s All The Answers, Give Me Liberty, The Scream & Misty Halloween Special, the Justice League film and probably some more

<ITEM> Just time to talk about the brilliant Halloween edition of Inside No.9, then it’s all bad to the morgue for a quick Monster Mash.

@silencepod
@bobsymindless
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

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