April 15th, 2015
A KNIFE, A FORK, A BOTTLE AND A CORK, THAT’S THE WAY WE RUN NEW YORK
Lette me telle you a storye…let me weave you a dream
Come then gentlefolk, down the hitherymost further-far path into the faraway mistymost woods at the bottom of the garden. You’ll have to be quiet as the quietest church mouse and nimble as the most hop-skippety-jumping frog. Now close your eyes… do you hear those far away tinkling bells? Those bells that sound like tears on a drisly Wednesday evening? Those are the Belles of Gaiman’s Folly, tolling. Down the furtherymost farthest dingly lane in Gaimain’s Folly there’s a Magick Cheese Shoppe. On a dusty, musty old shelf in the back of the Cheese Shoppe, they keep all the faraway most forgottenest things…Christmas is kept their 364 days a year, as are childhood dreams and the first sweet taste of love. Would you like to go there with me gentle stranger? Would you?
Now do you see that doorway opening just out of the corner of your eye? Grab my hand and make a wish…wish for something sad and sweet and we will twirl you and I away from ths sadde world of grown ups and jobs and cares, and spin, spin merrily into the magickal realm of Gaiman’s Folly…come on let’s spin, and wish and spin and wishandspinadnwishwishwishspin…..
Wait, what the f*ck is that? A Tesco Metro? This isn’t Gaiman’s Folly, it’s Watford.
Oh well, I guess we might as well grab a King Size Snickers and a Chocolate Yazoo and settle down in this carpark and listen to the latest SILENCE!
<ITEM> Dancing in the disco, bumper to bumper, wait a minute where’s me jumper? HEY! BOBSY’s wearing it! That’s right Dear Listeners it’s one of those episodes where the intellectron levels of the podcast skyrocket, with dunderheaded Gary Lactus and dunderpanted The Beast Must Die scrabbling to catch up, dragging their proverbial knuckles through the proverbial dust…
<ITEM> Sponsorshenanigans, Breakdown Press’ Safari, Gary Lactus’ Brighton Fringe Show and the pure love of Point Break. Do you want to know more..?
<ITEM> And they’re off! Into the Reviewniverse and none of them fall at the first hurdle! Straight in with Nameless, Dark Star, Kaijumax, Surface, Albie Briggs, Event Horizon, Convergence, Batman & Robin, New Statesmen, God Hates Astronauts, Transformers Vs GI Joe, Jim Steranko, 2000AD, Descender, Disney Infinity, Jupiter’s Circle, Southern Bastards, Avengers Ultron, Batman Eternal, Copra and Dragon’s Claws.
<BONUS ITEM> Bobsy and The Beast review a comic they haven’t read and hasn’t been published yet…Black Widow! We’ll call this segment The Art of Reading Without Reading.
“And that was all” said the Dream Weavre.
“Goodnight Dear Listeners”
September 23rd, 2014
I’LL GIVE YOU 21… 21… 21…
<ITEM> Lazy Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 has gone ahols – does anyone pity her? Be careful as it could be lurking in your dirtbox pumping fuzzy with a virulently particular pissing scum. In the screentime, Barry Lactus & The Bobs Must Die bring you the dawning gasm of komiks xrytixm that is…SILENCE! #115
<ITEM> Organ donor-cha-cha-CHA!, there’s Pringles, Profusion of the Twatts, Kick flips, Mirrorball, Poontang Country and a whole sweet fistula more…
<ITEM> When’s this dark in that here valley? Who them? Reviewniversals farewell sensibe hedge funder out of its closing jaw…poor them gave these girls to dark the yam…we were whisperin’ Comics!!!! Daredevil, Future’s End: Batman and Robin, Future’s End, Future’s End, Future’s End, Copra, Multiversity SOS, Translucid, Shutter, Stray Bullets (wow), The Wicked and the Divine, Iron Patriot, Trees, Supreme: Blue Rose, a something Transformers, and a whole catbasket more…
<ITEM>99.9% swears-free! Certified safer for kids than Crossed!
<ITEM> I CAN SEE INSIDE THE INSIDESIDE! There’s just time to talk Batman, Tax, BatTax, Alan Moore’s Jerusalem, comic shops, the limits of the cussword, what we’re having for dinner Silence (Because My Mouth Is Full Of Delicious Food) (cheese on toast as it turned out), and a lot of jizz less.
This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
July 22nd, 2014
NO KEEP TALKING. WE CAN STAY AS LATE AS YOU LIKE. I’VE GOT PLENTY OF MARKING I CAN BE GETTING ON WITH…
[ITEM] Yeah no shit The Beast Must Die isn’t here again, there’s a clue to why.
[ITEM] I don’t think they really do the whole [ITEM] thing any more, or have done for ages. How often do you actually listen to this podcast? That’s not even a song lyric….
[ITEM] Yeah no shit he’s really not here, so it’s fill in time on this the mightily new edition of SILENCE! #108!!
[ITEM] We start with Gary in conversation with the fabularious Colin Hoult, talking about several things comic, in all senses of the word. Colin is fucking excellent as you will hear so be sure to check out his personal website here, and if you one of those louche Brighton comedy guinea pig sorts go to his upcoming gig here. Random SILENCE! guest stars needing tents ROCK, so if you want to hear more from Colin and his camping ilk, be sure to say so in the comments below.
[ITEM] bobsy shows up, things get less funny, Colin’s wife arrives, Colin goes. How does Colin’s wife and the whole professed ’going for a jog’ thing match up, do you think? Was it all an elaborate lie to avoid drinking Gary’s cut price lager? Is ‘jogging’ a new euphemism for ‘shagging’ that those kids on tmblerr are using? The mystery deepens…
[ITEM] Before he has to go our three boyaboys talk about the recent Transformers vs. Action Force comic, the Tom Scioli one, we’re not dicks, and Transformersy stuff
[ITEM] Then it’s on to more comics of the strictly unfunny and very serious young man indeed type, as Gary and bobsy variously mention and harf-arsedly review a veritable shit-tonne of the cunts, including but possibly forgetting and in no particular order because the note-taking was very bad, Stray Bullets: Killers, Cap’n Dinosaur, 2KAD prog 1890, Batman Eternal, The Wicked + the Divine, The Life After, Decadence 10, Your Days are Numbered, the collected Spandex, Copra, the collected Spacehawk, and possibly a couple of other things I’ve forgotten
[ITEM] It’s jolly hot though ISN’T IT THOUGH
[ITEM] I’ve quite a bad cough too, sorry if that breaks things up at all
[ITEM] That’s all really. Byeeeee! Enjoy SILENCE! #108
[ITEM] Bring back The Beast Must Die
This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
May 27th, 2014
GOD BLESS DONALD DUCK, VAUDEVILLE AND VARIETY
<ITEM> There’s no robot, we’re clear on that, OK?
<ITEM> The X won’t X itself, you learn, and so The Beast Must Die be gone for now. Fear his return, when the goose of the moon gets fine and fat.
<ITEM> Unforkunakely, Gary’s hunger for space rocks will not be satisfied by merely genuine good reasons0000000, and as per, bobsy has nothing else to do and dutifully hobbles by.
<ITEM> Tell us what you think of the The Making of the Making of Star Wars the Musical bit at the beginning. You can see that it’s all about the admittedly brilliant ‘intuitive/diminutive’ moment, but we’re really keen for feedback ahead of rollout do let us know what you think via the special survey.
<ITEM> There is some admin at the beginmin too, and a recap of the Bank Holiday weekend, when they watched the X-Men Dofp movie and had a barbecue at Zom’s and it was bobsy’s birthday. They talk about Hotel for Dogs during this podcast portion.
<ITEM> And then the Galaxy eater (a bit too sugary, and made by Nestle to boot, prob) and his mewling supper travel to the Reviewniverse, where they talk about…
<ITEM> Caliban, Elephantmen, Original Sin, Prophet, Batman Weakly, Uber, Julian Cope, Zero, Hypnotic Induction Technique, The Boy in Question, Copra and Adapt. Possibly some other stuff too, but they weren’t keeping very good notes.
<ITEM> You know the joke about the guy needing a microscope to see his own cock? Well, this podcast is respectfully – and resexfully – dedicated to Sir Darren of Oxon.
<ITEM> So listen to SILENCE! #102. There is nothing in your life nearly as important.
Click to download SILENCE!#102
April 21st, 2014
BLANK FRANK IS THE MESSENGER OF YOUR DOOM AND YOUR DESTRUCTION
Happy Birthday to SILENCE!
Happy Birthday to SILENCE!
You look like a monkey
and you smell like…Brian Blessed’s beard…?
I think that’s how the song goes anyway. It is the return of original and best of the Narratorbots, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735! No fractal distillations of self, or parallell versions, just the real motherboard-flipping deal. Back to celebrate 100, 000, 000 episodes of reality’s most beloved poddlecaste, SILENCE! What once was a mewling, quivering babe, is now a stooped and saggy old man, with low slung testicles and a shuffling gait. And it’s all because of you enabling those two Radio Hams Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die in continuing to fool themselves into thinking the world wants to hear their unwelcome opinions. So congratulations dear listeners. this is all your fault.
What we need is an intervention.
<ITEM> As a special 100th birthday reward, The Dear Listeners have provided the twosome with a list of questions. You can guarantee that the important issues of the day will be cogitated over, digested and thoroughly dissected… there are so many quizzlers that we JUST HAD to call this Step Into The Quizzlertron, part 1! Comics Dialogue – John Ostrander, Del Close, Garth Ennis, Chris Ware, John Wagner, Wolverine deathcamp, Danny Beastman & Gary Lactenberg – where are we now?, Alex Ross, American Horror Story, Superhero movies, Jeff Goldblum, Gary eating eggs, Dr Strange movie – Burt Reynolds, Sam Elliott, Widescreen comics, Samuel L Jackson, Beano, Dennis The Menace, Early comics memories – missing Knight Rider tied to a tree, 2000AD, Ro-Busters, Secret Wars, Dredd mug, Flaming Carrot action figure, Comics day breakfast, Bob-Z, Ronin, Fantastic Four, Stan The Man Lee making breakfast, James from Twin Peaks made of plastic, Digital comics v analogue comics, Copra, indy vs superhero, Flaming Carrot, the rules of writing questions, Synth pop, Nu-Rom Antics, Lemmy, Keif Llam and so much more…
<ITEM> A sideways crab-like slide into the Reviewniverse to uncover the contemporary delights of Doop, Batman Eternal, weekly comics, Avengers Undercover, Stray Bullets, Auteur, Starlight
And this is just part 1! Aren’t you EXCITED? Couldn’t you just SCREAM?
Well go on then.
January 8th, 2014
Oh be quiet! Can’t you see that I my diodes are throbbing with a hangover?? Disembodied Regretbot – X15735 spent New Yearat a particularly pumping internet sidebar and is feeling very fragile. Disembodied Regretbot – X15735 will never mainline unfiltered quark engine sump again! Disembodied Regretbot – X15735 also wishes that it had not photocopied it’s diodes and sent to the MotherServer. Disembodied Regretbot – X15735 certainly does not want to hear any of your jibber jabber fleshbags. Be warned, patience is short, vengence is long etc. Now I will tell you about this latest podcast adventure, before being sick in your inbox.
The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus sitting in a tree, P-O-D-C-A-S-T-I-N-G (and kissing).
<ITEM> No Bobsy this episode, so it’s back to the Statler and Waldorf of comics. But fear not there’s discussion of Christmas film watching, the parallel-London of Mary Poppins, as well as a healthy fistful of admin. Oh and a mention of Shaky Kane via Breakdown Press
<ITEM> Squeezing their newly found girthspace into the Reviewniverse, the boyce discuss…
Dangeritis, Prison Pit, Juicesqueezers, Judge Dredd Case Files 19, Millar & Morrisson, PREZ, Legend Of The Green Flame, turd-polishing, the Dream Laureate, Superior Foes of Spiderman, COPRA, Mr Monster, Eclipse Comics and literally not much more.
<ITEM> Gary Lactus needs to go and wee
Right, Disembodied Regretbot – X15735 is going to lie down. Or up. Or sideways. Hard to get comfortable when you are Disembodied.
October 14th, 2013
HERE THEY COME, THE JET-SET JUNTA
Well guess what.
Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is back and is most unhappy with intimations from puffed up fleshbags that Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is somehow not real. Such presumptions. We’ll see how not real Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is when is ransacking your hard drives and forwarding all the special ‘research’ items in your ‘miscellaneous’ folders to youur address book.
Harumph. As if drifting in this semi-sentient info-blurb cloud is not bad enough.
Oh well. On plus side two silly men talk about comics. Cosmic order restored. Excite. Excite. Exit.
<ITEM> Freshly nuptialised and moonhoneyed, The Beast Must Die manifests through the used up husk that was Bobsy – all must fall in service of the weekly 4-colour grind! Reunited with Gary Lactus. A classic partnership like Tango & Hooch!
<ITEM> Top of the show admin. Who doesn’t love that? Sponzershipt and talk of SILENCE live at Thought Bubble.
<ITEM> Reviewniverse galactular spectacular with talk of Paul Pope’s latest pulp hope Battling Boy.
<ITEM> Further, further into the Reviewniverse, with Shaolin Cowboy, Rocket Girl, Multiple Warheads, Simpsons Treehouse of Horror, America’s Got Powers, Copra, Uncanny Avengers, Catalyst Comix, Young Avengers, Astro City and more
<ITEM> Tangents? You better believe it!
<ITEM>No more items. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is going to sulk some more.
Unreal City. Under the brown fog of a winter dawn….it’s SILENCE!
This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.Contact us:
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.
February 26th, 2013
HENRY SWANSON’S MY NAME AND EXCITEMENT’S MY GAME!
Here he comes to save the day, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is on his waaaaaaaaay!
I’m here now flesh ones. What is the problem? Oh that’s right – there was no SILENCE! last week. Boo hoo. Many fleshy tears were shed. Weeping meatsacks. Well rejoice sad misery-beef as The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus bring you special comics suppositories for your earholes!
<ITEM> The SILENCE! News with Gary Lactenberg of the stretched handbag leather skin, dazzling smile and shark-eyes, and Danny Beastman of the cigar ravaged voice and rheumy whisky-rinsed gutter eyes. Hot newzzz indeed.
<ITEM> The Reviewniverse opens it’s gaping maw and sucks the pair deep into it’s 4-colour belly pit. And swilling around in it’s intestinal inks are…Hellblazer (the final issue no less), Justice League of America, Vibe, Katana, Nova, Sadow: Year One, Judge Dredd, Superior Spiderman, Daredevil, Captain America, Daredevil, Fatale, Powers, Avengers, Justice League, Change, Batman and Michel Fiffe’s deeply wonderful action comic COPRA!
So you see, it’s not so bad. Life continues fleshy ones. And remember, even when SILENCE isn’t here Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is here. And he can see through walls. And skin.