SILENCE! #107

June 30th, 2014

 

TIP TOE..THROUGH THE MEANIES…

A long, long time ago in a fully painted, fully painted galaxy…

After leaving the polybagged planet Reviewniverse, a group of Man-children fly toward a distant speck. The speck gradually resolves into a bootyquaking, space Podcast-hub.

Civil war strikes the galaxy, which is ruled by Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 , a squat Wizard of Technology & Upgrades capable of robot tekno-buggery and even the ability to enjoy a nice firm stool.

Terrified, an imbecilic podcast host known as Gary Lactus flees the Empire, with her protector, The Beast Must Die .

They head for SILENCE! on the planet Sponsorshizzle. When they finally arrive, a fight breaks out. The Beast uses her fully painted graphic novel to defend Gary Lactus.

A long, long time ago in a fully painted, fully painted galaxy…

After leaving the polybagged planet Reviewniverse, a group of Man-children fly toward a distant speck. The speck gradually resolves into a bootyquaking, space Podcast-hub.

Civil war strikes the galaxy, which is ruled by Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 , a squat The Wizard of Technology & Upgrades capable of robot tekno-buggery and even the ability to enjoy a nice firm stool.

Terrified, an imbecilic The Quizzlertron known as Gary Lactus flees the Empire, with her protector, The Beast Must Die .

They head for SILENCE! on the planet Sponsorshizzle. When they finally arrive, a fight breaks out. uses her fully painted graphic novel to defend Gary Lactus.

and The Quizzlertron Gary Lactus decide it’s time to leave Sponsorshizzle and steal an Alan Moore’s beard to shoot their way out.

They encounter a tribe of Dear listeners. is attacked and the The Quizzlertron is captured by the Dear listeners and taken back to SILENCE!.

must fight to save The Quizzlertron Gary Lactus but when she accidentally unearths a bulked-up Beastman & Lactenberg prize for internet journalism, the entire future of the fully painted, polybagged galaxy is at stake.

and Gary Lactus decide it’s time to leave Sponsorshizzle and steal an Alan Moore’s beard to shoot their way out.

They encounter a tribe of Dear listeners. The Beast is attacked and the Gary is captured by the Dear listeners and taken back to SILENCE!.

The Beast must fight to save  Gary Lactus but when she accidentally unearths a bulked-up Beastman & Lactenberg prize for internet journalism, the entire future of the fully painted, polybagged galaxy is at stake!

<ITEM> Sone preambulatric discussion of Julian Cope and his Dr Doom gautlets, and the usual self-promotion before the boys head off to

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse, wherein Brass Sun, Ordinary, 2000AD, Superman, John Romita Jr, and Robert Kirkman’s The Outcast are discussed.

<ITEM> Wonderful wonderful wonderful technology steps in to sod everything up, and the podcast comes clanking to a halt. Oh dear! Let’s just say this is short and sweet. Like Ronnie Corbett covered in honey and Sugar Puffs.

Now pull up your scanties and stop doing it on the ants, and we’ll have a nice listen to…SILENCE!

Click to download SILENCE!#107

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

SILENCE! #106

June 24th, 2014

 

I’D LIKE TO THANK MY MOTHER, FOR INVENTING ROCK N’ ROLL

(Extract from Gary’s Diary – a SILENCE! Romance by Aubrey Wilteringfust)

Gary Lactus is a celestial, gigantic and opinionated podcast host from space. His life is going nowhere until he meets The Beast Must Die, a male model-like, hirsute man with a passion for graphique novels.

Gary takes an instant disliking to The Beast and the prestige formatted and fully painted ways he learnt during his years in the internet.

However, when a Dear Listener tries to destroy Gary, The Beast springs to the rescue. Gary begins to notices that The Beast is actually rather half-witted at heart.

But, the pressures of The Beast’s job as a toilet attendant leave him blind to Gary’s affections and Gary takes up comics to try an distract himself.

Finally, when polybag-wrapped audio pan-handler, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 , threatens to come between them, The Beast has to act fast. But will they ever find the SILENCE! love that they deserve?

<ITEM> Admin, admin, who wants admin?? Gary unleashes his and Roberty Boperty’s new superteam  The Gents, featuring Poo-Lord, Slash, HotRod, JizzWizzard, Airblade / Blowhard and The Freshener. THEN the Beast discusses Strontium Dog: The Movie.

<ITEM> Additional Quizzlertron content from listener Tam, so the boys tackle their favourite comic book violence, featuring Zenith, Simon Bisley, Lobo and The Walking Dead

<ITEM> Finally, the duo slip slide into The Reviewniverse and take on Simon Hanselmann’s Life Zone, The Wicked & The Divine, MPH, Original Sin, Batman Eternal, Silver Surfer, Thor: God of Thunder and TMNT: Turtles In Time. Plus Gary looks into the wonders of Marvel AR, the Beast has a rant about Spoiler, and their is a discussion of comic book movies including Turtles, Dick Tracy, Mario Bros, The Shadow and The Phantom.

NO MORE ITEMS. So get back to work you slovenly apes.

Click to download SILENCE!#106

Toodles.
Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

SILENCE! #104

June 10th, 2014

 

IT’S REALLY LAUGHABLE A HA HA HAHA HA

There’s an ingratiating new boy in SILENCE! and he has everybody talking. Stunningly hairy and devastatingly digital, all the boys want him. However, The Beast Must Die has a secret – he’s a disease-ridden vampire.

Gary Lactus is a smug, giant boy who enjoys comics. He becomes fascinated by The Beast Must Die who can stop graphic novels with his bare hands. He doesn’t understand why he’s so standoffish.

His best friend, a goonish unicorn called SILENCE!, helps Gary Lactus begin to piece together the puzzle. Together, they discover the ultimate weapon – the useless, informative podcast.

When bodies start turning up all over SILENCE!, Gary Lactus begins to fear the worst. The unicorn urges her to report The Beast Must Die to the police and he knows he should, so what’s stopping him?

He may resist The Beast Must Die’s bite, but can he resist his charms?

Will he be caught crying with the vampire?

Which is all a smoke screen to hide the fact that what you have basically a malnourished half-formed edition of SILENCE! this week due to the Beast’s utterly aggravating ongoing technical issues with his computer. Disembodied Natrraotrbot X-15735 could of course have a word with some of his more dubious digital connections and sort out the unlucky Beast, but really, where would be the fun in that?

You do get some content though, as he duo bravely answer some more listener questions and Gary tells us all about his dental work, but there’s no getting round the fact that we’ve failed you again dear listeners, despite your seemingly endless patience with us…go to the back of the class boys. Must. Do. Better.

Click to download SILENCE!#104

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

SILENCE! #103

June 2nd, 2014

 

STRUGGLING IN THE VORTEX, WITH MY JACKET MADE OF GORETEX

Today, for you smiling meatsax, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 will consult the great oracle DESREE to find for you the meaning of life. Speak oh great one:

“I don’t want to see a ghost
It’s a sight that I fear most
I’d rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news

Life, oh life, oh life, oh life
Doo, doo doo doo
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life
Doo, doo doo doo”

Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 agrees Desree, toast rather than ghost! ALWAYS! Who would want ghost? And Life IS doo doo doo isn’t it? You really nailed it. No more questions! ALL ANSWERED.

Now onto the latest edition of SILENCE! featuring 100% more The Beast Must Die, but with almost 100% less Bobsy. Same Gary Lactus content though. Just right, as Goldilocks said before she nicked all the porridge and those three vegetarian peace loving bears starved to death.

After a cursory admin session, The Beast talks about his upcoming Cindy & Biscuit art installation up in that bloody London. More details follow after the blurb.

[ITEM] The ‘lads’ answer some more listenoid quizzlers in their slackadaisical fashion. Worth the wait? YOU DECIDE! Amongst the answerage: Doop, bad comics by good creators, Grant Morrison’s Spawn, The Family Must Die, planet-shaped dinner, Heralds, Mighty Crusaders, The Secret Origin of Mindless Ones, Frank Miller, Give Me Liberty, Robo-Hunter, humorous comics, Saturday Night Live, 2000AD, The Studio, creating comics, How To Talk To Girls, drawing comics, Sklent, Greatest Stories Ever Told, Tharg’s Future Shocks, Terminus

[ITEM] A quick dip in the shimmering surf of the Reviewniverse with talk of Southern Bastards, Ordinary, Sparta USA, Titan Comics, MPH, Trees, Saga, Mighty Avengers, SILENCE! Shout out, Deadly Class, non-drowsy decongestants, Red Rover Charlie and a bit more too.

But wait…I have thought of another question.. all is not answered…do not forsake me oh Desree…ANSWER ME!!!!

Click to download SILENCE!#104

[AND NOW, A BONUS MESSAGE FROM THE BEAST]

Smiling friends

As some of you may already know, I have an installation at a local cafe in Walthamstow that will be up for the duration of the E17 Art Trail (curated by Brian Harvey – not). Cindy & Biscuit star in a strip produced specifically for the art trail, that incorporates the cafe itself into the narrative.
Here’s a teaser:
We will be holding a private view on Friday 6th June at the Arts & Crusts cafe from 7pm onwards. There’ll be some wine and beer, but bring along your own if you favour more adventurous tipples.
Please come along and join us – Carol and Andrew who run the cafe are lovely, and there are two other installations to view in and around the cafe. You can also experience the sights, smells and atmosphere of exotic Walthamstow.
It  would be lovely to see you there, so please come along, and bring whoever you like. The installation will be up for a month if not, so pop along at some point, have a coffee and enjoy.
The cafe’s website is here: http://artsandcrusts.wordpress.com/
Hope to see you there!
x

 

Click to download SILENCE!#101

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

SILENCE! #101

April 29th, 2014

 

NOW THAT’S A GOOD IDEA, SHE SAID SHE SAID

And what costume shall the poor Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 wear
To all tomorrow’s SILENCE?
A hand-me-down dress from who knows where
To all tomorrow’s  SILENCE

And where will Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 go and what shall Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 do
When SILENCE comes around?
Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 will turn once more to Sunday’s clown
And cry behind the door

Yes, it’s that time when the party goes sour, when the brave and the beautiful have gone home, or on to wilder more fabulous parties, and all that’s left is the desperate dregs and the too far gone. The man that no-one knows who smells of milk. The broken, the twisted and the boring. And Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die of course, sat in the corner pretending they have a podcast, shouting at the wall, laughing, singing idiotic jingles about imaginary people and talking, talking always talking.

Time to go home.

<ITEM> Admin time, with Batman Eternal, start at the middle, Hollyoaks vs Game of Thrones, Dinner Dance on Douglas Mountain, jingles and PREMIUM BONUS CONTENT.

<ITEM> The 100the anniversary self-congratulations continue with another gruelling session of The Quizzlertron! Think that scene in Clockwork Orange, but no-one’s wearing any clothes and there’s a lot more comics lying around. The ramblings include: Image comics jam session, De LA Soul’s Fallin, Judgement Night, Jack Kirby and Bernie Wrightson, The SILENCE Comic, Brightonandhove, The Secret Origin of Silence, Young Love, Fame, The Full Gronch, Penis Fancy Dress, Joe Sacco vs Frank Quitely HOTTTT, 2000AD Prog 626, Frank by Jim Woodring, Dave’s and Gosh, Micronauts, ROM, James Stokoe, The homo-eroticism of Johnny Alpha, the hunkiness of Rogue Trooper, Rob Liefield on Wireheads, Fantasy 2000AD, 21st Century Tank Girl Kickstarter, Geoff Darrow & Pat Mills on Flesh, Vincent D’Onofrio, Ryan Gosling, Claire Balding, Eric Stoltz, Steve Gerber, jack Kirby’s Fourth World, 1986, Little Nemo, Krazy Kat, Gleat, Machines taking over, and so very much more.

<ITEM> A brief dip into the Reviewniverse to talk about Evan Dorkin’s excellent Eltingville Club, then it’s home for tea and biscuits.

So stop grubbing aound those ashtrays looking for stub-ends, stop mine-sweeping those half-empty beercans, and plonk yourself down next to Milk guy for a nice listen to…SILENCE!

Click to download SILENCE!#101

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

SILENCE! is 100 YEARS OLD*

April 8th, 2014

 

That’s right gentle listeners – in lieu of any special content, nor even the slightest effort on their parts, those two feckless podders are turning to YOU to provide them with questions for their upcoming 100th wedding anniversary spectacular.

IN NO WAY is this a copy of what other more noble poddists have done when their anniversaries have come to pass. No sir! This is 100% original thought!

So please add your questions to the comments section, or if you’re too shy email us at silencepod@gmail.com. Or shout at us on twitter, whatever you fancy. Then we will answer these questions using our very limited abilities  as part of our Centennial mega-celebrations next week.

And if we don’t get any questions we’ll just makes some up and pretend they’re from f*cking Batman or something.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

*Of course we’re not 100 years old, dear listeners. It just feels like it. It is of course just the 100th episode of “the world’s worst podcast” (Stan Lee), so come join us next week, and spread the word.

SILENCE! #99

March 31st, 2014

 

YOU’VE GOTTA HOLD YOUR BREATH THERE, HARRY… YOU’VE GOTTA HOLD YOUR BREATH!

Well hello there weary travellers….well I gotta say you picked a HECK of a night to be driving around out there. We ain’t seen a storm this bad since the Verill boy went missing back in…oh but you don’t want to hear about that do ya? Lookit you all drenched to the bone. Rain like that, coming down like the whole sky tore open, you’d kinda swear we done something to make the universe angry. Say folks you didn’t do nothing to make the universe angry did ya…? Haw, I’m just messin’ with you people…my name’s Disembodied Ruralbot X-15735…come on in, dry off a piece and I’ll make us some country tea. What’s country tea? Why it’s a mite stronger than that fancy city tea you’se a probably used to drinkin…got some special ingredients if you catch my drift… Who that? Oh that’s just Mother, don’t you mind her. Why’s she staring at you like that? Oh she just don’t see too many folks is all. Just me and her up here…oh and Albert of course but he don’t come upstairs too often…MA! Quit licking your lips like that, these nice city people don’t want to see that…sorry bout that folks. Say, how’s that tea treating you? Pretty relaxing stuff huh? Well if you feel dizzy just take a seat there. Yep, right there in that seat. Those straps? Oh you pay them no attention. That’s just Pa’s old chair. Those were just to stop him thrashing around when he got…excited. Now you just relax and I’ll go and start making dinner? What we having? Never you mind folks, never you mind. I’ll just turn on this old radiogram and you and Ma can have a nice listen to the latest…SILENCE!

<ITEM> Some admin, gladmin and sadmin, and The Beast talks up his obsession with Samuel T Herring. Gary Lactus also does some self-promotion for his Fraser Geesin alter ego.

<ITEM> Reviewniverse sexy times with what can laughingly be called discussion of Empowered, Silver Surfer, Hellboy 20th Anniversary sampler, Deadly Class, Cyclops’ Regrets, The Dream Laureate, Sandman: Overture, Scientology, The Woodward & Bernstein of comics, Ghost Rider, Indestructible Hulk, The Wake, Iron Patriot, Star Slammers and more

<ITEM> No more items, just the end of the show which The Beast cocks up mightily

Now you look like your gettin’ mighty sleepy…just close your eyes, and have a little rest…

That scraping sound? Nothin for you folks to worry about…

Click to download SILENCE!#99

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

SILENCE! #98

March 27th, 2014

 

APE IN CAGE WITH WIRE CUTTERS

Okay I’ll come clean. It was me. It was me that dressed up as the glowing ghost and haunted that old mill. And, yes it was me that was behind the screaming skull that scared away all the visitors to the museum. Yes, AND it was me that created the banshee’s wails that kept all the prospectors away from the abandoned mine. I achieved it all with the use of lights, pulleys, fluorescent paints and the latest radiophonic special effects. I admit it. It was me, ME! Me, Disembodied Janitorbot X-15735. And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you PESKY LISTENERS!

<ITEM> There’s some top notch admin, with Gary Lactus’ new celebrity mate Christian ‘Chris’ Bale, Lena Dunham, and of course the ever loving sponsorships passing in the night

<ITEM> Welcome to the ReviewMovieverse with a special spoiler free review of Captain America: Winter Soldier, with a free ranging discussion of all superhero movies including Christopher ‘Chris’ Nolan’s Bat-trilogy, along with Gary’s grousing about the perils of 3D films and being a spacegod.

<ITEM> Then it’s on to the Reviewniverse proper with a championship bout of The Fuse, Anthony & The Johnston’s, Lou Reed Day, Tim Leopard & The Davison Era, Ms MArvel, Daredevil, Prophet, Action Comics, Rocket Girl, Sex Criminals, Archie, Josie & The Pussycats and a load more codswallop.

Now get back in your van, take that terrifying mutant dog, and that deranged drug addict with you and SCRAM!

Click to download SILENCE!#98

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

Click here for footnotes!

SILENCE! #97

March 18th, 2014

 

NO-ONE SAW THE CARNY GO…

It was a hot sticky day. The kind of day that makes dogs whine and men crazy. The moment she walked into my office I knew she was trouble..the kind of trouble spelt backwards if y’know what I mean? So..kind of elbuort..?.  I poured myself a stiff glass of the hard stuff, only to find it was a bit too stiff and hard. It smashed my glass. I got that glass from Bentley Wildfowl Museum goddamnit! Eyeballing her I saw that she had the kind of body that could drive a man wild. Luckily I’m Disembodied Gumshoebot X-15735 and it takes more than a red hot dame in a slinky dress to turn my dials…A ZX Spectrum in suspenders on the other hand?  She fluttered her eyelashes at me and asked me to light her smoke…I did it from across the room with my I-Beam and managed to set fire to her fur coat. I could tell it was going to be one of those days. Nothin’ left for it but to turn the fan up high, kick back and listen to the latest SILENCE!

<ITEM> After last week’s lumbering behemoth edition we hop into this week’s nippy little runaround with ‘classic’ combo meal The Beast Must Die & Gary Lactus.

<ITEM> Admin a-go-go with sponsorship, songs, Warwick Johnson Cadwell, Will Franken’s Things We Did Before Reality, Welcome to Night Vale, and *some* more…

<ITEM> A bold Julian Cope themed sing-a-long launches us into The Reviewniverse as the fancy boys tackle Beasts Of Burden, Hawkeye, Independence Days, Secret Avengers, Batman, Uber, Walking Dead, The Royals, Captain Marvel, Veil, All New X-Men, Superior Foes of Spiderman and more

<ITEM> The brief return of Larry Lactus & The Beast Must Dimbleby, and that’s your lot. What are you complaining about?

There are 10,000 stories in the naked city…this has been one of them. Could have had more nudity though.

Click to download SILENCE!#97

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

SILENCE! #96

March 15th, 2014

 

PACKED MY BAGS COS I’M  OUTTA HERE, MOMMA DON’T LOVE ME AND MY MOMMA DON’T CARE

OI! i bloody love of it I do innit yes bruv yes bruv COME ON! Disemobodied Britbot X-15735 bruv innit? Bloody love those old times when you got your meat ‘n’ 2 veg innit? Yes bruv. Old times. Good times innit bruv. When a man had his right old bloody knees up didn’t he bruv. Yes bruv.

We all did bruv.

Now here come a trio of wendys to talk a load of old comics nosh innit bruv. It only bloody is ‘n’ all! Cor! What bloody larks. LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAAAH!

Oo did? Only Gary Lactus, The Beast Must Die & special guest Bobsy all havin’ a right old time of it! GET IN.

<ITEM> It’s a bumper edition as the boyce go long due to Friday night drunkeness and guest star gobshoite Bobsy! The most chaotic indulgent admin ever? They barely manage to thank their sponsors the loathsome oiks! Too much HOTTT COMICS ACTION to waste time though as we take a cooling plunge into…

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse wherein in epically meandering but actually pretty good (or maybe I’m still drunk) chat , the trio suckle on Stray Bullets, Nemo: Rose of Berlin (featuring the ‘Alan Moore Has Turned Into Chris Claremont’ argument which will soon be canon), the wonderful Auteur, Afterlife With Archie, Jonathan Ross & The Hugos, The Big Woof, The Comic Relief Comic, The Bojeffires Saga, Starlight, Avengers Undercover, Saviors, Hawkeye, and much much more.

<ITEM> The naughty tricksters try to make Gary piss himself.

So have a right old bloody listen, you bunch of effing WENDYHOUSES! IT’S SILENCE! 96!!!

Click to download SILENCE!#96

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.