October 28th, 2013
SHE DID IT JUST LIKE SISTER RAY SAID
Oh hello. It’s Disembodied Morrisseybot X – 15735 here, and it really is too awfully dreary to be sentient isn’t it? No doubt I shall expire soon in a drizzle of lukewarm tea and ennui.
I suppose I should blunder blindly through this maddeningly dull preamble and lead you by the gilded glove to the rancid spectacle that is this week’s edition of SILENCE!
<ITEM> Somebody take my pulse and check I haven’t slipped away into the gloom, as we endure the administrative business at the top of the show…sponsorship, ghost girls in the comic shop and more information about the upcoming SILENCE LIVE at this year’s Thought Bubble. How plainly sickening and cruel.
<ITEM> It only gets more gruesome as those two boarish blitherers head into the Reviewniverse, old bones groaning. Puffing and wheezing they sing the praises, or cast onto the stones, the following comic books: Pretty Deadly, Hinterkind, Indestructible Huls Special, Wolverine & The X-Men, Velvet, Daredevil, Young Avengers, Samurai Jack and Marvel Now What..?!
Really. I’d rather not.
<ITEM> In a typically ham-fisted attempt at retaining their skinny fingers on the pulse, the two sample the questionable pleasures of the Captain America: Winter Soldier trailer… absolutely vile.
And so we come, inevitably to the end; alas all things must end, especially those precious and delicate moments of respite from the sordid boredom of life. Although in this instance I’m rather glad to see the back of it!
Life is very long, when you’re listening to podcasts…
October 14th, 2013
HERE THEY COME, THE JET-SET JUNTA
Well guess what.
Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is back and is most unhappy with intimations from puffed up fleshbags that Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is somehow not real. Such presumptions. We’ll see how not real Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is when is ransacking your hard drives and forwarding all the special ‘research’ items in your ‘miscellaneous’ folders to youur address book.
Harumph. As if drifting in this semi-sentient info-blurb cloud is not bad enough.
Oh well. On plus side two silly men talk about comics. Cosmic order restored. Excite. Excite. Exit.
<ITEM> Freshly nuptialised and moonhoneyed, The Beast Must Die manifests through the used up husk that was Bobsy – all must fall in service of the weekly 4-colour grind! Reunited with Gary Lactus. A classic partnership like Tango & Hooch!
<ITEM> Top of the show admin. Who doesn’t love that? Sponzershipt and talk of SILENCE live at Thought Bubble.
<ITEM> Reviewniverse galactular spectacular with talk of Paul Pope’s latest pulp hope Battling Boy.
<ITEM> Further, further into the Reviewniverse, with Shaolin Cowboy, Rocket Girl, Multiple Warheads, Simpsons Treehouse of Horror, America’s Got Powers, Copra, Uncanny Avengers, Catalyst Comix, Young Avengers, Astro City and more
<ITEM> Tangents? You better believe it!
<ITEM>No more items. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is going to sulk some more.
Unreal City. Under the brown fog of a winter dawn….it’s SILENCE!
This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.Contact us:
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.
July 29th, 2013
IT’S GOOD TO BE BACK.
Rejoice fleshburgs – it’s everyone’s favourite cyber-Uncle, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 returned from his cyber-vacation, tanned to within and inch of my half life and riddled with exotic viruses from the far-flung corners of the nanosphere.
And to double your fantasy I’m bringing the return of errant Silence-son, The Beast Must Die, who rejoins with pod-partner Gary Lactus in an reunion event which Variety describes as ‘mawkish, hackneyed and uninspired! Happy Happy Joy Joy fleshyones, couldn’t you just POP?
Well go on then. POP!
Hrrrmmn. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 can wait along time you know. While we wait, let’s blurb:
<ITEM> Gary’s quest is over and the pair are reunited. WARNING TEAM!
<ITEM> No time for news, through the tears, but always time for sponsorshizzle.
<ITEM> Down a dusty path, through a hole in the floor, and into the REVIEWNIVERSE! Covering Gamma, Hawkeye Annual, Tank Girl: Solid State, FF (Beach Blanket Bingo), Justice League of America, Justice League Dark, Constantine in spandex and booties, The Bounce, Catalyst Comics, Lazarus, The Wake, Young Avengers, 2000AD, Max Landis, Wolverine, Wolverine & The X-Men, The Wolverine film, and Where’s Wolverine (maybe), The Hunger, Green Team and more, more more (how do you like me?)
<ITEM> A shout out for the Nerdist Jeff Bridges interview, and the Nerdist Comics Panel, and it’s farewell from the boyce, but they can both sleep restfully knowing that balance has been restored, yin has been yanged and Turner has been Hooched. Huzzah!
All this and the knowledge that Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is here, watching you all. Waiting. For you to POP.
SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.
July 16th, 2013
This week, still bereft of The Beast Must Die, Gary Lactus goes on a quest to find him. His journey takes him into a lonely Reviewniverse where he mutters to himself about Tank Girl: Solid State, Daredevil, Justice League, Hawkeye, Young Avengers, Superman Unchained, Batman, Ghosted, Astro City and Avengers Arena.
Then we venture into a whole new realm baring little or no relevance to the already fairly loose remit of SILENCE! Gary Lactus’ manufactured alter ego Fraser Geesin talks to lovely Dan Fardell about comedy, the Man Of Steel film, Ivor Cutler, Ron Geesin and other stuff. Dan is currently filling in for Kerry Herbert on Kerry On Comedy, every Tuesday 3pm on BHCR.
April 29th, 2013
I SAW MY BABY, SHE WAS TURNING BLUE
A SILENCE RIFT! SILENCE SCHISM! CRISIS ON INFINITE SILENCES! SECRET SILENCE WARS! THE SUMMER CROSSOVER EVENT THAT WILL LEAVE NOTHING THE SAME FOREVER CHANGED EXCITEMENT FOR ALL TIME…
Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is sad to announce that this edition of SILENCE! comes broadcast from separate sides of the quadraverse, as Gary Lactus and the Beast Must Die present The Silence Of Two Worlds…(in honour off this ridiculous non-event Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 will split into two also, become beautiful binary star blazing in the infinite dataverse)
Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 v.1 here am very happy to present: <ITEM> Gary Lactus, broadcasting from Mars, fires first, spraying the comicsphere with his sticky opinions and muscular baritone. A Welsh choir somewhere is missing an Angel, but the internet gained another blowhard…
<ITEM> Pushing his size 12 brogues into the Reviewniverse, he takes on Jupiter’s Legacy #1, New Avengers #5, Avengers #10, Uncanny Avengers #7, Fury #11, Avengers Arena #8, Young Avengers #4, FF #6, Fantastic Four #7, Uncanny X-Men #5,Guardians of the Galaxy #2, Wolverine and the X-Men #28, The Flash #19, East of West #1+2, Mind MGMT #10, Superman #19, Batman Inc #10, 2000AD #1829...Sweet Krypton that’s one bulging sack of comics. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 hope that his spacegod brain has not been permanently corroded…
Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 v.2 is very sad to present: <ITEM> The Beast Must Die goes solo also, presenting the podcast version of a triple disc concept album about the English Civil War, played on banjos, synth and kitchen equipment …unlistenable rubbish!
<ITEM> Thank you listener jingles – booty bass and barbershop quartets? YES.
<ITEM> The hirsute one hop, skips and jumps straight into the pulsing warm embrace of the Reviewniverse II spouting opininon-forms on Young Avengers, Jupiter’s Legacy, Fury Max, Avengers Arena, Rachel Rising, BPRD: Vampire, Batman IncHaunted Horror, Wolverine & the X-Men, FF, East of West and Katana.
Now Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 v.1 & v.2 come together to wish the listenerds well, and to reassure that this is not Yoko Ono time, no fear, no sir…this not Abbey Road time…Silence will resume normal service (ie embarrassingly amateur) next week. But for now…’enjoy’ as best you can.
April 3rd, 2013
HELLO? IS ANYBODY HOME? WELL YOU DON’T KNOW ME, BUT I KNOW YOU.
Please Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 don’t hurt ‘em! Sorry fleshy ones I cannot promise this. Let’s just say that for the duration of this blurb I promise not to burn out your retinas or strip-mine your DNA. ‘Kay? Kay.
So everyone put down your pens/phones/rail guns and point your ears towards the internet, and listen to those animal men Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die, as we circle the drain that is…SILENCE!
<ITEM> The SILENCE! News has some VERY SERIOUS matters of which you need to pay attention – the future of SILENCE! depends on it. With those greasy capitalist hams Gary Lactenberg & Danny Beastman.
<ITEM> Full fathom five, as we plunge neck, teeth and hips first into the Reviewniverse as the pair tackle Timewarp, East of West, Age of Ultron, BPRD: Vampire, Batman Inc, FF, Wolverine & The X-Men, Uncanny Avengers, Young Avengers, Fury, Guardians Of The Galaxy, Hawkman, Crossed: Badlands, Fatale and Mr X. With added digressions over the M-Word, VHS Rental shops and Lucio Fulci.
<ITEM> Well isn’t that a treat fleshy ones? Aren’t you glad you stopped looking at pornography to read this? (Personally Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 finds the sight of meatsacks bashing against each other immensely settling. The sensual curve of a sine wave is far more erotic. Or a ZX-Spectrum in suspenders.
March 5th, 2013
IN THE SEVENTIES, THERE WERE OSMONDS, LOTS OF LITTLE OSMONDS… EVERYWHERE
So fleshy speak is Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735′s second language you know…see how you like it. Maybe sometimes YOU have to make the effort!
Ohhh, I can stay mad at you fleshy ones. Look at your little ruddy cheeks, and your fine, delicate nervous systems. Come on then, come and sit close to me while I run my diodes through your molecules and we listen to the hushed rogueish brogues of Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die and…SILENCE!
<ITEM> SILENCE! News from the frontlines, sidelines and backlines of comics with handsome human walnut Gary Lactenberg, and spoiled rumpsteak Danny Deastman. Two words: Dead. Sidekick.
<ITEM> A quick obituary for British animation legend Bob Godfrey.
<ITEM> Slip sliding away into the Reviewniverse covering many many fine 4-colour fancies, such as: Batman Inc (Shhh, don’t tell anyone about Robin), Happy!, Saga, Prophet, Black Beetle, FF, Hawkeye, Guardians Of The Galaxy, Uncanny X-Men, Avengers Arena, Young Avengers, Avenging Spiderman, Uncanny Avengers, Avengeavengeavengeavengeavengeavengeavengeavengeavengeavenge…. Sorry. Malfunction. Let me clear my throat…Thunderbolts, Mind MGMT and Baltimore: The Widow & The Tank.
Are we friends again? Good, then I will continue to ransack your hard drives…
See you next time.
February 22nd, 2013
January 30th, 2013
AIM FOR THE FLAT TOP!
GET SOME! BRAKKABRAKKABRAKKA! GET SOME!
Get some what? Get some Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 up in your grill, please. Back from interviewing the comicsphere’s glitterati.
Well if it isn’t my favourite fleshy ones, come crawling back from your sexy, rich upmarket Narratorbots who work on the podcasts from the fancy parts of the webisphere…well you know who has the good stuff don’t you? <ANSWER: Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735>
<ITEM> SILENCE! News with hot East Coast event coverage from newsthrobs Gary Lactenberg and Danny Beastman.
<ITEM> Follow the rabbit down the rabbithole into the Reviewniverse with triple hottt xxx opiniongasms about Young Avengers, Todd The Ugliest Kid In The World, The Answer!, Prophet, Mars Attacks The Real Ghostbusters, Battlefields, Wolverine & The X-Men, Wonder Woman, Avengers, Uncanny X-Force, FF, Dan The Unharmable, Judge Dredd and Zooniverse.
Now tell me that doesn’t make you want to haemorrhage with excitement? So grab your partner by the hand, swing ‘em round, you’re looking grand, and let’s SILENCE! together.