SILENCE! #143

May 19th, 2015

 

 
LITTLE FISH BIG FISH, SWIMMING IN THE WATER, COME BACK HERE MAN, GIMME MY DAUGHTER

I am the traveller. I have…travelled.

Travelled far.

Out into the rocky, jagged cobalt blue terrain of Ferronar, where the sky-narwhals drift by like bloated rain clouds, the luminous krill-spore on their skin igniting their blubbery hides in a neon lightshow, fragmentary fire in the sky. Through the time-wastes of Norgg, where I saw my life spiral out in front and behind me, a chrysalis of confinement. My infant mewl and death cry joined each other in a note of pure harmony, ringing in my ears. The destiny web. Further now, further into the Unknown Territories where time becomes a fragile, lacy thing buffeted by the storms of Un-life, where celestial bodies of unimagined scale frolic and twist together in the heavens, while the Silent Wind blasts the landscape below, a mosaic of broken lands beyond belief. Further..further on…until.

A door. Before me, a door.

I knock.

Yeah mate?

“I have…your…pizza”

Yeah mate, you should’ve been here an hour and a half ago, yeah? Thing’s probably fuckin’ cold now anyway. Take it back mate, not interested. Fuckin’ clown. Do one.”

———————-

Welcome yet, me hail, hairy hearties, to this new edition of the internet’s one and only comics lifestyle magazine show review podcast…SILENCE! With the Statler and Waldorf of comics podcasting, The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus. Or are they Piggy and Kermit? Or Bunsen and Beaker? Two Pigs in space? The Swedish chef and his favourite chicken? Big Bird and a scared child? The answer is yes.

<ITEM> Let me take you down, cos I’m going to, Spo-oh-ohnsorship. Nothing is free. No superhero busts to get hung about. Spo-oh-ohnsorship with Gary (and The Beast). Lamb chops, Shaky Kane, Tugs O’ War and Tofu!

<ITEM> Reviewniverse Sir? Why yes sir I will! Secret Wars 2, Thor, The Auteur: Sister Bambi, Saga, Booster Gold, Blue Beetle, JLI, Ms Marvel, Walking Dead, Zero, Mythic, Injection, Space Riders? Yes please!

<ITEM> One last little bit of Community Season 6 chat (KEITH DAVID!)

Click to download SILENCE!#143

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comicsof London.

SILENCE! #142

May 12th, 2015

 

 

HE REMEMBERS ALL THE PUNKS AND THE HIPPIES TOO, AND HE REMEMBERS ROXY MUSIC IN ’72

GIVE ME BACK MY SON/DAUGHTER/WIIIIIIIIFE!! If you don’t I will go the full ‘Neeson’ on you. Just be glad I don’t go full ‘Gibson’ or you’ll get the full ‘Neeson’ with added homophobia and misogyny. But even then, that wouldn’t be as bad as if I went the full ‘Segal’on you. That way you get ‘Neeson’, plus ‘Gibson’ with added faux-buddhism and additional Putin points! But they all pale in comparison to when I go FULL ‘EDMONDS’ on you… all the above, plus the MYSTERY OF THE BOXES! So just take a moment, take stock of what’s at stake.

And give.

Me back.

MY SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!

<ITEM> I’ve got a brand new pair of podcast hosts, and I’m wearing them like rollerskates, driving their stupid opinion-filled faces into the dirt. That’s right, it’s Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die and they’ve only gawn and done a blahdy great big SILENCE! on the carpet.

<ITEM> Sponsorship, Admin and…DIVERGENCE! Not that one, the real Divergence! the kind where we talk about Street Dancers gone wild, Crossovers, The Warriors, Step Up 2 The Streets, Save The Last Dance, Lambada: The Forbidden Dance, Mad Max 4 and the Urban Teacher film double-bill that exists only in The Beast’s mind…

<ITEM> Oh I suppose we’ll talks about comics if we HAVE to. The jellyfish like surface of the Reviewniverse flickers, ripples and lets the boys in as they tackle Zero, God Hates Astronauts, Convergence: The Atom, Jupiter’s Circle, Uber, Ant Man, SFX Pop and the wonders of Danny Noble’s Monday Morning and Was It Too Much For You?

<ITEM> A very special guest star stops by to review the ONLY EVENT THAT EVER MATTERED, Secret Wars!!

<ITEM> I-TEM, YOU-TEM we all scream for I-TEMS! Well too bad kid, we’ve only got Lemonade Sparkles left!

Click to download SILENCE!#142

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comicsof London.

SILENCE! #136

March 24th, 2015

 

 

I WENT AWAY TO SEE AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE. HIS SISTER CAME OVER, SHE WAS OUT OF HER MIND

When comes the Borgunth? When comes Eigorrn, Lord of the Land of Many Eyed? When comes Scrotax the Elder Spanksayer? When come the Skalorg Sisters and their Chunthounds? When comes the Gargagrintz? When comes the Fire Puffin? When come the Knights of the Order of Panny? When comes the Scrandmaiden? When come the Prance-Mage? When comes the Gunt? WELL?? WHEN COME THEY???

Well they better get here soon, as I’ve laid on quite the spread. Scotch Eggs and everything. While we wait, what better way to kill some time than listen to Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die, the Chuckle Bros of the comics podcast stratosphere, as they usher in  To me, to you, to me, to you…

<ITEM> Sponsorshrooms grow in the damp, dark crevices of the admin section. Plus Stan Lee dildos? You heard it hear first true believers!!

<ITEM> Come on feel the noise. The noise of the howling empty void that is…The Reviewniverse! On the comics hot plate this week: Stray Bullets, Surface, Zero, Chrononauts, Loki: Agent of Asgard, Captain America and the Mighty Avengers, Mind MGMT, Batgirl, Batman Eternal and a bit of respect for Diana Schutz.

<ITEM> Sod your items! Clear out, and if you see Borgunth tell him the ginger beer is flat.

Click to download SILENCE!#136

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comicsof London.

SILENCE! #126 (HO HO HO)

December 23rd, 2014

 

THE CLANGING CHIMES OF DOOM

It’s beginning to smell a lot like Christmas.

So it’s the time of year when Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die like to kick back, dress like Bruno Brookes and Janice Long and present their Very Special Christmas Jingle Spectacularmas…SILENCE! If there was a end of year best of lists for half-baked, ill-informed opinions and lazy plot recounting…well let me tell you, these boys would be topping that eggnoggin’ list!

<ITEM> A festive portion of Christmas sponsorship, ho ho ho yeah whatever. There’s some teary listener dedications from those rheumy eyed old sadsacks Gary & The Beast. Plus…the Grant Morrison / Midge Ure connection!

<ITEM> A festive portion of listener jingles courtesy of the one man walking Brill Building himself Gary Lactus. There will be blood.

<ITEM> A festive portion of The Reviewniverse ho ho ho with a festive portion of talk about Rumble, Zero, Thunderworld, Annihilator, Spiderman, Sex Criminals, Bitch Planet, Ms Marvel, Batgirl, All New X-Men and probably some other stuff.

<ITEM> A festive portion of favourite Christmas songs. Predictably.

All that plus some strange transmissions from the Multiversity…? I’LL TAKE TWO PLEASE MA’AM!!!

Well there’s only one. BUT WHAT A ONE!!!!!!

Merry cocking Christmas. One and all.

Click to download SILENCE!#126

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.

 

 

SILENCE! #124

December 2nd, 2014

 SO DRUNK IN THE AUGUST SUN, AND YOU’RE THE KIND OF GIRL I LIKE

 

 

But didn’t we? I mean *really* when you think about it, didn’t we? We really did didn’t we? Yes we did. We really did. Did it, I mean. Really. Didn’t we? Didn’t we do it? We did, yes we did. We really really did. Didn’t we?

No.

Ahh. Well then. Should we head to the drawing room and see what Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die are up to? Why look! They’re recording a SILENCE! let’s go sit at their feet.

<ITEM> Oo-er, titter ye not, Missus, titter ye not, NO! Don’t you wave your sponsorship at ME!

<ITEM> The Beast takes us on a trip down memory lane to the heady days of the 1980s with Escape Magazine, featuring Alan’s Big American Adventure, Phil Elliott, Eddie Campbell and more.

<ITEM> It’s a one-step, two-step, tickle you under the…Reviewniverse. The boys trudge through the 4-colour wastelands with Ody-C, Madman 3-D special, Prophet Strikefile, Superior Iron Man, Superior Foes of Spiderman, Usagi Yojimbo, Zero, John Smith and more.

<ITEM> A final bit of chat about Guardians of The Galaxy and Thor 2 and then you’re free to do what you want with the rest of your life.

But we did though.

Didn’t we?

Click to download SILENCE!#124

 

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.

 

 

SILENCE! #123

November 25th, 2014

 

TEENAGE CAVEMAN, ROCK WITH SKIN AND BONE!

So Gary Lactus, a The Beast Must Die and a Bobsy walk into a bar…and then they ordered everyone else of said bar, in order to record a podcast. Shortly after the podcast was finished recording the enraged bar patrons stormed back in and threw the three stringy upstarts out into the gutter, as a lifetime of reading comics had left them milky of complexion and frail of frame. Certainly not strong enough to stand up to a bunch of gammon-faced alcoholics with nothing to live for. Nonetheless the outcome is 2 hours of comics podcast magicccckks…let’s all go SILENCE!

<ITEM> There’s a ramblicious opening salvo with sponsorshunting, and a selection pack of tangential conversations… but out of the morass comes a single ringing plea..BUY CINDY & BISCUIT!

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse opens it’s hallowed doors to welcome The Grant Morrison Apologist Society Annual General Meeting starts here, as the boys go long for a discussion of the really quite good Multiversity: Pax Americana. Much too chew on, and chew they do…woo hoo!

<ITEM> More Moz, as they careen into the void of Annihilator, before carrying onto X-Force, X-Men, Wonder Woman, Punk Mambo, Harley Quinn, Wytches, Intersect, and the weirdly divisive True Stories from Derf…there’s a bit of chat about Supreme Blue Rose, Zero, Loki: Agent of Axis and more…

Have a great time y’all. And watch out for the Jibblers!

Click to download SILENCE!#123

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.

 

 

SILENCE! #120

October 27th, 2014

SOMEONE’S IN MY FRUIT CELLAR!

 
<INSERT VINCENT PRICE’S SPEECH FROM THRILLER HERE>
It’s that time of the year Dear Listeners, when the goblins, ghoulies, witches, wizards, monsters, vampires, werewolves, wraiths, poltergeists, demons, golems, landsharks, weredragons, living dolls, homunculi, lizardmen, banshees, reanimated corpses, killer robots, giant rats, zombies, and razor-wielding monkeys all troupe down to the pound shop and get themselves dressed up as office-workers. That’s right! It’s HALLLLOOOOOOOWWEEEEENN. And what could be better than a special nearly 3 hours of SILENCE! with your undead (from the waist down) hosts The Beast Must Die, Gary Lactus and the Bobsy from Beyond the Grave!
<ITEM> Some gladminadminsadmin and sponsorshazammery from the boys, with some discussion of The Red Ghost, Goat Rider and anarchic kids comic OINK!
<ITEM> Bobsy arrives just in time to rip open a hole in the skein of timespace and climb into the intestines of the Reviewniverse…there’s some words and they form themselves into sentient opinions about the following: Arkham Manor, The Green Arrow, Flash and Gotham TV Shows, Lisa Bonet, Dothraki, The Just, The 90s, Seven Soldiers, Starlight, GI Joe, Punt & Stick Job, Crystal Ball, Joe Hill, Transformers UK, The Diary Of Nam Frank, Wicked & The Divine, Proust, Pop, Tharg, Stray Bullets, Zero, Wolverine: Logan’s Legacy, Dinner With Lady Deathstrike, She Hulk, Aliens, Predator, Prometheus and Naughty Universe Touching.
<ITEM> But that’s not all! Our Halloween sextacular continues with a ready made TV Terror marathon from the boys (with associated commentary):
10.  Nigel Kneale’s Beasts
9. Threads
8. Shalcker the Painter
7. Twilight Zone “The After Hours”
6. children of Green Knowe
5. Children of the Stones
4. Apaches 
3. Robin Redbreast
2. Tales From The Crypt “Naughty Or Nice
1. Ghostwatch
Guaranteed to scare the pants off your willies and all the way out of your bejeezuses. You’re welcome.

Click to download SILENCE!#120

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.

SILENCE! #111

August 19th, 2014

 

WELL IF YOU’D LIKE TO KNOW WHAT POP STARS HAVE FOR TEA, ASK JOHNNY DEE

Welcome acolytes. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 has been to the top of the mountain. Spent much tme amongst the clouds. The silence. Enlightenment followed. Shhh, no noise. Too much noise. Learn to switch off. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 switched offfffffff….

Also downloaded hot new Haiku app. Hot results. Sweetness follows.Reaching quiet.

Listen:

1)

Don’t surrender,
oblivion, boredom,
Must comics.

2)

From fully to manchild
The spandex, the oblivion
To the oblivion. Psteve.

3)

Imaginary the graphic
Beast, poo manchild in irritant
with no Gary to spandex

<ITEM>It’s all here: Sponsorshambles, Gladmin, EXXXtreme stand up, Letter Chat, Number Chat, Gaz Top, Fred Dineage, Helen Bonham-Carter, Olive-theft, Gladiators, Alan Rickman, 1994, Clare Danes, Injury, You’ve Been Framed, Fellini, the onset of time and by thunder a whole lot more time-wasting! Love, sex, intelligence Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die coming on like the Seventh Seal -wait is that right?

<ITEM> Like sneaking into a strangers house, trying on their wedding dress and sitting in a bath in it (D-bot loves ya Morello!), the pair sneak in to the Reviewniverse, talking up Supreme Blue Rose, Batman, artistic injuries, Zero, Starlight, Comicbook Confidential, Alan Moore, Reality Bites, Emily Carroll Through The Woods, GI Robot, then Gary Races Through The Rest: Astro City, Moon Knight, Hulk v Iron Man, All New X-Men, Avengers Undercover, Amazing Spiderman, Original Sin, Walking Dead,

<ITEM> Just enough time for a digression about the return of the Aphex Twin before James Stokoe’s ne favourite regular feature SILENCE!…Because My Mouth Is Full (Of Delicious Food!) with Gourmet Lactus and The Beast Must Dine!

Now clear out pests! Enlightenment has passed. Turns out it was just wind.

Click to download SILENCE!#111

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.

SILENCE! #102

May 27th, 2014

GOD BLESS DONALD DUCK, VAUDEVILLE AND VARIETY

<ITEM> There’s no robot, we’re clear on that, OK?

<ITEM> The X won’t X itself, you learn, and so The Beast Must Die be gone for now. Fear his return, when the goose of the moon gets fine and fat.

<ITEM> Unforkunakely, Gary’s hunger for space rocks will not be satisfied by merely genuine good reasons0000000, and as per, bobsy has nothing else to do and dutifully hobbles by.

<ITEM> Tell us what you think of the The Making of the Making of Star Wars the Musical bit at the beginning. You can see that it’s all about the admittedly brilliant ‘intuitive/diminutive’ moment, but we’re really keen for feedback ahead of rollout do let us know what you think via the special survey.

<ITEM> There is some admin at the beginmin too, and a recap of the Bank Holiday weekend, when they watched the X-Men Dofp movie and had a barbecue at Zom’s and it was bobsy’s birthday. They talk about Hotel for Dogs during this podcast portion.

<ITEM> And then the Galaxy eater (a bit too sugary, and made by Nestle to boot, prob) and his mewling supper travel to the Reviewniverse, where they talk about…

<ITEM> Caliban, Elephantmen, Original Sin, Prophet, Batman Weakly, Uber, Julian Cope, Zero, Hypnotic Induction Technique, The Boy in Question, Copra and Adapt. Possibly some other stuff too, but they weren’t keeping very good notes.

<ITEM> You know the joke about the guy needing a microscope to see his own cock? Well, this podcast is respectfully – and resexfully – dedicated to Sir Darren of Oxon.

<ITEM> So listen to SILENCE! #102. There is nothing in your life nearly as important.

Click to download SILENCE!#102

Click to download SILENCE!#102

Kontak:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

 

Über #0-10, by Kieron Gillen, Caanan White, Joseph Silver, Kurt Hathaway and Digicore Studios

Kieron Gillen let the mask slip a little at the start, when he positioned this comic as the anti-ASS, as a refutation of Superman’s central place in 20th Century history, in a spiel designed to mark Über out as being a comic free of the sort of self-commentary that defines so many modern superhero comics.  “It’s probably the least ironic book I’ve ever written,” he said:

It has nothing to say about superhero comics. In fact, its utter negation of that genre-criticism may be the closest it comes to commentary. I’ve read many books which seem to labour under the delusion that the conception of Superman was the most important moment in the 1930s. This isn’t one of them.  My only interest is in how I can use this genre’s conceit to create metaphors to explores aspects of WW2…

This comment, buried as it was in the mix of metatextual soul searching and historical gamesmanship of Über #0′s backmatter, provides the key to understanding the uncanny dynamics of this comic.  In attempting to ward off irony and meta-commentary, Gillen negated any possibility of this comic escaping the superhero meta-conversation. Which, it turns out, is actually quite fitting in the end.  Carefully researched as Über might be, with everything from troop movements to weather conditions having been taken into account, this WW2 with superheroes fantasy is still a superhero fantasy, and as such it manages the odd trick of destroying both history and genre conventions and reinforcing them at the same time.

In contrast to the carefully composed alternate reality of All Star Superman – with its suggestion of a world where greed, imperialism and mortal panic exist but are never the only options – Gillen and White present an alt-modernity in which the foundational horrors of the mid 20th Century era are all there but louder.

A little less Stalingrad, a lot more Wahammer 40K.