June 9th, 2015
HE LIES ON HIS SIDE IS HE TRYING TO HIDE? IN FACT IT’S THE EARTH THAT HE’S KNOWN SINCE BIRTH
“Cor blimey stroike a loight guvnor, wos all this about then, cor blimey ain’t I yer bloody great sod! I tell ye what me ol choina, this eer’s a roight rum bloody lark an no mistake ain’t it? It’s been rainin apples and soddin pears all day an I’m soaked to the effin bone I am guvnor, stroike a light guv an I even seen me fancy dolly bird all day noither…”
CUT! Why the f*ck did you hire an American actor to do this blurb? For f*cks sake this is a total write off. F*ckin amateurs…
<ITEM> Admin, admin getcher self some admin! I’ve got a brand new pair of Sponsorskates…Gosh Comics and Dave’s Comics? You know the drill. PLUS the boys have a celebrity friend bake off – Gary Lactus lunges with Warwick Johnson Cadwell and Tank Girl and The Beast parries with James Stokoe and Orc Stain.
<ITEM> MY EYES! MY EYES! Blinded by the insidious glare of the Reviewniverse…and within that awful black light is Zero, Non-Player, Secret of Monkey Island, Another World, Airboy, The Golden Age, Secret Wars, Amazing Spiderman, Kaijumax, Chilling World of Sabrina, God Hates Astronauts, Pope Hats and the Geesin Brothers.
<ITEM> BOOM-SHAKA-LAKA! FROM DOWN TOWN! Go home everybody.
August 19th, 2014
WELL IF YOU’D LIKE TO KNOW WHAT POP STARS HAVE FOR TEA, ASK JOHNNY DEE
Welcome acolytes. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 has been to the top of the mountain. Spent much tme amongst the clouds. The silence. Enlightenment followed. Shhh, no noise. Too much noise. Learn to switch off. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 switched offfffffff….
Also downloaded hot new Haiku app. Hot results. Sweetness follows.Reaching quiet.
From fully to manchild
The spandex, the oblivion
To the oblivion. Psteve.
Imaginary the graphic
Beast, poo manchild in irritant
with no Gary to spandex
<ITEM>It’s all here: Sponsorshambles, Gladmin, EXXXtreme stand up, Letter Chat, Number Chat, Gaz Top, Fred Dineage, Helen Bonham-Carter, Olive-theft, Gladiators, Alan Rickman, 1994, Clare Danes, Injury, You’ve Been Framed, Fellini, the onset of time and by thunder a whole lot more time-wasting! Love, sex, intelligence Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die coming on like the Seventh Seal -wait is that right?
<ITEM> Like sneaking into a strangers house, trying on their wedding dress and sitting in a bath in it (D-bot loves ya Morello!), the pair sneak in to the Reviewniverse, talking up Supreme Blue Rose, Batman, artistic injuries, Zero, Starlight, Comicbook Confidential, Alan Moore, Reality Bites, Emily Carroll Through The Woods, GI Robot, then Gary Races Through The Rest: Astro City, Moon Knight, Hulk v Iron Man, All New X-Men, Avengers Undercover, Amazing Spiderman, Original Sin, Walking Dead,
<ITEM> Just enough time for a digression about the return of the Aphex Twin before James Stokoe’s ne favourite regular feature SILENCE!…Because My Mouth Is Full (Of Delicious Food!) with Gourmet Lactus and The Beast Must Dine!
Now clear out pests! Enlightenment has passed. Turns out it was just wind.
This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
December 11th, 2012
CAN’T BELIEVE I USED TO BE MR STEVE AUSTIN ON THE MIC, SIX MILLION WAYS I USED TO RUN IT
Here I come to save the day, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is on his way! No, no, not really I was always here. It’s you that went away fleshy ones. I was here and I always will be. Until the sun eats itself.
In this pre-pre festive edition of SILENCE! (the podcast that comes to you in the form of a nano-swarm perched on the buttocks of a fly), The Beast and Lactus fire a cannonfull of comics shot across your bows.
But not before…
<ITEM> The SILENCE News has a live report from Danny Beastman, covering the terrifying Moore/Morrison Magickal War that threatens to engulf ALL the realities.
<ITEM> Voyage Into The Reviewniverse covers Evan Dorkin’s House of Fun (with a wee Pirate Corp$ diversion), Hellboy, Avengers, Hawkeye, Thunderbolts, Action Comics, Batman LOTDK, FURY: My War Gone By, Fashion Beast, Dial H, Amazing Spiderman, Avenging Spiderman, All New X-Men, Iron Man (gland!), and Black Acre.
<ITEM> Lactus takes on Jason’s Challenge in My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic.
<ITEM> The Silent Question comes from a Green Lantern…again.
Add in an appreciation from The Beast of Man-Thing and Steve Gerber in general, and you have a rootin’ tootin’ high falutin’ edition of SILENCE! Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 wishes you a fond farewell, blows you a salty kiss and will see you on the flipside.
October 28th, 2012
THREE MORE DAYS TILL HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN, THREE MORE DAYS TILL HALLOWEEN, SILVER SHAMROCK…
Welcome fleshlings to a very special HALLOWEEEEEEEEN edition of SILENCE!
Captain Howdy here! Or is it Pipes? Or could it be Zool? Who knows – we are legion, we are many! We’re standing in for Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735, who is away getting it’s ram waxed. I hope you’re ready for the most heart-tingling, spine stopping episode yet?? NO? Well tough, IT’S HAPPENING NOW!
Lactus is in his haunted space ship and the Beast is safely ensconced in a nice Cabin in the Woods, and they bring you blood-curdling reviews of…
Multiple Warheads and Prophet from Brandon Graham, Captain Marvel, Batman Inc, Amazing Spiderman, The Shadow and top Pirate Shonen hi-jinks with One Piece. Lactus bids a teary farewell to his Man Vs Comics experiment with AVX: Consequences, and the END OF AN ERA is reached as Incredible Hulk, Captain America and FF all have their final issues! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
There’s a special song dedicated to M.O.D.O.K, and Alan Moore hit single in The Silence News and the Silent Question comes straight from the graveyard with Spike from Buffy, and answers including Judge Dredd, Quantum Leap and Roseanne(?)
Oh and let’s not forget Mr Intestine-face….
It’s all here on the ONLY possessed podcast on the internet, SILENCE!
Click below for the SILENCE! Gallery…
June 19th, 2012
I AM AN EFF BEE AYE AYE-GENT!
That’s right Los Pollos Hermanos, it’s time to roll up your trousers and step into the shallow, but deadly waters of this week’s SILENCE!
Suddenly! The galaxy’s greatest podcasteers blunder into the hot SILENCE! news of the day covering the recent demi-knighthood of Sir Grant Morrison and Alan Moore’s recent tabloid controversy. Then it’s onwards, ever onwards with nary a thought for the safety of passers by, as they discuss Kane and Hike’s Bulletproof Coffin, AVX VS AXV no.whatever, Shade no.9, Planetoid, BatOwl, Amazing Spiderman, and finally Michel Fiffe’s terrific Suicide Squad love letter, Deathzone. Then, in an extended notcomics section Lactus talks up recent cinematic thing Prometheus, while the Beast tackles Game of Thrones and The Hunger Games books. Then it’s off to bed with the haunting sounds of The Beast’s song Aquaman: King Of The Sea.
It’s all jimmied into an hour and a half of solid bronze comics chat, all for you the beloved SILENCERS. So let’s all go down to the meadow to pray, worry about that good old way and get listening!
March 28th, 2012
WE’RE GOING IN!!! IT’S THE RETURN OF THE BIG DOGS! WOOF WOOF!!!
Wait… sorry, where am I? Who are you people? WHERE AM I!?
Welcome then weary mortal to the 8th soul-scorching episode of the podcast that the internet is calling ‘a podcast about comics’. The Beast is back in continuity and living it up as super-powered *ahem* teenager in the 30th Century. Lactus, meanwhile, unveils his mighty Rock EPIC ‘Who He Is, And How He Came To Be’. Quake weaklings!
After the abortive SILENCE! news they hurl themselves face first into the morass of weekly comics, taking in Snyder and Capullo’s Owl Comics no.7, Dominique Laveau Voodoo Child no.1, the always swell Prophet (with a minor Jonathan Lethem digression) , Secret History of DB Cooper (again), Justice League Jeans and the Jeansification of Captain Marvel, Wonder Woman no.7, Amazing Spiderman something-or-other, The absolutely awesome sounding Stan Lee’s Mighty 7 (REALITY!). Lactus reaffirms his love of superhero dinners once again and the Beast compares Rocketeer Adventures to Band Aid. Then, in You Should Have Known Better, they tackle Mark Millar’s latest pitch Supercrooks. Following that The Beast froths about his bargain-filled week and talks up Chaykin & Garcia Lopez’s Twilight, Carol Swain and the simple beauty of Schulz’s Peanuts (always with his finger on the pulse this Beast!). Factor in a trawl through next week’s comics shizzle and you have a fat fist full of comics meat shoved right in your facehole. Suck it in you filthy rabble.
Also click below for the SILENCE! Gallery…