March 2nd, 2015
Your stare was holding, Ripped jeans, Skin was showing, Hot night, Wind was blowing, Where you think you’re going baby?
Right then. Gary Lactus here. I’ve just had a right old fuckabout with technology and I’ll be damned if I’m going to put any effort into writing a blurb for you right now. I’m halfway through a crème brulee and would much rather be giving it my full attention. So what I’m going to do now is list what happened.
That’ll do. I have finished my crème brulee and want a bath now. A SPACE BATH in my SPACESHIP IN SPACE!
October 21st, 2014
HELLO LISTENER and welcome to SILENCE!!!!?! It’s a SPECIAL EPISODE this week as THE BEAST is off answering the battle challenge of a deadly horse that will KILL AGAIN unless STOPPED!!! And leaving GARY LACTUS to face his spaceship alone! But what’s this??????? SPECIAL GUEST AL EWING here to talk SHOP, or rather SHOPS as he immediately launches into a tediously long mention of BUDGENS SUPERMARKET. And the THRILLS don’t end there. IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:::::
ITEM! Sponsorship discussed! Tom Baker sold a dictionary! The twist in the tale will COMPEL you!!!?!
ITEM! Superman? Or POOPERMAN? Secrets of Supes’ Poop Tube! Hear tell of the EXTRAORDINARY ANAL POWER Superman tried to hide!!!!!!
ITEM! Long discussions of KINK and MUNCHES in your local area! OH JOY SEX TOY discussed! Plus webcomics talk as BAD MACHINERY is plumbed and PUNISHER 2099 gets a HOT MENTION! Also TREES!
ITEM! In depth on the strange small press offering known as BRUTE! What was it? Very problematic in places! But Al reads a story from it out anyway in his INIMITABLE TONE!?!?!?!???
ITEM! Duff talk of reality shows! The BOOM BOOM BOOM and the BOOM BOOM WOW! Work Of Art: The Next Great Artist mentioned! WORK OF FART — MORE LIKE! “Your guff was not enough” screams Tyra Banks as she SMITES WITH HER EYES!!!
ITEM! Annihilator DISCUSSED! Frazer Irving PRAISED! Then we wrap it up so Gary can PEE!! LIKE A RACEHORSE!!! Perhaps the very same racehorse that THE BEAST MUST DIE IS HITTING WITH A HAMMER!!!! AT THIS VERY MOMENT!!!!!?!!1!!!!!!!
ITEM! ITEM! ITEM! NO FURTHER ITEM!!!???!!???????!??!?????????!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!?!?!!
This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.