Three hundred words on Morbius, commissioned by Thrills. Remember, you too can have a blog post on the subject of your choosing, for a penny a word, only at Thought Bubble…

You get two doctorates, do they call you Morbius the Living Doctor? No they don’t. And it’s not even as if Doctor Morbius is a bad supervillain name. It’s a good one. Better than “the living vampire” anyway. “Living” is the shittest possible adjective to have. Well, maybe better than “dead”, but it’s the most unremarkable one.

But that’s life for you. I’m not even a vampire. I didn’t get bitten by anyone, and I won’t turn you into a vampire if I bite you. I did a medical experiment. It’s not “Morbius the living martyr to medical science” is it? Not “Morbius the victim of a terrible tragedy”. Morbius the living vampire.

Just because I happen to need blood, and have a skin condition that means I can’t go out in the sunlight. And OK, I *was* once possessed by a demon called Bloodthirst. But really, obsessing on this vampire thing… If after an experiment I needed to eat a lot of lettuce, would I be called “Morbius the Living Vegetarian”? No, I wouldn’t. It’d still be Dr Michael Morbius, PhD, MD. I’d have a bit of fucking respect, wouldn’t I?

But nooo… it’s all “you’re a vampire” and “desist, foul fiend!” and fights with Spider-Man every time I need a snack. It’s discrimination, pure and simple. Show me some respect, call me “Doctor Morbius”.

This has been a public service announcement on behalf of the Haemophagic American Anti-Discrimination League. If you are a California voter, please support Prop 8 (banning of crosses, garlic, and holy water on public property) in the elections on Tuesday. Thank you for your support.

The first, and most important, thing to say about Alan Moore’s Jerusalem is that it’s not, for the most part, a difficult book to read.

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