February 23rd, 2015
THESE ARE THE FABLES ON MY STREET
It’s Oscar season! You know, that season where it’s okay to hunt people called Oscar! But before you run and grab your pistols, shotguns and catapults, why don’t you rest up for a while and take in the latest podstravaganza from the Dempsey & Makepeace of podcasting, Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die! The podcast is SILENCE!, the time is now and the trousers are TIGHT! Too tight as a matter of fact…I’m seeing lights. Take me to the lights…take me now….
<ITEM> It’s a fist-sized portion of sponsorship, with the usual subjects, and some lovely jingles for some of the dearest of dear listeners. Oh and they talk about ancient ITV gameshow 3,2,1, because, y’know, comics.
<ITEM> The Reviewniverse opens it’s welcoming arms and the boys take it’s embrace. Synergy, cosmic oneness and all that aul shoite…Multiversity: Mastermen, Silver Surfer, Affordable Amazement Catalogue, The Sound of Drowning, 2000AD, Rumble, Transformers Vs GI Joe, Wonder Woman, Hawkeye, and Frank Miller’s Holy Terror all come between the crosshairs.
<ITEM> The final item! Goodbye!
October 7th, 2014
FIRST WE’LL DRINK TEA, AND THEN WE’LL FIGHT!
Butch & Sundance, Batman & Robin, Chip ‘n’ Dale, Steptoe & Son..? Fred & Rose? Those are all pairs aren’t they? Okay then that’s done. Can’t think why I was thinking about that.
Anyway, after last week’s spectaculatrix of glam-filled guest star party, it’s the inevitable come down, as the Beast returns from his hollibobs and runs slam bang into the loving arms of Gary Lactus. Well, after some HILARIOUS technical troubles. Just like old times… SILENCE! Just like Mama used to make: Starchy, thin and unsatisfying.
<ITEM> You might be able to make out a bit of celebrity Game of Thrones spotting, and maybe some discussion of Don Henley? In amongst some sponsorshunting of course.
<ITEM> After an abortive first try the boyce make their way into The Reviewniverse, and boy howdy is it just like slipping on yesterday’s undercrackers! Talk of God Hates Asttronauts, Jason Shiga’s Demon, Silver Surfer, The Silence Choir, Mike Allred’s scariness, Walking Dead, Captain America, Fantastic Four Annual Men Of Wrath, and a bunch more stuff. Heck the boys even come up smiling for some Twin Peaks bubbling.
<ITEM> So let’s knuckle down for the crunch, open your aureoles and get SILENCING!
This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
June 24th, 2014
I’D LIKE TO THANK MY MOTHER, FOR INVENTING ROCK N’ ROLL
(Extract from Gary’s Diary – a SILENCE! Romance by Aubrey Wilteringfust)
Gary Lactus is a celestial, gigantic and opinionated podcast host from space. His life is going nowhere until he meets The Beast Must Die, a male model-like, hirsute man with a passion for graphique novels.
Gary takes an instant disliking to The Beast and the prestige formatted and fully painted ways he learnt during his years in the internet.
However, when a Dear Listener tries to destroy Gary, The Beast springs to the rescue. Gary begins to notices that The Beast is actually rather half-witted at heart.
But, the pressures of The Beast’s job as a toilet attendant leave him blind to Gary’s affections and Gary takes up comics to try an distract himself.
Finally, when polybag-wrapped audio pan-handler, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 , threatens to come between them, The Beast has to act fast. But will they ever find the SILENCE! love that they deserve?
<ITEM> Admin, admin, who wants admin?? Gary unleashes his and Roberty Boperty’s new superteam The Gents, featuring Poo-Lord, Slash, HotRod, JizzWizzard, Airblade / Blowhard and The Freshener. THEN the Beast discusses Strontium Dog: The Movie.
<ITEM> Additional Quizzlertron content from listener Tam, so the boys tackle their favourite comic book violence, featuring Zenith, Simon Bisley, Lobo and The Walking Dead
<ITEM> Finally, the duo slip slide into The Reviewniverse and take on Simon Hanselmann’s Life Zone, The Wicked & The Divine, MPH, Original Sin, Batman Eternal, Silver Surfer, Thor: God of Thunder and TMNT: Turtles In Time. Plus Gary looks into the wonders of Marvel AR, the Beast has a rant about Spoiler, and their is a discussion of comic book movies including Turtles, Dick Tracy, Mario Bros, The Shadow and The Phantom.
NO MORE ITEMS. So get back to work you slovenly apes.
March 31st, 2014
YOU’VE GOTTA HOLD YOUR BREATH THERE, HARRY… YOU’VE GOTTA HOLD YOUR BREATH!
Well hello there weary travellers….well I gotta say you picked a HECK of a night to be driving around out there. We ain’t seen a storm this bad since the Verill boy went missing back in…oh but you don’t want to hear about that do ya? Lookit you all drenched to the bone. Rain like that, coming down like the whole sky tore open, you’d kinda swear we done something to make the universe angry. Say folks you didn’t do nothing to make the universe angry did ya…? Haw, I’m just messin’ with you people…my name’s Disembodied Ruralbot X-15735…come on in, dry off a piece and I’ll make us some country tea. What’s country tea? Why it’s a mite stronger than that fancy city tea you’se a probably used to drinkin…got some special ingredients if you catch my drift… Who that? Oh that’s just Mother, don’t you mind her. Why’s she staring at you like that? Oh she just don’t see too many folks is all. Just me and her up here…oh and Albert of course but he don’t come upstairs too often…MA! Quit licking your lips like that, these nice city people don’t want to see that…sorry bout that folks. Say, how’s that tea treating you? Pretty relaxing stuff huh? Well if you feel dizzy just take a seat there. Yep, right there in that seat. Those straps? Oh you pay them no attention. That’s just Pa’s old chair. Those were just to stop him thrashing around when he got…excited. Now you just relax and I’ll go and start making dinner? What we having? Never you mind folks, never you mind. I’ll just turn on this old radiogram and you and Ma can have a nice listen to the latest…SILENCE!
<ITEM> Some admin, gladmin and sadmin, and The Beast talks up his obsession with Samuel T Herring. Gary Lactus also does some self-promotion for his Fraser Geesin alter ego.
<ITEM> Reviewniverse sexy times with what can laughingly be called discussion of Empowered, Silver Surfer, Hellboy 20th Anniversary sampler, Deadly Class, Cyclops’ Regrets, The Dream Laureate, Sandman: Overture, Scientology, The Woodward & Bernstein of comics, Ghost Rider, Indestructible Hulk, The Wake, Iron Patriot, Star Slammers and more
<ITEM> No more items, just the end of the show which The Beast cocks up mightily
Now you look like your gettin’ mighty sleepy…just close your eyes, and have a little rest…
That scraping sound? Nothin for you folks to worry about…