Mindless Ones

WEEKENDER… WEEKENDER GO OUT, HAVE A GOOD TIME

Okay class for this week’s creative writing exercise I want you all to produce a blurb for a podcast. I know we’ve been reading some of the real classics in the blurb field, some of the greats. But for this I want you to  shake them off, and just write something fresh and vibrant. Something that really says something about a modern podcast in the 21st Century.

So; 300 word blurb on my desk tomorrow morning:

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<ITEM> It’s that time again. You feel that itching behind your ear? That crawling on your scalp? The sweat on your eyeballs? That’s another edition of SILENCE! tearing its way into our reality. And riding it bare-back are Gary Lactus, The Beast Must Die and special guest stud Bobsy!

<ITEM> Sponsorship, The Beast’s nomination at the British Comic Awards and Gary’s Jack of All Polymaths? You bet your can!

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse aka the nexus of all realities, point zenith, the Bermuda Podcast… Inside waiting are the boys going deep on Alan Moore’s Providence, Michael DeForge’s Lose, Young Terrorists, Sandman: Overture, Wolf. From Under Mountains, Nameless and Bitch Planet

<ITEM> Bobsy does an outro his dear old Ma would be proud off, and we’re off!

click to download SILENCE!#159

Contact us:

[email protected]

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

You can support us using Patreon if you like.

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

WE DON’T THINK SO, YOU SEEM STAR-SHAPED

For Sale:

Well-used  podcast, seen better days. Two careless previous owners.

Comes with fully formed opinions, little to no research, distinct air of desperation and unprofessionalism. Song function occasionally still works, but will need warming up.

Do YOU have space in your home to this well-loved antique? No real value, but may provide some entertainment to the mentally infirm

Contact: SILENCE! for further information…

<ITEM> Admin, Sponsorship, the Galacticats, Another Blue World by Jon Chandler, and a slap to your blubbery chops of course.

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse opens it’s arms, and clasps you just a bit too tight, so that you can smell the Extra Strong mints on it’s breath…talking ’bout Nameless, Wild’s End, Hellboy, Weird World, the Congress of Animals, Dogtanian and the 3 Muskerhounds, Maus, Magic, Michael Motion, David Bowie’s Balls, Captain America: White, Batgirl, Grayson, ‘Ghost’ comics, New Statesmen, Prince Comics, Epic illustrated and a whole lot more.

<ITEM>SILENCE! The Film Has Started! gives us a hot recommendation for superb new internet horror Unfriended from The Beast

click to download SILENCE!#158

Contact us:

[email protected]

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

You can support us using Patreon if you like.

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

YOU’RE BOUND TO LOSE CONTROL WHEN THE RUBBERBAND MAN STARTS TO JAM

Slim, attractive comics podcast (GSOH) seeks listeners for opinions, digressions, basic plot descriptions, ill-informed gossip and maybe more…?

I like: fresh takes on old characters, prestige format comics and long walks in the park in Autumn

You will: never have read a Wolverine comic, have all your own teeth.

Are you the one with an eye-catching cover and fetching logo? Are you fully painted? Are you…for mature readers?

If so, get in touch, and just ask for SILENCE!

<ITEM> Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die are here to lie prostrate at your feet and wait for you to tickle their bellies. Soft furry bellies, much cuter than the Galacticats!

<ITEM> Wonderful, wonderful hot, nourishing admin served up with a delicious steaming portion of Sponsorship. Nothing out of the ordinary but you can bet your troosies there’s a discussion of Weddings, No.2’s  and the musical CATS. Oh, and The Beast’s guest spot at the forthcoming London Graphic Novel Network event on November 7th as well as Gary Lactus’ 1 hour show.

<ITEM> grab your back-matter, and your money-makers and shimmy shimmy ya towards The Reviewniverse. There’s chat about Bitch Planet, Sex  Criminals, Tokyo Ghost, Captain America: White, Sammy Harkham’s Everything Collected, Best American Comics, Sam Alden, Michael Kupperman, Wally Gropius, Adrian Tomine, Francoise Mouly, Gary Panter and more.

<ITEM> Now CHUNT OFF

click to download SILENCE!#157

Contact us:

[email protected]

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

You can support us using Patreon if you like.

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

I SEE LONDON, I SEE FRANCE, WHERE’D YOU GET YOURSELF THOSE PANTS?

<amusing> BLURB </amusing>

Welcome to SILENCE! the internet’s answer to breathing. YOU NEED THIS. Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die will hold your hands all the way. Trust us. YOU NEED THIS!

<ITEM> You’re looking down the business end of two barrels of admin son, so you’d best get your stuff together and get ready for some Sponsorship, a bit of Mike McMahon, some Thought Bubble 2015 promo and the whole fandango

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse is it? Is it? Well? Is it? Well okay then. So be it. Included: These periodicals: Headlopper, Batman, Deadly Class, Over The Garden Wall, All Star Section 8, Sammy Harkham’s Crickets, Rick & Morty, Siege, Ms Marvel, Mercury Heat and Phonogram.

And that’s your SILENCE! Now choke on it!

SILENCE!#156

Contact us:

[email protected]

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

You can support us using Patreon if you like.

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD BE DONE, MY STYLE IS IDENTICAL TO NONE

If you want a vision for the future, imagine a podcast stamping on a babyman’s neckbeard forever! That’s right – Big Blurber is watching you…

WAR IS COMICS
COMICS ARE SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS COMICS

Your mind is not your own. All thoughts of comics are Thoughtcrimes. Not thinking about comics is a Thoughtcrime. Neckbeards are not a Thoughtcrime. Necbeards are a FACECRIME.

Welcome to the only Doublethink podcast, the podcast that gives you a nice cold comforting bellyfeel, the podcast that YOU will hear is doubleplusgood. Those who don’t thinks so will be made unpeople in almost speedful fashion.

Big Blurber is watching you. He is watching your neckbeards. So think the goodthought and come join the joycamp that is..SILENCE!

<ITEM> It’s a mega epixxxxx amazo superblast X-travaganza with special guest Bobsy, joining Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die, and this sucker clears the two-hour mark son! Expect deviations, rambling digressions and wildly speculative theorising just the way you like it!

<ITEM> Admin, sponsorship, a discussion of the Ladybird Illustration exhibition and I Can’t Believe You’re Listening to That Vol 1. Oh and the Galacticats of course, because: the internet.

<ITEM> Trip trap trip trap over the rickety rackety Einstein-Rosen Bridge..into the Reviewniverse! They cover Providence, Material, Plutona, 8 House: Kiem, Garth Ennis’ War Stories, Here, Midnighter, Jem & The Holograms, Anticon, Sole, Daredevil, Safari Honeymoon, Hip Hop Family Tree Vol 3 and a whole lot more.

<ITEM> A world weary Gary Lactus kicks the other two out of his spaceship with a roar of GET ORF MOI SPACESHIP! And the podcast is OVER! BOOM!

Click to download SILENCE!#155

Contact us:

[email protected]

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

You can support us using Patreon if you like.

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

IT LEAPS AND CREEPS AND SLIDES AND GLIDES ACROSS THE FLOOR

Claptrap, poppycock, balderdash. I won’t countenance this rot for a single second more. I don’t know who told you that this was the place where you can sample the finest blurb on the internet but they lied. The blurb here is tolerable at best, serviceable as the norm. Really, since all those cheap mass blurbs started springing up everywhere the market for vintage, artisan blurb simply disappeared. Generations of blurbcrafters served this podcast for hundreds of years. All gone now. Replaced by the type of simpleton that produces this piffle. Honestly. It’s a national tragedy.
Well. That;s it. I told you this wasn’t the place.

<ITEM> We all know about four girls one cup, right? Well this is two guys, one podcast and it gets N-A-S-T-Y…It’s SILENCE! with Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die

<ITEM> It’s a vintage intro with admin (sponsorship), gladmin (a song for FRODSA) and sadmin (Wes Craven RIP). Oh and Ketamine and Karaoke.

<ITEM> Oh say can you see, by the Reviewniverse’s early light… Prez, E for Extinction, Crossed 100, Ant Man, Phantom Eagle, Suicide Squad, Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, Superman and more.

<ITEM> BUT THEN! The Beast’s Bargain Basement with Hawkworld, Martian Manhunter, ATARI Force and Namor

Okay then. That’s settled. We’ll do the show RIGHT HERE!!!!

Click to download SILENCE!#154

Contact us:

[email protected]

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

You can support us using Patreon if you like.

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

Blurb, blurb changes everything
Hands and faces, earth and sky
Blurb, blurb changes everything ( reading comics)
How you live and how you die (and read comics)

Love can make the summer fly (like reading comics)
Or a night seem like a lifetime (of reading comics)

Yes, blurb, blurb changes everything (reading comics)
Now I tremble at your name (Batman)
Nothing in the world will ever
Be the same (apart from comics)

Welcome to another edition of SILENCE! the comics podcast that walks like a man, drinks like a fish and sh*ts like a train. Your hosts Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die offer you a fine portion of comics criticism with a good slug of amusing gravy.

<ITEM> Some perfunctory but respectful Sponsorsowhaddywhaddy, and a special report from the recent Safari festival, run by Breakdown Press. Decadence Comics, Krent Able’s Big Book of Mischief, Silica Dream and more, Plus Steve Davis and Prog Rock.

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse uncurls it’s sweaty palm and scrunches the pair up into a tight little ball of comics reading joy. They tackle Phonogram: Immaterial girl, music journalism, The Freebutt, Beauty, Brandon Graham & Emma Rios’ Island, The Eltingville Comics Club, Constantine, Martian Manhunter, Stray Bullets, Wolf, Captain Britain & the Mighty Defenders and more.

<ITEM> Some cats I guess?

<ITEM> That’s it really, apart from some Begging

Click to download SILENCE!#153

Contact us:

[email protected]

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

You can support us using Patreon if you like.

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

What’s The Story?
Madame Soleil’s wax museum is unveiling a model of Batman, but when the figure is unveiled, it’s not a wax dummy of Batman, but the Riddler, in the flesh!

LIKE A PIG PULLING A CARTLOAD OF SAUSAGES, I DRAW MY OWN CONCLUSION

Blurb, man’s oldest friend.

Since time began it is blurb that has kept us warm, fed our children, bought our shoes, made us dance, laugh, cry and win prizes. Every day we take blurb for granted but no one truly knows what it is. Blurb, science’s last great mystery. As we discover more about our universe, it’s easy to feel there are are no mysteries left. We can put man on the moon, build robots that cook dinner and teleport to Kent but we are no closer to understanding blurb now than we were in the Flintstone age.

No point in bothering to figure it out when you consider all that, is there?

<ITEM> Here we go with another issue of SILENCE! Listen… yeah, that’s it… wait for it… the beat’s gonna drop… any second now, turn it up… here it comes… it’s sick when the beat drops… hold on… oh, sorry.

<ITEM> Lose your shit to our self deprecating chat including sponsorshunt, Safari Festival, Portslade Village Fete, Gary’s forthcoming BBC New Comedy Award performance (as Fraser Geesin),  and SILENCE! The Film Has Started with the animated adaptation of Dark Knight Returns. Oh yes, and the Two Alans.

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse then beckons you onto the dancefloor to throw shapes alongside Dark Corridor, Kaptara, John Flood, Wic Div, This Damned Band, Airboy, Battleworld: Seige, Ms. Marvel, Death in Oaxaca, Black Canary, The Omega Men and Age of Reptiles.

<ITEM> That’s it really, apart from some Begging

Click to download SILENCE!#152

Contact us:

[email protected]

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

You can support us using Patreon if you like.

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.