SILENCE! #291

March 30th, 2021

WELL THEY LOOK SO GOOD I WANNA EAT ‘EM, AND THEY TASTE SO GOOD i GET TO NEED ‘EM

Okay, I want you to split into two teams. Now you guys are the red team, and you guys are team two. Now, everyone in the blue team needs to split up into teams of one and practice the trust exercises I showed you earlier. Team One, I want you to elect a leader then shout any ideas that come into your head at them. There’s no bad ideas here, brown sky thinking but you have to do this in complete silence. Okay, now I want the green team to split into two groups then those groups who will be Team A and Team Seven. Those teams then need to split in two once more and those groups split in two again and agin until everyone is in Team Blood Red And Bisected Lying Dead On The Floor. I’m off to the staff room to watch pornography. And Richard? You write the blurb.

They said it could easily be done and they were right!  It’s SILENCE! #291!

<ITEM>Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die have both got into separate scrapes recently.  Listen to them tell you all about it in the new feature, SILENCE! Because The Internet’s A Prick!

<ITEM>SILENCE! (Because The Film’s Started). The Beast Must Die has seen a film and that film Justice League, The Snyder Cut.

<ITEM> Gary Lactus is now doing commissions so get in touch with him as he needs the money.

<ITEM>Come with us to Reviewniverse, with Pssst!, Kiss Of death by John Watkiss, The Eternals and Darker Image of course!

<ITEM>Buy Gary Lactus’ comics at frasergeesin.com.

<ITEM>Buy The Beast Must Die’s comics at milkthecat.wordpress.com.

@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

[email protected]

You can support us using Patreon if you like.

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

 

SILENCE! #290

February 28th, 2021

I ASKED THE ICE, IT WOULD NOT SAY BUT ONLY CRACKED OR MOVED AWAY

Daddy, I don’t want to write the blurb.
But you said you wanted to write the blurb.
I don’t want to write the blurb. I want to play with the train track.
Okay, I’ll set up the train track for you… There you go.
Daddy I don’t want to play with the train track.
But I just made the train track for you.
But I don’t want to play with the train track!
What do you want to do, then?
I want to write the blurb.

We said it would happen and here it is! SILENCE! 290!

<ITEM>Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die kick off this momentous recording with some of the finest chat on Earth, forged in the white hot heat of aimlessness then cooled in the pure waters of lockdown boredom then tempered with the hammer of pointlessness on the anvil of stretched metaphors. That is to say, they talk about John Cooper Clarke’s autobiography, I Wanna Be Yours, the Stan Lee biography, True Believer, Richard Herring’s Ball, King Rocker and Birds Of Prey.  Oh, and they totally forget to mention any sponsors but do remember to plug their new, Patreon-only podcast, Dan and Fraser’s Starlight Adventures!

<ITEM>BANG! AAAAARGH! Gary opens a Lorne Bomb!

<ITEM>Come with us to Reviewniverse, with Deadline, Keif Llama: Vectors, Huntress, Kraven The Last Hunt, Si Spencer and Grave Horticulture of course!

<ITEM>Listening time!


@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

[email protected]

You can support us using Patreon if you like.

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

 

SILENCE! #289

January 27th, 2021

THE GAME WILL NEVER BE OVER BECAUSE WE’RE KEEPING THE DREAM ALIVE

Oh my goodness gracious! Ugh! What’s that unholy stench? Oh, I see. It’s bloody Gary Lactus writing the blurb. Why’s HE writing the blurb? He’s crap at writing the blurb, (and he smells). Huh? It’s The Beast Must Die’s birthday?! And Gary’s special gift to his best pal is writing the blurb for him? Man, that’s a shit present! Is that literally all he’s doing for him? What a chundering arsehole! I’m glad I don’t have a “friend” like Gary Lactus.

Welcome dearest of listeners to the closest thing The Beast Must Die will get to a birthday Party. Here’s a special podcast for a very special boy.

<ITEM>There’a a luxuriously long preamble where your main characters talk merrily about Big Train, Look Around You and The Geesin Family OutputThe Lovecraft Investigations, The Beef And Dairy Network and  Petscop. Oh, and The Beast reviews Gary Lactus’s Journey To The Surface Of The Earth #2, still interminably available from FraserGeesin.com

<ITEM>Eventually they get round to talking about some comics.  What are those comics?  These are those comics:  Batman Annual #5, Judge Dredd: Crusade, Dog Man, Deathshead:  Body In Question and Jim.

<ITEM>As promised last week, The Beast takes Gary on the start of a choose-your-own adventure!  This could be the start of something beautiful.

<ITEM>Time to listen!


@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

[email protected]

You can support us using Patreon if you like.

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

 

SILENCE! #287

December 18th, 2020

 

DEEP BLUE, I VOTED YOU SPORTS PERSONALITY OF THE YEAR

“YOU THERE BOY! WHAT DAY IS IT?”
“It’s Christmas Day, sir!”
“Then there’s still time! Tell me, boy; is that fat goose still in the window of the butcher’s?”
“Yes, sir!”
“Then take this money and go buy it for Bob Cratchit and his family!”
“But it’s Christmas day, sir. The butcher’s is closed.”
“Oh… Then smash the window and grab the fat goose!”
“Sir, you DO know that it’s just a display fat goose? It’s the plastic one that’s there every year.”
“Why, you saucy urchin! Any more cheek from you and I’ll give you a thrashing! Now smash that window, grab the fat goose and take it to Bob Cratchit’s house!”
“Fuck off, mate!”

HOX3 Etc. Welcome to our very, very special December 18th episode of SILENCE! It’s like a scrooge convention in here. Come in, the water’s filthy and will probably give you dysentery.

After some moaning about everything (including the lack of interest in Gary’s own comic, Journey To The Surface Of The Earth), there’s some bigging up of the belated SILENCE! To Astonish cyber-panel at Digi-Thought Virtual-Bubble. Oh, and Gary Lactus has almost written a song for The Beast Must Die but not really.

The Reviewniverse beckons, covering James Stokoe’s Won Ton Soup, Elektra Assassin, Goddess, Wildcat, Green Arrow, We Only Find Them When They’re Dead, Havok and Wolverine: Meltdown, some Fred Egg comics and probably some other stuff.

After some final complaints it’s off you go, back to the rubbish timeline we all seem to be stuck in. Ugh!

 

 

@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

[email protected]

You can support us using Patreon if you like.

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

 

Welcome, Dear Listener to a life-changing podcast. After much persuasion of top agents and huge cash bribes to powerful guardians of access, Gary Lactus has secured the interview of the century with THE Danny Noble.

In this intimate and revealing chat we discover the amazing truth behind the creative genius behind the pencil case behind the drawing board of the wonderful Shame Pudding. Gary and Danny talk about all sorts of things as if they were actually friends! Thanks to Amy poodle and Zom for providing some of the questions. Listen now! You won’t believe what happened next!

 

 
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

[email protected]

You can support us using Patreon if you like.

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

 

SILENCE! #279

May 6th, 2020

I FORGOT IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN SLOW DIAGONAL I FORGOT I FORGOT

Take that bit there, the thin bit… that’s righ, Now pull it towards you whilst twisting it. NO! ANTI-CLOCKWISE! Sorry, didn’t mean to shout but you could have blown us all up there… okay, now take the round thing and clip it onto the end using the square thing. That’s it, you’ve got a blurb!

Hey! Do you have a mind? Well not for long because Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die are going to blow it with another issue of SILENCE! Just how are they going to do that? With a series of items of course!

<ITEM> Some initial chat to lull you into a false sense of security. “How are you?” “I’m fine.” That sort of thing.

<ITEM> BANG! The thing you least expected! Gary Lactus has watched a film and tells you about it in an explosive SILENCE! (Because the Film’s Started). The film he’s seen is The Illumination of Jim Woodring.

<ITEM> With a head still swimming, the boys stamp on what’s left of your brains by holding your head down the Reviewniverse then flushing Rogue Trooper: Cinnabar, Thriller, Love and Rockets and Jason Shiga’s Meanwhile all over it.

<ITEM> A polite wind-up chat to bring you to your senses. “Any plans for the weekend?” “No.” That sort of thing.

Dare you listen?

@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

[email protected]

You can support us using Patreon if you like.

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

 

THEY’RE BACK!

After an incredible eight-and-a-half year break, Fraser Geesin‘s hilarious comedy creations that defined a generation are back to make your sides explode so violently that the atoms of your ribs will be scattered beyond space, time and thought whilst you piss yourself with a laser-sharp yellow jet of endless, mirthful urine at a pressure so high it will cut the Earth in two.

 


 
Why not look further into the incredible mind of Fraser Geesin, maybe even give him some money by buying some of his products or simply bask in his seemingly endless genius then weep tears of sexual thunder as your soul is upgraded from the disgusting cesspool it was before you visited FraserGeesin.com.

In the beginning there was the word. Prior to that there was the introduction. Since the dawn of time immemorial began throughout history, the introduction has introduced readers to stories that have introduced us to the power of stories. What dark truths lie in the stories we tell our children? Powerful, dark truths that’s what. Hadn’t thought about that had you? You’re welcome.

Neil Gaiman
East Grinstead
April 1988

It is my pleasure and honour to introduce this podcast by my good friend The Beast Must Die. When I was introduced to The Beast Must Die as a schoolboy, little did I know that 30 years later I would be introducing his Magnum opus. This podcast will introduce the lister to The Beast’s unique relationship to introductions, covering curated TV broadcasts of films such as Alex Cox‘s introductions to Movie Drome and what introductions meant to him as a youngster reading graphic novels for the first time. He goes on to cover Alan Moore‘s introduction to The Dark Knight Returns, Pat Mills‘ introduction to the Titan edition of Nemesis Book 7 by Mills himself and John Hicklenton, Zenith Book 2 introduced by Grant Morrison, Frank Miller‘s introduction to Batman Year One, Morrison’s introduction to Peter Milligan and Duncan Fegredo’s Enigma and Milligan’s introduction to Morrison’s Invisibles.
Oh yes, and Neil Gaiman‘s dominance in the world of introductions. So, without further ado, I invite you to “hey listen” to the master scholar of all that comes before everything.

Gary Lactus
North Portslade
April 2020

@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

[email protected]

You can support us using Patreon if you like.

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

 

SILENCE! #277

April 18th, 2020

HOLY HECK! WHAT THE FUN IS THAT?! PARDON MY FRENCH BUT WHAT THE ACTUAL FUN IS THAT?! THERE! UP THERE! LOOK!! IT’S DOWN THERE TOO! IT’S… IT’S… BLURB!!!!

Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die are back together, just like the good old days, talking over Skype, drinking beer, and being total legends forever cruising down the highway until they crash into the Sun and the sky explodes!

<ITEM> Talking! Covid 19, crumpets, Closed comic shops, the collapse of television, lunch and dinner and The Beast has seen the sci-fi horror, Await Further Instructions.

<ITEM> Come with us to Reviewniverse and hear tell of Steed and Mrs. Peel, Modesty Blaise, Punisher: Soviet, Green Arrow: The Longbow Hunters, Jimmy Olsen, Ilya’s second collection of his End Of The World Club strips, Timewarp and a whole lotta diverging chat about revisionism, the death of Gary Lactus and bladders.

<ITEM> The end of the episode

<ITEM> Hey listen!

@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

[email protected]

You can support us using Patreon if you like.

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.