Mindless Ones

Written and drawn by Ramzee, tones by Liz Greenfield, cover art by Abigail Dela Cruz (self published, 2016) 

Here’s how you know this is good before you even so much as look at the cover: it was the only self-published comic to be nominated for the Young People’s Comics Award this year, and it lost.  I’m not saying that this automatically makes it the best comic on the list, but… face it, it probably does.

Anyway, it’s worth checking this perception for yourself, looking past the soft, friendly cover (above) and into ZORSE itself, which somehow manages to live up to this charming initial impression while also channelling the frustration of Ramzee’s phenomenal turn on the Diversity panel at SMASH in London earlier this year, that feeling that you’re dealing with someone who is sick of people who… well, let’s not mess around, people who look like me (white, male, middle class, probably with a beard and glasses) being heard to the exception of all others.

More than this: the feeling that you’re dealing with someone who is ready to seize every opportunity to get those voices out there.

Three hundred words on Morbius, commissioned by Thrills. Remember, you too can have a blog post on the subject of your choosing, for a penny a word, only at Thought Bubble…

You get two doctorates, do they call you Morbius the Living Doctor? No they don’t. And it’s not even as if Doctor Morbius is a bad supervillain name. It’s a good one. Better than “the living vampire” anyway. “Living” is the shittest possible adjective to have. Well, maybe better than “dead”, but it’s the most unremarkable one.

But that’s life for you. I’m not even a vampire. I didn’t get bitten by anyone, and I won’t turn you into a vampire if I bite you. I did a medical experiment. It’s not “Morbius the living martyr to medical science” is it? Not “Morbius the victim of a terrible tragedy”. Morbius the living vampire.

Just because I happen to need blood, and have a skin condition that means I can’t go out in the sunlight. And OK, I *was* once possessed by a demon called Bloodthirst. But really, obsessing on this vampire thing… If after an experiment I needed to eat a lot of lettuce, would I be called “Morbius the Living Vegetarian”? No, I wouldn’t. It’d still be Dr Michael Morbius, PhD, MD. I’d have a bit of fucking respect, wouldn’t I?

But nooo… it’s all “you’re a vampire” and “desist, foul fiend!” and fights with Spider-Man every time I need a snack. It’s discrimination, pure and simple. Show me some respect, call me “Doctor Morbius”.

This has been a public service announcement on behalf of the Haemophagic American Anti-Discrimination League. If you are a California voter, please support Prop 8 (banning of crosses, garlic, and holy water on public property) in the elections on Tuesday. Thank you for your support.

The Scottish accent in comics?  It’s almost as much about product as identity.  I learned that when freebie newspaper The Glaswegian introduced me to the concept that we had a stereotype of saying “pure dead brilliant”, and then it turned up in a X-Factor comic.  It was quite a moment in a life used to experiencing the accents of Moira McTaggart and Rhaine Sinclair, and not knowing anyone who sounded like that. I type this up in a foreign part of the world to me, playing up the accent for laughs. When the familiar appears in the form of something like Cameron Spector, it feels like enjoying a bowl of mum’s homemade soup in the winter.

Are you celebrating comic book Christmas in Leeds today?  Are you struggling to fight off the sense of despair that comes with another winter, suddenly sure in the knowledge that your attempts to break the wheel of time itself have been unsuccessful – again! – and that while it might feel like you’re living in a bubble where nothing ever changes, that’s an illusion that can’t survive winters yet to come?

Are you at the Thought Bubble comics convention, trying to find something that will make the change of seasons seem bearable?

If so, why not come see the Mindless Ones at tables 13 and 14, New Dock Hall?

We might not be able to solve your problems, but I can guarantee that we’ll haunt your dreams.

We’ll also be blogging for money throughout the weekend – for a penny a word, one of us will write about any topic of your choosing. If you’re looking to be really cruel you should wait until Sunday morning when we will be at our most vulnerable and ask us to write a 25,00o word justification of the life of Mark Millar.

The Beast Must Die / Dan White is here, selling Cindy and Biscuit  – The Bad Girl part 2:

If you like comics that are packed full of adventure and strangeness and gross humour comics, you’ll like Cindy and Biscuit!

Gary Lactus / Fraser Geesin is here flogging his autobiographical comic The Cleaner:

If Fraser wasn’t a pall I’d have made a fool of myself online by banging on about The Cleaner at every possible opportunity.  As it is, I’m mostly going to stick to burbling lovingly at him in the pub, telling him about how the attention he pays to the overlap between everyday chores and outsized thoughts makes for one of the most hilarious and profound comics going.

My main man Mister Attack / Scott McAllister is selling copies of his student sit-com comic Wake Up Screaming, and Points on a Graph, the story of a man who is separated from his body and still has to go to work on Monday:

Scott’s one of the funniest guys I know, and his comics are a testament to his digressive wit and wicked imagination.

Andrew Hickey / Andre Whickey will be here selling his books about Doctor Who, Seven Soldiers, The Beach Boys, and the concept of entropy for £3 a pop – not a bad price to have a load of new connections in your head.  Andrew will also probably be writing 10,000 words a minute and shaming the rest of us with his ever-productive brain. The bastard.

Welcome to this special mini episode of Diane…!

This week Rosie and Bob give their initial reactions to Mark Frost’s Twin Peaks novel, The Secret History of Twin Peaks. Listener, they liked it!

The whole Diane team will be covering The Secret History in MUCH more depth at some point in early 2017. This is just a first impressions kind of thing.

…And please be warned: in a change to our usual policy there be SPOILERS all over the flipping shop here, so proceed with caution unless you and Twin Peaks are very old and familiar friends.

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The first case assigned to Major Milford for Grudge was mind altering. It came to him from an oblique angle, and his work on it took place over a three-year period , at the end of which the polar axis of UFO investigation would shift yet again…

No desperate begging for reviews and things this week you’ll be pleased to hear. It’s only a minisode after all. Have some admin though:

Subscribe to Diane on iTunes (US or UK), or follow us on Twitter and Tumblr. Find brand new episodes of Diane on Libsyn and of course here on the mighty mighty  Mindless Ones.

Next episode: Err, excuse me mate, can I have the check please? I really mean it this time…

 

I DANCED MYSELF RIGHT OUT THE WOMB, IS IT STRANGE TO DANCE SO SOON?

Morning has broken, like the first podcast… Yowza dear listeners, you’re staring down the barrel of the earliest-recorded SILENCE! yet. Will Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, or bleary-eyed and bushy-bearded? YOU DECIDE.  Imagine a bowl of crunchy, nutritious comics flakes, sodden with the milk of human opinion, and that’s this week’s show.

<ITEM> There’s a whole heap of admin for the upcoming Thought Bubble festival, including SILENCE! TO ASTONISH live, and the Sound & Vision panel. Jinkies! Add in a bit of hasty sponsorship and you got yourself some prime admin.

<ITEM> Through the dreamsqueezers threshold  and into The Reviewniverse. Only two men singing this time – it’ll never be the same again… it’s brief but nutritious with talk of Johnny Ryan’s Angry Youth Comix, Stray Bullets, Brendan McCarthy’s Dr Fate, Shade The Changing Man and maybe a bit more. Or a mit bore?

<ITEM> The Beast recounts his visit to see John Carpenter live.

NO MORE ITEMS. See you at the festival!

Welcome to Diane… #21

This week Rosie, Adam and Mark get tangled up in Twin Peaks episode 19, also known as The Black Widow.

When Dale Cooper handed in his badge and gun he, and we, lost more than his earthly raiment and authority. Twin Peaks lost a lightning rod, and  this week on Diane storms strike haphazardly in the fashion of everyday magic.

Ben Horne raises a monolith, Little Nicky is plagued by persistent random misfortune, and Lana Milford is bewitching. Our monitors are pointed at deep space but perhaps the messages we’ve been intercepting are coming from right here in the woods.

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She guardeth the Abyss. And in her is a perfect purity of that which is above, yet she is sent as the Redeemer to them that are below. For there is no other way into the Supernal mystery but through her and the Beast on which she rideth.

The best: as in, you lot are. And we would love you to help us out: please  like, rate, review or otherwise make us famous. Cofffee and creamed corn-filled donuts for everyone who reviews us on iTunes.

The rest: subscribe to Diane on iTunes (US or UK), or follow us on Twitter and Tumblr. Find brand new episodes of Diane every Wednesday on Libsyn and this here flagrant misuse of electrons called Mindless Ones dot com.

Next episode: Can I have the check please mate?

Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die pay tribute to Steve Dillon

That’s right puny humans, your favourite podcast has been on air for 200 years! And to celebrate those national pleasure treasures Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die invited a select group of 1200 of their closest fans to attend SILENCE! LIVE, in The Nexus Of All Realities. And then they recorded it for all you lucky, but less dedicated, dear listeners. Featuring able pod-lietentants Bobsy and Lord Nuneaton Savage, as well as an array of amazing guest voices. Comics! Talking! Drinking! It’s all here and it’s just as amateurish as you want.

<ITEM> I can’t remember what we talked about, but basically we focused on Anniversary Issues…look stop yelling at me, I’m hungover! I need some cheese on toast. Just listen to the damn podcast and write your own blurb would you? Shut the curtains on the way out would you?