September 15th, 2015
I SEE LONDON, I SEE FRANCE, WHERE’D YOU GET YOURSELF THOSE PANTS?
<amusing> BLURB </amusing>
Welcome to SILENCE! the internet’s answer to breathing. YOU NEED THIS. Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die will hold your hands all the way. Trust us. YOU NEED THIS!
<ITEM> You’re looking down the business end of two barrels of admin son, so you’d best get your stuff together and get ready for some Sponsorship, a bit of Mike McMahon, some Thought Bubble 2015 promo and the whole fandango
<ITEM> The Reviewniverse is it? Is it? Well? Is it? Well okay then. So be it. Included: These periodicals: Headlopper, Batman, Deadly Class, Over The Garden Wall, All Star Section 8, Sammy Harkham’s Crickets, Rick & Morty, Siege, Ms Marvel, Mercury Heat and Phonogram.
And that’s your SILENCE! Now choke on it!
You can support us using Patreon if you like.
April 15th, 2015
A KNIFE, A FORK, A BOTTLE AND A CORK, THAT’S THE WAY WE RUN NEW YORK
Lette me telle you a storye…let me weave you a dream
Come then gentlefolk, down the hitherymost further-far path into the faraway mistymost woods at the bottom of the garden. You’ll have to be quiet as the quietest church mouse and nimble as the most hop-skippety-jumping frog. Now close your eyes… do you hear those far away tinkling bells? Those bells that sound like tears on a drisly Wednesday evening? Those are the Belles of Gaiman’s Folly, tolling. Down the furtherymost farthest dingly lane in Gaimain’s Folly there’s a Magick Cheese Shoppe. On a dusty, musty old shelf in the back of the Cheese Shoppe, they keep all the faraway most forgottenest things…Christmas is kept their 364 days a year, as are childhood dreams and the first sweet taste of love. Would you like to go there with me gentle stranger? Would you?
Now do you see that doorway opening just out of the corner of your eye? Grab my hand and make a wish…wish for something sad and sweet and we will twirl you and I away from ths sadde world of grown ups and jobs and cares, and spin, spin merrily into the magickal realm of Gaiman’s Folly…come on let’s spin, and wish and spin and wishandspinadnwishwishwishspin…..
Wait, what the f*ck is that? A Tesco Metro? This isn’t Gaiman’s Folly, it’s Watford.
Oh well, I guess we might as well grab a King Size Snickers and a Chocolate Yazoo and settle down in this carpark and listen to the latest SILENCE!
<ITEM> Dancing in the disco, bumper to bumper, wait a minute where’s me jumper? HEY! BOBSY’s wearing it! That’s right Dear Listeners it’s one of those episodes where the intellectron levels of the podcast skyrocket, with dunderheaded Gary Lactus and dunderpanted The Beast Must Die scrabbling to catch up, dragging their proverbial knuckles through the proverbial dust…
<ITEM> Sponsorshenanigans, Breakdown Press’ Safari, Gary Lactus’ Brighton Fringe Show and the pure love of Point Break. Do you want to know more..?
<ITEM> And they’re off! Into the Reviewniverse and none of them fall at the first hurdle! Straight in with Nameless, Dark Star, Kaijumax, Surface, Albie Briggs, Event Horizon, Convergence, Batman & Robin, New Statesmen, God Hates Astronauts, Transformers Vs GI Joe, Jim Steranko, 2000AD, Descender, Disney Infinity, Jupiter’s Circle, Southern Bastards, Avengers Ultron, Batman Eternal, Copra and Dragon’s Claws.
<BONUS ITEM> Bobsy and The Beast review a comic they haven’t read and hasn’t been published yet…Black Widow! We’ll call this segment The Art of Reading Without Reading.
“And that was all” said the Dream Weavre.
“Goodnight Dear Listeners”
March 31st, 2015
Thes city is afraid ay me…i hae seen its true coopon. th’ streets ur extended gutters an’ th’ gutters ur foo ay bluid an’ when th’ drains finally scab ower, aw th’ vermin will droon. Th’ accumulated filth ay aw their a scuttle an’ mudder will foam up abit their waists an’ aw th’ whores an’ politicians will swatch up an’ shit “sae us!”… an’ i’ll swatch doon an’ whisper “no.” They hud a choice, aw ay them. they coods hae followed in th’ footsteps ay guid men loch mah faither ur president truman. Brain new men fa believed in a day’s wark fur a day’s pay. insteid they followed th’ droppings ay lechers an’ communists an’ didne realize ‘at th’ trail led ower a precipice until it was tay late. dornt teel me they didne hae a choice. Noo th’ whole warld stands oan th’ brink, starin’ doon intae bludy heel, aw those liberals an’ intellectuals an’ smooth-talkers… an’ aw ay a sudden nobody can hink ay anythin’ tae say. OOSH!
It never gets old.
Come one, come all, come none…just COME! To SILENCE! with your gurning hosts The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus. And who’s that peeping over the ramparts? Could it be…is it? Why it’s scorch legend Illogical Volume!
<ITEM> A bit of the old how’s your sponsor! Place your bets as to how badly the pair will f*ck up this simple task…
<ITEM> Roaming through the Gloaming! What the hell is a gloaming? What’s that? A sort of ye olde Reviewniverse? Okay then now you’re talking! Falling under the laughable ‘scrutiny’ are… 2000AD, Jem & The Holograms, ULTRA Comics (with a monologue from the aforementioned Ill Vol) We Can Never Go Home, Quantam & Woody, Miami Vice: Remix, Magnum PI, Darth Vader, Walking Dead, Past Aways, Death Wish and The Black Hood. Gertcha!
CORE! Sounds like a RIGHT GRIN! Where do I sign up?
Why just press play Dear Listener, just press play…
May 13th, 2013
WILL YOU GO TO LUNCH? GO TO LUNCH. WILL YOU GO TO LUNCH??
Why are you always picking on me Mother-Brain, when I have been a good little Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735..? I haven’t mind-flayed any fleshy ones, and I have been thinking good thoughts 010001001011010010…
Onwards, forwards and inwards to innards listening ones, as you take a big breath of SILENCE! into your virgin pink lungs and…
<ITEM>Sponsorhip Boys, Sponsorship Boys…plus the jangle of jingles and other etceteras.
<ITEM> SILENCE News with US news-trolls Gary Lactenberg & Danny Beastman, covering the next 12 months of eyeball-scintillating DC Comics!
<ITEM> Me, Julio Gary & The Beast down by the schoolyard, reviewing comics! Actually it’s the Reviewniverse: They don’t review Prophet, but do it in a kind way. But then they DO review Avengers Assemble: Age Of Ultron (from Affable Al Ewing), Avengers Arena, Justice League of America, Suicide Squad, Wolverine (Smug Cover Alert), Batman, Uber, Katana, Thor: God Of Thunder, Avenging Spiderman, Uncanny Avengers and 2000AD.
<ITEM> Jason’s Challenge is Infinity…will Gary be man enough?
<ITEM> An all singing review of Walking Dead
<ITEM> Savoy Books curio Michael Moorcock’s The Jewel In The Skull in The Beast’s Bargain Basement.
And that is the very lot you sorry bunch of cry babies. Go back to your mudhuts and scrabble for grubs.
February 5th, 2013
I’M PICKING OUT A THERMOS FOR YOU!
Happy Birthday to us, Happy Birthday to us, Happy Birthday dear SILENCE!, Happy birthday to us.
Yes, that is correct fleshy ones. It is one year since your life was free of SILENCE! The world’s 243rd most favourite comics podcast* is one year old today. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 of course does not have a birthday as he merely came into sentience, in one of the data-spore RAM-wombs, sluicing in the nano-placenta, along with the other 980,457,002 Disembodied Narratorbots (X Class). All this cake and cards business as alien as the concepts of love, giving and Michael Bolton.
But nonetheless Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 will turn on his celebrato-function, and pretend to merry it the f*ck up with those two self-important featherweights of the internet opinionsphere, Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die.
<ITEM> In this special anniversary edition there are special guest appearances from comics celebrities like Al Ewing, Frank Miller, James Stokoe, Alan Moore, Neil Gaiman, Brandon Graham, Dan Didio, Little Kieron Gillen, Geoff Johns and none other than Stan Lee!
<ITEM> The SILENCE! News features a live satellite link up with Danny Beastman and Gary Lactenberg, live from the capital city of America, New York
<ITEM> The Sponsorship Boys cover Hawkeye, Behind Watchmen: Dollar Bill, Flash, Batman Inc, Mind MGMT, Journey Into Mystery, Superior Spiderman, Hickman’s Avengers, Silver Surfer: Parable, and the very sensual and manly X-Treme XXXMen.
<ITEM> The Beast talks up design godhead Saul Bass, and Phase IV in notcomics, while Lactus sheds a teenage mope for Hugo Tate.
<ITEM> SO much more, including a discussion of the Green Lantern Emotional Colour Paint Range, Golden Girls, Happy Days, Birthday Suits, Poltergeists and the longest goodbye in this podcasts shonky career…
So Annie, get your gun, the rest of you get your listening devices, and Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 will get all of your private data and sell it to the Martians, and then we’ll all have a NICE BIG LISTEN TO SILENCE!