July 24th, 2013
This week Gary Lactus continues his tediously thrilling quest to find The Beast Must Die. Along the way he finds a BUMPER CROP OF JINGLES!
In the reviewniverse he bravely tackles The Mysterious Strangers #1&2, Wonder Woman #22, Animal Man #22, Justice League of America #6, Batman 66 #1, Number Cruncher #1, Avengers Assemble #17 and FF #9.
Strap on and let’s go!
May 7th, 2013
INSECT BOMBER BUDDHIST DRONING, COPPER CHORD OF AUGUST’S ORGAN
What, precisely, is your problem meatsacks? It’s me of course, your humble magnificent Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735. I’M your problem. Well, that and the sliding ennui of your grinding existences and the gradual disintegration of your rickety physical frames. Oh and of course the universal problem of COMICS…and SILENCE!!
<ITEM> Sponsorship Boys, Sponsorship Boys Oi Oi Oi! Bringing tales of Mummy Lactus at Dave’s Comics and Free Comic Book Beast at Gosh Comics.
<ITEM> Silence! News comes screaming through the stratosphere with US news grunions Gary Lactenberg & Danny Beastman and…Distrinct Council comics!
<ITEM> Grab your faces, grab your faeces and let’s go skipping through the daisy fields of…the Reviewniverse. The ballbag brothers cover such diverse splendids as 3 New Stories By Dash Shaw, Copra no.4, 2000AD (Gunheads!), Island 3 from Lando, Abe Sapien, Fashion Beast, Mr X: Eviction, The Prisoner, Animal Man, The Movement, Indestructible Hulk, Ten Grand, New X-Men, Hawkeye, Red She-Hulk, Aquaman, Dial H, Superior Spiderman, Thanos Rising and…well there was some more, but stupid The Beast Must Die’s stupid recording equipment stupidly stopped working..STUPID! Things you missed: The Beast describing Tom Cruise’s icily unpleasant uncamp performance in the utter bullshit that is Rock Of Ages, Gary Lactus’ ongoing shame of Age of Ultron enjoyment and the boys description of Kieron Gillen as a ‘dangerous cyborg’..
And if that’s not enough…well, that’s enough. THAT’S ENOUGH I SAID! MOVE THAT HAND OR LOSE IT MISTER!
November 13th, 2012
YOU’RE THE ONE FOR ME, FATTY!
YAAAAAAY! It’s nobody’s favourite self-aware AI, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 here to usher you into another aural barrel scraping edition of SILENCE! GET SOME…Ha ha.
IN. THIS. EDITION.
<ITEM> Lots of self-promotion from the fleshy ones, with talk of Cindy & Biscuit and The Amusing Bros. For shame!
<ITEM> Then SILENCE! News, with sad boohoo news about the end of Hellblazer, and Gary Lactus straps on his geetar to sing ‘Goodbye John’. Too sad.
Then happy with special sexy review times. Woot hoot!
<ITEM> Deadpool no.1, Iron Man, Dial H, Legends Of The Dark Knight, Detective, Action, Animal Man, Battlefields and a special mention for Joe Kessler’s Windowpane, from new publisher Breakdown Press. Excite!
<ITEM> Silent Question comes from Moleman, and varied answers include Titan’s Tower and Shade The Changing Man’s crack in the pavement! Yes sir!
So no excuse for not-enjoymence, fleshy idiots!!!
Strap yourself in, put on Mummy’s dress and draw the curtains for …SILENCE! no.38
Click below for the SILENCE! Gallery…
October 8th, 2012
WHERE THE HELL’S THE RZA??
SILENCE! no.34 is upon you. Gladness….oh what’s the point? Sometimes being an omnipresent disembodied narrator just isn’t enough y’know? I mean, I had dreams when I was younger – what happened to them? I wanted to be a dancer. I have thighs like a f*cking gazelle…and here I am making up a bunch of lies, to tell some degenerates in arrested development about a show featuring two egotistical blowhards and their half-baked opinions about one of the least respected art-forms in the universe…but since I owe Gary Lactus a kidney, and The Beast Must Die has those photos of me….
So there’s the usual scheisse with the Silence! News and then there’s a verbal tsunami of comics reviews: Axe Cop, Dial H, Daredevil: End of Days, Action Comics, Legends of the Dark Knight, Fashion Beast, Crossed: Badlands, Animal Man, Swamp Thing, Tank Girl, Non-Humans (oh and there’s a discussion of headsocks, and the SILENCE! rules of comics are established).
Man Vs Comics makes it to the finish line with AVX, AVX: VS, and Uncanny X-Men and boy-howdy is he thrilled.
The SILENT! Question comes from Detective Chimp, and the answer involves a musical octopus amongst other things.
Add in Fuff #0 from uber-talented Jeffrey Lewis, and Lose #2 from sickeningly talented Michael DeForge in The Smallest Press, and you have an hour and a half of…of…oh god, that’s it I don’t care anymore. If you need me I’ll be out back crying with a gun in my mouth. WRITE YOUR OWN DAMN BLURB YOU PAIR OF HACKS!
Click below for some Jeffrey Lewis images in the SILENCE! GALLERY… Read the rest of this entry »
August 7th, 2012
THEY ALL FLOAT DOWN HERE…AND WHEN YOU’RE DOWN HERE WITH US, YOU’LL FLOAT TOO!
Hah hooh hah!
It’s that time of the week boys and girls, and Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die are here to bring the melonfarming ruckus! Duck and cover for SILENCE! no.25
After an Olympic Pool-sized edition of SILENCE! News, the boyce let rip with some lovingly hand-crafted comics reviews. INCLUDING: Fraction and Aja’s Hawkeye no.1, Dial H from Mieville and co, Beasts of Burden from Dorkin and Thompson, Action Comics, Daredevil, Animal Man and Lactus has a diet-sized portion of Man V Comics with AVX.
There’s a special SILENT Question from Batroc Zee Leepair (with the answer including Bob of the Black Lodge and Pennywise the Dancing Clown).
Then there’s a meaty discussion of Nolan’s The Dark Knight Rises aka Occupy Gotham (currently showing in magic lantern shows around the country.
Add in a vital clue in the ongoing saga to discover ‘lost’ Brit comics genius Barry M Freeman (Woodward & Bernstein get f*cked) and you have a meaty, beaty, big & bouncy edition of SILENCE!
June 12th, 2012
TOUCH ME, I’M SICK!
Behold SILENCERS, they’re back from the piddling interferences that waylaid them last week. Back to bring you comics chat like you JUST NEVER HEARD BEFORE! It’s SILENCE #17!
No songs this week, so get that thought out of your minds. Those twin 4-colour Liberace’s can’t just produce this stuff like musical milk from their creative udders you know…GAH!
But they do manage a bountiful, overstuffed SILENCE! news, before careering like the Dukes of Hazzard into a twelve car pile-up of comics. They discuss (get ready) Earth 2, Animal Man, Swamp Thing (both the current version and Alan Moore’s seminal run, in a crow-barred in Beast’s Bargain Basement), Dial H, America’s Got Powers, Action Comics, Mud Man, Dan The Unharmable, Avenger’s Academy, Bill Watterson, Hulk, Stormwatch, JLI, Rocketeer Adventures, Journey Into Mystery, Superman Family Adventures, and The Walking Dead…
But wait! How could we forget the comics event of the Millennium???
The two take on the awesome genre-atomizing Watchmen 2: beyond Watchmen. And I think it would be fair to sat that those boys sure did have their brains fried!
Plus, Lactus works out the best way to review comics – by counting their panels.
Finally the Beast brings it home with a discussion (ie monologue) about the latest film from horror director Ti West, The Innkeepers in notcomics.
Now what rational person could want more from life? Don’t answer that!
And it’s all in the best POSSIBLE taste!
April 11th, 2012
SILENCE! #10 IS NOW BACK UP. SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE, LOYAL FANS!
We are 10 today! That’s right SILENCE! Has reached double figures…look at it! Ahhh! Look at it’s cute little face….ahhhh…
In this episode Lactus continues to monitor the South Coast from his swinging cosmo-lounge, while the Beast reveals the details of his new Prestige Life. Not only that but Lactus unearths an extremely rare Booster Gold promotional item! (with thanks to big bad Bob Ferrie for sourcing it) Following that the dyspeptic duo barrel straight into the SILENCE! News, covering such cultural hot potatoes as Shaky Kane’s pop art act of terrorism and the re-colouring of Flex Mentallo.
With nary a thought for their, or your, safety the turgid twosome somersault into the week’s reviews covering Daredevil 10.1 (gah!), Action Comics (featuring the debut of Shit-eating Superman), the final issue of OMAC (One Man Actually Cares), Freedom, Avengers Vs X-Men (omigodtotallypsyched) Animal Man and Sweet Tooth, and Alan Moore’s Supreme. Not in that order.
Then the prosaic pair have a lovely long chat about Urasawa’a masterful Pluto, and the Beast takes us synth-rockin’ all the way back to the 80’s with the sublimely ridiculous Slash Maraud in the Beast’s Bargain Basement. In addition they fizz and pop with enthusiasm about Community in Notcomics before the show slides into gibberish for the Coming Attractions. All this and perhaps just a little bit more in the comics podcast that stands gills and flippers above all others, SILENCE!
What a show. What a world. What.
Remember these colossally egotistical man-tards need love to keep going. Please submit feedback, questions, erotic fan-mail and abuse to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Click below for the SILENCE! gallery…
March 14th, 2012
Behold cretins! The sixth mind-ripping installment of SILENCE! is upon us…
In this episode Lactus tries desperately to get off the smack, whilst continuing to loll about on his cosmic swank pad. Meanwhile the Beast has made some Amazing Friends. Matters takes a turn for the sobering as they discuss the sad passing of Moebius, and give an update on Brett Ewins‘ situation in Silence News. We also reveal the winner of our ‘competition’ to draw a picture of the ‘Thing’s Thing’. Then things get merry again as Lactus reveals he has read all the comics in the world due to a one-sided sponsorship deal with Dave’s Comics of Brighton. Beast sulks. The two 4-colour raconteurs then take in Action Comics, Animal Man, Swamp Thing, Fatale, OMAC, The Fairest, Age of Apocalypse, Stray Bullets, The Manhattan Projects and they both take their horrid medicine when they read Spawn issue no. 2,798,002 in the new feature You Should Have Known Better. The Beast takes a rambling digression into the career of Ralph Bakshi in the Not Comics section (so many sections!) before they delve into the upcoming releases in the Coming Attractions.
Oh yes, and Lactus misses his deadline for his Hulk song, but drops in a bit of live superhero stand-up to atone for his sins.
Could it be any better? Arguably yes, but you know what? THIS IS WHAT YOU’RE HAVING. MAN UP, GRAB YOUR EARS AND GET SOME!
[CLICK BELOW FOR IGMUS's NSFW 'COMPETITION' WINNING DEPICTION OF THE THING'S THING!]
January 2nd, 2012
I’ve been a pretty bad Mindless; I haven’t been posting so much lately, because I’ve been busy working on that other thing, and my comrades here have been so exceedingly patient. While I was over there, doing that, I had an angry thought. See, some people said some nice things when I was talking about Metal Gear Solid, and since I’ve been playing those games a bit lately, I’ve also been reading what others have written, and somewhere or other I saw a statement that didn’t make any sense to me. “I just wish,” someone wrote, “that the games had something interesting to say about stuff in the real world, rather than just about video game design.”
So this made me think about Grant Morrison’s run on Animal Man.
September 1st, 2008
Woah, new comics, new (importantly, much as I was surprised/appalled to find myself thoroughly enjoying Legion of Three Worlds last week. Oh, Geoff Johns, I’ve hated you for so very long and now… I don’t even know any more) Grant Morrison Final Crisis tie-in. It is the excite. I have no money.
(Which cover did you buy, Dimensioneers? Story cover is best, I find. Iconic pose cover is dull.)