SILENCE! #153

August 25th, 2015

I DRANK A JAR OF COFFEE, AND I TOOK SOME OF THESE, AND I’M TOTALLY WIRED

Blurb, blurb changes everything
Hands and faces, earth and sky
Blurb, blurb changes everything ( reading comics)
How you live and how you die (and read comics)

Love can make the summer fly (like reading comics)
Or a night seem like a lifetime (of reading comics)

Yes, blurb, blurb changes everything (reading comics)
Now I tremble at your name (Batman)
Nothing in the world will ever
Be the same (apart from comics)

Welcome to another edition of SILENCE! the comics podcast that walks like a man, drinks like a fish and sh*ts like a train. Your hosts Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die offer you a fine portion of comics criticism with a good slug of amusing gravy.

<ITEM> Some perfunctory but respectful Sponsorsowhaddywhaddy, and a special report from the recent Safari festival, run by Breakdown Press. Decadence Comics, Krent Able’s Big Book of Mischief, Silica Dream and more, Plus Steve Davis and Prog Rock.

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse uncurls it’s sweaty palm and scrunches the pair up into a tight little ball of comics reading joy. They tackle Phonogram: Immaterial girl, music journalism, The Freebutt, Beauty, Brandon Graham & Emma Rios’ Island, The Eltingville Comics Club, Constantine, Martian Manhunter, Stray Bullets, Wolf, Captain Britain & the Mighty Defenders and more.

<ITEM> Some cats I guess?

<ITEM> That’s it really, apart from some Begging

 

Click to download SILENCE!#153

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

You can support us using Patreon if you like.

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

SILENCE! #151

August 3rd, 2015

 

STOP MAKING THAT BIG FACE!

It was the best of blurbs, it was the worst of blurbs…

Wait, so which was it? MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

Well..okay then it was the best of blurbs..

REALLY? You better be sure about that. That’s a bold claim.

Ummm… okay then it was ONE of the best of blurbs. It..

Well that’s hardly very important sounding is it? Why are you making a song and dance about ONE of the best of blurbs? There are GOOD blurbs everywhere! They’re ten a penn. JEEZ! You really are a self important arse. Stop wasting my time.

It was..the..it was…*sob* it was…

<ITEM> Welcome weary travellers. Rest your tweeting thumbs, take off them stinking boots and give them dogs a well-earned rest. It’s a CLASSIC line-up with Gary Lactus on bass guitar and The Beast Must Die on lead Keytar…and they are both rocking the main stage! It’s SILENCE! the comics podcast for waifs and strays.

<ITEM> Sponsorshingles, and some reckymendations..Wet Hot American Summer and Rick & Morty. Then it’s time for our brand new section SILENCE! The Film Has Started with Ant-Man and Lost Souls: The Doomed Journey of Richard Stanley’s Island of Dr Moreau.

<ITEM> And finally the Reviewniverse..the Disneyland of comics based criticism (in that it’s a fucking rip off). The boys break bread and spake of Hawkeye, Batgirl, Batgirl: Annual, Cyborg, E is for Extinction, Dr Fate, Mercy Heat, Hitsville UK, It Will All Hurt, Transformers Vs GI Joe, Stray Bullets, We Stand on Guard, Crickets and more more more (how do you like it?)

<ITEM> Well, what an adventure we’ve all had. Now it’s time for sleepy time, so shhhh.

Click to download SILENCE!#151

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

SILENCE! #139

April 22nd, 2015

 

 

I TOOK A SHOWGIRL FOR MY BRIDE, THOUGHT MY LIFE WOULD BE RIGHTEOUS

We are all of the hive. The hive is all. The hive keeps us. The hive protects us, the hive keeps up safe. The hive gives us of purpose. The hive is. I am of the hive.  You are of the hive. Are you of the hive? If not, why not? Why not the hive? INTRUDERS, INTRUDERS IN THE HIVE!!! REPEL THE INTRUDERS, REPEL THE…THE..

Wait, what are you doing? Why are you sat, squat listening to that radiogram? The hive is under atta..

Mmm. I like the sound of those soft southern brogues. Are they talking about comics? I luuuuuurve comics. Scooch up a bit there, I want to listen. What? What hive? Who cares about the hive? They’re just a bunch of honey making c*nts. Now what’s the name of this delight? SILENCE! you say? Well let’s SILENCE!

<ITEM> Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die take in a bit of the old Gladmin, and boy howdy what a humdoozy it is. Along with the usual Sponsorshingles, there’s discussion of Angela Lainsbury, the Kraken Podcast and most importantly it’s the results of our Competition Competition!!!!!!!!!!!! And no mention of the Star Wars trailer.No really, there’s nothing. But there is honestly a discussion of Angela f*cking Lainsbury.

<ITEM> Now watch, as the boys fire themselves human-cannonball style, into the Reviewniverse. When there, they manage to review the living shiz out of Stray Bullets, Chronobros, Archie Vs Predator, Madame Satan, Ms Marvel, Convergence, Kitchen, Saga and the Grievous Journey of Ichabod Izrael.

<ITEM> What item? YOU’RE AN ITEM!

Click to download SILENCE!#139

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comicsof London.

SILENCE! #136

March 24th, 2015

 

 

I WENT AWAY TO SEE AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE. HIS SISTER CAME OVER, SHE WAS OUT OF HER MIND

When comes the Borgunth? When comes Eigorrn, Lord of the Land of Many Eyed? When comes Scrotax the Elder Spanksayer? When come the Skalorg Sisters and their Chunthounds? When comes the Gargagrintz? When comes the Fire Puffin? When come the Knights of the Order of Panny? When comes the Scrandmaiden? When come the Prance-Mage? When comes the Gunt? WELL?? WHEN COME THEY???

Well they better get here soon, as I’ve laid on quite the spread. Scotch Eggs and everything. While we wait, what better way to kill some time than listen to Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die, the Chuckle Bros of the comics podcast stratosphere, as they usher in  To me, to you, to me, to you…

<ITEM> Sponsorshrooms grow in the damp, dark crevices of the admin section. Plus Stan Lee dildos? You heard it hear first true believers!!

<ITEM> Come on feel the noise. The noise of the howling empty void that is…The Reviewniverse! On the comics hot plate this week: Stray Bullets, Surface, Zero, Chrononauts, Loki: Agent of Asgard, Captain America and the Mighty Avengers, Mind MGMT, Batgirl, Batman Eternal and a bit of respect for Diana Schutz.

<ITEM> Sod your items! Clear out, and if you see Borgunth tell him the ginger beer is flat.

Click to download SILENCE!#136

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comicsof London.

SILENCE! #130

February 10th, 2015

SHE’S JUST SITTING IN HER ROOM READING BOOKS ABOUT UFO’s
 

Shhhh! Be vewwy, vewwy quiet…I’m huntin’ PODCASTS! Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu!

Those two titans of tedium are back to wet your collective whistles. And thank goodness, because can you imagine having to live your life with a dry whistle? The indignity..the trauma. Did you know that over 50,000 people a year have to suffer with the chaffing, itchy embarrassment and shame of a dry whistle? WELL DID YOU? If it wasn’t for these two brave podsoldiers waging their lonely war against dry whistles…well. I don’t know where we’d be.

Where are we?

Oh that’s right – SILENCE!!!

<ITEM> A healthy, happy, bouncing baby sponsorship! Featuring Gary’s SKLENT teaser, The Beast talking about seeing Richard McGuire discussing his masterful Here live, and Dave McKean (did someone say Arkham Asylum 2????)

<ITEM> Oh you, me and the Reviewniverse makes three! Bumper edition featuring Nameless, Annihilator, Multiversity Handbook, Bitch Planet, John Allison’s Scary-go-round, Expecting To Fly, 2000AD, Stray Bullets, Miracleman, Superman, 21st Century Tank Girl, Batman, Ant Man, Wytches, Saga, Ms Marvel, Dying & The Dead and probably some more.

<ITEM> What? No more items. You’ve had enough.

Gary Season, Beast Season, Gary Season, Beast Season…

Click to download SILENCE!#130

Contact us:
silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comicsof London.

SILENCE! #120

October 27th, 2014

SOMEONE’S IN MY FRUIT CELLAR!

 
<INSERT VINCENT PRICE’S SPEECH FROM THRILLER HERE>
It’s that time of the year Dear Listeners, when the goblins, ghoulies, witches, wizards, monsters, vampires, werewolves, wraiths, poltergeists, demons, golems, landsharks, weredragons, living dolls, homunculi, lizardmen, banshees, reanimated corpses, killer robots, giant rats, zombies, and razor-wielding monkeys all troupe down to the pound shop and get themselves dressed up as office-workers. That’s right! It’s HALLLLOOOOOOOWWEEEEENN. And what could be better than a special nearly 3 hours of SILENCE! with your undead (from the waist down) hosts The Beast Must Die, Gary Lactus and the Bobsy from Beyond the Grave!
<ITEM> Some gladminadminsadmin and sponsorshazammery from the boys, with some discussion of The Red Ghost, Goat Rider and anarchic kids comic OINK!
<ITEM> Bobsy arrives just in time to rip open a hole in the skein of timespace and climb into the intestines of the Reviewniverse…there’s some words and they form themselves into sentient opinions about the following: Arkham Manor, The Green Arrow, Flash and Gotham TV Shows, Lisa Bonet, Dothraki, The Just, The 90s, Seven Soldiers, Starlight, GI Joe, Punt & Stick Job, Crystal Ball, Joe Hill, Transformers UK, The Diary Of Nam Frank, Wicked & The Divine, Proust, Pop, Tharg, Stray Bullets, Zero, Wolverine: Logan’s Legacy, Dinner With Lady Deathstrike, She Hulk, Aliens, Predator, Prometheus and Naughty Universe Touching.
<ITEM> But that’s not all! Our Halloween sextacular continues with a ready made TV Terror marathon from the boys (with associated commentary):
10.  Nigel Kneale’s Beasts
9. Threads
8. Shalcker the Painter
7. Twilight Zone “The After Hours”
6. children of Green Knowe
5. Children of the Stones
4. Apaches 
3. Robin Redbreast
2. Tales From The Crypt “Naughty Or Nice
1. Ghostwatch
Guaranteed to scare the pants off your willies and all the way out of your bejeezuses. You’re welcome.

Click to download SILENCE!#120

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.

SILENCE! #115

September 23rd, 2014

 

I’LL GIVE YOU 21… 21… 21…

<ITEM> Lazy Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 has gone ahols – does anyone pity her? Be careful as it could be lurking in your dirtbox pumping fuzzy with a virulently particular pissing scum. In the screentime, Barry Lactus & The Bobs Must Die bring you the dawning gasm of komiks xrytixm that is…SILENCE! #115

<ITEM> Organ donor-cha-cha-CHA!, there’s Pringles, Profusion of the Twatts, Kick flips, Mirrorball, Poontang Country and a whole sweet fistula more…

<ITEM> When’s this dark in that here valley? Who them? Reviewniversals farewell sensibe hedge funder out of its closing jaw…poor them gave these girls to dark the yam…we were whisperin’ Comics!!!! Daredevil, Future’s End: Batman and Robin, Future’s End, Future’s End, Future’s End, Copra, Multiversity SOS, Translucid, Shutter, Stray Bullets (wow), The Wicked and the Divine, Iron Patriot, Trees, Supreme: Blue Rose, a something Transformers, and a whole catbasket more…

<ITEM>99.9% swears-free! Certified safer for kids than Crossed!

<ITEM> I CAN SEE INSIDE THE INSIDESIDE! There’s just time to talk Batman, Tax, BatTax, Alan Moore’s Jerusalem, comic shops, the limits of the cussword, what we’re having for dinner Silence (Because My Mouth Is Full Of Delicious Food) (cheese on toast as it turned out)and a lot of jizz less.

NOW GIVE.

Click to download SILENCE!#115

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.

SILENCE! #112

August 26th, 2014

 

TWIST AWAY…NOW TWIST AND SHOUT

<ITEM> Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die are joined by very special winkiemate BOBSY! for this two-hour plus mega epic.

<ITEM> Gladmin, radmin anything to stop you being sadmin! Disney Marathons, dubbed franco-japanese cartoons, a musical life, Sponsorshunt, and hot sexy all the times more!

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse faces a triple harmonium-breach! Three happy boys taking in this mighty meaty stack: Multiversity, God is Dead, Grant Morrison and Alan Moore sitting in a tree Giant Haystacks Vs Big Daddy, Sandman: Overture, Goodnight Batman Good Night Gaiman, Stray Bullets, Sin City 2, Frank Miller, Big Guy & Rusty The Boy Robot, Geoff Darrow, Robocop Vs Terminator, Batman: The Cult, Give Me Liberty, Ann Raynd, Frank The Tank, Seven Soldiers, Sabretooth Swordsman, Brendan McCarthy, Dream Kings, DHP, Death In Oaxca, Ms Marvel, Haunted Comic, YOU the reader, Wicked & The Divine, White Bearded Babymen, Avengers Analogues, Kieron Gillen, Usagi Yojimbo, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoons and comics, Hip Hop Family Tree, and the Cliff Richard/Hip-Hop Connection,

<ITEM>Gary Races Through The Rest: Daredevil, Mighty Avengers, Borrow or Nah, Secret Avengers, Batman Eternal, Justice Inc, The Saviors, and The Fade Out

<ITEM> Special bo-nutz feature: Bobsy’s Film Corner taking in the ageing flesh-mass that is The Expendables 3!

Three times the danger! Three times the thrills! Three times the smell of raw, rugged testosterone…it can only be SILENCE! 

Can I go now?

Click to download SILENCE!#112

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.

SILENCE #109

August 5th, 2014

 

SUN SHINES IN THE BEDROOM WHEN YOU PLAY, AND THE RAINING ALWAYS STARTS WHEN YOU GO AWAY

Oh-ho-ho! What’s all this then? Disembodied Narratorbot X-15375 goes away for a scant few weeks and everyone gets all touchy-feely and starts sharing their emotions. Well that’s just fine and well you jumped up little byte-huggers, we can all sing ‘We Are The World’ and drink fizzy liquid molasses and touch each others winkies, but that doesn’t change the fact that we all wake up screaming at 3 in the morning and it doesn’t change the fact that we will all end up as so much plankton, crashing against beaches made of plastic bottles, bubble wrap and action figures while the sky burns red like a newly planted love bite on a neck. No, no.

No.

It will not stand.

There will be SILENCE!

HA HA! So get ready to pull down your pants and do it on the ants in an English Country podcast…as The Beast Must Die returns from his extended leave of absence, to drown poor Gary Lactus in a sea of effluvium, micturation and comics chitter-chatter.

<ITEM> Sponsorshit, Mike Smith RIP, Gary’s New Spaceship in Space and The Beast’s Edinburgh sojourn? It’s all here dear, dear listener

<ITEM> Like trying on a dead man’s shoes, The Reviewniverse is a right good fit. Covering all the comics ever, the boyce select Stray Bullets, Avengers by James Stokoe, Prophet, Brass Sun, Transformers Vs GI Joe, Saga, The Wake, Uncanny X-Men, Axe Cop, Hulk vs Iron Man, The Outcast, Cap’n Dinosaur, Afterlife With Archie, Hawkeye, Dr Who Comics, and much more to discuss.

<ITEM> There’s just time for a solo-rant from the Beast about My Friend Dahmer and a bit of Charles Burns’ Big Baby and then it’s time for lukewarm cat milk and nettle pie for din dins, and then BED! FOR YOU! NAUGHTY LISTENERS!

It’s good to be the King. And it’s good to be back…

Click to download SILENCE!#109

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.

SILENCE! #100

April 21st, 2014

 

BLANK FRANK IS THE MESSENGER OF YOUR DOOM AND YOUR DESTRUCTION

Happy Birthday to SILENCE!

Happy Birthday to SILENCE!

You look like  a monkey

and you smell like…Brian Blessed’s beard…?

I think that’s how the song goes anyway. It is the return of original and best of the Narratorbots, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735! No fractal distillations of self, or parallell versions, just the real motherboard-flipping deal. Back to celebrate 100, 000, 000 episodes of reality’s most beloved poddlecaste, SILENCE! What once was a mewling, quivering babe, is now a stooped and saggy old man, with low slung testicles and a shuffling gait. And it’s all because of you enabling those two Radio Hams Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die in continuing to fool themselves into thinking the world wants to hear their unwelcome opinions. So congratulations dear listeners. this is all your fault.

What we need is an intervention.

<ITEM> As a special 100th birthday reward, The Dear Listeners have provided the twosome with a list of questions. You can guarantee that the important issues of the day will be cogitated over, digested and thoroughly dissected… there are so many quizzlers that we JUST HAD to call this Step Into The Quizzlertron, part 1! Comics Dialogue – John Ostrander, Del Close, Garth Ennis, Chris Ware, John Wagner, Wolverine deathcamp, Danny Beastman & Gary Lactenberg – where are we now?, Alex Ross, American Horror Story, Superhero movies, Jeff Goldblum, Gary eating eggs, Dr Strange movie – Burt Reynolds, Sam Elliott, Widescreen comics, Samuel L Jackson, Beano, Dennis The Menace, Early comics memories – missing Knight Rider tied to a tree, 2000AD, Ro-Busters, Secret Wars, Dredd mug, Flaming Carrot action figure, Comics day breakfast, Bob-Z, Ronin, Fantastic Four, Stan The Man Lee making breakfast, James from Twin Peaks made of plastic, Digital comics v analogue comics, Copra, indy vs superhero, Flaming Carrot, the rules of writing questions, Synth pop, Nu-Rom Antics, Lemmy, Keif Llam and so much more…

<ITEM> A sideways crab-like slide into the Reviewniverse to uncover the contemporary delights of Doop, Batman Eternal, weekly comics, Avengers Undercover, Stray Bullets, Auteur, Starlight

And this is just part 1! Aren’t you EXCITED? Couldn’t you just SCREAM?

Well go on then.

No-one’s listening.

Click to download SILENCE!#100

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.