March 2nd, 2016
YOUR CIGARETTE STILL BURNS, YOUR MESSED UP WORLD WILL THRILL ME
Who loves you, and who do you love? SILENCE! that’s who. SILENCE! loves you like a pig loves lemonade. What do you mean pigs don’t love lemonade? What the eff do you even know about pigs anyway? I tell you, if you go to a shop and ask it to pick out a can of fizzy pop, it won’t pick out Cola, it won’t pick out Ginger Beer and it sure as sh*t won’t pick out got-tamned Cherryade! Whuddya even know ’bout pigs…come round here tellin’ ME about pigs willya??
So, like a pig loves lemonade, SILENCE! loves you. And what more could you want from a comics podcast hmmmmmmmmmmmmm?
<ITEM> Who’s that I hear outside, scratching to get in? Why it’s only special guest presenter Clark Burscough, aka Clark T-Bubz! He joins The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus in their latest traipse around the 4-colour wastelands. And what a touch of class he brings!
<ITEM> Sponsorship, RAW, the Truth Behind Thought Bubble and Gary’s Vegan Adventure? It’s all here true believers!
<ITEM> A Reviewniverse three-way? You betcha! The boyzzz talk up Ben Marra’s Blades & Lazers, Tango & Cash, All New X-Men, DKIII: The Master Race, Star Wars: Chewbacca, Star Wars: Lando, Batman: Mitefall, New Avengers, Venture Bros, Batman: Brave & The Bold, Degrassi Junior High, Saved By The Bell and Ian Beale: Martian Manhunter…oh man, even I want to listen to it now and I’m just …. DISEMBODIED NARRATORBOT X-1575! HA HA HA HA AND YOU THOUGHT I WAS DEAD!!!
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April 27th, 2015
NOW YOU’RE GOING WITH SOME KID, LOOKS LIKE SOME BAD COMEDIAN
Totes need to nail this blurb ASAP. Time’s running out on this ‘kay, and I’ve got Japan up my ass. I know we can’t afford Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 for this, and to be honest I’m not interested in dealing with that prima donna A$$HOLE anyway. Let it go shake it’s little nano-tush for those big shot podcasters across the pond. That bitch be cray-cray anyway, and at least we don’t have to try and sort that goddamn rider y’know? Fukkin’ unbelivable, amiright???
Anyhoo, you need to get your best people on this pronto. I want the biggest guns you can get without spending mucho dollarinies, ‘kay? We need something very NOW, very SEXY, very VERY, y’know? We need the blurb equivalent of a Skrillex beat, soundtracking someone base-jumping into a pile of I-watches, kay?
I’ll be off radar, got a big golf game with Stan The Man, and Jay-Z, looking at some VERY big plans for this podcast. Keep it under your wigs guys, but we seriously need to jettison those two tired fuckkin hams The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus…those two hacks make me wanna puke my ring, but the contracts they have are like a fukkin vice on my balls – that’s some cast-iron LA Law shit there. An’ I’m not talkin fukkin Benny, amiright?? Let’s just say that IF something bad was to happen to them, then we might just have a couple of replacements waiting in the wings. But that’s a great big IF right there.
Oh yeah, and stay off the blow, you fukkin beak-hounds – I want’s this blurb YESTER-fukkin-DAY, none of yer fukkin three day parties. I find out you guys been partyin at Didio’s mansion and I’m gonna be on the first flight out there to ram my fist up your asses. Buddy Bagelbinder’s gonna be keepin’ a close fukkin eye on your a$$es.
Welcome young listener pups, to the welcoming teat of another SILENCE! Turn that other podcast off, and put this podcast into your face-hole right now.
<ITEM> Gladmin, Psponsorshit and the SILENCE! News? Can it really be? Talk runs to Dark Knight III: Master Race, Frank The Tank, and the usual irrelevant frippery.
<ITEM> The Reviewniverse opens its gap-toothed maw and sucks in the boys like a couple of salty bon-bons. Talk turns to Empire: Uprising, L.E.G.I.O.N, Kaptara, Covergence: Swamp Thing, Convergence: Flash, Convergence: Batman& The Outsiders and Convergence: Shmonvergence. Also Crossed 100, Black Hood and something else most likely.
<ITEM> The Beast’s Bargain Basement opens it’s creaky door and the boys peer into the gloom to discuss Who’s Who in the DCU and Eddy Current.
<ITEM> SILENCE! Movies: there’s some spoiler-free talk of Avengers 2, X-Men: Days of Future Past, Hobbit 3 and Robocop. BONUS CONTENT JOY!
(Orchestral music swells, fade to black…)
September 16th, 2014
I DON’T WANNA BE BURIED, IN A PET SEMATARY
<ITEM> Lazy Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 has gone astray – does anyone miss it? Be careful as it could be lurking in your inbox bumping uglies with a particularly virulent phishing scam. In the meantime Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die bring you the yawning chasm of comics kritizism that is…SILENCE!
<ITEM> Sponsor-Shimmy-shimmy-YA!, there’s Jingles, Confusion of the Matts, Quick Strips, Myriad, Cartoon County and a whole sweaty fistful more…
<ITEM> What’s that light in them thar hills? Why that’s the Reviewniverse welcoming foolish prospectors into it’s gaping maw…lucky youse got theboys to light the way…they be talkin’ Space Horse Redux, Wild’s End, Annihilator, Dave McKean photocopying, LA apocalypse narrative, Ms Marvel, Swamp Thing, Justice League Unlimited, Future’s End, Prophet: Strikefile, Terminal Hero, Death of Wolverine, Dark Ages, MPH, Copperhead, Captain Victory, Caliban, Avengers, the general bizarre state of DC Comics and a whole dogpile more…
<ITEM> I CAN SEE THE OTHER SIDE! There’s just time Silence (Because My Mouth Is Full Of Delicious Food), Darren Cullen News, Roberty Bobbity’s Spacehorse Riders and not a jot more.