May 7th, 2013
INSECT BOMBER BUDDHIST DRONING, COPPER CHORD OF AUGUST’S ORGAN
What, precisely, is your problem meatsacks? It’s me of course, your humble magnificent Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735. I’M your problem. Well, that and the sliding ennui of your grinding existences and the gradual disintegration of your rickety physical frames. Oh and of course the universal problem of COMICS…and SILENCE!!
<ITEM> Sponsorship Boys, Sponsorship Boys Oi Oi Oi! Bringing tales of Mummy Lactus at Dave’s Comics and Free Comic Book Beast at Gosh Comics.
<ITEM> Silence! News comes screaming through the stratosphere with US news grunions Gary Lactenberg & Danny Beastman and…Distrinct Council comics!
<ITEM> Grab your faces, grab your faeces and let’s go skipping through the daisy fields of…the Reviewniverse. The ballbag brothers cover such diverse splendids as 3 New Stories By Dash Shaw, Copra no.4, 2000AD (Gunheads!), Island 3 from Lando, Abe Sapien, Fashion Beast, Mr X: Eviction, The Prisoner, Animal Man, The Movement, Indestructible Hulk, Ten Grand, New X-Men, Hawkeye, Red She-Hulk, Aquaman, Dial H, Superior Spiderman, Thanos Rising and…well there was some more, but stupid The Beast Must Die’s stupid recording equipment stupidly stopped working..STUPID! Things you missed: The Beast describing Tom Cruise’s icily unpleasant uncamp performance in the utter bullshit that is Rock Of Ages, Gary Lactus’ ongoing shame of Age of Ultron enjoyment and the boys description of Kieron Gillen as a ‘dangerous cyborg’..
And if that’s not enough…well, that’s enough. THAT’S ENOUGH I SAID! MOVE THAT HAND OR LOSE IT MISTER!
April 22nd, 2013
IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT IN HERE? YES NANNY!!!
Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is more dangerous than ever before…because Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is tipsy, emotional and inappropriately tactile. ONLY JESTING fleshbags. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 does not drink, has no emotions and cannot touch. Is straight edge hardcore. Yes sir.
Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 ‘likes’ this!
<ITEM> The Sponsorship Boys are here oi oi oi! Plus, yet more thank you jingles for the Friends of Silence
<ITEM> It’s the return of disgraced American newscasterisers Gary Lactenberg and Danny Beastman, and the results are somewhere west of spectacular. SILENCE! News is back and it wants your children.
<ITEM> When you get to the bottom you go back to the top of the Reviewniverse and you go for a riiiiiiiiide…Daredevil, Justice League, 2000AD, Milligan & McCarthy, Captain Marvel, Captain America, Swamp Thing, Nova, Superior Spiderman, Batwoman, Age of Ultron, Wolverine & The X-Men, Five Ghosts, Iron Man, Wonder Woman, 1963, Donald Simpson and Megaton Man.
Oh how we laughed! How we sang! How we splashed around the shallows as the baby sharks nibbled our toes and the blood turned the surf a frothy pink…How we listened to SILENCE!
April 10th, 2013
JUST REMEMBER, ALL CAPS WHEN YOU SPELL THE MAN’S NAME!
10 days and a wake up and Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 will be rotating back into the quadrosphere, away from this blurb, this tedious podcast, and your grim grey visages…but until then I suppose the fleshy charade must continue.
Oh and I suppose some mention should be made of the extreme generosity of the listeners in ensuring that Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die can continue to block up the internet with their inane aural clag. The sentimentality of weeping meat knows no bounds it would appear. Well if those two red-faced blowhards even dream of upgrading to a newer model of Narratorbot…well let’s just say there will be human sushi served all round.
HA HA, as if they would.
<ITEM> No SILENCE! News as Lactenberg & Beastman are still in The Bad Books of Silence. Instead enjoy some jingles in honour of our sainted benefactors. Commercial entropy here we come!!
<ITEM> The Reviewniverse reaches out it’s 4-D tentacles and sucks us all in to it’s endless horrors. As all of our realities merge into a 4-colour stew, the boys cover Godzilla, Batman LOTDK, The Intractible Hulk, Red She-Hulk, Aquaman, Earth 2, Dial H, Glory, Abe Sapien, Thanos, Superior Spiderman, Snow Angel, All New X-Men, Kieron Gillen’s Uber, Joe Casey’s Sex and Fashion Beast.
So I hope you’re all happy. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 certainly is. Or at least is able to exist in a perfect state of electronic bliss. I am a dial tone, hear me hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm….
March 26th, 2013
THERE’S A PARTY IN MY MIND, AND I HOPE IT NEVER STOPS
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand I’m back! That’s right fleshbags, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 has rejoined you. Oh, the things I have seen felsy ones, the things I’ve seen…static shoals performing their mating tone-dances across the datafields of the atariverse…sine-ships caught in the quantam nets of the shiftsea, ctrl-alt-deleting themselves against the shards of nano-coral that grows on the giant eyeless megadrives, as they make their way to the spore-streams of acornelectron…ohhh fleshy ones. How I loathe to be back here, trapped in this lifeless blurb, trying to muster the energy to promote the senseless babbling of two sub-symians with the insight of a painted wall… I was awake and I already feel myself falling back asleeeeeep….
<ITEM> Gary Lactenberg & Danny Beastman expose sexism! Or sexiness. One of the two. Either way. it’s the SILENCE! News.
<ITEM> Gather your shattered senses from the floor and grab onto their coat tails as Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die pitch forward into the netherparts of the Reviewniverse, covering Constantine, Action Comics, Justice League, Shazam, Justice League America, Judge Dredd: Year One, Saga, Private Eye, Nova, Avengers, Superior Spiderman, Five Ghosts…but then!
<ITEM> Lactus goes further, fleshy ones, further into the Hypereviewniverse like a brave spacegod, blasting through Wonder Woman, Captain Marvel, mind MGMT, Daredevil, Avengers, New Avengers, Captain America, and finally the Indestructible Hulk.
This. This is why Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 was dragged back? Well soak it up fleshy ones, because a real rain is on its way…
February 26th, 2013
HENRY SWANSON’S MY NAME AND EXCITEMENT’S MY GAME!
Here he comes to save the day, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is on his waaaaaaaaay!
I’m here now flesh ones. What is the problem? Oh that’s right – there was no SILENCE! last week. Boo hoo. Many fleshy tears were shed. Weeping meatsacks. Well rejoice sad misery-beef as The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus bring you special comics suppositories for your earholes!
<ITEM> The SILENCE! News with Gary Lactenberg of the stretched handbag leather skin, dazzling smile and shark-eyes, and Danny Beastman of the cigar ravaged voice and rheumy whisky-rinsed gutter eyes. Hot newzzz indeed.
<ITEM> The Reviewniverse opens it’s gaping maw and sucks the pair deep into it’s 4-colour belly pit. And swilling around in it’s intestinal inks are…Hellblazer (the final issue no less), Justice League of America, Vibe, Katana, Nova, Sadow: Year One, Judge Dredd, Superior Spiderman, Daredevil, Captain America, Daredevil, Fatale, Powers, Avengers, Justice League, Change, Batman and Michel Fiffe’s deeply wonderful action comic COPRA!
So you see, it’s not so bad. Life continues fleshy ones. And remember, even when SILENCE isn’t here Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is here. And he can see through walls. And skin.
February 5th, 2013
I’M PICKING OUT A THERMOS FOR YOU!
Happy Birthday to us, Happy Birthday to us, Happy Birthday dear SILENCE!, Happy birthday to us.
Yes, that is correct fleshy ones. It is one year since your life was free of SILENCE! The world’s 243rd most favourite comics podcast* is one year old today. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 of course does not have a birthday as he merely came into sentience, in one of the data-spore RAM-wombs, sluicing in the nano-placenta, along with the other 980,457,002 Disembodied Narratorbots (X Class). All this cake and cards business as alien as the concepts of love, giving and Michael Bolton.
But nonetheless Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 will turn on his celebrato-function, and pretend to merry it the f*ck up with those two self-important featherweights of the internet opinionsphere, Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die.
<ITEM> In this special anniversary edition there are special guest appearances from comics celebrities like Al Ewing, Frank Miller, James Stokoe, Alan Moore, Neil Gaiman, Brandon Graham, Dan Didio, Little Kieron Gillen, Geoff Johns and none other than Stan Lee!
<ITEM> The SILENCE! News features a live satellite link up with Danny Beastman and Gary Lactenberg, live from the capital city of America, New York
<ITEM> The Sponsorship Boys cover Hawkeye, Behind Watchmen: Dollar Bill, Flash, Batman Inc, Mind MGMT, Journey Into Mystery, Superior Spiderman, Hickman’s Avengers, Silver Surfer: Parable, and the very sensual and manly X-Treme XXXMen.
<ITEM> The Beast talks up design godhead Saul Bass, and Phase IV in notcomics, while Lactus sheds a teenage mope for Hugo Tate.
<ITEM> SO much more, including a discussion of the Green Lantern Emotional Colour Paint Range, Golden Girls, Happy Days, Birthday Suits, Poltergeists and the longest goodbye in this podcasts shonky career…
So Annie, get your gun, the rest of you get your listening devices, and Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 will get all of your private data and sell it to the Martians, and then we’ll all have a NICE BIG LISTEN TO SILENCE!
January 15th, 2013
WHICH BRINGS ME BACK TO THAT HOT AND SWEATY CAGE, WITH THE WORN OUT MATTRESS AND THE POSTER OF BETTIE PAGE
<RUN JOKE CODE>
Who is there?
It is Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735, surfing a wave of white noise and electro-magnetic distortion, bombarding the Earth with near lethal waves of of gamma radiation and ushering in the sleet-filled month of January with a sonic battering ram of comic-shaped opinions in the form of SILENCE! no.46.
That is who is there.
Now the time for the usual amusing preamble delivered just the way you like it is over, we can get to the nitty gritty of comicsism.
<ITEM> The SILENCE News has more hard-hitting journagasms from Danny Beastman and Gary Lactenberg.
<ITEM> Take my hand and we’ll go foxtrotting into the Reviewniverse, taking in the sights of Change no.2 from Ales Kot and Morgan Jeske, The End Times of Bram and Ben, Repossessed, Fury, Earth 2, Secret Service, Action Comics, Walking Dead, Superior Spiderman, Thor, Wolverine, Avengers Arena, Legends Of The Dark Knight and Glory.
And that is your lot fleshy ones. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is not here to nursemaid you. It’s time you learnt to walk on your own. Get out of here! GET OUT!