Mindless Ones

Click here to read the rest of the run

And so ends our second story arc. We don’t have a wait for the trade philosophy round here so enough gets answered that it’s a satisfying conclusion, but we leave enough shit dangling to keep you coming back for the mega-story. If you’ve been following us since the beginning you’ll be used to all the weird tonal shifts by now and this episode’s absolutely no exception. I gather Morrison’s going to be using Professor Pyg in his new Batman book so as of now this stuff is officially NOT CANON. Not unless Grant secretly loves this non-run and plays along, which I doubt. I’m playing in his sandpit afterall. And, of course, that’s been one of the themes of this arc.  Seriously, though, in some ways I’ve, completely naively, started to feel as though these characters belong to me, and it does sting a bit to be reminded that they absolutely don’t, so forgive me if I feel a little sad. I’m looking forward to Morrison’s new bat-arc as much as anyone, but it’s a shame to see *my* Robin relegated to a pile of bad guys for Batman to beat on.

And that’s the other thing: I suppose by this time it’s become clear that this book is as much about Alice Dodgeson as it is about Damian Wayne. I think I always saw 666 as a team effort, but that doesn’t mean I’m not aware that Damian really needs some time to shine on his own and I’ve factored that into my future plans, so hopefully I’m heading off any complaints some of you might have at the pass. Though I’ll also be spending some issues focusing really closely on some of the supporting cast too, one of whom may come as something of a surprise. These last two arcs have really been about world building and setting the scene both tonally and narratively for what comes afterwards. So, sure, they’re overflowing with crazy vehicles, virtual reality, lynchian conceits and toy guns, maybe to the point of overkill, but now it’s all firmly lodged in place, I can take my hands off the throttle a bit and Nu Gotham can relax into a different kind of pace.

So anyway, let’s forget about all that for now and join Batman and Robin as they face down the combined might of the Black Rabbit and Action Figure. One last time before the continuity hounds start screaming Elseworlds!’

PAGE 1

Everything on this page is drawn and coloured like an early to mid eighties kid’s cartoon. Simple line work. Blocky colours that don’t stay within the line. I want the characters to have a staunch, heroic demeanour, like Thundercats or Autobots. These guys are the stars of the cartoon.

PANEL 1

From the front. A light green and purple porsche, a lot like a toy car, races along the road, tyres burning into the tarmac as it squeals round a corner.

CAP: (like an eighties computer readout) MEANWHILE….

SPEECH BUBBLE: (from inside car) IF YOU’D ONLY FOLLOWED MY DIRECTIONS!

(2): CAN’T YOU GO ANY FASTER?

PANEL 2

Inside the car. As sci-fi as anything we’ve seen previously, but a bit on the old skool side. LED readouts, a bit button heavy, vector graphic display of the road, that kind of thing. There’s an intercom inserted in the black leather dash by the steering wheel and through it the car’s communicating with the driver who reclines, hands off the wheel.

The driver is the action figure killer we saw in issue 6.

His expression is steely and urgent. A grim hero. There’s an emergency. Time is of the essence.

CAR: I GO ANY FASTER MY ENGINE’LL BLOW AND YOU’LL HAVE TA CARRY ME!

PANEL 3

Match on shot, but….  Back to reality (no toon visuals in this panel). The interior now seems to be made out of a funny mixture of plastic and, well, SKIN (the flesh around the buttons in the dash appears especially raw), the seats are covered in what looks like human hair and as for the intercomm device… It’s an articulated human face filled with servos, like one of those scrunchy plastic face hand puppets we played with as children. Its eye sockets are hollow, as are its mouth and nasal cavities. A mask.

Action figure himself has the same dead expression we saw in ish 6. His skin’s shiny, enamelled. His mouth moves like a puppet’s. We can see the points of articulation.

CAR: (weary and wheezing looking, as though it’s coming from a corpse) HOW’D…YA LIKE TA CHANGE YA NAME TA “TRACTION-FIGURE“?

ACTION FIGURE: EVERY SECOND COUNTS, MAN-MOBILE!

(2): WE HAVE TO GET BACK TO BASE AND WARN THE OTHERS BEFORE THE BATMAN MARSHALS HIS FORCES!

PANEL 4

Small panel. Back to toonland. Close up on intercomm.

MAN-MOBILE: HEY, RELAAAX, DOME HEAD!

(2): I DON’T NEED NO COCKAMAMIE DIRECTIONS…

PANEL 5

The porsche bursts through a metal fence.

MAN-MOBILE: ‘CAUSE I KNOW ALL THE SHORTCUTS!

PAGE 2

PANEL 1

Splash.This page is split down the middle. One side depicts reality from inside the cartoon, the other outwith it, though it’s all the same image, divided. In the cartoon part the porsche is skidding to a halt outside a high-tech silver fortress, perhaps reminiscent of that transformer Metroplex in city mode, the sun rising behind it all pink and gorgeous. The second half of the page reveals a dirty unkept lot, the same dingy garage we saw last time and a porsche made out of bone, bolted onto skin. The tyres are muscle and the windscreens are made of nail. We might even be able to make out the cuticle The light is weaker – wan – here.

The title banner travels across the whole of the bottom of the page. One half of the Infesticons logo heading it is cleaned up and gleaming, but the part that travels into the other half is rotted and infested like the logo we saw in #5. The rest of the title reads like the ‘meanwhile’ cap at the beginning.

MAN-MOBILE: SO COOOOOL YA BOOTS!

(2): INFESTICONS HQ COMIN’ RIGHT UP!

TITLE BANNER: INFESTICONS! NIGHT OF THE BATMAN! PART 4 – DOLLMAKER

PANEL 2

Small. In corner of page. Close on Action figure looking all tragic and noble, the sun glinting meaningfully off his visor.

ACTION FIGURE: EVEN NOW OUR ENEMIES CONSPIRE AGAINST US!

PAGE 3

PANEL 1

Robin suspended in the golden water, her back to us. In front of her the Black Rabbit has transformed into something like this

towering over her small body.

CAP: I ONLY PRAY WE ARE NOT TOO LATE!

ROBIN: OH MY.

(2): YOU’RE.

(3): YOU’RE…

PAGE 4

PANEL 1

Judah in the cave, kneeling on the floor and cradling Puppy in his arms. She clings to him while he apologogises profusely. His expression one of deep regret.

JUDAH: (foreign) …BEAUTIFUL.

(2): (small. Whispering) I’M SORRY IF I HURT YOU BACK THERE. YOU WERE…..

(3): HOW COULD I KNOW?

PANEL 2

Low shot. Batman stands over him, all business.

BATMAN: HOW IS SHE?

PANEL 3

Judah strokes the girl’s hair. She stares up at him. Is that fear? She’s totally infantalised.

JUDAH: FRIGHTENED. OBVIOUSLY.

(2): SHE KEEPS REPEATING THE SAME THINGS OVER AND OVER.

(3): THEY SOUND LIKE COMMAND WORDS. ‘SIT‘, ‘STAY’, ‘KILL’. LIKE THAT. MY ROMANIAN’S NOT GREAT.

PANEL 4

Close on Batman looking thoughtful.

BATMAN: AT LEAST ONE OF US SPEAKS IT.

(2): WE NEED TO FIND OUT MORE ABOUT WHO DID THIS TO HER, AND MOTHER NEVER DID SPEND MUCH TIME IN EASTERN EUROPE.

(3): IF SHE WAS MIDDLE EASTERN OR…

JUDAH: I THINK MAYBE WE SHOULD PUT THE RETRIBUTION THING ON HOLD.

PANEL 5

Judah takes off his goggles. He sounds irritated at the top of the page, but by the time the speech bubble travels down as far as his face he looks worried.

JUDAH: KEEPING HER CALM AND MAKING HER FEEL SAFE IS OUR NUMBER ONE PRIORITY RIGHT…

(2): (small) UH…

PAGE 5

PANEL 1

Cartoony again now. Bats glares down at him.

JUDAH: (still small) Um, exactly how many languages do you speak, Batman? Your intonation’s really interesting and your turn of phrase…

BATMAN: THREE HUNDRED. A THIRD OF THEM EXTRATERRESTRIAL.

PANEL 2

Normalcy resumes. Batman clasps his furrowed brow. Judah suddenly appears really interested in Puppy’s well being again.

BATMAN: LOOK, ULTRA-BEAST, OR WHATEVER IT IS, IF I’M RIGHT THIS CHILD IS THE VICTIM OF SUPERHUMAN, ARISTOCRATIC, DIPLOMATICALLY IMMUNE HUMAN SLAVERS.

(2): SHE WON’T BE THE FIRST OR THE LAST POOR LITTLE EASTERN EUROPEAN GIRL TO FALL INTO THEIR CLUTCHES, SO FORGIVE ME IF I APPEAR HEARTLESS ONLY THERE’S A BIGGER PICTURE TO CONSIDER HERE.

JUDAH: SIR.

PANEL 3

Alfred appears at Batman’s feet, eager to please. Judah gets up, carrying Puppy.

BATMAN: BUT YOU’RE RIGHT. SHE NEEDS TO REST.

(2): ALFRED!

ALFRED: MRRWWWP!

BATMAN: SHOW MR. RUNNING DOG HERE TO THE GUEST ROOMS, SEE TO ACE AND PREP THE DODGEM.

PANEL 4

The rabbit circles Robin like a wolf. She turns to look at it, unconcerned.

CAP: I CAN’T IMAGINE ROBIN’LL BE MUCH LONGER UP THERE.

THE BLACK RABBIT: (two speech bubbles overlapped. One normal. One white text on black, transparent) AH, BUT HOW TO KILL YOU?

(2): YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS CAN FLIT IN AND OUT OF THIS SHELL, CAN’T IT? YOUR BODY IS ONLY A NEST.

THE BLACK RABBIT: BUT I CAN FOLLOW YOU ANYWHERE. WHEREVER YOU GO I’LL FIND YOU.

ROBIN: OH, SILLY RABBIT…

PAGE 6

PANEL 1

Robin looking all breezy and cheerful. She reaches out, seemingly to pet him. The rabbit is taken aback for a moment.

THE BLACK RABBIT: PARDO..

ROBIN: DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND? WE INVITED YOU HERE.

(2): BATMAN WANTS US TO GET COSY WITH EACH OTHER.

THE BLACK RABBIT: NO…

PANEL 2

The rabbit rears up, his face turning into a skull. Black flame curls into the water all around. Robin claps delightedly.

THE BLACK RABBIT: IT IS YOU WHO FAILS TO UNDERSTAND! I WILL CRUCIFY YOU ON ENDLESSLY BARBED TORTURE-ALGORITHMS, I WILL…

ROBIN: COME, SHUSH NOW.

PANEL 3

She reaches out again and puts her hand to the rabbit’s forhead, which lights up red like a button being pressed. He pulls away.

ROBIN: I WASN’T TALKING TO YOU TWO.

THE BLACK RABBIT: (starts to talk in multicoloured zeroes and ones) 111110000000001010101010111110

PANEL 4

Close on Robin’s face. Concentrating.

ROBIN: RIGHT THEN.

PANEL 4

Cartoony. Close on the rabbit. He’s disarmed and reverted to his normal mode. His mouth hangs open.

ROBIN: ANYONE FOR CHESS?

PAGE 7

PANEL 1

Tiny panel of white noise.

SFX: SKKRSH!

PANEL 2

Cut to Lady Matilda in a prison cell, sat on the edge of her bed, drooling.

PANEL 3

Prison guard letting a handsome young man dressed in a slightly tweedy but very well tailored suit into the room.

PANEL 4

He helps Matilda up.

PANEL 5

He helps her down the corridor out of the prison section. There’s a red carpet on the floor and it’s strewn with flowers.

PAGE 8

PANEL 1

A pink helicopter waits for them in the road outside the prison. A servant holds the door open for Matilda and the young man. The carpet and the flowers extend all the way to the door.

PANEL 2

She’s helped aboard.

PANEL 3

It takes off.

PANEL 4

Tiny panel of white noise.

SFX: KRSKRSH!

PANEL 5

Cartoon. Aerial shot of Action Figure pacing a stage in the heart of Infesticons HQ, with a holo-screen depicting Batman’s face looking menacing behind him. Everything’s chrome and gold. Standing directly behind him is a red optimus prime knock off but purple and white, and beside him is an all white, luke skywalker lookalike. All sorts of Toy people stand in the audience in what is a packed auditorium. You don’t need to go that heavy on the detail here because saturday morning cartoons and the comics that were based on them  always looked a bit scrappy and that’s the feeling I want. The characters that populated the background in scenes like this were often drawn in a perfunctory and generic style, so don’t give yourself a headache.  All that it’s essential you convey is that Action Figure’s whipping up the troops.

PAGE 9

PANEL 1

The crowd raise their fists in the air, led by Action Figure on the stage. They’re ready for war.

PANEL 2

Another tiny panel of white noise.

SFX: KRRSH!

PANEL 3

Cartoon still. Robin walking down stairs leading to the batcave, where Batman waits for her. She’s going with the  rockabilly look today. Her hair tied back in a ponytail, a studded black leather jacket with an old school Robin ‘R’ badge on it,  red framed horn-rimmed glasses with a winged shape to them, a long flared red dress with gold polka dots and green cowboy boots.

BATMAN: ..OU ALL SET?

ROBIN: YEAH. JUST NEED TO GIVE THE RIDE A COUPLE OF MINUTES.

(2): HE’S ACCLIMATISING.

PANEL 3

Normal now. They stroll through the cave past all the weird memorabila, including what looks like a framed Batman board game

BATMAN: HOW DID IT GO?

ROBIN: IT WASN’T LIKE PLAYING CHESS AT ALL. MORE LIKE REALLY COMPLEX, IMPROVISED CODE.

(2): SOMEONE DID A REAL NUMBER ON HIM.

(3): I HAVEN’T SEEN A SLAVED ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE LIKE THAT SINCE THANAGAR, REMEMBER?

PANEL 4

Robin looks at Batman appealingly. She’s part machine too.

ROBIN: IT MAKES ME SICK. HIS MIND WAS SLICED IN TWO.

(2): I MEAN, THAT’S ABUSE, RIGHT?

PANEL 5

They’re heading towards the end of the gangway. What looks like a small dodgem car sits on a tiny piece of track suspended above an abyss.

BATMAN: A SERVITOR MISSILE? I THOUGHT SO. THEY’RE SO…. UNRELENTING.

(2): YOU DON’T SEE MANY OF THEM AROUND THESE PARTS.

(3): WHOEVER PUT OUR FURRY FRIEND TOGETHER COULDN’T RISK HIM BECOMING SELF AWARE. TOO DANGEROUS.

PAGE 10

PANEL 1

Batman boards the bat-dodgem. We’ve seen it before. The tiny pod thing in #666. Robin stands on the edge of the gangway. You don’t want to think about the drop.

BATMAN: PROBABLY WENT AWOL DURING ONE OF THOSE ALIEN INVASIONS YEARS BACK. IT WASN’T ONLY BRUCE AND LEXCORP WHO MANAGED TO SALVAGE THE FALLOUT FROM ALL THAT NONSENSE.

ROBIN: YEAH.

(2): HOWEVER THE QUESTION REMAINS…

PANEL 2

Robin cocks an eyebrow.

ROBIN: IS OUR AI BIGGER THAN THEIR AI?

PANEL 3

They turn.

OFF PANEL VOICE: (multi coloured and shimmering) INDUBITABLY MISS ROBIN.

PANEL 4

The black Rabbit, who should now be called the rainbow rabbit (only I like the irony), shimmering like his text, waits, floating in the air above the dynamic duo. He’s in full attack mode like before, but now he has car doors built into his sides and a small cockpit with a windscreen set into his back. He addresses Robin, a smile playing on his lips.

THE BLACK RABBIT: GETTING ONBOARD?

PAGE 11

PANEL 1

She does so. The rabbit continues.

THE BLACK RABBIT: I CAN’T THANK YOU ENOUGH, MADAM. IT WAS LIKE TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF TWO FILMS RUNNING AT THE SAME TIME.

(2): ONLY THEY WEREN’T FILMS. THEY WERE SELVES.

PANEL 2

Robin straps herself in.

ROBIN: WELL YOU’RE WHOLE AGAIN NOW.

(2): AND AS FOR THANKS, DO YOU THINK YOU CAN PUT THOSE OMEGA-CLASS SCANNERS TO GOOD USE,  SNIFF OUT THAT FACTORY AND HELP US KICK ITS ASS ALL THE WAY BACK TO 1985?

THE BLACK RABBIT: WITH PLEASURE.

PANEL 3

She applies some red lipstick.

ROBIN: JUST WHAT I’VE ALWAYS WANTED, A RABBITMOBILE OF MY VERY OWN….

ROBIN: NO JUDAH?

BATMAN: (off panel) HE’S BUSY. SORRY.

(2): BUT ALICE…

PANEL 4

Batman looks up at her smiling.

BATMAN: DON’T WORRY. YOU LOOK AMAZING.

PANEL 5

She beams back, grasping the rabbit’s ears like handlebars.

ROBIN: SO DO YOU, BATMAN.

(2): YOU READY?

PAGE 12

PANEL 1

They fire off into the darkness. Batman trailing blue, Robin a rainbow.

PANEL 2

Cartoony again.

Cut to the same fortress we saw earlier with Infesticons bravely manning its ramparts. Think the Two Towers, only with a weirder cast. Far below them, The field of battle is a silver plain.

CAP: SO, BOSS, GOT A HANDLE ON HOW THIS ACTION FIGURE SET UP WORKS?

CAP: IT’S ANYONE’S GUESS.

CAP: BY POSING AS A LEGITIMATE BUSINESS AND SELLING INFECTED BODYPARTS AND MATERIALS TO GENUINE PRODUCTION LINES?

PANEL 3

Action Figure presses a button.

CAP: MAYBE EVEN EXCRETING GOLEM-DRONES, LIKE THE ONE WE SAW EARLIER, AND SLOWLY COLONISING A LABOUR FORCE.

PANEL 4

The Fortress transforms.  I would include images, but you can find references all over the web should you need them.

CAP: I’M SURE IT HAS HUNDREDS OF WAYS OF REPLICATING ITSELF. PERHAPS THE RAID ALL THOSE YEARS AGO WAS ITS ATTEMPT TO BREED WITH MEN AND WOMEN.

CAP: WAS THERE EVER A KIMBERLY TOYAMA?

PANEL 5

It’s now packing  laser cannons, missile launchers and ion cannons – all that crap – and a smiling, white and green robot face has appeared on one of its towers. One thing though – inspite of the kiddy friendly atmposphere, there’s a few too many guns on this thing. It bristles – a smiling murder machine.

CAP: AS FOR MOTIVATION….

CAP: IT’S ITS FATHER’S CHILD. YOUR GUESS IS AS GOOD AS MINE. JUST GET YOURSELF READY FOR SOME HIGH WEIRDNESS.

CAP: COOL.

PAGE 13

PANEL 1

Batman and Robin burst through a window in the air into the street. Amazed public and motorists. It’s another beautiful green, yellow, purple and pink night in Gotham City.

ROBIN: I ALWAYS WANTED TO MEET THE JOKER.

PANEL 2

Batman dodges round the side of a school bus, the rabbitmobile charges along its side. The kids are loving it. The teachers look concerned.

PANEL 3

Aerial shot. Aparo bridge. A throwback from old Gotham connecting two halves of the city. I suppose it’s not that different from the golden gate bridge, but made of black iron and festooned with gargoyle motifs. Bats zips through the traffic before anyone knows what’s happening or can swerve out of the way.  The rabbit races through the air.

CAP: IS THIS THING ON?

PAGE 14

PANEL 1

Robin, her ponytail coming loose and whipping in the wind, looks down at Batman. They laugh with each other at all the fun they’re having.

CAP: BEFORE WE GET DOWN TO BUSINESS, I WANT TO CLEAR UP ANY MISUNDERSTANDINGS YOU MIGHT HAVE ABOUT WHAT IT MEANS TO BE BATMAN.

PANEL 2

The bridge is clearer here, and the rabbit and the dodgem are now racing along side to side. The rabbit sends out some tendrils from its side, grasping at the other vehicle in an attempt to fuse them together.

CAP: TO BEGIN WITH, DIFFERENT TIMES CALL FOR DIFFERENT MEASURES.

CAP: WHEN MY FATHER STARTED HIS CRUSADE, ALL IT TOOK WAS SOME SMOKE BOMBS AND A TOUCH OF NINJA TRICKERY TO PUT THE FEAR OF GOD INTO GOTHAM’S CRIMINALS.

PANEL 3

Close on Robin, directing her steed into the sky.

CAP: BUT BACK THEN HE WAS DEALING WITH A FEW COSTUMED LUNATICS ON A HOLLYWOOD BUDGET.

CAP: NOTHING LIKE TODAY.

PANEL 4

Cartoon again (in fact everything’s cartoony from this point on unless I state otherwise). The rabbit bounds into the air above the bridge. Batman’s dodgem’s now a sidecar. We have lift off.

PANEL 5

Inset. Smaller. A glimmering light heading towards the clouds.

PAGE 15

PANEL 1

Large panel. THOOM! The rabbit lands, cracking the earth beneath it and sending Infesticons flying.

SFX: THOOM!

PANEL 2

Robin leaps out of the cockpit as it seals up, and guns, like sci-fi flowers, fan out of the rabbit’s back and haunches. Batman’s programming something into the sidecar, his face illuminated by it’s green readout display. In the foreground, up in the ramparts, Action figure directs the attack.

ACTION FIGURE: ATTAAAAAACK!

CAP: TODAY GOTHAM HAS BECOME A NEON DRENCHED DUMPING GROUND FOR ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING THAT GOES BUMP IN THE NIGHT.

CAP: ASTRAL AND OFF WORLD MIGRANTS.

CAP: VAST EMPIRES SPANNING VIRTUAL CONTINENTS.

PANEL 3

Close on Batman hitting a virtual green button on the display. The display itself shows a simplified version of the Infesticon fortress and  a what looks like a small blue bat-pac man tracing a zig-zagging line through it. Underneath the display are the words ‘TRAJECTORY CONFIRMED’.

CAP: AN URBAN RESEARCH LAB TEST-RUNNING TECHNOLOGIES SO ADVANCED MOST PEOPLE COULDN’T BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND THEIR FUNCTION, LET ALONE THEIR CAPABILITIES.

PAGE 16

PANEL 1

Batman watches as the dodgem fires itself like a zigzagging bullet through the Infesticons, who topple like dominoes as it speed blurs into their oncoming army and up into the ramparts, smashing through metal and plastic and shattering one of the HQ’s balconies.

CAP: CRIMINALS ARE NO LONGER THE “SUPERSTITIOUS, COWARDLY LOT” OF MY FATHER’S JOURNALS. STREET LEVEL HEROICS CAN BE LEFT TO THE POLICE.

CAP: BATMAN AND ROBIN ARE ON THE FRONTLINES OF A DIFFERENT KIND OF CONFLICT.

PANEL 2

Robin looks at the Black Rabbit, grinning evilly at him.

ROBIN: OUR TURN.

PANEL 3

He starts blasting at the purple, white and green swarm. His energy blasts are like wreaths of electric ivy. Robin charges into the fray. I want the feeling that they’ve disturbed an anthill. That, inspite of their being physically outmatched, the Infesticons may be able to win the day just by sheer force of numbers.

ROBIN: (angry and jagged) DESTROY THEM!

PAGES 17 & 18

PANEL 1

Splash. Manmobile and two other vehicles, a cool looking, gun-ridden motorbike and a helicopter launch themselves from the fortress’s docking bays. Action figure blasts at his foes with his arm cannons as his army, fire-swords flashing and rayguns blasting, join the fray. Robin bowls into the Infesticons, sending three of them flying, while Batman wrestles with a mean looking He-man knock off. The rabbit fires its guns at the towers. There’s just so many Infesticons, it’s a bit sickening. They’re like insects. All out bedlam. And totally unbelievable. One of those really dodgy, hackish fight scenes.

The caps in  this page direct the reader around the action. I’ll indicate where they go, if they need to be placed somewhere specific.

MANMOBILE: FOR NAPIERNIA!

CAP: YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT WAS UNLEASHED ON THE CITY THIS WEEKEND?

CAP: (by the Black Rabbit) A DOWNED ALIEN SMARTBOMB LOST IN A CHILD’S STORY.

CAP: (by Action Figure) AND THE FIRST HIGH LEVEL, ARTIFICIAL PLAGUE-INTELLIGENCE THIS PLANET HAS EVER SEEN, CONJURED IN THE WORKSHOPS OF ITS MOST DANGEROUS MADMAN.

CAP: IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING IT’S JUST AS INSANE AND HOMICIDAL AS HE WAS.

CAP: WE’RE A WORLD AWAY FROM BLACK MASK AND TWO FACE HERE.

PANEL 2

These panels travel along the bottom of the page.

A mini-missile bursts from Batman’s glove and explodes two advancing Infesticons as he dodges the He-man figure’s swiping sword. In the background the Rabbit bites an Infesticons head off, while another one leaps on his back.

BATMAN: THERE’S SO MANY OF THEM!

PANEL 2

The ground around Robin is strafed with bullets from the copter. She claps her hands and the shockwave sending Infesticons reeling.

ROBIN: WHEN DID IT FIND THE TIME OR THE RESOURCES TO BUILD AN ARMY?

PANEL 3

Robin waits, fists clenched for the next wave. The Infesticon horde churns in front of her.

PANEL 4

Closer on them. A swaying mass of weird toys.

PANEL 5

A brief snap back to reality. Match on shot, but this time the Infesticons aren’t massing metres away, but tiny and swarming over a piece of old brick lying on the floor of an industrial wasteland, right by Robin’s foot. The upturned insect nest from earlier. Many of them now have mandibles, probocis and insect wings, as if they’re built out of bugs.

PANEL 6

Cartoon again. Robin wrenches herself back from the vision. The battle continues around her. The infesticons are giant killer toys again.

ROBIN: URRGH!

PAGE 19

PANEL 1

Batman finishes off the He-man knock off with a right hook. Robin is nearly buried under the plastic monsters, but she’s stopped fighting, instead she looks puzzled.

BATMAN: ACTION FIGURE!

Robin: (small) ….THIS IS SO DUMB.

PANEL 2

Close on Batman, clenching his teeth along with his raised fist and shouting at Action Figure. He looks strangely, well, villainous and frightening. His costume is black and his eyes are red.

BATMAN: YIELD!

CAP: GOTHAM HAS ALWAYS BEEN A NEXUS FOR THE MARVELLOUS AND THE STRANGE. THE LAST OUTPOST BEFORE TOMORROW.

CAP: AND THE BAT IS STILL A FITTING TOTEM FOR A CITY BALANCED PRECARIOUSLY ON REALITY’S TWILIT EDGE.

PANEL 3

Robin is piled on. As is the rabbit.

ACTION FIGURE: (off panel) NEVER! YOU WILL NEVER DESTROY US, EVIL ONE!

CAP: THE ONLY QUESTION IS: WHICH WAY WILL IT TIP?

PANEL 4

Batman notices what going on as Infesticons swarm around him.

BATMAN: ROBIN?!?

PANEL 5

He screams.

BATMAN: NO!

PAGE 20

PANEL 1

Normalcy resumes. POV shot. Robin stands over Batman, tugging at his sleeve, abject concern in her eyes. Is he lieing down?

ROBIN: BATMAN.

CAP: BEHIND THE SCENES A WAR IS BEING WAGED. DIFFERENT FACTIONS ARE VIEING FOR CONTROL OVER GOTHAM’S DESTINY.

PANEL 2

Cut to Batman strapped to a rusty conveyor belt.  Ancient, clanking machinery paused in the action of swallowing him yawns  a few inches from his head. Is that the Joker’s face? Are those teeth? There’s nothing hi-tech here, though, just dust and cobwebs. It’s dark. Robin begins unstrapping him, The rabbit by her side.

BATMAN: (coming out of it – a mite unsteady)…ROBIN?

ROBIN: DON’T WORRY.

(2):HORRIBLE THING HAD US ALL GOING FOR A SECOND.

CAP: THE SENSEI’S ATTACK WAS THE LATEST SORTIE IN THE CAMPAIGN TO TRANSPORT THIS CITY TO THE NEXT WORLD. HE CALLED IT ‘HEAVEN’, OTHERS CALL IT WONDERLAND.

CAP: EVEN NOW ITS GENERALS ARE DRAWING UP THEIR INVASION PLANS. GAMING STRATEGIES AND FINAL SOLUTIONS.

PANEL 3

She explains as Batman sits up, rubbing his eyes.

CAP: BUT YOU KNOW ALL ABOUT THAT DON’T YOU?

ROBIN: IT WANTED US TO BELIEVE IT REPRESENTS THE “TATTERED REMNANTS OF A DOOMED CIVILIZATON FROM ANOTHER GALAXY ENGAGED IN A HEROIC, LAST DITCH BATTLE FOR SURVIVAL“.

CAP: YOU’VE GOT TO LAUGH. IT’S ESCHATOLOGY VIA SATURDAY MORNING CARTOONS.

PANEL 4

Batman grins ruefully at Robin.

BATMAN: AND WHAT WERE YOU DOING WHILE IT WAS TRYING TO TURN ME INTO SPARE PARTS?

ROBIN: LUCKY FOR YOU, YOU CAME PACKING TWO MACHINE CONSCIOUSNESSES LIGHT YEARS AHEAD OF THIS PLACE.

PANEL 5

Robin grins back.

ROBIN: BUT IN ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION.

CAP: ONCE I REALISED HOW STUPID IT ALL WAS, I SIMPLY RUBBED MY EYES, STROLLED OVER TO THE WALL SOCKET…

PAGE 21

PANEL 1

POV again.  The rabbit and Robin part so Batman can get a clear view of the decrepit factory floor and an inert Action Figure and Manmobile standing over them. Manmobile’s in some grotesque parody of robot mode. Just reconfigure all the nasty, fleshy, hairy parts from earlier and turn them into a Jazz analogue. They’re as still as shop dummies. Creepy.

ROBIN: AND UNPLUGGED THE BASTARDS.

PANEL 2

Batman wanders over to the inert monsters.

BATMAN: ONLY TWO OF THEM.

(2): IT’S ONLY JUST OPENED UP SHOP. THAT’S WHY IT’ WAS ON THE LOOKOUT FOR CASH AND RAW MATERIALS.

ROBIN: YEAH, I THOUGHT THE WHOLE THING WAS A BIT OFF RIGHT FROM THE WORD GO.

ROBIN: YOU THINK THAT’S WHAT IT WAS TRYING TO DO HERE, TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD?

(2): (small) I MEAN, PLEASE…

PANEL 3

He plays with Action Figures mouth as he turns to Robin.

BATMAN: I TOLD YOU, IT’S ITS FATHER’S CHILD, IT ROTATES MOTIVES DAILY.

BATMAN: BUT SOMETHING OCCURS TO ME. CARTOONS ARE ENTERTAINMENT….

PANEL 4

Close up on Bats thinking. His best detecting face.

BATMAN: HMMM.

PANEL 5

He peers into the Action Figure’s visor.

BATMAN: IS THIS THING ON?

CAP: AND SPEAKING OF GOTHAM’S GENERALS.

PANEL 6

Close on the Visor, like a camera lense.

CAP: I WANT YOU TO KNOW I’M ONE OF THEM.

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Batman on a holoscreen transmitting to his enemies. The people who masterminded this plot. It’s a fishbowl lense, with Robin and the rabbit crammed in behind him. Think Captain Beefheart record covers. The screen crackles.

BATMAN: (electronic) AS DAMIAN WAYNE I OWN THE SECOND LARGEST MULTINATIONAL COMPANY ON EARTH. WAYNE INDUSTRIES AND ITS SUBSDIARIES ACCOUNT FOR ONE 5TH OF THE GLOBAL GNP. MY WORKFORCE COMPRISES 2 MILLION PEOPLE WORLDWIDE AND A FURTHER 5 MILLION OFFWORLD.

BATMAN: WAYNE INDUSTRIES IS MY ARMY.

(2): (transitioning between panels) AND I’M SETTING UP DEFENSIVE MEASURES THAT WILL GUARANTEE THE SAFETY OF ALL MY EMPLOYEES AND FRIENDS.

PANEL 2

Reverse shot. And now we get to see who Batman’s addressing. This is a real money shot. You know those Kingdom Come covers with all the superhumans looking badass? Well that’s what’s going on here. All of these guys should look as snooty and imperious as you can make them. Seated on a leather couch in the centre of the frame is a man made of silky diamond wearing a black suit. He has a shaved head, just like our Damian, and he watches the telly intently. A beautiful, green woman, her billowing  hair and willowy body garlanded with flowers, naked, except for a wooden domino mask, reclines by him, her arm draped around his shoulder. A white woman with black hair covering her face and wearing grey rags skulks by one of the arms, and seated on the other arm is a huge lionheaded man in a loose fitting white shirt and black trousers. To the Pale woman’s left stands a being in a white Dr. Strange-esque robe which covers its entire body, and a red mask covering its face. The mask, if that is indeed what it is, with its mouth and eyes substituted for black pits, resembles a child’s drawing of a ghost’s face. To the lion man’s right stands another besuited creature, but unlike the man on the chair’s get-up this suit should be multi-coloured: the jacket green, the waistcoat red, the trousers blue, the gloves indigo and the shirt orange. These colours echo the plumage sprouting from behind the birdman’s blue and yellow face. His eyes are like pearls and his beak is long, thin and curved like a kingfisher’s. Behind them a translucent silver woman in a silver evening gown, pearl necklace, and a mask similar to Robin’s, leans on the chair. There are other, darker figures behind them.

BATMAN: (off panel, from screen) SIMPLY PUT, I NO LONGER HAVE ANYTHING TO FEAR FROM PEOPLE LIKE YOU.

(2): IF THIS WAS ABOUT LEVERAGE, THEN YOU CAN NO LONGER COUNT ON MY COOPERATION.

PANEL 3

We cut behind them. The holo-telly glows, but most of the figures are in silhouette. We can make out, amongst the more humanoid figures, a serpentine creature, a woman with gold snakes in her hair, a hunched troll…..

BATMAN: I WILL FIND YOU, AND I WILL STOP YOU. YOU CAN’T STAY SKULKING IN THE SHADOWS FOREVER.

(2): AND NEITHER CAN BATMAN.

(3): THEY’RE OVERCROWDED.

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PANEL 1

Large panel. nearly whole page. We pull out and up. More and more *people* – bat-winged, scorpian tailed, luminous…… An enormous crowd in a huge room – a legion – watches the TV screen.

BATMAN: SO AS OF TODAY I’M MAKING MY IDENTITY PUBLIC.

(2): THE NEXT TIME WE MEET IT WILL BE ON MY TERMS.

PANEL 2

Small panel at bottom of page. Batman looks threateningly at his audience.

BATMAN: SAME BAT-TIME. SAME BAT-CHANNEL.

BATMAN: OVER AND OUT.

PANEL 3

Tiny panel of white noise.

END OF PART TWO: TOY GUNS

NEXT TIME: SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.