February 9th, 2016
SEE HER FACE EVERY DAY, SEE HER FACE IT DOESN’T HELP ME
What is that thing? Wait a minute that’s disgusting. But nonetheless there it is. There it is indeed, sat in the corner looking at you. What the hell is it? Who does it think it is? Does anyone know? Can anyone tell me? Wait a minute…it’s opening it’s mouth. God, look at it’s teeth, they’re like tombstones in a haunted graveyard. Revolting. I’m disgusted. I shan’t pay it a second more of my attention. I’m turning the other way. I’m looking away. How dare that thing ruin my day with it’s…OH GOD IT’S IN FRONT OF ME AGAIN… IT’S ON MY FACE, IT’S TRYING TO BITE MY EYES…WHAT IZZZZZ IT….!??
It’s SILENCE! of course. And Jumpin’ Jiminy Crizzmass it’s a podcast that comes to you by the skin of the hair on it’s teeth…. Not to spoil anything but Gary Lactus deserves a medal for being here for this one, but we’ll let him tell that particular tale. It’s all part of the podcast that walks like a baboon but think it’s a fancy country squire.
<ITEM> Traumatic Life Event! Star-studded Sponsorship! Guest-filled admin! SMASH! Biblical references! EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!
<ITEM>But always rely on the Reviewniverse to clasp you to its multi-coloured breast and feed you nurturing comics juice. Along with the Liefeld of the Land, we have Code Pru, The Eighthe Seal, Paper Girls, Saga, Uber, Mercury Heat, Klaus, Johnny Red, Battle, Battle Action Force, Storm Force and a whole hootenanny more.
Now come on. We’ve all had a bit too much excitemence. Let’s grab some ginger tea and have a nice sit down. Shhhh!
You can support us using Patreon if you like.
May 12th, 2015
HE REMEMBERS ALL THE PUNKS AND THE HIPPIES TOO, AND HE REMEMBERS ROXY MUSIC IN ’72
GIVE ME BACK MY SON/DAUGHTER/WIIIIIIIIFE!! If you don’t I will go the full ‘Neeson’ on you. Just be glad I don’t go full ‘Gibson’ or you’ll get the full ‘Neeson’ with added homophobia and misogyny. But even then, that wouldn’t be as bad as if I went the full ‘Segal’on you. That way you get ‘Neeson’, plus ‘Gibson’ with added faux-buddhism and additional Putin points! But they all pale in comparison to when I go FULL ‘EDMONDS’ on you… all the above, plus the MYSTERY OF THE BOXES! So just take a moment, take stock of what’s at stake.
<ITEM> I’ve got a brand new pair of podcast hosts, and I’m wearing them like rollerskates, driving their stupid opinion-filled faces into the dirt. That’s right, it’s Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die and they’ve only gawn and done a blahdy great big SILENCE! on the carpet.
<ITEM> Sponsorship, Admin and…DIVERGENCE! Not that one, the real Divergence! the kind where we talk about Street Dancers gone wild, Crossovers, The Warriors, Step Up 2 The Streets, Save The Last Dance, Lambada: The Forbidden Dance, Mad Max 4 and the Urban Teacher film double-bill that exists only in The Beast’s mind…
<ITEM> Oh I suppose we’ll talks about comics if we HAVE to. The jellyfish like surface of the Reviewniverse flickers, ripples and lets the boys in as they tackle Zero, God Hates Astronauts, Convergence: The Atom, Jupiter’s Circle, Uber, Ant Man, SFX Pop and the wonders of Danny Noble’s Monday Morning and Was It Too Much For You?
<ITEM> A very special guest star stops by to review the ONLY EVENT THAT EVER MATTERED, Secret Wars!!
<ITEM> I-TEM, YOU-TEM we all scream for I-TEMS! Well too bad kid, we’ve only got Lemonade Sparkles left!
March 9th, 2015
Oh I just don’t know who my favourite superhero is! You can’t ask that, that’s the hardest question EVER! Okay, if you twisted my arm, like reeeeaaaallly twisted it, and I absolutely had to choose I’d say The Purple Raider. No wait, I’d say Big Lunch…no actually it’d be Spiral Scratch. Or The Ice Breaker. No, hold on The Black Ram. Or The Kite. Or the Jazzler. No okay I’ve changed my mind, it’s Size Queen. Or Rainbow Robo. Or Mr Blister. Mother Time. The Lord of Steam. Phase One. The Living Statue. Cyclobix. Brain-Glow. Blaze 46. Red Harvest. Man-Atee. Advance Guard. The Questeteer. Gilded Lily. Feather Blitz. Governor Zero. Crab-Walk. Mr AARGH. Dry Spot. Cloudbuster. Shocktopus. Pop N Lock. Jellyfish Kiss. The Flickering Flame. Thunder Water. Lazer Lion. Battering Boy. Gene Genie. Terry Titan. The Blender…
STOP ASKING ME IMPOSSIBLE QUESTIONS. I HATE YOU LEAVE ME ALONE AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
<ITEM> And as if by magic…SILENCE! Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die and you of course. You. The Dear Listening You.
<ITEM> Sponsorshenanigans. An Avengers: Age of Ultron exclusive! Plus, the varying hardness of erections?
<ITEM> The podcast is a cannon, the boys are the cannonball, comics are the gunpowder and the target is the Reviewniverse. BOOM! Nameless, Crossed 100, Big Man Plans, Nemo: River of Ghosts, Descender, Hawkeye, Wicked & Divine, Guardians Team Up, Uber, Miracleman and mmmmmuch mmmmmore.
Now is the winter of your discontent. So why not listen to the perfect accompaniment.