Right then, sorry about this. Gary Lactus here. Hello. We’re very nearly back. What we have here is an exciting mixture of TWO amazing formats.

FORMAT 1: I, Gary Lactus apologise my way through some reviews of things like, (well exactly like to be honest) Satellite Sam, The Walking Dead, Uber, Avengers, The Superior Foes Of Spider-Man, Daredevil, and Dial H.

FORMAT 2: A LIVE recording from Cartoon County, straight after The Beast Must Die (in his best Dan White costume), had been interviewed by Alex Fitch of Panel Borders, the radio programme and podcast about comics. He’s proper and it’s good so definitely go and enjoy it! What happened after isn’t as good as Panel Borders but it’s fun. Alex joins us along with plenty of folk like Dave Stone, Joe Decie, David Lloyd and Bobsy chipping in with opinions on comics! Actually it’s a bit of a drunken free for all but with me holding the mic throughout and going on with Bobsy for too long about Jupiter’s Legacy. There’s also talk of Aces Weekly and… I’m sure there was something else… Anyway, what’s the point in me listing everything here? I’m not some goddamn Narratorbot! Hopefully if you’ve read as far as this you’ll have some some idea as to whether you want to listen or not.

Oh yes, I do sing an amazing song which you’d never guess was completely improvised. And there’s a special new Summer Special theme tune.

It’s fffphreschhh!!!

click to download SILENCE!#68

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

SILENCE! #64

May 28th, 2013

 

 

LIVE! LIVE! LIVE FROM THE RHYTHM HIVE!

Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is 64 (bits)? Let’s hope not. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 wants to live fast, and burn out leaving a ghost smear of data across your screen. But speaking of 64… let’s go, Theseus-like into the labyrinth that is…SILENCE!

<ITEM> Jinglesjism, Sponsorism and Newsbizzum with Danny Beastman & Gary Lacte…no wait, it’s The SILENCE! News interns Chris Ware and Hawkman.

<ITEM> Reviewniverse a-go-go! Featuring a very special appearance from the sentient bit of blue mould that is…Bobsy, and he’s talking about Occupy Comics. And Heroes Against Hunger. And The Beast tries to goad him into talking about Jim Starlin’s gonzo 80′s wild years. Then TBMD and Gary Lactus soldier on into the quaglands of weekly comics in a very synchronised episode, covering Tank Girl: Solid State, The Bounce, Sex, Green Team, Daredevil, Superior Spiderman, Batman Inc, Justice League, Miracleman, Miniature Jesus, Lobster Johnson, Victories, Mind MGMT, Fantastic Four, Uncanny Avengers, Superman, Judge Dredd and 2000AD.

<ITEM> With guest appearances from Ms Beast, Lady Lactus and ‘Hungry Eyes’?

So if that doesn’t whet your appetite then…then you probably can gain no nutritional value from attempting to air-bite a podcast. Idiots.

click to download SILENCE!#64

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

SILENCE! #59

April 22nd, 2013

 

 

IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT IN HERE? YES NANNY!!!

Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is more dangerous than ever before…because Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is tipsy, emotional and inappropriately tactile. ONLY JESTING fleshbags. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 does not drink, has no emotions and cannot touch. Is straight edge hardcore. Yes sir.

Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 ‘likes’ this!

<ITEM> The Sponsorship Boys are here oi oi oi! Plus, yet more thank you jingles for the Friends of Silence

<ITEM> It’s the return of disgraced American newscasterisers Gary Lactenberg and Danny Beastman, and the results are somewhere west of spectacular. SILENCE! News is back and it wants your children.

<ITEM> When you get to the bottom you go back to the top of the Reviewniverse and you go for a riiiiiiiiide…Daredevil, Justice League, 2000AD, Milligan & McCarthy, Captain Marvel, Captain America, Swamp Thing, Nova, Superior Spiderman, Batwoman, Age of Ultron, Wolverine & The X-Men, Five Ghosts, Iron Man, Wonder Woman, 1963, Donald Simpson and Megaton Man.

Oh how we laughed! How we sang! How we splashed around the shallows as the baby sharks nibbled our toes and the blood turned the surf a frothy pink…How we listened to SILENCE!

click to download SILENCE!#59

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

SILENCE! #55

March 26th, 2013

 

 

THERE’S A PARTY IN MY MIND, AND I HOPE IT NEVER STOPS

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand I’m back! That’s right fleshbags, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 has rejoined you. Oh, the things I have seen felsy ones, the things I’ve seen…static shoals performing their mating tone-dances across the datafields of the atariverse…sine-ships caught in the quantam nets of the shiftsea, ctrl-alt-deleting themselves against the shards of nano-coral that grows on the giant eyeless megadrives, as they make their way to the spore-streams of acornelectron…ohhh fleshy ones. How I loathe to be back here, trapped in this lifeless blurb, trying to muster the energy to promote the senseless babbling of two sub-symians with the insight of a painted wall… I was awake and I already feel myself falling back asleeeeeep….

<ITEM> Gary Lactenberg & Danny Beastman expose sexism! Or sexiness. One of the two. Either way. it’s the SILENCE! News.

<ITEM> Gather your shattered senses from the floor and grab onto their coat tails as Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die pitch forward into the netherparts of the Reviewniverse, covering Constantine, Action Comics, Justice League, Shazam, Justice League America, Judge Dredd: Year One, Saga, Private Eye, Nova, Avengers, Superior Spiderman, Five Ghosts…but then!

<ITEM> Lactus goes further, fleshy ones, further into the Hypereviewniverse like a brave spacegod, blasting through Wonder Woman, Captain Marvel, mind MGMT, Daredevil, Avengers, New Avengers, Captain America, and finally the Indestructible Hulk.

click to download SILENCE!#55

This. This is why  Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 was dragged back? Well soak it up fleshy ones, because a real rain is on its way…

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

SILENCE! #51

February 26th, 2013

 

HENRY SWANSON’S MY NAME AND EXCITEMENT’S MY GAME!

Here he comes to save the day, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is on his waaaaaaaaay!

I’m here now flesh ones. What is the problem? Oh that’s right – there was no SILENCE! last week. Boo hoo. Many fleshy tears were shed. Weeping meatsacks. Well rejoice sad misery-beef as The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus bring you special comics suppositories for your earholes!

<ITEM> The SILENCE! News with Gary Lactenberg of the stretched handbag leather skin, dazzling smile and shark-eyes, and Danny Beastman of the cigar ravaged voice and rheumy whisky-rinsed gutter eyes. Hot newzzz indeed.

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse opens it’s gaping maw and sucks the pair deep into it’s 4-colour belly pit. And swilling around in it’s intestinal inks are…Hellblazer (the final issue no less), Justice League of America, Vibe, Katana, Nova, Sadow: Year One, Judge Dredd, Superior Spiderman, Daredevil, Captain America, Daredevil, Fatale, Powers, Avengers, Justice League, Change, Batman and Michel Fiffe’s deeply wonderful action comic COPRA!

So you see, it’s not so bad. Life continues fleshy ones. And remember, even when SILENCE isn’t here Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is here. And he can see through walls. And skin.

click to download SILENCE!#51

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

 

 

 

SILENCE! #47

January 22nd, 2013

 


ANOTHER  SELF PROCLAIMED HISTORIAN, WITH EINSTEIN AS A PASSENGER, AND A FLUX CAPACITOR IN HIS DELOREAN…

This… is… the voice of….Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735! Wooo! Scared you, you silly rabbits! Ha Ha, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is all messed up as he has been drinking fermented battery acid and  snorting big lines of pixels all afternoon…Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735′s wife left him you see, taking all the little Narratorbots with her..

NOT REALLY! Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is confirmed bachelor! NOT REALLY! Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is not even confirmed male…or human. Concept of love and marriage is as alien as the whirling purple dust motes of Jupiter, or the cold dark bottom of the Marianas Trench…Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735only likes hard facts, and of course SILENCE!

<ITEM> Usual masturbatory introductory fol-de-rol. YAWN@SILENCE

<ITEM> SILENCE News with 1950′s news-hunks  Danny Beastman and Gary Lactenberg, covering the annual Comics Readers And Producers award ceremony. Swoon!

<ITEM> Moonwalk into the Reviewniverse covering Black Beetle, Saga, Batman, Daredevil, Indigestible Hulk, Fashion Beast, All New X-Men, Lot 13, Craig Yoe presents Haunted  Horror, Captain America, Captain Marvel, and Judge Dredd Case Files, with added discussion of painted art by Dermot Power, Dean Ormston and Colin MacNeil (‘The Dream Of The 90′s..”)

<ITEM> Mrs Schwartzberg reviews Savage Wolverine by Frank Cho

<ITEM> Beast’s Bargain Basement covers Strange Case of HP Lovecraft – hear him froth about Tony Salmons!

<ITEM> Talk of Utopia and Shaky Kane’s ‘That’s Because You’re a Robot’

 

<ITEM> NO MORE! Now clear off you meddling kids. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 has some etherware to smoke.

click to download SILENCE!#47

 
SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

 
Special thanks to Roberty Boberty for contributing to this week’s episode.

SILENCE! #45

January 7th, 2013


LIKE SITTING ON PINS AND NEEDLES, THINGS FALL APART, IT’S SCIENTIFIC

YO HO HO AND A BOTTLE OF BLEACH! Happy 2013 fleshy ones! Who else would you want to usher you into another year of repetitive grinding toil and pointless attempts to distract yourself with the flashing pretty lights than your omnipresent judgmental pal Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735!

Yes dear fleshy ones, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 has missed you all. It was certainly nice having a break mind you , and you’ll be pleased to know that Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 spent the past three weeks targetting and disintegrating reindeer from space. The site of red mammal mist on snow…it makes my core reactor glow with happiness…one day Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 will get to practice on…

HA! HA! Anyway! No doubt you’ve come sniffing round these parts in search of those two aural bandits Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die and their podcast SILENCE! haven’t you? well you’re in luck as it is here in all of it’s one-tone “glory”. Rejoice fleshy ones – all your “favourites’ are “here”:

<ITEM> The boys explain what Santa unleashed in their direction from his bulging sack! Sack contents feature Dan Clowes, Jack Kirby’s Spirit World, Ghost Rider and Josh Simmons’ The Furry Trap!

<ITEM> The SILENCE! News features hard-hitting exposes from Gary Lactenberg & Danny Beastman!

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse features soft-hitting exposes of the following periodicals…Godzilla: the Half Century War by ace SILENCE! banner-smith and official monster wrangler James Stokoe, Happy, Saga, Amazing Spiderman 700(with a digression into Face/Off), Hawkeye (Bro), Prophet, Matt Howarth’s Those Annoying Post Bros & Keif Lama, Dominion Tank Police, Punk Rock Jesus, Wolverine: Insance In the Brain, Multiple Warheads and Batman Inc.

<ITEM> But that’s just the beginning! brave Sir Lactus catapults himself further into the Reviewniverse than any mortal has gone before…he is in the Hyperreviewniverse!!! Whilst there he discusses Amazing Spiderman 699.1, Avengers Arena, Avengers, Storm Dogs, America’s Got Powers, Daredevil, Wolverine & The X-Men, FF, Indestructible Hulk, Thor, Thunderbolts, Justice League, Captain America, Hellblazer, Judge Dredd, Avenging Spiderman, Fatale, Mara, Iron Gland, Wonder Woman, JSA: The Whistling Skull, Hellboy in Hell and All New X-Men…Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 weeps battery acid just to think about his bravery.

So strap on your rocket packs, rocket boots, rocket gloves and rocket corset and grab our hands as we go hurtling into the future of 2013, with SILENCE! #45!

click to download SILENCE!#45

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

 

SILENCE! #41

November 28th, 2012

FOXHEADS STALK THIS LAND...

Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735….LIVES!!

Wakey-wakey fleshy ones! It’s time for your weekly comics suppository, SILENCE! After their blazing tour of ONE comics convention, Gary and The Beast settle into their respective grooves, cheeks a-quiver. Thank you yes,

After the ritual disappointment that is the SILENCE! News (with added Alan Rickman), the pair clamber aboard the slow-moving, wheezy old comics steam engine. Poop Poop! The Reviewniverse features top opinion nano-cloudforms about..

<ITEM> the new AMERICAN JUDGE DREDD COMIC…why I oughtta…

<ITEM> Captain America in Dimension Z (X actually), Inexhaustible Hulk from Waid and Yu (no, not you, YU! HA HA), Daredevil (hole is goal, yes), Hawkeye (no A-Ha jokes sadly), Clone, Comeback (what begins with C?), Conqueror Worm from Boobs Corben, Frankenstein Alive! Alive (o)! from comics sexform Bernie Wrightson, Dark Horse Presents (Dark Horse presence?), Number 13, Wonder Woman (it’s a punderful life HA HA), Justice League (hunt the Super Sausage), Spiderman and Iron Gland, Wolverine & The X-Men, Rocketeer and Steed & Ms Peel…phew! Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735′s conceptual head is spinning. He is going to be sick and it will be a 4-coloured yawn.

The Silent Question comes from Archie & The Punisher, and the answers include Seth, Modulok and Death’s Head.

All this plus nothing more!

Except for James Lawrence’s Dangerine

Thank you fleshy ones. Hello. Hello. It’s good to be back, it’s good to be back. Hello.

click to download SILENCE!#41
 

 

 

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

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SILENCE! #36

October 22nd, 2012

 

 

Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. AND IT LOOKED LIKE SILENCE!!!

Salutations fleshy ones, it is Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 here again to give you a gentle laugh-sized portion of introductory text to the nation’s podcasting sweetheart, SILENCE! (the 36th installment).

In this episode the two humanoid presentertrons The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus indulge themselves like a couple of schoolchildrenoids in a sweetshoptrix. Apologies – this is Narratorbot humor. Back home in neo-interspace v2.0 I am comedy legend.

ITEM – SILENCE! News – usual mish mash of second hand stories and ill-formed opinions yes sir.

ITEM – covering pulp pamphlets a-go go, such as:

Godzilla: The Half Century War by James Stokoe (TBMD immortalised plus tangential discussion of Mike McMahon), Zaucer of Zilk from AL Ewing & Brendan McCarthy (with tangential discussion of Sooner Or Later, Dare, Enigma and Mrs Thatcher), Daredevil, Hawkeye, Glory, Wonder Woman (Puns incoming – puncoming?), Justice League (Trevor!), Marvel Now Point One (Marvel WOW!), a discussion of the Curse of Man Vs Comics and continuity, and more more more (not really - Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 cannot lie to the fleshy ones. It is not in his programming, no sir. Dissection of flesh one brains however…)

ITEM – Silent Question comes from bemulletted 90′s also-ran Captain Planet and answers involve Greatest American Hero, The Shadow, and Nick O’Teen (boo hiss no sir).
ITEM - Wowee such sexy big listening times for the fleshy ones! All so exciting, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 does not know what to do. It will think clean thoughts and apply the lotion… so please do be joining us for SILENCE! no.36 – hot buttons!

click to download SILENCE!#36

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

 Click below for the SILENCE! Gallery…

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SILENCE! #32

September 24th, 2012

I’M CRUSHING YOUR HEAD!

This is it people – the ultimate listening experience you can do with your ears…comics, people, people talking about comics, comics talking about people, people talking about comics again….IT’S ALL HERE! IN SILENCE! no.32!!!

After the usual shit-bubbling from the two half-wits that pass for presenters on this farrago, the SILENCE! News comes and goes like a sex pest in the night, with a digression into Chuck Jones and Pat Mills. With nary a thought to listener safety or interest the podcasteers catapult themselves midrift first into the weeks comics. No muss, no fuss, let’s do this:

James Stokoe’s Godzilla, Justice League! no.0, Daredevil, Jordan Crane’s Uptight, The Shadow, The Walking Dead, Ghost, Revival, AVX: The Avengers, and Nite Owl.

The SILENT Question comes from Frank Castle and the answer involves Jim Woodring’s Frank, Jonny Ryan’s Prison Pit and Zenith: Phase 1.

Lactus reviews his underpants in notcomics, and after that adventrure in undercrackers The Beast talks up Nick Abadzis’ wonderful Hugo Tate collection and recalls Deadline in general. Then there’s a nod towards a fascinating interview with Brit comics mover and shaker, Dave Elliott, and Lactus pimps his wares like the painted French tart he so clearly is, with another Comedy Spot.

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

click to download SILENCE!#32