August 29th, 2013



Don’t you want Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 baby? Don’t you want Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735? Oh.

Those two unimpressive moons are once again orbiting the great planet of comics… That’s right it’s a full double-fisting edition of the comics podcast that might have been recently labeled ‘a national disgrace’ by frothing right wing cartoon knob-jockey Richard Littlejohn. You couldn’t make it up meatsacks!  The Beast Must Die & Gary Lactus entwined in each others strong yet tender arms cooing sweet nothings into each others ears and letting YOU dear listener into their boudoir.

<ITEM> The Beast has a report from his recent sojourn to Caption Comics Festival, and Gary Lactus does some listening. There’s talk of kids comics, Al Davison, Eddie Campbell and tatty village halls. GLAMOUR.

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse is opened like a particularly large oyster and inside is the pearl of COMICS…a shame-faced Beast is soundly trounced i the comics reading comics competition by eager beaver Gary, with ensuing discussion of The Outliers, Solid State Tank Girl, Innvincible Haggard West, Resident Alien, Daredevil, Lobster Johnson, Batman 66, Justice League Dark, Infinity, Rocketeer & Spirit and The Mysterious Strangers…

<ITEM> Mention is made of the 11 o’clock comics podcast special with Brandon Graham and The Beast froths about the Batman: Brave & The Bold cartoon. Always so contemporary that Beast.

And that’s enough, meatbags. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is going to kick back and listen to Kendrick whilst scanning vintage circuit board  pornography. Bring me the cyber-vaseline and get out of here!

click to download SILENCE!#74

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.


July 29th, 2013





Rejoice fleshburgs – it’s everyone’s favourite cyber-Uncle, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 returned from his cyber-vacation, tanned to within and inch of my half life and riddled with exotic viruses from the far-flung corners of the nanosphere.

And to double your fantasy I’m bringing the return of errant Silence-son, The Beast Must Die, who rejoins with pod-partner Gary Lactus in an reunion event which Variety describes as ‘mawkish, hackneyed and uninspired! Happy Happy Joy Joy fleshyones, couldn’t you just POP?

Well go on then. POP!

Hrrrmmn. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 can wait along time you know.  While we wait, let’s blurb:

<ITEM> Gary’s quest is over and the pair are reunited. WARNING TEAM!

<ITEM> No time for news, through the tears, but always time for sponsorshizzle.

<ITEM> Down a dusty path, through a hole in the floor, and into the REVIEWNIVERSE! Covering Gamma, Hawkeye Annual, Tank Girl: Solid State, FF (Beach Blanket Bingo), Justice League of America, Justice League Dark, Constantine in spandex and booties, The Bounce, Catalyst Comics, Lazarus, The Wake, Young Avengers, 2000AD, Max Landis, Wolverine, Wolverine & The X-Men, The Wolverine film, and Where’s Wolverine (maybe), The Hunger, Green Team and more, more more (how do you like me?)

<ITEM> A shout out for the Nerdist Jeff Bridges interview, and the Nerdist Comics Panel, and it’s farewell from the boyce, but they can both sleep restfully knowing that balance has been restored, yin has been yanged and Turner has been Hooched. Huzzah!

All this and the knowledge that Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is here, watching you all. Waiting. For you to POP.


click to download SILENCE!#71

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.


July 31st, 2012


Firstly, apologies if you are having trouble downloading this week’s SILENCE! Gary and The Beast are currently reaching their monthly bandwidth limit with their pod lords. It should be back to normal (at least for a while) on the 4th of August. At the moment they cannot afford to upgrade our account so perhaps they’ll set up some way of letting listeners chip in a bit of financial support in the near future but what do I know? I’m just a disembodied voice which magically appears here to tell you about the contents of the podcast…

Secondly – forget about all that whiny cry-baby sh*t! Let’s get some  face time with the latest and greatest edition of SILENCE! – the show that snuggles up to you and looks awful cute, but one look into those cold black shark eyes tells you…this podcast is not your friend.

The Beast and Lactus get things up and running (then falling over) with the SILENCE! News, before taking a roll in the clover with some of this week’s very floppiest of floppies, including:

Axe Cop, Tank Girl from Martin and Mahfood, Eternity, Haunt, Prophet and JL: Dark. Lactus bites down on the belt strap and mainlines some more medicine in Man Vs Comics, taking on all sorts of unwanted AVX business in Wolverine and The X-Men, X-Men Legacy and AVX: The Avengers. There are probably more in there too. Beast also likes some of Paul Chadwick’s Concrete.

The two get  another celebrity quizzler in The Silent Question (and the answers involve Booster Gold and Jason Todd). Lactus continues his crusade to bring exposure to lost Brit comics savant Barry M Freeman, and The Beast unveils his Knightquest, as he dips into the Complete Batman: Knightfall. Oh, and Lactus unveils his headpourings on the ‘recent’ Amazing Spiderman film.

All wrapped up in an hour and a half of well proportioned comics fun. And look at the winning smile on the little blighter! So gather round and listen to Pappy as he turns up the radio on…SILENCE! no.24!

click to download SILENCE!#24

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May 30th, 2012


Ten’hut SILENCERS! SILENCE #16 is upon us, and whilst it walks like a man, it has a beating simian heart.

After a FLIP FLOP (FREESTEEZ) intro from the Beast, and the epic spacerock of ‘JOURNEY INTO MYSTERY’ from Lactus (wherein the giant mangod makes a little boys dream come true), those rum buggers plough through the SILENCE! News covering all the important business, such as where Batman likes to put his winker, and the question of precisely how crap a real life supervillian can be.

Then, they get on it and mad dog it through the following vibrant periodicals:

Grant Morrison and Chris Burnham’s splendid Batman Inc, the increasingly awesome Prophet, Mind MGMT from Matt Kindt, Fantastic Four 606, Resident Alien from secret legend Steve Parkhouse and ex-revolver editor Peter Hogan, JL Dark (Nowhere) from Jeff Lemire (with a slight digression into the Milliganverse), Jason Aaron shows us how The Incredible Hulk relaxes and Secret Avengers (shhh).

Then Crossover Classix has poor Lactus grinding his way through Owlfight and AVX stuff. TAKE YOUR FILTHY PORRIDGE LACTUS! Just like Bane broke the Bat, an Owl  has broken Lactus.

The Beast has a very brief dip into the Bargain Basement with another issue of Glamourouss, and then talks up the various works of renegade British hero director, Alex Cox, including a misty-eyed appreciation of Moviedrome.

Finally they make ANOTHER little boy’s dream come true when they answer a Judge Dredd-based quizzler from Chris Burnham.

Let it rain tears of sexual thunder dear listeners.

Let it rain.

click to download

Talking Comics #1

April 1st, 2012

Don’t worry, despite the title, this isn’t an attempt to take on the SILENCE! boys at their own game – if I was trying to do that I would have sabotaged Gary Lactus’ spaceship while he was up visiting me in Scorchland, then suggested myself as a replacement for the podcast while “comforting” The Beast Must Die. What’s the point in playing if you’re not playing to win, right?


Talking Comics is an attempt to reanimate that stinkiest of walking corpses, the comics review post. Now I could have called in Mister Attack aka The Eurythmic King of Nowhere aka The Boy Fae the Heed aka Flippant She-Creature like I have the last couple of times in the hopes of making these grizzly bones dance, but I decided to place my faith in technology.

So: rather than writing reviews of last week’s comics the old fashioned way, with fists, I decided to speak my brains into twitter via my smart phone and see what happened.  Unfortunately, since I’m a Scottish, and since the Scottish are natural enemies of voice recognition technology, the results are a little scrambled:

Daredevil #10, by Mark Waid, Paolo Rivera, Joe Rivera, Javier Rodriguez and Joe Carmagna.

See, told ya!

More nonce-sense follows!

With our gift giving over but spirits still high, Zom pipes up about the problems with continuity using X-Men Regenesis # 1 as a starting point.  Conversation drifts to many areas including DC’s New 52, 2000AD and more, ending with a whole lot of talk about just how great Judge Dredd is.  Speaking of which, here’s a panel by Garth Ennis and Glen Fabry from the Dredd tale, Talkback.

Click to download