November 18th, 2013
RUN RUN REYNARD, RUN RUN RUN
I am Disembodied Gunnery Sargebot X – 15735. What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?!
What is this Mickey Mouse sh*t? What in the name of Jesus H. Christ are you animals doing in my head? Why is Gary Lactus out of his bunk after lights-out? Why is Private Pyle holding that weapon? Why aren’t you stomping Gary Lactus’s guts out? Do you feel dizzy? Do you feel faint! Jesus H. Christ! I think you’ve got a hard-on!
The Beast Must Die has dishonored himself and dishonored the platoon. I have tried to help him. But I have failed. I have failed because YOU have not helped me. YOU people, have not given The Beast Must Die the proper motivation! You must listen to the latest SILENCE! ALL THE WAY THROUGH!
<TEN HUT!> Sponsorship, admin, SILENCE! Live at Thought Bubble - sounds like the kind of thing you maggots might enjoy.
<TEN HUT!>Did I mention that it’s Gary Lactus’ Birthday? There’s a special birthday message from Black Bolt of the Inhumans.
<TEN HUT!> Get your faces in the mud and CRAWL your way to the Reviewniverse ladies! In the firing line this week: Shaolin Cowboy, Rocket Girl, Mighty Avengers, All New X-Men, Avengers Arena, Saga, Forever Evil, Bee Vixens From Mars, Hinterkind, Batman: Black & White, Umbral, Captain Marvel, Superior Spiderman, Resident Alien, Fatale and….Space Clusters!!
Whatever you do, don’t fall down, it would break my f*cking heart! Are you quitting on me? ARE YOU QUITTING ON ME?! Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy f*cking walrus-looking piece of sh*t!
But SILENCE! lives forever. And that means YOU live forever.
November 9th, 2013
One of the strange blessings of the internet is its ability to serve as an external memory system. Thoughts that would once have been lost to time if they were even lucky enough to have made it out of your head are now preserved for an indefinite eternity in places over which you have little to no control.
For example, if I want to know how I felt about Brendan McCarthy’s Doctor Strange/Spider-Man comic Fever after the first issue came out in 2010, a quick google search will turn up this flouncing defense of the book, written in response to a review by Sean Collins:
Say it Vibrational Match style: Where you see “inert physicality”, I see a Spider-Man who’s all harsh angles and elbows being squashed, flattened out, and a Doc Strange who’s at home with the harsh geometrics McCarthy conjures up.
Where you read flat pastiche, I read Spider-Man as a jerk who gets shut the hell up by the story (his words like jutting elbows –> drooping limbs), and Doc Strange as a badass who can turn exposition into information with the right gestures (verbal, physical).
Also: the mystic spider dialogue is genuinely fucking creepy, for reals, when combined with the images, yes?
In lesser hands this would be mere set-up, but this issue had a whole lot of “?something else?” working for it — that creepy wee arachnid bastard, crawling up the Vulture’s back, fr’instance! Like something from Seven Soldiers, only (yes!) far more unsettling.
I saw the biggest, most bulbous-assed spider of the year last night, sitting on my windowsill. I’m a bit of a wuss when it comes to these wee beasties, but last night, after having read Fever? I tell you, I wanted to kiss the wee fucker!
The “hey, I’m a black guy!” dialogue was a bit cringey though, pastiche or no.
Looking at the book this week, I find myself agreeing with every point but the last one.
It’s not that I don’t find the dialogue McCarthy gave to the African-American comedy character cringe-inducing anymore – I do! – but that Brendan McCarthy’s recent Facebook comments on race make me feel ashamed the structure supporting that final sentence.
Sure, I agreed with Sean Collins’ assessment of the embarrassing nature of McCarthy’s throwback characterisation, but I did so in a tossed off, casual way, after five paragraphs of flame flecked enthusiasm. The implicit message being that everyone should just chill out about this racist after taste and enjoy the “septic salsa” of the comic itself.
In 2010, the story of McCarthy was that he was that of the hero freshly returned from the wasteland, ready to save the kingdom from itself. His new work confirmed his status as a trinity of psych-pop ghosts, the faces of Brit comics past, present and future combined. What interest could a couple of dodgy panels hold against all that? Solo #12 remains McCarthy’s late period masterpiece, but even in lesser books like Fever there are moments of astonishing beauty. The scene in the second issue where Spider-Man steps through a portal and into a crunchy insect killing field still burns bright in the light of its own toxic logic:
November 5th, 2013
TELL HIM ABOUT THE TWINKIE…
WHAT ABOUT THE TWINKIE?
I am Disembodied 16-bitbot X – 15735. YOU LOSE!
I’m the strongest woman in the world! You are not a warrior; you’re a beginner! Seeing you in action is a joke. Let’s fight. Or alternatively, let’s all listen to SILENCE! together. And it’s a three-way special as GAry Lactus & The Beast Must Die face a return from notorious end-of-level boss BOBSY! Now you realize the inner mysteries of yoga. Handsome fighters never lose battles! FLAWLESS VICTORY!
<ROUND 1> Sponsorship, admin, SILENCE! Live at Thought Bubble & bibble babble. Get up you wimp!
<ROUND 2> It’s a tight squeeze as the three muskercretins barge their way into the Reviewniverse. There’s extended talk of Your Days Are Numbered (with work from Shaky Kane, Tom Scioli, Alex Shubert, Kyle Platts and more), Paul O’Connell’s Sound of Drowning, and the extinction level event that is the return of Neil Gaiman: Dream Laureate’s Sandman. They also discuss Prophet, X-Men: Battle of The Atom, Hannah Eaton’s Naming Monsters and the Thought Bubble 2013 Anthology. It’s natural for a sumo to be the world’s stongest
<ROUND 3> There’s some digressionary tracts into the geographical inaccuracies of Thor 2 and the unpleasant politics of Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD. Go home and be a family man!
That’s all. Go now. And remember: You must defeat Sheng Long to stand a chance!
October 29th, 2013
Doctor Who has had several radical reinventions over the years — when it stopped being about Ian and Barbara, when the Doctor first regenerated, when it became an Earth-bound show during Pertwee’s time, when it stopped being on TV altogether and became a series of books…
Most of the time, the programme has a tendency to revert back to something like the mean, but each time it retains some of the new with the old. Steven Moffat’s reinvention of the programme is, one suspects, another time when this will be the case.
October 28th, 2013
SHE DID IT JUST LIKE SISTER RAY SAID
Oh hello. It’s Disembodied Morrisseybot X – 15735 here, and it really is too awfully dreary to be sentient isn’t it? No doubt I shall expire soon in a drizzle of lukewarm tea and ennui.
I suppose I should blunder blindly through this maddeningly dull preamble and lead you by the gilded glove to the rancid spectacle that is this week’s edition of SILENCE!
<ITEM> Somebody take my pulse and check I haven’t slipped away into the gloom, as we endure the administrative business at the top of the show…sponsorship, ghost girls in the comic shop and more information about the upcoming SILENCE LIVE at this year’s Thought Bubble. How plainly sickening and cruel.
<ITEM> It only gets more gruesome as those two boarish blitherers head into the Reviewniverse, old bones groaning. Puffing and wheezing they sing the praises, or cast onto the stones, the following comic books: Pretty Deadly, Hinterkind, Indestructible Huls Special, Wolverine & The X-Men, Velvet, Daredevil, Young Avengers, Samurai Jack and Marvel Now What..?!
Really. I’d rather not.
<ITEM> In a typically ham-fisted attempt at retaining their skinny fingers on the pulse, the two sample the questionable pleasures of the Captain America: Winter Soldier trailer… absolutely vile.
And so we come, inevitably to the end; alas all things must end, especially those precious and delicate moments of respite from the sordid boredom of life. Although in this instance I’m rather glad to see the back of it!
Life is very long, when you’re listening to podcasts…
October 22nd, 2013
WE ARE THE 801, WE ARE THE CENTRAL SHAFT
Hello fleshbags. It’s Disembodied Translatorbot X – 4451G I ‘m the cousin of Disembodied Narratorbot X – 15735. I’m afraid Disembodied Narratorbot X – 15735 could not it due to illness so I’ll be there ! Excuse my English is not so great – I hope I’m right! Welcome to another edition of SILENCE!
The two most lovable rascal Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die returns with more views of champagne and jokes comics ! Rejoice .
<item> Management, talk about at the top of the program through sponsorship , a discussion of his upcoming appearance at the Thought Bubble in 2013 and Gary appeared in one of the next Dr Who based comedy night ! And do not forget to tune in The Beast Must Die ( Dan White in his alter ego ) interviewed by Alex Fitch of Resonance FM within its Panel Borders panel program ( full interview here)
<item> Then we take a trip to Reviewniverse the boys discuss the best recently released Best of Milligan & McCarthy Collection .
Then <item> business as usual with cartoon above Legends of the Dark Knight, After Life with Archie , Zero , Hawkeye , Uncanny X -Men, Avengers , Three, Fantomex MAX and more fun .. .
Then <item> The Beast Must check some of the younger children Comics issues , see Mega Man and Sonic , Spongebob Comics , Simpsons, and Herobear.
Well , I hope you like it! I really enjoyed that it was for my cousin got lost when he was sick. I hope to see you soon!
October 20th, 2013
“What we may be witnessing is not just the end of the Time War, or the passing of a particular period of post-war history, but the end of history as such: that is, the end point of mankind’s ideological evolution and the universalization of Western liberal democracy as the final form of human government.”
With apologies to Francis Fukuyama
October 14th, 2013
HERE THEY COME, THE JET-SET JUNTA
Well guess what.
Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is back and is most unhappy with intimations from puffed up fleshbags that Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is somehow not real. Such presumptions. We’ll see how not real Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is when is ransacking your hard drives and forwarding all the special ‘research’ items in your ‘miscellaneous’ folders to youur address book.
Harumph. As if drifting in this semi-sentient info-blurb cloud is not bad enough.
Oh well. On plus side two silly men talk about comics. Cosmic order restored. Excite. Excite. Exit.
<ITEM> Freshly nuptialised and moonhoneyed, The Beast Must Die manifests through the used up husk that was Bobsy – all must fall in service of the weekly 4-colour grind! Reunited with Gary Lactus. A classic partnership like Tango & Hooch!
<ITEM> Top of the show admin. Who doesn’t love that? Sponzershipt and talk of SILENCE live at Thought Bubble.
<ITEM> Reviewniverse galactular spectacular with talk of Paul Pope’s latest pulp hope Battling Boy.
<ITEM> Further, further into the Reviewniverse, with Shaolin Cowboy, Rocket Girl, Multiple Warheads, Simpsons Treehouse of Horror, America’s Got Powers, Copra, Uncanny Avengers, Catalyst Comix, Young Avengers, Astro City and more
<ITEM> Tangents? You better believe it!
<ITEM>No more items. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is going to sulk some more.
Unreal City. Under the brown fog of a winter dawn….it’s SILENCE!
This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.Contact us:
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.
October 14th, 2013
2008 was, artistically if not commercially, the nadir of Doctor Who. By this point, a series which, when it returned, had seemed fresh and vibrant, had become barely coherent, with each episode being little more than a set of effects set-pieces strung together with no thought for logic and topped off with a couple of ‘comedy’ moments and some over-the-top emoting. While Russell T Davies was regularly describing the series as “the best drama in the world”, there was precious little drama in it any more.