Mindless Ones

Sweet singing Jesus! This is it. THIS IS THE ONE! No hyperbole, no exaggeration, this is IT. This gonna be the one the kids bicker over! This is the one that’s gonna change the game, this…this…

Sorry I can’t remember what the hell I was talking about. Forgive me. Been hitting the bottle harder than my man Starks on payday.

So what is this? It’s the seventh episode of SILENCE! the ‘award winning’ new podcast that’s sweeping the netosphere. In this episode you get two, count them TWO superhero songs: Gary Lactus’ ‘Variable Hulk’ featuring guest vocals from the soft Glaswegian brogue of Illogical Volume, and The Beast’s ‘Saga of the Swamp Thing’ super-ballad. That would basically be enough for most podcasts, but not SILENCE! God no. After that you get ‘hot’ ‘comics’ ‘gossip’ in SILENCE! NEWS! before the two launch into a heady discussion of BKV’s Saga no.1, Avengers Bendicise no.1, Captain America (and the loveliness of Alan Davis in general), Wolverine and the X-Men (again!), The Incredible Hulk (why not?), Casey and not-Fox’s disco bloodbath Haunt, the derangement of Elektra Assassin, The Secret History of DB Cooper from Oni, Shade from Robinson and Pulido [during which The Beast turns into a f*cking robot AGAIN!], the increasingly less yellow Fantastic Four, Saucer County,and SPACE: Punisher (fucking yes). they soil their minds at the awfulness of the Gearheart: Steampunk Revue no.2 in the fan-favourite You Should Have Known Better. Then the beast rhapsodises (in blue) about the lost classic Batman: Jazz from Gerard Jones and Mark Badger in The Beasts Bargain Basement (and yes there’s a cocking jingle!). There’s a quick discussion of the surprisingly brilliant Rise of the Planet of the Apes in Notcomics. Add in some America’s Top Model and the scintillation of the Coming Attractions, and you have yourself an aural swingers party.

So stick on your headphones, pour yourself an extreme beverage and CHOOSE THE FORM OF YOUR DESTRUCTOR!

PART 1
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PART 2
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You can’t change history, not one line…

But you can change the future.

Behold cretins! The sixth mind-ripping installment of SILENCE! is upon us…

In this episode Lactus tries desperately to get off the smack, whilst continuing to loll about on his cosmic swank pad. Meanwhile the Beast has made some Amazing Friends. Matters takes a turn for the sobering as they discuss the sad passing of Moebius, and give an update on Brett Ewins‘ situation in Silence News. We also reveal the winner of our ‘competition’ to draw a picture of the ‘Thing’s Thing’. Then things get merry again as Lactus reveals he has read all the comics in the world due to a one-sided sponsorship deal with Dave’s Comics of Brighton. Beast sulks. The two 4-colour raconteurs then take in Action Comics, Animal Man, Swamp Thing, Fatale, OMAC, The Fairest, Age of Apocalypse, Stray Bullets, The Manhattan Projects and they both take their horrid medicine when they read Spawn issue no. 2,798,002 in the new feature You Should Have Known Better. The Beast takes a rambling digression into the career of Ralph Bakshi in the Not Comics section (so many sections!) before they delve into the upcoming releases in the Coming Attractions.

Oh yes, and Lactus misses his deadline for his Hulk song, but drops in a bit of live superhero stand-up to atone for his sins.

Could it be any better? Arguably yes, but you know what? THIS IS WHAT YOU’RE HAVING. MAN UP, GRAB YOUR EARS AND GET SOME!

[audio:https://mindlessones.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/silence006a.mp3]
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[audio:https://mindlessones.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/silence006b.mp3]
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[CLICK BELOW FOR IGMUS’s NSFW ‘COMPETITION’ WINNING DEPICTION OF THE THING’S THING!]

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People often think these days that Russel T Davies was the first auteur to run Doctor Who.

But nothing could be further from the truth

RIP

NSFW

What? What do you want? You want to hear hot shit talked by two hot guyz? Well you came to the right URL true believers!

In this scalding 5th episode the Beast loses his job as a Transformer, but not before he drops his latest musical gem ‘O Transformer!’ Meanwhile Lactus stretches out on his cosmic sofa and relaxes into the hazy bliss of a heroin high!

But Not Just That! They talk about comics, including speculation on Morrison’s upcoming HAPPY!, Chaykin’s Black Kiss 2, Spaceman no.4., Fantastic Four: First Family, The Twelve no.10,  Orc Stain no. 7, Shade no, 5, Jason Aaron’s Incredible Hulk, Criminal, discuss Chris Weston’s meaty art, the annoyingness of comics covers that look the same each month, and Lactus takes one for the team and reads Robocop: Roadkill. Poor Lactus. Add in the Mindless News, the Coming Attractions and some shameless self-promotion for Cindy & Biscuit no.2 and you have a guaranteed sonic prolapse to brighten up your life.

GET SOME! GET SOME!!

[audio:https://mindlessones.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/silence005.mp3]
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Give me skeletons over zombies any time.

Zombies have no charge for me anymore. I mean, I get it. I understand completely why everyone obsesses over them, what they *mean*, but it took watching that sequence from Mean Streets again recently, where the drunk, bullet riddled barman continues to lurch towards his would be assassin even though he should’ve keeled over and died five minutes before, to make me feel horrified by the undead again. All the hallmarks of the zombie were there, the shambling flying dutchman of an un-person complete with lolling eyes and outstretched arms, persistance of movement and ‘mission’ inspite of massive structural damage…. But this time I needed a real body, something more literal, less of a symbol (and, now, not just a symbol for scary stuff we’d all rather not think about, but a portal to a whole genre of entertainment/fandoms/an industry, etc. – a tangled mess of associations, many of which I find boring/slash annoying), to make me re-experience the supernatural horror of undeath and thence the very real, physical body-horror it points to. It was an assbackwards way to get there, but it worked.

But we’re here to talk about skeletons, right?

This photo is from what I think was the last ever photocall the Monkees did, on what I think was Davy Jones’ last visit to his hometown of Manchester. I was about three feet away at the time.
At the show that night, Davy Jones made a joke that he made every night of that tour – “I used to be a heartthrob, now I’m a coronary”.

So why am I talking about Davy Jones here?

Okay, it’s finally done – 44 pages of comics goodness, featuring everyone’s favourite angry little girl and her dog!

£3.50 (+p&P) – head over to the Shop at Milk The Cat to purchase:

GO BUY IT

Please note – tt’s available (along with all my other stuff) to overseas readers too – check out the postage  details  over at Milk The Cat

Features the stories Cindy & Biscuit and the Secrets of Summer, Biscuit Beyond (as seen right here), the epic 18 page Cindy vs The Sea, Cindy & Biscuit and the Snowman and Excerpts from Cindy’s Diary.

I really am super-pleased with this. It’s the best comics work I’ve ever done and ,after the great reception the first issue got, I’m hoping you’re going to love it too.

Click below for some teaser images…

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