Mindless Ones

IT’S THE BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ IN THE DRUM OF THE EAR

Doug stepped out into the sunlight, blinking. His dressing gown lolled open, exposing his paunch. Tina’s vest top, pulled on accidentally in his rush to get outside barely covered it and the thick black hair on his belly poked out obscenely. In one hand he held a spatula; the other reached reflexively into the dressing gown pocket for the lighter he knew wasn’t there. Last night’s beer emanated from his stale mouth and he rubbed his tongue across his teeth. He wanted to belch but found he couldn’t. Taking his eyes from the sky for a moment he glanced to his left. Kathy was stood on her front lawn, gazing upward with her mouth hanging slackly open. Her two year old hung at her legs, pulling on her arm sleeve whining in a low, insistent tone. Across the road the Petersons crowded around their camper van, all staring up.

The vast alien structure that hovered high above them was still humming it’s deep bass tone and rotating slowly. The bone like growths that sprouted from it creaked as they slowly undulated. The noise was awful, too much, too loud for Sunday morning. Doug couldn’t take his eyes from it, but his brain had already started to hanker for a Bloody Mary. Just as he was trying to remember if the tomato juice was still okay to drink, a jagged split opened up in the base of the structure. And that’s when it really began.

<ITEM> There’s a fresh crop of admin, waiting to be picked, with nosey bouquets of Sponsorship and more Christopher Walken than you can shake a (Walken) stick at. It’s time for a new SILENCE! the only podcast that predates the discovery of the moon. Seasoned pod jockeys The Beast Must Die and gary Lactus are joined by new season recruit Bobsy, and the fun flows like lava,

Click to download SILENCE!#148

Contact us:

[email protected]

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

Shhhh! Be vewwy, vewwy quiet…I’m huntin’ PODCASTS! Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu!

Those two titans of tedium are back to wet your collective whistles. And thank goodness, because can you imagine having to live your life with a dry whistle? The indignity..the trauma. Did you know that over 50,000 people a year have to suffer with the chaffing, itchy embarrassment and shame of a dry whistle? WELL DID YOU? If it wasn’t for these two brave podsoldiers waging their lonely war against dry whistles…well. I don’t know where we’d be.

Where are we?

Oh that’s right – SILENCE!!!

<ITEM> A healthy, happy, bouncing baby sponsorship! Featuring Gary’s SKLENT teaser, The Beast talking about seeing Richard McGuire discussing his masterful Here live, and Dave McKean (did someone say Arkham Asylum 2????)

<ITEM> Oh you, me and the Reviewniverse makes three! Bumper edition featuring Nameless, Annihilator, Multiversity Handbook, Bitch Planet, John Allison’s Scary-go-round, Expecting To Fly, 2000AD, Stray Bullets, Miracleman, Superman, 21st Century Tank Girl, Batman, Ant Man, Wytches, Saga, Ms Marvel, Dying & The Dead and probably some more.

<ITEM> What? No more items. You’ve had enough.

Gary Season, Beast Season, Gary Season, Beast Season…

Click to download SILENCE!#130

Contact us:
[email protected]
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comicsof London.

THE CLANGING CHIMES OF DOOM

It’s beginning to smell a lot like Christmas.

So it’s the time of year when Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die like to kick back, dress like Bruno Brookes and Janice Long and present their Very Special Christmas Jingle Spectacularmas…SILENCE! If there was a end of year best of lists for half-baked, ill-informed opinions and lazy plot recounting…well let me tell you, these boys would be topping that eggnoggin’ list!

<ITEM> A festive portion of Christmas sponsorship, ho ho ho yeah whatever. There’s some teary listener dedications from those rheumy eyed old sadsacks Gary & The Beast. Plus…the Grant Morrison / Midge Ure connection!

<ITEM> A festive portion of listener jingles courtesy of the one man walking Brill Building himself Gary Lactus. There will be blood.

<ITEM> A festive portion of The Reviewniverse ho ho ho with a festive portion of talk about Rumble, Zero, Thunderworld, Annihilator, Spiderman, Sex Criminals, Bitch Planet, Ms Marvel, Batgirl, All New X-Men and probably some other stuff.

<ITEM> A festive portion of favourite Christmas songs. Predictably.

All that plus some strange transmissions from the Multiversity…? I’LL TAKE TWO PLEASE MA’AM!!!

Well there’s only one. BUT WHAT A ONE!!!!!!

Merry cocking Christmas. One and all.

Click to download SILENCE!#126

Contact us:

[email protected]
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.

TEENAGE CAVEMAN, ROCK WITH SKIN AND BONE!

So Gary Lactus, a The Beast Must Die and a Bobsy walk into a bar…and then they ordered everyone else of said bar, in order to record a podcast. Shortly after the podcast was finished recording the enraged bar patrons stormed back in and threw the three stringy upstarts out into the gutter, as a lifetime of reading comics had left them milky of complexion and frail of frame. Certainly not strong enough to stand up to a bunch of gammon-faced alcoholics with nothing to live for. Nonetheless the outcome is 2 hours of comics podcast magicccckks…let’s all go SILENCE!

<ITEM> There’s a ramblicious opening salvo with sponsorshunting, and a selection pack of tangential conversations… but out of the morass comes a single ringing plea..BUY CINDY & BISCUIT!

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse opens it’s hallowed doors to welcome The Grant Morrison Apologist Society Annual General Meeting starts here, as the boys go long for a discussion of the really quite good Multiversity: Pax Americana. Much too chew on, and chew they do…woo hoo!

<ITEM> More Moz, as they careen into the void of Annihilator, before carrying onto X-Force, X-Men, Wonder Woman, Punk Mambo, Harley Quinn, Wytches, Intersect, and the weirdly divisive True Stories from Derf…there’s a bit of chat about Supreme Blue Rose, Zero, Loki: Agent of Axis and more…

Have a great time y’all. And watch out for the Jibblers!

Click to download SILENCE!#123

Contact us:

[email protected]
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.

HELLO LISTENER and welcome to SILENCE!!!!?! It’s a SPECIAL EPISODE this week as THE BEAST is off answering the battle challenge of a deadly horse that will KILL AGAIN unless STOPPED!!! And leaving GARY LACTUS to face his spaceship alone! But what’s this??????? SPECIAL GUEST AL EWING here to talk SHOP, or rather SHOPS as he immediately launches into a tediously long mention of BUDGENS SUPERMARKET. And the THRILLS don’t end there. IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:::::

ITEM! Sponsorship discussed! Tom Baker sold a dictionary! The twist in the tale will COMPEL you!!!?!

ITEM! Superman? Or POOPERMAN? Secrets of Supes’ Poop Tube! Hear tell of the EXTRAORDINARY ANAL POWER Superman tried to hide!!!!!!

ITEM! Long discussions of KINK and MUNCHES in your local area! OH JOY SEX TOY discussed! Plus webcomics talk as BAD MACHINERY is plumbed and PUNISHER 2099 gets a HOT MENTION! Also TREES!

ITEM! In depth on the strange small press offering known as BRUTE! What was it? Very problematic in places! But Al reads a story from it out anyway in his INIMITABLE TONE!?!?!?!???

ITEM! Duff talk of reality shows! The BOOM BOOM BOOM and the BOOM BOOM WOW! Work Of Art: The Next Great Artist mentioned! WORK OF FART — MORE LIKE! “Your guff was not enough” screams Tyra Banks as she SMITES WITH HER EYES!!!

ITEM! Annihilator DISCUSSED! Frazer Irving PRAISED! Then we wrap it up so Gary can PEE!! LIKE A RACEHORSE!!! Perhaps the very same racehorse that THE BEAST MUST DIE IS HITTING WITH A HAMMER!!!! AT THIS VERY MOMENT!!!!!?!!1!!!!!!!

ITEM! ITEM! ITEM! NO FURTHER ITEM!!!???!!???????!??!?????????!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!?!?!!

Click to download SILENCE!#119

Contact us:

[email protected]
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.

I DON’T WANNA BE BURIED, IN A PET SEMATARY

<ITEM> Lazy Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 has gone astray – does anyone miss it? Be careful as it could be lurking in your inbox bumping uglies with a particularly virulent phishing scam. In the meantime Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die bring you the yawning chasm of comics kritizism that is…SILENCE!

<ITEM> Sponsor-Shimmy-shimmy-YA!, there’s Jingles, Confusion of the Matts, Quick Strips, Myriad, Cartoon County and a whole sweaty fistful more…

<ITEM> What’s that light in them thar hills? Why that’s the Reviewniverse welcoming foolish prospectors into it’s gaping maw…lucky youse got theboys to light the way…they be talkin’ Space Horse Redux, Wild’s End, Annihilator, Dave McKean photocopying, LA apocalypse narrative, Ms Marvel, Swamp Thing, Justice League Unlimited, Future’s End, Prophet: Strikefile, Terminal Hero, Death of Wolverine, Dark Ages, MPH, Copperhead, Captain Victory, Caliban, Avengers, the general bizarre state of DC Comics and a whole dogpile more…

<ITEM> I CAN SEE THE OTHER SIDE! There’s just time Silence (Because My Mouth Is Full Of Delicious Food), Darren Cullen News, Roberty Bobbity’s Spacehorse Riders and not a jot more.

NOW GIT.

Click to download SILENCE!#114

Contact us:

[email protected]
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.