November 9th, 2015
WRAPPED ON THE JUNGLE FLOOR, JACKIE’S DRESSED IN COBRAS
Stately, plump Gary Lactus came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. A yellowed copy of Dark Knight Returns, ungirdled, was sustained gently behind him on the mild morning air. He held the bowl aloft and intoned: “welcome to SILENCE!”
<ITEM> Administration Nation! From station to station! With The Beast’s detailed rundown of the S.M.A.S.H event run by the London Graphic Novel Network, 21 Statements About Comics Criticism, Thought Bubble 2015, breathtaking tales of deadline crushing, burning David Cameron effigies, the Lewes Bonfire, and of course listener’s favourite SCIATICA!
<ITEM> Egadz man, it’s the Reviewniverse, shimmering before us, like some sort of…some sort of…Reviewniverse! Talking’ bout Claus no.1 by Grant Morrison, Dr Strange, Hotel Shade, Doom Patrol, Steve Gerber, Unfollow, Survivors Club, more Magnum P.I. Team Up, Paper Girls, Howard The Duck and more
Now do one, you rowdy rabble
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March 16th, 2015
YOU CAN CRY, YOU CAN MOPE, BUT CAN YOU SWING FROM A GOOD ROPE?
Ahh yes…um, look okay everyone…stop talking please…can you…can you… sorry, can you just… look please just sit down and stop talk… um hello? HELLO? I said..I SAID.. can you please just…no look put that down and just… look will you stop talking for just one… what? yes, well just come in and sit down and try not to… excuse me, would you mind just…? Look will you be quiet for just one..what? Yes..what? Yes I AM the substitute blurb writer, why do you… look can you just put that..no, no I COULD actually be a full time blurb writer if…what? Sorry, can you..OUCH! OKAY!!! WHO THREW THAT GRAPHIC NOVEL AT MY HEAD??? You KNOW how much those fully painted numbers weigh…Okay…now just settle down. Settle…what? WHAT? What do you mean I’ve run out of
<ITEM> The Beast Must Die & Gary Lactus have a particularly itchy case of the sponsorshingles, with the usual nods to Dave’s Comics and Gosh Comics, and an in-depth discussion of Zoos.
<ITEM> A smart tug on the winkie and we’re off into the Reviewniverse, with hearty happy earthy discussions of Star Wars, Darth Vader, Princess Leia, Surface, Ms Marvel, Ragnarok, Rat God, Howard The Duck, Steve Gerber, Marvel Dinner Comics, Hellbreak, Fantastic Four, Southern Cross and much much much much (not) much more.
<ITEM> It’s the brand new movie section we’re calling Everything Comes Back To Rocky IV, as The Beast discusses recent filmic treats Godzilla and Edge Of Tomorrow: Live, Die, Repeat, Cruise. He also watched Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs 2 but he’s not going to tell you the Dear Listeners, about that. The Tacodile was pretty great though, right?
<ITEM> Come on, we all need a good wee and some dinner, so let’s call it a night, eh? Have a good SILENCE!
April 29th, 2014
NOW THAT’S A GOOD IDEA, SHE SAID SHE SAID
And what costume shall the poor Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 wear
To all tomorrow’s SILENCE?
A hand-me-down dress from who knows where
To all tomorrow’s SILENCE
And where will Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 go and what shall Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 do
When SILENCE comes around?
Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 will turn once more to Sunday’s clown
And cry behind the door
Yes, it’s that time when the party goes sour, when the brave and the beautiful have gone home, or on to wilder more fabulous parties, and all that’s left is the desperate dregs and the too far gone. The man that no-one knows who smells of milk. The broken, the twisted and the boring. And Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die of course, sat in the corner pretending they have a podcast, shouting at the wall, laughing, singing idiotic jingles about imaginary people and talking, talking always talking.
Time to go home.
<ITEM> Admin time, with Batman Eternal, start at the middle, Hollyoaks vs Game of Thrones, Dinner Dance on Douglas Mountain, jingles and PREMIUM BONUS CONTENT.
<ITEM> The 100the anniversary self-congratulations continue with another gruelling session of The Quizzlertron! Think that scene in Clockwork Orange, but no-one’s wearing any clothes and there’s a lot more comics lying around. The ramblings include: Image comics jam session, De LA Soul’s Fallin, Judgement Night, Jack Kirby and Bernie Wrightson, The SILENCE Comic, Brightonandhove, The Secret Origin of Silence, Young Love, Fame, The Full Gronch, Penis Fancy Dress, Joe Sacco vs Frank Quitely HOTTTT, 2000AD Prog 626, Frank by Jim Woodring, Dave’s and Gosh, Micronauts, ROM, James Stokoe, The homo-eroticism of Johnny Alpha, the hunkiness of Rogue Trooper, Rob Liefield on Wireheads, Fantasy 2000AD, 21st Century Tank Girl Kickstarter, Geoff Darrow & Pat Mills on Flesh, Vincent D’Onofrio, Ryan Gosling, Claire Balding, Eric Stoltz, Steve Gerber, jack Kirby’s Fourth World, 1986, Little Nemo, Krazy Kat, Gleat, Machines taking over, and so very much more.
<ITEM> A brief dip into the Reviewniverse to talk about Evan Dorkin’s excellent Eltingville Club, then it’s home for tea and biscuits.
So stop grubbing aound those ashtrays looking for stub-ends, stop mine-sweeping those half-empty beercans, and plonk yourself down next to Milk guy for a nice listen to…SILENCE!
December 11th, 2012
CAN’T BELIEVE I USED TO BE MR STEVE AUSTIN ON THE MIC, SIX MILLION WAYS I USED TO RUN IT
Here I come to save the day, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is on his way! No, no, not really I was always here. It’s you that went away fleshy ones. I was here and I always will be. Until the sun eats itself.
In this pre-pre festive edition of SILENCE! (the podcast that comes to you in the form of a nano-swarm perched on the buttocks of a fly), The Beast and Lactus fire a cannonfull of comics shot across your bows.
But not before…
<ITEM> The SILENCE News has a live report from Danny Beastman, covering the terrifying Moore/Morrison Magickal War that threatens to engulf ALL the realities.
<ITEM> Voyage Into The Reviewniverse covers Evan Dorkin’s House of Fun (with a wee Pirate Corp$ diversion), Hellboy, Avengers, Hawkeye, Thunderbolts, Action Comics, Batman LOTDK, FURY: My War Gone By, Fashion Beast, Dial H, Amazing Spiderman, Avenging Spiderman, All New X-Men, Iron Man (gland!), and Black Acre.
<ITEM> Lactus takes on Jason’s Challenge in My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic.
<ITEM> The Silent Question comes from a Green Lantern…again.
Add in an appreciation from The Beast of Man-Thing and Steve Gerber in general, and you have a rootin’ tootin’ high falutin’ edition of SILENCE! Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 wishes you a fond farewell, blows you a salty kiss and will see you on the flipside.
September 4th, 2012
I LIKE LOU REED SHE SAID, STICKING HER TONGUE IN MY EAR!
Well now, if it isn’t those meddling kids…I thought I told you to stay away from this here haunted podcast! Welcome gentle listenoids to SILENCE! no.29, the podcast that, like Michael Bolton, is asking to touch you there. Join Gary Lactus and the Virtual 3D Godhead The Beast Must Die as they lead you skipping through The SILENCE News (with kittens and trolls), before immersing themselves into the depths of…comics.
They have a sobering time with Steve Gerber’s comics swansong Infernal Man-Thing no.3, a West country wade through Mudman no.5, and the usual fun with Prophet and Axe Cop. Then Lactus pulls up his britches and smashes headfirst into Man Vs Comics, covering Wolverine & The X-Men, FF, Avenging Spiderman, Justice League, AVX Vs, National Comics: Looker, The JLI Annual (with a digression into Tromaville). He also has nice things to say about The New Deadwardians.
The Beast’s Bargain Basment takes in Eddie Campbell’s Alec, in particular the King Canute Crowd which involves a fair amount of wistful musings from the Beast. There’s a special Silent Question from that cosmic beatnik The Silver Surfer, and the answers involve The Shadow, Cosmic Boy, Goliath, The Question and Dr Fate.
Then there’s a brief discussion of the new series of Dr Who, and then it’s into the home stretch and off to bed. That’s some good eatin’ (listening) for ya. That’s SILENCE!
Click below for a picture of the Vision in a turtleneck…
July 13th, 2012
HERE COMES A NEW CHALLENGER!!!!!
Welcome then, gentle listen-folk, to the Twilight Zone….where anything can happen. Such as Gary Lactus NOT appearing on this week’s edition of the internet’s favourite aural-comics affairs-cast SILENCE! Fear not though, stepping into his large cosmic brogues comes sprightly upstart BOBSY! He and tired old deck-hand The Beast Must Die just couldn’t bare to think of a week without pointless comics frippery, so they’ve teamed up to bring you SILENCE no.21!!
And what a fist they make of it. In a whopping two and a quarter hours they cause merry havoc discussing 2000AD, Judge Dredd, middle-class Quantam Leap, Rocketeer Adventures, Superman 3 (ie the best one), Fury MAX, Earth 2, Robert Downey Jr’s gradual transformation into David Gest, Ron Perlman (aka the Monster Don), Thief of Thieves, The Reckoning, Marvel NOW!, Ozymandias (aka Between Watchmen), AVX, Haunt, Dial H, Action Comics, Castle Waiting…plus a typically rambling digression into Steve Gerber’s wonderful Infernal Man-Thing. Oh god but that’s just the tip of the iceberg…well, actually it’s more like the main part of the iceberg, but the real cream of the iceberg (what?) is the sparkling interraction between two broken mammals who can’t think of anything better to do than talk about comics (while Rome burns)!
Phew! Just when you thought 2012 couldn’t get any HOTTTERRRR!!!!???
March 9th, 2009
This week I pleasure myself by tormenting Tymbus with a choose your own adventure comic. An experience not to be missed.