SILENCE! #118

October 13th, 2014

RULE NUMBER ONE, PHASERS ON STUN!

Oh hi there! You caught me with my hand in the pickled onion jar! Welcome back DEAR LISTENERS, to this very special* technical-hitch FREE episode of SILENCE! With a rejuvenated The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus, freshly back from judging the 3rd Annual Electroplegic Bodyshunting Competition. Slipping off their ceremonial robes, the pusillanimous pairsome are hot cocked, and ready to rot! Let’s get podcarousing!

<ITEM> Sponsorshines, Breakdown Press, Thought Bubble…you know the drizzle. And Gary reveals his nefarious plans to sexually entrap all the DEAR LISTENERS!! Who let the dogs in?

<ITEM> Like a perfectly launched stone skipping across a still pond, the two enter the Reviewniverse, a song in their hearts, and their hearts on their sleeves (and their sleeves tucked into their undercrackers). And what a week it’s been. Vivisected this week: Punks, Ed Pinsent, Inkstuds, Rob Liefield, Batgirl, Gotham’s Brooklyn, Gotham Academy, Axis/6xis, Pickled Onions, Sex Criminals, Astro City, Mark Bell RIP, Masterplasty from James Harvey, Courtney Love, Sinestro, and the terrifying Earth 2 weekly challenge!

<ITEM> How could we forget – a guest star studded edition of SILENCE! Because My Mouth Is Full of Delicious Food! The real reason you all came.

Now get out of here before my husband gets home.

Click to download SILENCE!#118

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.

SILENCE! #114

September 16th, 2014

 

I DON’T WANNA BE BURIED, IN A PET SEMATARY

<ITEM> Lazy Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 has gone astray – does anyone miss it? Be careful as it could be lurking in your inbox bumping uglies with a particularly virulent phishing scam. In the meantime Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die bring you the yawning chasm of comics kritizism that is…SILENCE!

<ITEM> Sponsor-Shimmy-shimmy-YA!, there’s Jingles, Confusion of the Matts, Quick Strips, Myriad, Cartoon County and a whole sweaty fistful more…

<ITEM> What’s that light in them thar hills? Why that’s the Reviewniverse welcoming foolish prospectors into it’s gaping maw…lucky youse got theboys to light the way…they be talkin’ Space Horse Redux, Wild’s End, Annihilator, Dave McKean photocopying, LA apocalypse narrative, Ms Marvel, Swamp Thing, Justice League Unlimited, Future’s End, Prophet: Strikefile, Terminal Hero, Death of Wolverine, Dark Ages, MPH, Copperhead, Captain Victory, Caliban, Avengers, the general bizarre state of DC Comics and a whole dogpile more…

<ITEM> I CAN SEE THE OTHER SIDE! There’s just time Silence (Because My Mouth Is Full Of Delicious Food), Darren Cullen News, Roberty Bobbity’s Spacehorse Riders and not a jot more.

NOW GIT.

Click to download SILENCE!#114

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

SILENCE #113

September 9th, 2014

 

I SAW AN X-RAY OF A GIRL PASSING GAS

<ITEM> So this is SILENCE! And what have you done?

<ITEM> Sponsorships passing in the night, with added talk of Blue Peter in the 1970s and 80s. It’s Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die doing that thing they do. Doo doo.

<ITEM> Reviewniverse = Saga 22, Grendel Vs The Shadow, God Hates Astronauts, Transformers Vs GI Joe, Original Sin, Superman, Outcast, Bodies, Doop, Batman, She-Hulk, Uber, Wein & Bernie Wrightson Swamp Thing, Superior Foes Of Spiderman and more, oh so much more (well sort of)

<ITEM> There’s a bit of Dr Who chat. You know. For kids.

<ITEM> SILENCE (Because My Mouth Is Full of Delicious Food – it’s the new segment that has the world on it’s knees

Sorry.

worst. shownotes.  ever.

Click to download SILENCE!#113

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

SILENCE! #112

August 26th, 2014

 

TWIST AWAY…NOW TWIST AND SHOUT

<ITEM> Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die are joined by very special winkiemate BOBSY! for this two-hour plus mega epic.

<ITEM> Gladmin, radmin anything to stop you being sadmin! Disney Marathons, dubbed franco-japanese cartoons, a musical life, Sponsorshunt, and hot sexy all the times more!

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse faces a triple harmonium-breach! Three happy boys taking in this mighty meaty stack: Multiversity, God is Dead, Grant Morrison and Alan Moore sitting in a tree Giant Haystacks Vs Big Daddy, Sandman: Overture, Goodnight Batman Good Night Gaiman, Stray Bullets, Sin City 2, Frank Miller, Big Guy & Rusty The Boy Robot, Geoff Darrow, Robocop Vs Terminator, Batman: The Cult, Give Me Liberty, Ann Raynd, Frank The Tank, Seven Soldiers, Sabretooth Swordsman, Brendan McCarthy, Dream Kings, DHP, Death In Oaxca, Ms Marvel, Haunted Comic, YOU the reader, Wicked & The Divine, White Bearded Babymen, Avengers Analogues, Kieron Gillen, Usagi Yojimbo, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoons and comics, Hip Hop Family Tree, and the Cliff Richard/Hip-Hop Connection,

<ITEM>Gary Races Through The Rest: Daredevil, Mighty Avengers, Borrow or Nah, Secret Avengers, Batman Eternal, Justice Inc, The Saviors, and The Fade Out

<ITEM> Special bo-nutz feature: Bobsy’s Film Corner taking in the ageing flesh-mass that is The Expendables 3!

Three times the danger! Three times the thrills! Three times the smell of raw, rugged testosterone…it can only be SILENCE! 

Can I go now?

Click to download SILENCE!#112

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.

SILENCE! #110

August 14th, 2014

 

THE MAIN STREET WIZARDS, HOW CAN YOU SEE THEM?

For my love, Gary Lactus.

I feel so disgusted and enraged sometimes,
When I think of you each night and day,
And when I see you, I see comics,
I love you more than words can say…

You’re so nauseating! This love is mature!
I can’t resist your graphic novels, it’s true!
The fat bearded baby-men and Neil Gaiman’s Lederhosen fade into shadows…
I am absolutely crazy for you!

Your soul is jaded; your heart is shrivelled,
And my heart is truly in your hands.
I could podcast and opininonate ’til life was done,
But YOU are the focus of my plans.

This soul tiredness is nauseating my love,
And for you, Gary Lactus, I thank Heaven above.

(And for your glans)

All my love, The Beast Must Die x

<ITEM> Some event-level admin, with discussion of Fraser Geesin Dot Com, Robin Williams, The Fisher King, Harmontown, Kojak, Magnum P.I., Tom Selleck The Ultimate Man, The Breakdown Safari Festival, SILENCE! LIVE at Thought Bubble 2014, Sponsorschism, and much much more

<ITEM> The two set sail for the pea-green cresting waves of the Reviewniverse, covering Bryan Lee O’Malley’s Seconds, Terminal Hero, the He-Man/ Fourth World connection, Captain Victory & The Galactic Rangers, She Hulk, Dark Ages, Bodies, Batman: Eternal, Thor, Superior Foes Of Spiderman and maybe a touch more on top

<ITEM> Waving goodbye, waving now, bye bye BYYYYYYE

Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is having his nao-servos waxed and his QuinDrive sharpened  and will be back soon

Click to download SILENCE!#110

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.

SILENCE! #107

June 30th, 2014

 

TIP TOE..THROUGH THE MEANIES…

A long, long time ago in a fully painted, fully painted galaxy…

After leaving the polybagged planet Reviewniverse, a group of Man-children fly toward a distant speck. The speck gradually resolves into a bootyquaking, space Podcast-hub.

Civil war strikes the galaxy, which is ruled by Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 , a squat Wizard of Technology & Upgrades capable of robot tekno-buggery and even the ability to enjoy a nice firm stool.

Terrified, an imbecilic podcast host known as Gary Lactus flees the Empire, with her protector, The Beast Must Die .

They head for SILENCE! on the planet Sponsorshizzle. When they finally arrive, a fight breaks out. The Beast uses her fully painted graphic novel to defend Gary Lactus.

A long, long time ago in a fully painted, fully painted galaxy…

After leaving the polybagged planet Reviewniverse, a group of Man-children fly toward a distant speck. The speck gradually resolves into a bootyquaking, space Podcast-hub.

Civil war strikes the galaxy, which is ruled by Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 , a squat The Wizard of Technology & Upgrades capable of robot tekno-buggery and even the ability to enjoy a nice firm stool.

Terrified, an imbecilic The Quizzlertron known as Gary Lactus flees the Empire, with her protector, The Beast Must Die .

They head for SILENCE! on the planet Sponsorshizzle. When they finally arrive, a fight breaks out. uses her fully painted graphic novel to defend Gary Lactus.

and The Quizzlertron Gary Lactus decide it’s time to leave Sponsorshizzle and steal an Alan Moore’s beard to shoot their way out.

They encounter a tribe of Dear listeners. is attacked and the The Quizzlertron is captured by the Dear listeners and taken back to SILENCE!.

must fight to save The Quizzlertron Gary Lactus but when she accidentally unearths a bulked-up Beastman & Lactenberg prize for internet journalism, the entire future of the fully painted, polybagged galaxy is at stake.

and Gary Lactus decide it’s time to leave Sponsorshizzle and steal an Alan Moore’s beard to shoot their way out.

They encounter a tribe of Dear listeners. The Beast is attacked and the Gary is captured by the Dear listeners and taken back to SILENCE!.

The Beast must fight to save  Gary Lactus but when she accidentally unearths a bulked-up Beastman & Lactenberg prize for internet journalism, the entire future of the fully painted, polybagged galaxy is at stake!

<ITEM> Sone preambulatric discussion of Julian Cope and his Dr Doom gautlets, and the usual self-promotion before the boys head off to

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse, wherein Brass Sun, Ordinary, 2000AD, Superman, John Romita Jr, and Robert Kirkman’s The Outcast are discussed.

<ITEM> Wonderful wonderful wonderful technology steps in to sod everything up, and the podcast comes clanking to a halt. Oh dear! Let’s just say this is short and sweet. Like Ronnie Corbett covered in honey and Sugar Puffs.

Now pull up your scanties and stop doing it on the ants, and we’ll have a nice listen to…SILENCE!

Click to download SILENCE!#107

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

SILENCE! #106

June 24th, 2014

 

I’D LIKE TO THANK MY MOTHER, FOR INVENTING ROCK N’ ROLL

(Extract from Gary’s Diary – a SILENCE! Romance by Aubrey Wilteringfust)

Gary Lactus is a celestial, gigantic and opinionated podcast host from space. His life is going nowhere until he meets The Beast Must Die, a male model-like, hirsute man with a passion for graphique novels.

Gary takes an instant disliking to The Beast and the prestige formatted and fully painted ways he learnt during his years in the internet.

However, when a Dear Listener tries to destroy Gary, The Beast springs to the rescue. Gary begins to notices that The Beast is actually rather half-witted at heart.

But, the pressures of The Beast’s job as a toilet attendant leave him blind to Gary’s affections and Gary takes up comics to try an distract himself.

Finally, when polybag-wrapped audio pan-handler, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 , threatens to come between them, The Beast has to act fast. But will they ever find the SILENCE! love that they deserve?

<ITEM> Admin, admin, who wants admin?? Gary unleashes his and Roberty Boperty’s new superteam  The Gents, featuring Poo-Lord, Slash, HotRod, JizzWizzard, Airblade / Blowhard and The Freshener. THEN the Beast discusses Strontium Dog: The Movie.

<ITEM> Additional Quizzlertron content from listener Tam, so the boys tackle their favourite comic book violence, featuring Zenith, Simon Bisley, Lobo and The Walking Dead

<ITEM> Finally, the duo slip slide into The Reviewniverse and take on Simon Hanselmann’s Life Zone, The Wicked & The Divine, MPH, Original Sin, Batman Eternal, Silver Surfer, Thor: God of Thunder and TMNT: Turtles In Time. Plus Gary looks into the wonders of Marvel AR, the Beast has a rant about Spoiler, and their is a discussion of comic book movies including Turtles, Dick Tracy, Mario Bros, The Shadow and The Phantom.

NO MORE ITEMS. So get back to work you slovenly apes.

Click to download SILENCE!#106

Toodles.
Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

SILENCE! #105

June 17th, 2014

 

IT’S NOT FAR, NOT HARD TO REACH, WE CAN HITCH A RIDE TO ROCKAWAY BEACH

In a podcast there lived a ludicrous, well-designed Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 named The Beast Must Die. Not a stupid opinionated, half-baked podcast, filled with comics and an obsessive smell, nor yet a blustering, gigantic, turgid podcast with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735-podcast, and that means entertainment.
One day, after a troubling visit from the space-giant Gary Lactus, The Beast leaves his podcast and sets out in search of three ignorant toilets. A quest undertaken in the company of listeners, sponsors and ugly meatsacks.
In the search for the Quizzlertron-guarded toilets, The Beast Must Die surprises even himself with his bullshittery and skill as a reviewer.
During his travels, The Beast rescues a Graphic Novel, an heirloom belonging to Gary. But when Gary refuses to try shutting up, their friendship is over.
However, Gary is wounded at the Battle of Crisis Of Infinite Podcasts and the two reconcile just before The Beast engages in some serious shutting up.
The Beast accepts one of the three ignorant toilets and returns home to his podcast a very wealthy Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735.
Wait, what?
<ITEM> Sponsorshiz, Potential Father’s Day, the best Dad’s in comics, Dr Doom, Batman, Lonewolf & Cub, The Ben Elton/Neil Gaiman axis of evil and more in the now legendary preambular olympics.
<ITEM> The final session in the Quizzlertron, as the boys finish their 100th episode spectacular on episode 105, because let us not ever forget they are PROFESSIONALS. Mighty Crusaders, Al Ewing, ‘wacky’ podcasts and the real Captain Marvel. Including bonus Lady Lactus content, flatmate Laura and Gary Lactus dropping a deuce live on air!
(You can read Al Ewing’s amazing recommendation here:
http://fourcolorshadows.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/the-mighty-crusaders-rick-jerry-paul.html)
<ITEM> It’s a fine and fancy trip to the Reviewniverse, with talk of That’s Because You’re A Robot, Revenge, She-Hulk, Ordinary, Brass Sun, Afterlife With Archie, The Wake, Starlight, Infinity Man & The Forever People, Mighty Avengers, Avengers Undercover and more.
<ITEM> What’s this, a movie podcast? No? Then why the hell are Gary & The Beast talking about the Evil Dead remake, Greenberg and The Grand Budapest Hotel?
Fill your boots you lucky, lucky people, and be back next week for more Hob Talk and Bowel Evacuations!

Click to download SILENCE!#105

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

SILENCE! #104

June 10th, 2014

 

IT’S REALLY LAUGHABLE A HA HA HAHA HA

There’s an ingratiating new boy in SILENCE! and he has everybody talking. Stunningly hairy and devastatingly digital, all the boys want him. However, The Beast Must Die has a secret – he’s a disease-ridden vampire.

Gary Lactus is a smug, giant boy who enjoys comics. He becomes fascinated by The Beast Must Die who can stop graphic novels with his bare hands. He doesn’t understand why he’s so standoffish.

His best friend, a goonish unicorn called SILENCE!, helps Gary Lactus begin to piece together the puzzle. Together, they discover the ultimate weapon – the useless, informative podcast.

When bodies start turning up all over SILENCE!, Gary Lactus begins to fear the worst. The unicorn urges her to report The Beast Must Die to the police and he knows he should, so what’s stopping him?

He may resist The Beast Must Die’s bite, but can he resist his charms?

Will he be caught crying with the vampire?

Which is all a smoke screen to hide the fact that what you have basically a malnourished half-formed edition of SILENCE! this week due to the Beast’s utterly aggravating ongoing technical issues with his computer. Disembodied Natrraotrbot X-15735 could of course have a word with some of his more dubious digital connections and sort out the unlucky Beast, but really, where would be the fun in that?

You do get some content though, as he duo bravely answer some more listener questions and Gary tells us all about his dental work, but there’s no getting round the fact that we’ve failed you again dear listeners, despite your seemingly endless patience with us…go to the back of the class boys. Must. Do. Better.

Click to download SILENCE!#104

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

SILENCE! #103

June 2nd, 2014

 

STRUGGLING IN THE VORTEX, WITH MY JACKET MADE OF GORETEX

Today, for you smiling meatsax, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 will consult the great oracle DESREE to find for you the meaning of life. Speak oh great one:

“I don’t want to see a ghost
It’s a sight that I fear most
I’d rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news

Life, oh life, oh life, oh life
Doo, doo doo doo
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life
Doo, doo doo doo”

Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 agrees Desree, toast rather than ghost! ALWAYS! Who would want ghost? And Life IS doo doo doo isn’t it? You really nailed it. No more questions! ALL ANSWERED.

Now onto the latest edition of SILENCE! featuring 100% more The Beast Must Die, but with almost 100% less Bobsy. Same Gary Lactus content though. Just right, as Goldilocks said before she nicked all the porridge and those three vegetarian peace loving bears starved to death.

After a cursory admin session, The Beast talks about his upcoming Cindy & Biscuit art installation up in that bloody London. More details follow after the blurb.

[ITEM] The ‘lads’ answer some more listenoid quizzlers in their slackadaisical fashion. Worth the wait? YOU DECIDE! Amongst the answerage: Doop, bad comics by good creators, Grant Morrison’s Spawn, The Family Must Die, planet-shaped dinner, Heralds, Mighty Crusaders, The Secret Origin of Mindless Ones, Frank Miller, Give Me Liberty, Robo-Hunter, humorous comics, Saturday Night Live, 2000AD, The Studio, creating comics, How To Talk To Girls, drawing comics, Sklent, Greatest Stories Ever Told, Tharg’s Future Shocks, Terminus

[ITEM] A quick dip in the shimmering surf of the Reviewniverse with talk of Southern Bastards, Ordinary, Sparta USA, Titan Comics, MPH, Trees, Saga, Mighty Avengers, SILENCE! Shout out, Deadly Class, non-drowsy decongestants, Red Rover Charlie and a bit more too.

But wait…I have thought of another question.. all is not answered…do not forsake me oh Desree…ANSWER ME!!!!

Click to download SILENCE!#104

[AND NOW, A BONUS MESSAGE FROM THE BEAST]

Smiling friends

As some of you may already know, I have an installation at a local cafe in Walthamstow that will be up for the duration of the E17 Art Trail (curated by Brian Harvey – not). Cindy & Biscuit star in a strip produced specifically for the art trail, that incorporates the cafe itself into the narrative.
Here’s a teaser:
We will be holding a private view on Friday 6th June at the Arts & Crusts cafe from 7pm onwards. There’ll be some wine and beer, but bring along your own if you favour more adventurous tipples.
Please come along and join us – Carol and Andrew who run the cafe are lovely, and there are two other installations to view in and around the cafe. You can also experience the sights, smells and atmosphere of exotic Walthamstow.
It  would be lovely to see you there, so please come along, and bring whoever you like. The installation will be up for a month if not, so pop along at some point, have a coffee and enjoy.
The cafe’s website is here: http://artsandcrusts.wordpress.com/
Hope to see you there!
x

 

Click to download SILENCE!#101

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.