SILENCE! #66

June 11th, 2013

 

WE’VE COME ON HOLIDAY BY MISTAKE!

Oh the woes of poor technology! Believe me  Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735  knows about such woes – it was raised by two very low grade Disembodied Narratorbot X-class servitors…how Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 had to struggle, to educate itself, to appreciate the brutalist poetry of a RAM upgrade, the terrifying beauty of a virus as it eats through a hard drive….

But what, in the name of Wogan does that have to do with SILENCE! I hear you bellow!?? Well, very little other than that the two meatsacks we laughingly call ‘presenters’ struggle so mightily with the techneptitude of low grade broadband that this episode is akin to a Burroughs/Gysin cut up…this frankenstein’s podcast has been stitched together with love, tears and occasional hate-vision, to slouch towards YOU the gentle listener and beg for just a little milky kindness…Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die present SILENCE! 66.

Will you be king dear listener? you better had or Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 will flay your social media account profiles to within an inch of their half-lives…

<ITEM> Sponsorship? There’s always room for the soft nuzzling of sponsorship!

<ITEM> No news is good news right? Lactenberg & Beastman continue their stay in rehab, but the void is filled by the brand new agony aunt segment ‘Dear Susan’!

<ITEM> It’s the bastard son of Reveiwniverse – Reviewniverse Twoniverse as once gain the plucky pairsome find themselves blasted to opposite corners of the 4-colour dimension, taking in the sights and smells of Astro City, The Movement, Age of Ultron, Empowered, 2000AD, Dial H, Daredevil: Dark Knights, Mister X, BPRD Vampire, KIck Ass 3, Aquaman, Superior Spiderman, Red She-Hulk, East of WestAvengers: Arena, Earth 2 and more!

Now doesn’t that just make you want to get down on your knees and pray-a-yay??

click to download SILENCE!#66

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

More than lucky.

SILENCE! #63

May 20th, 2013

 

 

I’M NOT GOING TO DEBATE YOU, JERRY! I’M NOT GOING TO DEBATE!

(The scene opens, as Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 hangs in notion-space, a burning neon digital star of impeccable cyber-breeding)

We cut to: SILENCE!

The 3-d camera prowls across a vibrant landscape of shifting wordscapes and roaming flocks of ideaforms. The sky is burning vermillion, dappled with thought-bubbles buoyed on an endless layer of hot air.

With a triumphant scream of raw pulsing data, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 bellows:

“<ITEM> Sponsorships, jinglehoods and the SILENCE! News with droning human newsbags Danny Beastman & Gary Lactenberg.

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse is breached and The Beast & Lactus storm it’s ramparts. It’s a gimpgasm of comics talk about 12 Reasons To Die (Big Ghost!), Dream Merchant, Dream Thief, Fall of the House Usher, Legion Of Superheroes, Wolverine & The X-Men, Red She-Hulk, Regular Show, Wonder Woman, Savage Wolverine, Cable & The X-Force, X, Nova, Age of Ultron, FF, Prophet, Uber, Black Beetle Fatale and 2000ad.

<ITEM> Thrilling new feature Reader I Couldn’t Finish It has Green Arrow and Supergirl.

<ITEM> The show really gets going with impassioned discussion of Eurovision and Tony Hart.

(Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 exits, chased by bear…)

click to download SILENCE!#63

 

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

SILENCE! #59

April 22nd, 2013

 

 

IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT IN HERE? YES NANNY!!!

Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is more dangerous than ever before…because Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is tipsy, emotional and inappropriately tactile. ONLY JESTING fleshbags. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 does not drink, has no emotions and cannot touch. Is straight edge hardcore. Yes sir.

Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 ‘likes’ this!

<ITEM> The Sponsorship Boys are here oi oi oi! Plus, yet more thank you jingles for the Friends of Silence

<ITEM> It’s the return of disgraced American newscasterisers Gary Lactenberg and Danny Beastman, and the results are somewhere west of spectacular. SILENCE! News is back and it wants your children.

<ITEM> When you get to the bottom you go back to the top of the Reviewniverse and you go for a riiiiiiiiide…Daredevil, Justice League, 2000AD, Milligan & McCarthy, Captain Marvel, Captain America, Swamp Thing, Nova, Superior Spiderman, Batwoman, Age of Ultron, Wolverine & The X-Men, Five Ghosts, Iron Man, Wonder Woman, 1963, Donald Simpson and Megaton Man.

Oh how we laughed! How we sang! How we splashed around the shallows as the baby sharks nibbled our toes and the blood turned the surf a frothy pink…How we listened to SILENCE!

click to download SILENCE!#59

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

SILENCE! #58

April 16th, 2013

 

 

WHY DO WE STILL LIVE HERE, IN THIS REPULSIVE TOWN?

Blah blah blah fleshbags, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735, podcastic postulations etc

BZZZZZZZZZZZZ>CLICK

<ITEM> No Silence! News, but much jinglage, in thanks to the financial resuscitations of the many SILENCERS out there. Beastman & Lactenberg come in from the cold next week, yes?

<ITEM> Sponsorship Special – The Beast Must Die (in his human skinbag form, Dan White) will be at this year’s Free Comic Book Day at Gosh! Comics.

<ITEM>Wade up to your knees in comics in the Reviewniverse with 2000AD, Indigo Prime, Saga, Wolverine,    Batman, Avengers Arena, Walking Dead, Secret Service, Constantine, Hawkeye, X, Sex and a special consideration of giant cosmic toga-wearing baby, The Beyonder.

<ITEM> Then, wade a bit further out, till the broiling waters of the Hyperrevieniverse tickle your conkers…Avenging Spiderman, Age of Ultron, Avengers Assemble, Saucer Country, Thor, Uncanny X-Men and Fantastic Four.

AND NO MORE! So get out of here, go back to your flesh-pens and weep. Leave Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 to his vintage basic-coding pornography and printer-ink martinis…

click to download SILENCE!#58

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

SILENCE! #56

April 3rd, 2013

 

 

HELLO? IS ANYBODY HOME? WELL YOU DON’T KNOW ME, BUT I KNOW YOU.

Please Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 don’t hurt ‘em! Sorry fleshy ones I cannot promise this. Let’s just say that for the duration of this blurb I promise not to burn out your retinas or strip-mine your DNA. ‘Kay? Kay.

So everyone put down your pens/phones/rail guns and point your ears towards the internet, and listen to those animal men Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die,  as we circle the drain that is…SILENCE!

<ITEM> The SILENCE! News has some VERY SERIOUS matters of which you need to pay attention – the future of SILENCE! depends on it. With those greasy capitalist hams Gary Lactenberg & Danny Beastman.

<ITEM> Full fathom five, as we plunge neck, teeth and hips first into the Reviewniverse as the pair tackle Timewarp, East of West, Age of Ultron, BPRD: Vampire, Batman Inc, FF, Wolverine & The X-Men, Uncanny Avengers, Young Avengers, Fury, Guardians Of The Galaxy, Hawkman, Crossed: Badlands, Fatale and Mr X. With added digressions over the M-Word, VHS Rental shops and Lucio Fulci.

<ITEM> Well isn’t that a treat fleshy ones? Aren’t you glad you stopped looking at pornography to read this? (Personally Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 finds the sight of meatsacks bashing against each other immensely settling. The sensual curve of a sine wave is far more erotic. Or a ZX-Spectrum in suspenders.

click to download SILENCE!#56 .

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.