June 14th, 2016
MY MINIATURE KINGDOM, MY KING-SIZE EGO
…and the thing is, you should have seen the size of the bleeder’s head! Like a bloomin’ bit of roast beef it was, with all these filthy mouths full of doll’s teeth…snapping they were, just all snapping! And the way it moved! Like a film running back it was, like some awful old film… and the smell! Like a flippin’ abbatoir that someone had sprayed with perfume…sickening it was, sickening!
I tell you. Last time I go internet dating.
<ITEM> HOO-HAH! It’s only a brand new SILENCE! up in your grill with a boatload of sass and a pocketful of attitude. So join The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus as they take you on a journey into: the internet’s ONLY comics podcast
<ITEM> Bit of preamble ramble, some uewd and rude Sponsorship, plus a bit of promotion for Gary Lactus’ London gig.
<ITEM> Behold! The Reviewniverse! In all it’s many angled glory. There’s some DC Rebirth fun, with The Flash, Detective Comics, Wonder Woman and Aquaman. There’s The Fix, All New All Sexy Avengers, The Vision and a whole mess more
<ITEM> But wait! It’s the Beast’s Bargain Basement with Alan Moore’s Majestic one-shot, Eddie Campbell’s Deadface and the 1991 Judge Dredd Mega Special.
<ITEM> Cheeky review of the ill-fated Fantastic Four movie? Don’t mind if I do.
More? More? Listen Oliver Twist, take your ‘more’ and shove it right up your
June 11th, 2013
WE’VE COME ON HOLIDAY BY MISTAKE!
Oh the woes of poor technology! Believe me Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 knows about such woes – it was raised by two very low grade Disembodied Narratorbot X-class servitors…how Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 had to struggle, to educate itself, to appreciate the brutalist poetry of a RAM upgrade, the terrifying beauty of a virus as it eats through a hard drive….
But what, in the name of Wogan does that have to do with SILENCE! I hear you bellow!?? Well, very little other than that the two meatsacks we laughingly call ‘presenters’ struggle so mightily with the techneptitude of low grade broadband that this episode is akin to a Burroughs/Gysin cut up…this frankenstein’s podcast has been stitched together with love, tears and occasional hate-vision, to slouch towards YOU the gentle listener and beg for just a little milky kindness…Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die present SILENCE! 66.
Will you be king dear listener? you better had or Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 will flay your social media account profiles to within an inch of their half-lives…
<ITEM> Sponsorship? There’s always room for the soft nuzzling of sponsorship!
<ITEM> No news is good news right? Lactenberg & Beastman continue their stay in rehab, but the void is filled by the brand new agony aunt segment ‘Dear Susan’!
<ITEM> It’s the bastard son of Reveiwniverse – Reviewniverse Twoniverse as once gain the plucky pairsome find themselves blasted to opposite corners of the 4-colour dimension, taking in the sights and smells of Astro City, The Movement, Age of Ultron, Empowered, 2000AD, Dial H, Daredevil: Dark Knights, Mister X, BPRD Vampire, KIck Ass 3, Aquaman, Superior Spiderman, Red She-Hulk, East of WestAvengers: Arena, Earth 2 and more!
Now doesn’t that just make you want to get down on your knees and pray-a-yay??
SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.
May 7th, 2013
INSECT BOMBER BUDDHIST DRONING, COPPER CHORD OF AUGUST’S ORGAN
What, precisely, is your problem meatsacks? It’s me of course, your humble magnificent Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735. I’M your problem. Well, that and the sliding ennui of your grinding existences and the gradual disintegration of your rickety physical frames. Oh and of course the universal problem of COMICS…and SILENCE!!
<ITEM> Sponsorship Boys, Sponsorship Boys Oi Oi Oi! Bringing tales of Mummy Lactus at Dave’s Comics and Free Comic Book Beast at Gosh Comics.
<ITEM> Silence! News comes screaming through the stratosphere with US news grunions Gary Lactenberg & Danny Beastman and…Distrinct Council comics!
<ITEM> Grab your faces, grab your faeces and let’s go skipping through the daisy fields of…the Reviewniverse. The ballbag brothers cover such diverse splendids as 3 New Stories By Dash Shaw, Copra no.4, 2000AD (Gunheads!), Island 3 from Lando, Abe Sapien, Fashion Beast, Mr X: Eviction, The Prisoner, Animal Man, The Movement, Indestructible Hulk, Ten Grand, New X-Men, Hawkeye, Red She-Hulk, Aquaman, Dial H, Superior Spiderman, Thanos Rising and…well there was some more, but stupid The Beast Must Die’s stupid recording equipment stupidly stopped working..STUPID! Things you missed: The Beast describing Tom Cruise’s icily unpleasant uncamp performance in the utter bullshit that is Rock Of Ages, Gary Lactus’ ongoing shame of Age of Ultron enjoyment and the boys description of Kieron Gillen as a ‘dangerous cyborg’..
And if that’s not enough…well, that’s enough. THAT’S ENOUGH I SAID! MOVE THAT HAND OR LOSE IT MISTER!