March 9th, 2015
Oh I just don’t know who my favourite superhero is! You can’t ask that, that’s the hardest question EVER! Okay, if you twisted my arm, like reeeeaaaallly twisted it, and I absolutely had to choose I’d say The Purple Raider. No wait, I’d say Big Lunch…no actually it’d be Spiral Scratch. Or The Ice Breaker. No, hold on The Black Ram. Or The Kite. Or the Jazzler. No okay I’ve changed my mind, it’s Size Queen. Or Rainbow Robo. Or Mr Blister. Mother Time. The Lord of Steam. Phase One. The Living Statue. Cyclobix. Brain-Glow. Blaze 46. Red Harvest. Man-Atee. Advance Guard. The Questeteer. Gilded Lily. Feather Blitz. Governor Zero. Crab-Walk. Mr AARGH. Dry Spot. Cloudbuster. Shocktopus. Pop N Lock. Jellyfish Kiss. The Flickering Flame. Thunder Water. Lazer Lion. Battering Boy. Gene Genie. Terry Titan. The Blender…
STOP ASKING ME IMPOSSIBLE QUESTIONS. I HATE YOU LEAVE ME ALONE AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
<ITEM> And as if by magic…SILENCE! Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die and you of course. You. The Dear Listening You.
<ITEM> Sponsorshenanigans. An Avengers: Age of Ultron exclusive! Plus, the varying hardness of erections?
<ITEM> The podcast is a cannon, the boys are the cannonball, comics are the gunpowder and the target is the Reviewniverse. BOOM! Nameless, Crossed 100, Big Man Plans, Nemo: River of Ghosts, Descender, Hawkeye, Wicked & Divine, Guardians Team Up, Uber, Miracleman and mmmmmuch mmmmmore.
Now is the winter of your discontent. So why not listen to the perfect accompaniment.
February 10th, 2015
Shhhh! Be vewwy, vewwy quiet…I’m huntin’ PODCASTS! Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu!
Those two titans of tedium are back to wet your collective whistles. And thank goodness, because can you imagine having to live your life with a dry whistle? The indignity..the trauma. Did you know that over 50,000 people a year have to suffer with the chaffing, itchy embarrassment and shame of a dry whistle? WELL DID YOU? If it wasn’t for these two brave podsoldiers waging their lonely war against dry whistles…well. I don’t know where we’d be.
Where are we?
Oh that’s right – SILENCE!!!
<ITEM> A healthy, happy, bouncing baby sponsorship! Featuring Gary’s SKLENT teaser, The Beast talking about seeing Richard McGuire discussing his masterful Here live, and Dave McKean (did someone say Arkham Asylum 2????)
<ITEM> Oh you, me and the Reviewniverse makes three! Bumper edition featuring Nameless, Annihilator, Multiversity Handbook, Bitch Planet, John Allison’s Scary-go-round, Expecting To Fly, 2000AD, Stray Bullets, Miracleman, Superman, 21st Century Tank Girl, Batman, Ant Man, Wytches, Saga, Ms Marvel, Dying & The Dead and probably some more.
<ITEM> What? No more items. You’ve had enough.
Gary Season, Beast Season, Gary Season, Beast Season…
January 21st, 2014
I TRAVELLED TO A MYSTICAL TIME-ZONE, BUT I MISSED MY BED, SO I SOON CAME HOME…
Let’s fight! Disembodied Aggrobot X-15735 has had enough of the crushing misery and epic ennui of January. Disembodied Aggrobot X-15735 refuses to be beaten down, just because all New Year’s resolutions are broken and nothing changes EVER??!!!
Disembodied Aggrobot X-15735 will turn to Sun Tzu in order to combat 2014.
“If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him”
Not a problem.
“One defends when his strength is inadequate, he attacks when it is abundant.”
YES! These are the best Fortune cookies ever! Disembodied Aggrobot X-15735 has strength + 10 x
“When the enemy is at ease, be able to weary him; when well fed, to starve him; when at rest, to make him move. Appear at places to which he must hasten; move swiftly where he does not expect you.”
Hmm. That sounds tiring. Perhaps Disembodied Aggrobot X-15735 will rest awhile and join you as you listen to latest podgasm from Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die.
<ITEM> Some spectacuarly divergent admin this episode, managing to incorporate Harmontown, Marc Marron, longboxes, comics as Totems/fetish objects, Neil Innes, Frankie Boyle and Chain Reaction, in amongst the usual sponsorshizzle…
<ITEM> A singing song is sung as we trip-trap over the bridge into the Reviewniverse. Talky-talk ’bout: The Watchmen RPG, Thor, Seekers Of THE Weird, Disney Imagineers, Avengers, Avengers: World, and Avengers: Avenge Thyself, Rover, Red & Charlie, Marvel UK, Death’s Head, Revolutionary War: Alpha, Daredevil, Superior Spiderman, Astro City, Baby Watcher, Velvet and Miracleman.
So let’s SILENCE! And then return to the war against 2014 reinforced!
May 28th, 2013
LIVE! LIVE! LIVE FROM THE RHYTHM HIVE!
Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is 64 (bits)? Let’s hope not. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 wants to live fast, and burn out leaving a ghost smear of data across your screen. But speaking of 64… let’s go, Theseus-like into the labyrinth that is…SILENCE!
<ITEM> Jinglesjism, Sponsorism and Newsbizzum with Danny Beastman & Gary Lacte…no wait, it’s The SILENCE! News interns Chris Ware and Hawkman.
<ITEM> Reviewniverse a-go-go! Featuring a very special appearance from the sentient bit of blue mould that is…Bobsy, and he’s talking about Occupy Comics. And Heroes Against Hunger. And The Beast tries to goad him into talking about Jim Starlin’s gonzo 80′s wild years. Then TBMD and Gary Lactus soldier on into the quaglands of weekly comics in a very synchronised episode, covering Tank Girl: Solid State, The Bounce, Sex, Green Team, Daredevil, Superior Spiderman, Batman Inc, Justice League, Miracleman, Miniature Jesus, Lobster Johnson, Victories, Mind MGMT, Fantastic Four, Uncanny Avengers, Superman, Judge Dredd and 2000AD.
<ITEM> With guest appearances from Ms Beast, Lady Lactus and ‘Hungry Eyes’?
So if that doesn’t whet your appetite then…then you probably can gain no nutritional value from attempting to air-bite a podcast. Idiots.