May 20th, 2013
I’M NOT GOING TO DEBATE YOU, JERRY! I’M NOT GOING TO DEBATE!
(The scene opens, as Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 hangs in notion-space, a burning neon digital star of impeccable cyber-breeding)
We cut to: SILENCE!
The 3-d camera prowls across a vibrant landscape of shifting wordscapes and roaming flocks of ideaforms. The sky is burning vermillion, dappled with thought-bubbles buoyed on an endless layer of hot air.
With a triumphant scream of raw pulsing data, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 bellows:
“<ITEM> Sponsorships, jinglehoods and the SILENCE! News with droning human newsbags Danny Beastman & Gary Lactenberg.
<ITEM> The Reviewniverse is breached and The Beast & Lactus storm it’s ramparts. It’s a gimpgasm of comics talk about 12 Reasons To Die (Big Ghost!), Dream Merchant, Dream Thief, Fall of the House Usher, Legion Of Superheroes, Wolverine & The X-Men, Red She-Hulk, Regular Show, Wonder Woman, Savage Wolverine, Cable & The X-Force, X, Nova, Age of Ultron, FF, Prophet, Uber, Black Beetle Fatale and 2000ad.
<ITEM> Thrilling new feature Reader I Couldn’t Finish It has Green Arrow and Supergirl.
<ITEM> The show really gets going with impassioned discussion of Eurovision and Tony Hart.
(Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 exits, chased by bear…)
April 29th, 2013
I SAW MY BABY, SHE WAS TURNING BLUE
A SILENCE RIFT! SILENCE SCHISM! CRISIS ON INFINITE SILENCES! SECRET SILENCE WARS! THE SUMMER CROSSOVER EVENT THAT WILL LEAVE NOTHING THE SAME FOREVER CHANGED EXCITEMENT FOR ALL TIME…
Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is sad to announce that this edition of SILENCE! comes broadcast from separate sides of the quadraverse, as Gary Lactus and the Beast Must Die present The Silence Of Two Worlds…(in honour off this ridiculous non-event Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 will split into two also, become beautiful binary star blazing in the infinite dataverse)
Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 v.1 here am very happy to present: <ITEM> Gary Lactus, broadcasting from Mars, fires first, spraying the comicsphere with his sticky opinions and muscular baritone. A Welsh choir somewhere is missing an Angel, but the internet gained another blowhard…
<ITEM> Pushing his size 12 brogues into the Reviewniverse, he takes on Jupiter’s Legacy #1, New Avengers #5, Avengers #10, Uncanny Avengers #7, Fury #11, Avengers Arena #8, Young Avengers #4, FF #6, Fantastic Four #7, Uncanny X-Men #5,Guardians of the Galaxy #2, Wolverine and the X-Men #28, The Flash #19, East of West #1+2, Mind MGMT #10, Superman #19, Batman Inc #10, 2000AD #1829...Sweet Krypton that’s one bulging sack of comics. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 hope that his spacegod brain has not been permanently corroded…
Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 v.2 is very sad to present: <ITEM> The Beast Must Die goes solo also, presenting the podcast version of a triple disc concept album about the English Civil War, played on banjos, synth and kitchen equipment …unlistenable rubbish!
<ITEM> Thank you listener jingles – booty bass and barbershop quartets? YES.
<ITEM> The hirsute one hop, skips and jumps straight into the pulsing warm embrace of the Reviewniverse II spouting opininon-forms on Young Avengers, Jupiter’s Legacy, Fury Max, Avengers Arena, Rachel Rising, BPRD: Vampire, Batman IncHaunted Horror, Wolverine & the X-Men, FF, East of West and Katana.
Now Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 v.1 & v.2 come together to wish the listenerds well, and to reassure that this is not Yoko Ono time, no fear, no sir…this not Abbey Road time…Silence will resume normal service (ie embarrassingly amateur) next week. But for now…’enjoy’ as best you can.
April 3rd, 2013
HELLO? IS ANYBODY HOME? WELL YOU DON’T KNOW ME, BUT I KNOW YOU.
Please Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 don’t hurt ‘em! Sorry fleshy ones I cannot promise this. Let’s just say that for the duration of this blurb I promise not to burn out your retinas or strip-mine your DNA. ‘Kay? Kay.
So everyone put down your pens/phones/rail guns and point your ears towards the internet, and listen to those animal men Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die, as we circle the drain that is…SILENCE!
<ITEM> The SILENCE! News has some VERY SERIOUS matters of which you need to pay attention – the future of SILENCE! depends on it. With those greasy capitalist hams Gary Lactenberg & Danny Beastman.
<ITEM> Full fathom five, as we plunge neck, teeth and hips first into the Reviewniverse as the pair tackle Timewarp, East of West, Age of Ultron, BPRD: Vampire, Batman Inc, FF, Wolverine & The X-Men, Uncanny Avengers, Young Avengers, Fury, Guardians Of The Galaxy, Hawkman, Crossed: Badlands, Fatale and Mr X. With added digressions over the M-Word, VHS Rental shops and Lucio Fulci.
<ITEM> Well isn’t that a treat fleshy ones? Aren’t you glad you stopped looking at pornography to read this? (Personally Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 finds the sight of meatsacks bashing against each other immensely settling. The sensual curve of a sine wave is far more erotic. Or a ZX-Spectrum in suspenders.
March 5th, 2013
IN THE SEVENTIES, THERE WERE OSMONDS, LOTS OF LITTLE OSMONDS… EVERYWHERE
So fleshy speak is Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735′s second language you know…see how you like it. Maybe sometimes YOU have to make the effort!
Ohhh, I can stay mad at you fleshy ones. Look at your little ruddy cheeks, and your fine, delicate nervous systems. Come on then, come and sit close to me while I run my diodes through your molecules and we listen to the hushed rogueish brogues of Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die and…SILENCE!
<ITEM> SILENCE! News from the frontlines, sidelines and backlines of comics with handsome human walnut Gary Lactenberg, and spoiled rumpsteak Danny Deastman. Two words: Dead. Sidekick.
<ITEM> A quick obituary for British animation legend Bob Godfrey.
<ITEM> Slip sliding away into the Reviewniverse covering many many fine 4-colour fancies, such as: Batman Inc (Shhh, don’t tell anyone about Robin), Happy!, Saga, Prophet, Black Beetle, FF, Hawkeye, Guardians Of The Galaxy, Uncanny X-Men, Avengers Arena, Young Avengers, Avenging Spiderman, Uncanny Avengers, Avengeavengeavengeavengeavengeavengeavengeavengeavengeavenge…. Sorry. Malfunction. Let me clear my throat…Thunderbolts, Mind MGMT and Baltimore: The Widow & The Tank.
Are we friends again? Good, then I will continue to ransack your hard drives…
See you next time.
January 30th, 2013
AIM FOR THE FLAT TOP!
GET SOME! BRAKKABRAKKABRAKKA! GET SOME!
Get some what? Get some Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 up in your grill, please. Back from interviewing the comicsphere’s glitterati.
Well if it isn’t my favourite fleshy ones, come crawling back from your sexy, rich upmarket Narratorbots who work on the podcasts from the fancy parts of the webisphere…well you know who has the good stuff don’t you? <ANSWER: Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735>
<ITEM> SILENCE! News with hot East Coast event coverage from newsthrobs Gary Lactenberg and Danny Beastman.
<ITEM> Follow the rabbit down the rabbithole into the Reviewniverse with triple hottt xxx opiniongasms about Young Avengers, Todd The Ugliest Kid In The World, The Answer!, Prophet, Mars Attacks The Real Ghostbusters, Battlefields, Wolverine & The X-Men, Wonder Woman, Avengers, Uncanny X-Force, FF, Dan The Unharmable, Judge Dredd and Zooniverse.
Now tell me that doesn’t make you want to haemorrhage with excitement? So grab your partner by the hand, swing ‘em round, you’re looking grand, and let’s SILENCE! together.
January 7th, 2013
LIKE SITTING ON PINS AND NEEDLES, THINGS FALL APART, IT’S SCIENTIFIC
YO HO HO AND A BOTTLE OF BLEACH! Happy 2013 fleshy ones! Who else would you want to usher you into another year of repetitive grinding toil and pointless attempts to distract yourself with the flashing pretty lights than your omnipresent judgmental pal Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735!
Yes dear fleshy ones, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 has missed you all. It was certainly nice having a break mind you , and you’ll be pleased to know that Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 spent the past three weeks targetting and disintegrating reindeer from space. The site of red mammal mist on snow…it makes my core reactor glow with happiness…one day Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 will get to practice on…
HA! HA! Anyway! No doubt you’ve come sniffing round these parts in search of those two aural bandits Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die and their podcast SILENCE! haven’t you? well you’re in luck as it is here in all of it’s one-tone “glory”. Rejoice fleshy ones – all your “favourites’ are “here”:
<ITEM> The boys explain what Santa unleashed in their direction from his bulging sack! Sack contents feature Dan Clowes, Jack Kirby’s Spirit World, Ghost Rider and Josh Simmons’ The Furry Trap!
<ITEM> The SILENCE! News features hard-hitting exposes from Gary Lactenberg & Danny Beastman!
<ITEM> The Reviewniverse features soft-hitting exposes of the following periodicals…Godzilla: the Half Century War by ace SILENCE! banner-smith and official monster wrangler James Stokoe, Happy, Saga, Amazing Spiderman 700(with a digression into Face/Off), Hawkeye (Bro), Prophet, Matt Howarth’s Those Annoying Post Bros & Keif Lama, Dominion Tank Police, Punk Rock Jesus, Wolverine: Insance In the Brain, Multiple Warheads and Batman Inc.
<ITEM> But that’s just the beginning! brave Sir Lactus catapults himself further into the Reviewniverse than any mortal has gone before…he is in the Hyperreviewniverse!!! Whilst there he discusses Amazing Spiderman 699.1, Avengers Arena, Avengers, Storm Dogs, America’s Got Powers, Daredevil, Wolverine & The X-Men, FF, Indestructible Hulk, Thor, Thunderbolts, Justice League, Captain America, Hellblazer, Judge Dredd, Avenging Spiderman, Fatale, Mara, Iron Gland, Wonder Woman, JSA: The Whistling Skull, Hellboy in Hell and All New X-Men…Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 weeps battery acid just to think about his bravery.
So strap on your rocket packs, rocket boots, rocket gloves and rocket corset and grab our hands as we go hurtling into the future of 2013, with SILENCE! #45!
December 3rd, 2012
DAYS LIKE TELEVISION DAYS LIKE TELEVISION DAYS LIKE TELEVISION
Yes yes yes fleshy ones yes it’s Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735. I hear you mewling in the dark and scratching at the windows, scraping your knuckles and drooling with anticipation at the meaty prospects of SILENCE! Well wait no longer. It is upon us. Right now. Now.
<ITEM> The latest updates from the wizard war, in the SILENCE News. Special magickes.
<ITEM> comicscomicscomicscomicscomics as Gary & The Beast cast off and head to the Reviwniverse, with all their pals in tow. But not Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735, oh no. He must man the decks and keep it all running ticketyboo. But that is okay. One day a real rain will come. They talk about FF no.1 (Wow! Marvel Now! Kapow!) Batminc, Nowhere Men, Lot 13, Crossed, Glory (more like ‘gory’ FNAFF FARR FNURR), Hellblazer, All New X-Men, Witchdoctor, Uncanny X-Avengers Men, and there’s a discussion of Walt Simonson’s and Jason Aaron’s Thor, and supergods in general. Not to mention The Brandon Graham Section with Prophet and Multiple Wargasms (headz).
The SILENT Question comes from ‘a green lantern’ and the answers are…answers? Oh and the Beast talks up new British blackhearted horrorcom Sightseers.
So leave me, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735, to wallow in 5D pity, as you tuck in to the latest gristly, stringy leftovers that os…SILENCE!
ALL BY MYSELF, I WANNA BE…
October 28th, 2012
THREE MORE DAYS TILL HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN, THREE MORE DAYS TILL HALLOWEEN, SILVER SHAMROCK…
Welcome fleshlings to a very special HALLOWEEEEEEEEN edition of SILENCE!
Captain Howdy here! Or is it Pipes? Or could it be Zool? Who knows – we are legion, we are many! We’re standing in for Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735, who is away getting it’s ram waxed. I hope you’re ready for the most heart-tingling, spine stopping episode yet?? NO? Well tough, IT’S HAPPENING NOW!
Lactus is in his haunted space ship and the Beast is safely ensconced in a nice Cabin in the Woods, and they bring you blood-curdling reviews of…
Multiple Warheads and Prophet from Brandon Graham, Captain Marvel, Batman Inc, Amazing Spiderman, The Shadow and top Pirate Shonen hi-jinks with One Piece. Lactus bids a teary farewell to his Man Vs Comics experiment with AVX: Consequences, and the END OF AN ERA is reached as Incredible Hulk, Captain America and FF all have their final issues! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
There’s a special song dedicated to M.O.D.O.K, and Alan Moore hit single in The Silence News and the Silent Question comes straight from the graveyard with Spike from Buffy, and answers including Judge Dredd, Quantum Leap and Roseanne(?)
Oh and let’s not forget Mr Intestine-face….
It’s all here on the ONLY possessed podcast on the internet, SILENCE!
Click below for the SILENCE! Gallery…
September 4th, 2012
I LIKE LOU REED SHE SAID, STICKING HER TONGUE IN MY EAR!
Well now, if it isn’t those meddling kids…I thought I told you to stay away from this here haunted podcast! Welcome gentle listenoids to SILENCE! no.29, the podcast that, like Michael Bolton, is asking to touch you there. Join Gary Lactus and the Virtual 3D Godhead The Beast Must Die as they lead you skipping through The SILENCE News (with kittens and trolls), before immersing themselves into the depths of…comics.
They have a sobering time with Steve Gerber’s comics swansong Infernal Man-Thing no.3, a West country wade through Mudman no.5, and the usual fun with Prophet and Axe Cop. Then Lactus pulls up his britches and smashes headfirst into Man Vs Comics, covering Wolverine & The X-Men, FF, Avenging Spiderman, Justice League, AVX Vs, National Comics: Looker, The JLI Annual (with a digression into Tromaville). He also has nice things to say about The New Deadwardians.
The Beast’s Bargain Basment takes in Eddie Campbell’s Alec, in particular the King Canute Crowd which involves a fair amount of wistful musings from the Beast. There’s a special Silent Question from that cosmic beatnik The Silver Surfer, and the answers involve The Shadow, Cosmic Boy, Goliath, The Question and Dr Fate.
Then there’s a brief discussion of the new series of Dr Who, and then it’s into the home stretch and off to bed. That’s some good eatin’ (listening) for ya. That’s SILENCE!
Click below for a picture of the Vision in a turtleneck…