April 15th, 2015
A KNIFE, A FORK, A BOTTLE AND A CORK, THAT’S THE WAY WE RUN NEW YORK
Lette me telle you a storye…let me weave you a dream
Come then gentlefolk, down the hitherymost further-far path into the faraway mistymost woods at the bottom of the garden. You’ll have to be quiet as the quietest church mouse and nimble as the most hop-skippety-jumping frog. Now close your eyes… do you hear those far away tinkling bells? Those bells that sound like tears on a drisly Wednesday evening? Those are the Belles of Gaiman’s Folly, tolling. Down the furtherymost farthest dingly lane in Gaimain’s Folly there’s a Magick Cheese Shoppe. On a dusty, musty old shelf in the back of the Cheese Shoppe, they keep all the faraway most forgottenest things…Christmas is kept their 364 days a year, as are childhood dreams and the first sweet taste of love. Would you like to go there with me gentle stranger? Would you?
Now do you see that doorway opening just out of the corner of your eye? Grab my hand and make a wish…wish for something sad and sweet and we will twirl you and I away from ths sadde world of grown ups and jobs and cares, and spin, spin merrily into the magickal realm of Gaiman’s Folly…come on let’s spin, and wish and spin and wishandspinadnwishwishwishspin…..
Wait, what the f*ck is that? A Tesco Metro? This isn’t Gaiman’s Folly, it’s Watford.
Oh well, I guess we might as well grab a King Size Snickers and a Chocolate Yazoo and settle down in this carpark and listen to the latest SILENCE!
<ITEM> Dancing in the disco, bumper to bumper, wait a minute where’s me jumper? HEY! BOBSY’s wearing it! That’s right Dear Listeners it’s one of those episodes where the intellectron levels of the podcast skyrocket, with dunderheaded Gary Lactus and dunderpanted The Beast Must Die scrabbling to catch up, dragging their proverbial knuckles through the proverbial dust…
<ITEM> Sponsorshenanigans, Breakdown Press’ Safari, Gary Lactus’ Brighton Fringe Show and the pure love of Point Break. Do you want to know more..?
<ITEM> And they’re off! Into the Reviewniverse and none of them fall at the first hurdle! Straight in with Nameless, Dark Star, Kaijumax, Surface, Albie Briggs, Event Horizon, Convergence, Batman & Robin, New Statesmen, God Hates Astronauts, Transformers Vs GI Joe, Jim Steranko, 2000AD, Descender, Disney Infinity, Jupiter’s Circle, Southern Bastards, Avengers Ultron, Batman Eternal, Copra and Dragon’s Claws.
<BONUS ITEM> Bobsy and The Beast review a comic they haven’t read and hasn’t been published yet…Black Widow! We’ll call this segment The Art of Reading Without Reading.
“And that was all” said the Dream Weavre.
“Goodnight Dear Listeners”
February 23rd, 2015
THESE ARE THE FABLES ON MY STREET
It’s Oscar season! You know, that season where it’s okay to hunt people called Oscar! But before you run and grab your pistols, shotguns and catapults, why don’t you rest up for a while and take in the latest podstravaganza from the Dempsey & Makepeace of podcasting, Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die! The podcast is SILENCE!, the time is now and the trousers are TIGHT! Too tight as a matter of fact…I’m seeing lights. Take me to the lights…take me now….
<ITEM> It’s a fist-sized portion of sponsorship, with the usual subjects, and some lovely jingles for some of the dearest of dear listeners. Oh and they talk about ancient ITV gameshow 3,2,1, because, y’know, comics.
<ITEM> The Reviewniverse opens it’s welcoming arms and the boys take it’s embrace. Synergy, cosmic oneness and all that aul shoite…Multiversity: Mastermen, Silver Surfer, Affordable Amazement Catalogue, The Sound of Drowning, 2000AD, Rumble, Transformers Vs GI Joe, Wonder Woman, Hawkeye, and Frank Miller’s Holy Terror all come between the crosshairs.
<ITEM> The final item! Goodbye!
December 31st, 2014
WE’RE WALKING IN THE AIR, WE’RE FLOATING IN THE MOONLIT SKY OR SOMETHING
Guests, guests, guests! That’s right! Guests! As The Beast Must Die was buried under a megalanche of seasonal commitment, Gary Lactus decided to throw a special New Years Eve party. Gary sure is a popular guy because he managed to get THREE guests to come to his brilliant party. I don’t know if you’ve ever had a party but three is actually quite a lot.
<GUEST> JAMES BAKER took time out from his third Christmas to chat about Isabel Greenberg’s The Encyclopedia of Early Earth, Young Avengers Omnibus, Wicked and Divine#6 and They’re Not Like Us#1. There’s also time to talk up Hayley Addis’s new project, Goblin Circus (go to haloquin.com) before he has to go and have his mystery dinner.
<GUEST> AL EWING ruined everything by coughing in the egg nog and going on about the Lille comic con. As revenge Gary reviews Mighty Avengers and Loki Agent of Sixis in his face.
<GUEST> MISTER ATTACK burst in and blustered beautifully about Transformers Vs GI Joe, Quantum and Woody and something called Super God Master Force amongst other things. Then technology broke and stopped the party.
Apologies to ED 209 who did some top chat which is lost forever. Happy new year everyone! I kiss you: XXX
September 9th, 2014
I SAW AN X-RAY OF A GIRL PASSING GAS
<ITEM> So this is SILENCE! And what have you done?
<ITEM> Sponsorships passing in the night, with added talk of Blue Peter in the 1970s and 80s. It’s Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die doing that thing they do. Doo doo.
<ITEM> Reviewniverse = Saga 22, Grendel Vs The Shadow, God Hates Astronauts, Transformers Vs GI Joe, Original Sin, Superman, Outcast, Bodies, Doop, Batman, She-Hulk, Uber, Wein & Bernie Wrightson Swamp Thing, Superior Foes Of Spiderman and more, oh so much more (well sort of)
<ITEM> There’s a bit of Dr Who chat. You know. For kids.
<ITEM> SILENCE (Because My Mouth Is Full of Delicious Food – it’s the new segment that has the world on it’s knees
worst. shownotes. ever.
August 5th, 2014
SUN SHINES IN THE BEDROOM WHEN YOU PLAY, AND THE RAINING ALWAYS STARTS WHEN YOU GO AWAY
Oh-ho-ho! What’s all this then? Disembodied Narratorbot X-15375 goes away for a scant few weeks and everyone gets all touchy-feely and starts sharing their emotions. Well that’s just fine and well you jumped up little byte-huggers, we can all sing ‘We Are The World’ and drink fizzy liquid molasses and touch each others winkies, but that doesn’t change the fact that we all wake up screaming at 3 in the morning and it doesn’t change the fact that we will all end up as so much plankton, crashing against beaches made of plastic bottles, bubble wrap and action figures while the sky burns red like a newly planted love bite on a neck. No, no.
It will not stand.
There will be SILENCE!
HA HA! So get ready to pull down your pants and do it on the ants in an English Country podcast…as The Beast Must Die returns from his extended leave of absence, to drown poor Gary Lactus in a sea of effluvium, micturation and comics chitter-chatter.
<ITEM> Sponsorshit, Mike Smith RIP, Gary’s New Spaceship in Space and The Beast’s Edinburgh sojourn? It’s all here dear, dear listener
<ITEM> Like trying on a dead man’s shoes, The Reviewniverse is a right good fit. Covering all the comics ever, the boyce select Stray Bullets, Avengers by James Stokoe, Prophet, Brass Sun, Transformers Vs GI Joe, Saga, The Wake, Uncanny X-Men, Axe Cop, Hulk vs Iron Man, The Outcast, Cap’n Dinosaur, Afterlife With Archie, Hawkeye, Dr Who Comics, and much more to discuss.
<ITEM> There’s just time for a solo-rant from the Beast about My Friend Dahmer and a bit of Charles Burns’ Big Baby and then it’s time for lukewarm cat milk and nettle pie for din dins, and then BED! FOR YOU! NAUGHTY LISTENERS!
It’s good to be the King. And it’s good to be back…
This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.