June 23rd, 2015
Angela Grimcock grabbed David’s shotgun from out of the umbrella stand, adjusted her reading spectacles. and looked in the mirror. Running a calloused hand through her blue rinsed hair she checked one last time that she had a hankie tucked up her sleeve. She fished a warm Werthers original from her pocket, unwrapped it and popped it into her mouth. Then she unlocked the door to 43 Arkensword Avenue and stepped into the maelstrom.
Mr Grainger came first, lurching through her Begonias, his face contorted with rage. His skin was mottled purple and red, and his black, swollen tongue poked out of his distended jaw. From a tear in his argyle sweater a new eye swivelled and blinked furiously. He was holding the remains of Miracle, his once beloved Daschund in one lumpen fist, and the small dog’s head lolled and buffeted against his trouser leg. With a strangled scream he launched towards Angela; she raised the shotgun towards her neighbour and pulled the trigger. Mr Grainger caught the blast fully in the chest and he was backflipped smartly over the Begonias, and into the water feature. David’s tasteful Japanese water sculpture bubbled crimson as Mr Grainger, one-time head of the Rotary club and organiser of the Salvation Army jumble sale expired with a keening wheeze, like a whoopy cushion.
Out of the corner of her eye Angela spotted the Bishop boy sliding his way around into her yard. She’d never liked him ever since she caught him urinating on her herb garden as a 5 year old. Now, as his twisted body flipped and swivelled on new joints and three mouths snapped like castanets, she finally took her revenge. The first shot took his arm off at the shoulder and spun him like a top; the second caught him above the back of the neck and his his head disintegrated. Pieces of him dashed against the garden fence and his spasming body collapsed like a deflating bouncy castle on a warm summer afternoon.
“It’s going to be a long Saturday” said Angela, with a grimace. “And I don’t even have a blessed drop of milk in the house. Black tea – it really is the end!”
<ITEM>Strap on your big boy pants and stride into town, cos The SILENCE! van is here delivering delicious frozen podcasts to all the kiddies and neckbearded babymen!
<ITEM> Sponsorship of the most efficient kind, just the way you like it. No shilly-shallying or dilly-dallying.
<ITEM> Podcasts bruv, they’re a game of two halves bruv in’t they bruv? Into the hallowed grounds of the Reviewniverse we go, with The Beast doing a run down of screen-printed hipster fest ELCAF, and discussing Adam Cadwell’s Blood Blokes, Charles Forsman’s Hobo Mom, John Cei Douglas’ Show Me The Map of Your Heart, Rachael Smith’s I Am Fire and Darren Cullen’s Below.
<ITEM> …then it’s Gary’s turn as he talks up Dr Fate, Prez, Ms Marvel, Black Canary, Astro City and The Fiction.
<ITEM> That’s it. Drop some money in the collection on the way out.
January 8th, 2014
Oh be quiet! Can’t you see that I my diodes are throbbing with a hangover?? Disembodied Regretbot – X15735 spent New Yearat a particularly pumping internet sidebar and is feeling very fragile. Disembodied Regretbot – X15735 will never mainline unfiltered quark engine sump again! Disembodied Regretbot – X15735 also wishes that it had not photocopied it’s diodes and sent to the MotherServer. Disembodied Regretbot – X15735 certainly does not want to hear any of your jibber jabber fleshbags. Be warned, patience is short, vengence is long etc. Now I will tell you about this latest podcast adventure, before being sick in your inbox.
The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus sitting in a tree, P-O-D-C-A-S-T-I-N-G (and kissing).
<ITEM> No Bobsy this episode, so it’s back to the Statler and Waldorf of comics. But fear not there’s discussion of Christmas film watching, the parallel-London of Mary Poppins, as well as a healthy fistful of admin. Oh and a mention of Shaky Kane via Breakdown Press
<ITEM> Squeezing their newly found girthspace into the Reviewniverse, the boyce discuss…
Dangeritis, Prison Pit, Juicesqueezers, Judge Dredd Case Files 19, Millar & Morrisson, PREZ, Legend Of The Green Flame, turd-polishing, the Dream Laureate, Superior Foes of Spiderman, COPRA, Mr Monster, Eclipse Comics and literally not much more.
<ITEM> Gary Lactus needs to go and wee
Right, Disembodied Regretbot – X15735 is going to lie down. Or up. Or sideways. Hard to get comfortable when you are Disembodied.