Mindless Ones

Three hundred words on Morbius, commissioned by Thrills. Remember, you too can have a blog post on the subject of your choosing, for a penny a word, only at Thought Bubble…

You get two doctorates, do they call you Morbius the Living Doctor? No they don’t. And it’s not even as if Doctor Morbius is a bad supervillain name. It’s a good one. Better than “the living vampire” anyway. “Living” is the shittest possible adjective to have. Well, maybe better than “dead”, but it’s the most unremarkable one.

But that’s life for you. I’m not even a vampire. I didn’t get bitten by anyone, and I won’t turn you into a vampire if I bite you. I did a medical experiment. It’s not “Morbius the living martyr to medical science” is it? Not “Morbius the victim of a terrible tragedy”. Morbius the living vampire.

Just because I happen to need blood, and have a skin condition that means I can’t go out in the sunlight. And OK, I *was* once possessed by a demon called Bloodthirst. But really, obsessing on this vampire thing… If after an experiment I needed to eat a lot of lettuce, would I be called “Morbius the Living Vegetarian”? No, I wouldn’t. It’d still be Dr Michael Morbius, PhD, MD. I’d have a bit of fucking respect, wouldn’t I?

But nooo… it’s all “you’re a vampire” and “desist, foul fiend!” and fights with Spider-Man every time I need a snack. It’s discrimination, pure and simple. Show me some respect, call me “Doctor Morbius”.

This has been a public service announcement on behalf of the Haemophagic American Anti-Discrimination League. If you are a California voter, please support Prop 8 (banning of crosses, garlic, and holy water on public property) in the elections on Tuesday. Thank you for your support.

The Scottish accent in comics?  It’s almost as much about product as identity.  I learned that when freebie newspaper The Glaswegian introduced me to the concept that we had a stereotype of saying “pure dead brilliant”, and then it turned up in a X-Factor comic.  It was quite a moment in a life used to experiencing the accents of Moira McTaggart and Rhaine Sinclair, and not knowing anyone who sounded like that. I type this up in a foreign part of the world to me, playing up the accent for laughs. When the familiar appears in the form of something like Cameron Spector, it feels like enjoying a bowl of mum’s homemade soup in the winter.

Are you celebrating comic book Christmas in Leeds today?  Are you struggling to fight off the sense of despair that comes with another winter, suddenly sure in the knowledge that your attempts to break the wheel of time itself have been unsuccessful – again! – and that while it might feel like you’re living in a bubble where nothing ever changes, that’s an illusion that can’t survive winters yet to come?

Are you at the Thought Bubble comics convention, trying to find something that will make the change of seasons seem bearable?

If so, why not come see the Mindless Ones at tables 13 and 14, New Dock Hall?

We might not be able to solve your problems, but I can guarantee that we’ll haunt your dreams.

We’ll also be blogging for money throughout the weekend – for a penny a word, one of us will write about any topic of your choosing. If you’re looking to be really cruel you should wait until Sunday morning when we will be at our most vulnerable and ask us to write a 25,00o word justification of the life of Mark Millar.

The Beast Must Die / Dan White is here, selling Cindy and Biscuit  – The Bad Girl part 2:

If you like comics that are packed full of adventure and strangeness and gross humour comics, you’ll like Cindy and Biscuit!

Gary Lactus / Fraser Geesin is here flogging his autobiographical comic The Cleaner:

If Fraser wasn’t a pall I’d have made a fool of myself online by banging on about The Cleaner at every possible opportunity.  As it is, I’m mostly going to stick to burbling lovingly at him in the pub, telling him about how the attention he pays to the overlap between everyday chores and outsized thoughts makes for one of the most hilarious and profound comics going.

My main man Mister Attack / Scott McAllister is selling copies of his student sit-com comic Wake Up Screaming, and Points on a Graph, the story of a man who is separated from his body and still has to go to work on Monday:

Scott’s one of the funniest guys I know, and his comics are a testament to his digressive wit and wicked imagination.

Andrew Hickey / Andre Whickey will be here selling his books about Doctor Who, Seven Soldiers, The Beach Boys, and the concept of entropy for £3 a pop – not a bad price to have a load of new connections in your head.  Andrew will also probably be writing 10,000 words a minute and shaming the rest of us with his ever-productive brain. The bastard.