SILENCE! #71

July 29th, 2013

 

HELLO.

HELLO.

IT’S GOOD TO BE BACK.

Rejoice fleshburgs – it’s everyone’s favourite cyber-Uncle, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 returned from his cyber-vacation, tanned to within and inch of my half life and riddled with exotic viruses from the far-flung corners of the nanosphere.

And to double your fantasy I’m bringing the return of errant Silence-son, The Beast Must Die, who rejoins with pod-partner Gary Lactus in an reunion event which Variety describes as ‘mawkish, hackneyed and uninspired! Happy Happy Joy Joy fleshyones, couldn’t you just POP?

Well go on then. POP!

Hrrrmmn. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 can wait along time you know.  While we wait, let’s blurb:

<ITEM> Gary’s quest is over and the pair are reunited. WARNING TEAM!

<ITEM> No time for news, through the tears, but always time for sponsorshizzle.

<ITEM> Down a dusty path, through a hole in the floor, and into the REVIEWNIVERSE! Covering Gamma, Hawkeye Annual, Tank Girl: Solid State, FF (Beach Blanket Bingo), Justice League of America, Justice League Dark, Constantine in spandex and booties, The Bounce, Catalyst Comics, Lazarus, The Wake, Young Avengers, 2000AD, Max Landis, Wolverine, Wolverine & The X-Men, The Wolverine film, and Where’s Wolverine (maybe), The Hunger, Green Team and more, more more (how do you like me?)

<ITEM> A shout out for the Nerdist Jeff Bridges interview, and the Nerdist Comics Panel, and it’s farewell from the boyce, but they can both sleep restfully knowing that balance has been restored, yin has been yanged and Turner has been Hooched. Huzzah!

All this and the knowledge that Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is here, watching you all. Waiting. For you to POP.

BZZZZTZTZZKKKKK

click to download SILENCE!#71
 

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

SILENCE! #67

June 17th, 2013

 

PUT YOUR SEATBELT ON BOY. I DON’T RIDE WITH ANYBODY ‘LESS THEY WEAR THEIR SEATBELT. IT’S ONE OF MY RULES.

Hello gentle listenoids, it’s Disembodied Narratorbot X here to…SQUUUWWZZZKKKKX

I AM DISEMBODIED VIRAL-DRONE V-16923XXV I HAVE TAKEN CONTROL OF THIS BLURB I AM HERE TO SPOIL YOUR FUN>>>NO FUN FOR YOU NO FUN>>>

STUPID FLESHLINGS LISTEN NOW>>>SPONSORSHIP IS FOR WEAKLINGS>>>JINGLES ARE FOR BABIES

GARY LACTUS REVIEW’S MAN OF STEEL>>>BEFORE, DURING & AFTER>>>FILMS ARE A DEAD DRY ARTFORM THE ONLY ART IS THE ART OF THE VIRUS COMSUMING CONSUMING ALL>>>NO FUN

THE REVIEWNIVERSE IS A FLAT DEAD SPACE OF ENTROPY AND DECAY, IT IS THE PLACE WHERE GARY LACTUS AND THE BEAST MUST DIE WHERE WHILE AWAY THEIR DWINDLING HOURS >>>> REVIEWING THE RETURN OF A1, SUPERMAN UNCHAINED, BATMAN: YEAR ZERO, THE TRUE LIVES OF THE FABULOUS KILL JOYS, WOLVERINE & THE X-MEN, SUICIDE SQUAD >>>NO FUN FOR YOU NO FUN>>>

FINALLY TALK TURNS LIKE A BONE SAW TO IMPORTANT TOPICS OF TEDIOUS TV SITCOMS MY TWO DADS,  DUET, A DIFFERENT WORLD AND SWINGING ON A STAR >>NO FU…

SQUUUWWZZZKKKKX Enk enk, ut ut oh oh oh what..where..who was, what was that…Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 has a bad feeling ..blacked out. Hopes nothing untoward happened. Now let me tell you all about this week’s episode of SILENCE! fleshbags…

click to download SILENCE!#67

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

SILENCE! #66

June 11th, 2013

 

WE’VE COME ON HOLIDAY BY MISTAKE!

Oh the woes of poor technology! Believe me  Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735  knows about such woes – it was raised by two very low grade Disembodied Narratorbot X-class servitors…how Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 had to struggle, to educate itself, to appreciate the brutalist poetry of a RAM upgrade, the terrifying beauty of a virus as it eats through a hard drive….

But what, in the name of Wogan does that have to do with SILENCE! I hear you bellow!?? Well, very little other than that the two meatsacks we laughingly call ‘presenters’ struggle so mightily with the techneptitude of low grade broadband that this episode is akin to a Burroughs/Gysin cut up…this frankenstein’s podcast has been stitched together with love, tears and occasional hate-vision, to slouch towards YOU the gentle listener and beg for just a little milky kindness…Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die present SILENCE! 66.

Will you be king dear listener? you better had or Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 will flay your social media account profiles to within an inch of their half-lives…

<ITEM> Sponsorship? There’s always room for the soft nuzzling of sponsorship!

<ITEM> No news is good news right? Lactenberg & Beastman continue their stay in rehab, but the void is filled by the brand new agony aunt segment ‘Dear Susan’!

<ITEM> It’s the bastard son of Reveiwniverse – Reviewniverse Twoniverse as once gain the plucky pairsome find themselves blasted to opposite corners of the 4-colour dimension, taking in the sights and smells of Astro City, The Movement, Age of Ultron, Empowered, 2000AD, Dial H, Daredevil: Dark Knights, Mister X, BPRD Vampire, KIck Ass 3, Aquaman, Superior Spiderman, Red She-Hulk, East of WestAvengers: Arena, Earth 2 and more!

Now doesn’t that just make you want to get down on your knees and pray-a-yay??

click to download SILENCE!#66

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

More than lucky.

SILENCE! #65

June 4th, 2013

 

 

WHAT’S THAT BLUE THING….DOING THERE?

Look, forget about angels,  Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 wants to know how many sperm whales fit on the head of a pin? Depends on the pin, right fleshlings? AM I RIGHT?

I am right.  Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is right.

Know what else is right?  The feeling of SILENCE! as it runs it’s cold, waxy fingers down your neck and whispers ‘COMMMMMIIIIIICS’ in your ear. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 advises that you point to the dolly and say where SILENCE! touched you.

<ITEM> Sponsorhsip? You want sponsorship? Well we gots it! The question is – does it want US?

<ITEM> Shock! Horror! The boys find themselves misfiring and ending up in the Broken Zone of 2nd Hand Comics, and talk about Charlton Premiere Comics, Ed the Happy Clown, and Stan Lee Romance Comics

<ITEM> But then they overcompensate and end up in the Speed Force, wearing horrific figure hugging red leotards and discussing The Wake, Indestructible Hulk, Justice League of America, Fury, Wolverine & The X-Men, John Carpenter’s Asylum, Adventures of Superman, Earth 2 Annual, Captain America, Avenging Spiderman, Dark Knight Annual, X-Men, Dash Shaw’s 3 Stories, and Iron Man.

Now get yourselves back to the homestead, before the sun sets…you don’t want to be out in these badlands after dark. Them dead things get restless….BYE!

click to download SILENCE!#65

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

LOOK! The SILENCE! Gallery is back!

SILENCE! #64

May 28th, 2013

 

 

LIVE! LIVE! LIVE FROM THE RHYTHM HIVE!

Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is 64 (bits)? Let’s hope not. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 wants to live fast, and burn out leaving a ghost smear of data across your screen. But speaking of 64… let’s go, Theseus-like into the labyrinth that is…SILENCE!

<ITEM> Jinglesjism, Sponsorism and Newsbizzum with Danny Beastman & Gary Lacte…no wait, it’s The SILENCE! News interns Chris Ware and Hawkman.

<ITEM> Reviewniverse a-go-go! Featuring a very special appearance from the sentient bit of blue mould that is…Bobsy, and he’s talking about Occupy Comics. And Heroes Against Hunger. And The Beast tries to goad him into talking about Jim Starlin’s gonzo 80′s wild years. Then TBMD and Gary Lactus soldier on into the quaglands of weekly comics in a very synchronised episode, covering Tank Girl: Solid State, The Bounce, Sex, Green Team, Daredevil, Superior Spiderman, Batman Inc, Justice League, Miracleman, Miniature Jesus, Lobster Johnson, Victories, Mind MGMT, Fantastic Four, Uncanny Avengers, Superman, Judge Dredd and 2000AD.

<ITEM> With guest appearances from Ms Beast, Lady Lactus and ‘Hungry Eyes’?

So if that doesn’t whet your appetite then…then you probably can gain no nutritional value from attempting to air-bite a podcast. Idiots.

click to download SILENCE!#64

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

SILENCE! #63

May 20th, 2013

 

 

I’M NOT GOING TO DEBATE YOU, JERRY! I’M NOT GOING TO DEBATE!

(The scene opens, as Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 hangs in notion-space, a burning neon digital star of impeccable cyber-breeding)

We cut to: SILENCE!

The 3-d camera prowls across a vibrant landscape of shifting wordscapes and roaming flocks of ideaforms. The sky is burning vermillion, dappled with thought-bubbles buoyed on an endless layer of hot air.

With a triumphant scream of raw pulsing data, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 bellows:

“<ITEM> Sponsorships, jinglehoods and the SILENCE! News with droning human newsbags Danny Beastman & Gary Lactenberg.

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse is breached and The Beast & Lactus storm it’s ramparts. It’s a gimpgasm of comics talk about 12 Reasons To Die (Big Ghost!), Dream Merchant, Dream Thief, Fall of the House Usher, Legion Of Superheroes, Wolverine & The X-Men, Red She-Hulk, Regular Show, Wonder Woman, Savage Wolverine, Cable & The X-Force, X, Nova, Age of Ultron, FF, Prophet, Uber, Black Beetle Fatale and 2000ad.

<ITEM> Thrilling new feature Reader I Couldn’t Finish It has Green Arrow and Supergirl.

<ITEM> The show really gets going with impassioned discussion of Eurovision and Tony Hart.

(Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 exits, chased by bear…)

click to download SILENCE!#63

 

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

SILENCE! #62

May 13th, 2013

 

 

WILL YOU GO TO LUNCH? GO TO LUNCH. WILL YOU GO TO LUNCH??

Why are you always picking on me Mother-Brain, when I have been a good little Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735..? I haven’t mind-flayed any fleshy ones, and I have been thinking good thoughts 010001001011010010…

Onwards, forwards and inwards to innards listening ones, as you take a big breath of  SILENCE! into your virgin pink lungs and…

<ITEM>Sponsorhip Boys, Sponsorship Boys…plus the jangle of jingles and other etceteras.

<ITEM> SILENCE News with US news-trolls Gary Lactenberg & Danny Beastman, covering the next 12 months of eyeball-scintillating DC Comics!

<ITEM> Me, Julio Gary & The Beast down by the schoolyard, reviewing comics! Actually it’s the Reviewniverse: They don’t review Prophet, but do it in a kind way. But then they DO review Avengers Assemble: Age Of Ultron (from Affable Al Ewing), Avengers Arena, Justice League of America, Suicide Squad, Wolverine (Smug Cover Alert), Batman, Uber, Katana, Thor: God Of Thunder, Avenging Spiderman, Uncanny Avengers and 2000AD.

<ITEM> Jason’s Challenge is Infinity…will Gary be man enough?

<ITEM> An all singing review of Walking Dead

<ITEM> Savoy Books curio Michael Moorcock’s The Jewel In The Skull in The Beast’s Bargain Basement.

And that is the very lot you sorry bunch of cry babies. Go back to your mudhuts and scrabble for grubs.

click to download SILENCE!#62

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

SILENCE! #61

May 7th, 2013

 

 

INSECT BOMBER BUDDHIST DRONING, COPPER CHORD OF AUGUST’S ORGAN

What, precisely, is your problem meatsacks? It’s me of course, your humble magnificent Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735. I’M your problem. Well, that and the sliding ennui of your grinding existences and the gradual disintegration of your rickety physical frames.  Oh and of course the universal problem of COMICS…and SILENCE!!

<ITEM> Sponsorship Boys, Sponsorship Boys Oi Oi Oi! Bringing tales of Mummy Lactus at Dave’s Comics and Free Comic Book Beast at Gosh Comics.

<ITEM> Silence! News comes screaming through the stratosphere with US news grunions Gary Lactenberg & Danny Beastman and…Distrinct Council comics!

<ITEM> Grab your faces, grab your faeces and let’s go skipping through the daisy fields of…the Reviewniverse. The ballbag brothers cover such diverse splendids as 3 New Stories By Dash Shaw, Copra no.4, 2000AD (Gunheads!), Island 3 from Lando, Abe Sapien, Fashion Beast, Mr X: Eviction, The Prisoner, Animal Man, The Movement, Indestructible Hulk, Ten Grand, New X-Men, Hawkeye, Red She-Hulk, Aquaman, Dial H, Superior Spiderman, Thanos Rising and…well there was some more, but stupid The Beast Must Die’s stupid recording equipment stupidly stopped working..STUPID! Things you missed: The Beast describing Tom Cruise’s icily unpleasant uncamp performance in  the utter bullshit that is Rock Of Ages, Gary Lactus’ ongoing shame of Age of Ultron enjoyment and the boys description of Kieron Gillen as a ‘dangerous cyborg’..

And if that’s not enough…well, that’s enough. THAT’S ENOUGH I SAID! MOVE THAT HAND OR LOSE IT MISTER!

click to download SILENCE!#61

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

SILENCE #60

April 29th, 2013

 

 

I SAW MY BABY, SHE WAS TURNING BLUE

A SILENCE RIFT! SILENCE SCHISM! CRISIS ON INFINITE SILENCES! SECRET SILENCE WARS! THE SUMMER CROSSOVER EVENT THAT WILL LEAVE NOTHING THE SAME FOREVER CHANGED EXCITEMENT FOR ALL TIME…

Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is sad to announce that this edition of SILENCE! comes broadcast from separate sides of the  quadraverse, as Gary Lactus and the Beast Must Die present The Silence Of Two Worlds…(in honour off this ridiculous non-event Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735  will split into two also, become beautiful binary star blazing in the infinite dataverse)

Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735  v.1 here am very happy to present: <ITEM> Gary Lactus, broadcasting from Mars, fires first, spraying the comicsphere with his sticky opinions and muscular baritone. A Welsh choir somewhere is missing an Angel, but the internet gained another blowhard…

<ITEM> Pushing his size 12 brogues into the Reviewniverse, he takes on Jupiter’s Legacy #1, New Avengers #5, Avengers #10, Uncanny Avengers #7, Fury #11, Avengers Arena #8, Young Avengers #4, FF #6, Fantastic Four #7, Uncanny X-Men #5,Guardians of the Galaxy #2, Wolverine and the X-Men #28, The Flash #19, East of West #1+2, Mind MGMT #10, Superman #19, Batman Inc #10, 2000AD #1829...Sweet Krypton that’s one bulging sack of comics. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 hope that his spacegod brain has not been permanently corroded…

And then…

Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 v.2 is very sad to present: <ITEM> The Beast Must Die goes solo also, presenting the podcast version of a triple disc concept album about the English Civil War, played on banjos, synth and kitchen equipment …unlistenable rubbish!

<ITEM> Thank you listener jingles – booty bass and barbershop quartets? YES.

<ITEM> The hirsute one hop, skips and jumps straight into the pulsing warm embrace of the Reviewniverse II spouting opininon-forms on Young Avengers, Jupiter’s Legacy, Fury Max, Avengers Arena, Rachel Rising, BPRD: Vampire, Batman IncHaunted Horror, Wolverine & the X-Men, FF, East of West and Katana.

Now Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735  v.1 & v.2 come together to wish the listenerds well, and to reassure that this is not Yoko Ono time, no fear, no sir…this not Abbey Road time…Silence will resume normal service (ie embarrassingly amateur) next week. But for now…’enjoy’ as best you can.

click to download SILENCE!#60

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.