What’s The Story?

Every April 1st, an unknown bank robber steals $100,000, sometimes from banks which have much more money, and no-one knows why

SILENCE! #131

February 18th, 2015

 

 

IN THE SEA THERE IS A WHALE WITHOUT ANY EYES

This…is the voice…of the Mr Rons! Welcoming you, your skin and ALL your internal organs to the family bucket-sized extravaganza that is this week’s SILENCE! Dundering halfwit Gary Lactus and professional irritant The Beast Must Die are joined by know-it-all princeling Bobsy in what is already being touted as the finest podcast of the year. Isn’t that special? Yes. Yes it is special. Mummy’s special podcast. Smart time!

<ITEM> Bit of the ol’ who’s yer sponsor, and The Beast tells the boys all about the magnificence of Grey Gardens.

<ITEM> Who’s afraid of the big bad comics? Not these three fearless psychonauts as they bravely push against the 4-colour skein and break through like calves hanging out the back of a cow into…The Reviewniverse! Plus for the first time in the history of time… the weighing of comics! So: Transformers v GI Joe – 68g, Darth Vader – 78g, Uber – 76g, The Names – 49g, Amazing Spiderman – 65g, Winter Soldier – 53g, War Of the Trenches -620g, Freud – 463g, Bitch Planet – 63g, Prometheus : Omega – 93g, Trencher, 2000AD – 75g, Shackleton – 208g, Hip Hop Family Tree – 554g, They’re Not Like Us – 46g

<ITEM> What are you looking at? Is nearly two hours of solid hott goldchatz not enough? Well it’s time that you lot learned to lower your expectations. Nope, lower than that. Lower. Sort of Real Housewives of Vancouver low. Good. Now kick back and enjoy.

Click to download SILENCE!#131

Contact us:
silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comicsof London.

SARAH HORROCKS – BRUISE (self-published, 2014)

From the cool blue risotone colour to the grey static hiss of the prose, Bruise is heavy on the cyberpunk stylings:

The comic itself follows up on that initial promise, coming on almost like a young William Gibson who’s got too lost in the poetry of his own thoughts to ever force them to fit a form as traditionally satisfying as a “novel”. Actually, scrap that “almost” and focus on the real novelty here, achieved through jagged collage of familiar tropes. Include the squinting cool of the front cover and the miraculous map of the back (as you must) in the run time and you’ve got one hell of a joyride here:

16 pages of bad road

Professor Xavier Is A Jerk

February 13th, 2015

We were so hot for Plok‘s extensive and illuminating reading of Guardians of the Galaxy (you know, the one with the raccoon that thinks it’s not a raccoon) that we invited him back to talk about X-Men: Days of Future Past, Jennifer Lawrence, Ellen page and their role in a series of movies that are just full of “great” men…

You all know this guy, right?

Right, then.

We’re ready.

…So, goddamnit, after all this time, they finally have a chance to make a genuine statement about difference in these X-Men movies. Or, rather: the X-Men franchise itself has that chance, and takes it. They don’t want it to, obviously…would like it to somehow be other than it is, even though the way that it is, is all their own doing. Oh, it almost breaks your heart, doesn’t it? Watching them floundering around trying everything they can try just to miss the point, yet the point still comes through, the meaning still comes out, inevitably. Sow the wind, reap the whirlwind, and all that. Instant karma…

Or, maybe not “Instant Karma”, actually. Not primarily.

But maybe something else.

I have to be honest with you: this is the only lens through which I can view X-Men: Days Of Future Past where it even counts as a movie that’s about anything. For what’s really happened here? I am, I freely confess, just a bit too old to have been tagged by the famous Kitty Pryde Nerd Crush – myself, I always liked the skinny, scared Jewish kid from the suburbs who was smarter than she thought she was, with the fairly-useless power – Chris Claremont used to talk about how maybe if she phased her hand through some loose rope for about an hour, maybe gradually the fibers of the rope would unravel – but Ellen Page was so astonishingly born to portray a film-version Kitty Pryde that she threatens to make actual even ALL the different kinds of Kitty Pryde out there, even for me who never really believed in about half of them. The Chess Grand Master. The Yogic Flyer. The Pro-Solar Mechanic. The Perfect Girlfriend. And just look at her whaling away on the thing, for heaven’s sake! From the second she wheeled to face Vinnie Jones in X3, perfectly improving on a Paul Smith cover (uh, it was a Paul Smith cover, wasn’t it?), my nerd-breath was absolutely taken away. Every time she’s been on screen, she’s been acting the CRAP out of this real-life-Kitty-Pryde thing…but you hardly get to notice it, because I think she’s been given, all told now, about ten-and-a-half minutes of screen time to do her thing. Even here, in what was really HER story in the comics, she’s doing dramatic things, badass things…even when it seems all she’s being asked to do is be hurt by Wolverine’s abduction of her storyline, she is heroically soldiering on and doing everything you and I probably couldn’t without breaking down and breaking right in two. Holy shit, and does anyone imagine that Ellen Page couldn’t have carried an X-Men movie? Wolverine would still be in it, you know. He would have a pretty cool part, in fact! Why you could even still have given Hugh Jackman top billing…but it would’ve been Kitty’s story, and so it would’ve been the right one, instead of the wrong one.

Click here to go back… to the future!

SILENCE! #130

February 10th, 2015

SHE’S JUST SITTING IN HER ROOM READING BOOKS ABOUT UFO’s
 

Shhhh! Be vewwy, vewwy quiet…I’m huntin’ PODCASTS! Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu!

Those two titans of tedium are back to wet your collective whistles. And thank goodness, because can you imagine having to live your life with a dry whistle? The indignity..the trauma. Did you know that over 50,000 people a year have to suffer with the chaffing, itchy embarrassment and shame of a dry whistle? WELL DID YOU? If it wasn’t for these two brave podsoldiers waging their lonely war against dry whistles…well. I don’t know where we’d be.

Where are we?

Oh that’s right – SILENCE!!!

<ITEM> A healthy, happy, bouncing baby sponsorship! Featuring Gary’s SKLENT teaser, The Beast talking about seeing Richard McGuire discussing his masterful Here live, and Dave McKean (did someone say Arkham Asylum 2????)

<ITEM> Oh you, me and the Reviewniverse makes three! Bumper edition featuring Nameless, Annihilator, Multiversity Handbook, Bitch Planet, John Allison’s Scary-go-round, Expecting To Fly, 2000AD, Stray Bullets, Miracleman, Superman, 21st Century Tank Girl, Batman, Ant Man, Wytches, Saga, Ms Marvel, Dying & The Dead and probably some more.

<ITEM> What? No more items. You’ve had enough.

Gary Season, Beast Season, Gary Season, Beast Season…

Click to download SILENCE!#130

Contact us:
silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comicsof London.

What’s The Story?
This story is loosely based on The Ice Crimes of Mr Zero by Dave Wood and Sheldon Moldoff, from 1959′s Batman #121.

SILENCE! #129

January 26th, 2015

CHECK OUT MR BUSINESSMAN, HE BOUGHT SOME WILD, WILD LIFE

Come on, that’s right…UP TEAM! Jolly hockey sticks! That bloody Gary Lactus, totally bloody solid bloke, fantastic under a high ball! And The Beast Must Die…absolute bloody legend! Exactly who you want in a tight spot! COME ON LADS, SCORE ONE FOR US!! YASSSSSSSSS! SILENCE! – 1, DEAR LISTENERS – 0!!

Half-time oranges anyone? Okay how about a half-time podcast then?

<ITEM> It’s The Beast Must Die’s birthday (sort of). Let’s all force cake down his gullet and light candles in his ears!

<ITEM>There’s some Sponsorshit, The Beast promotes his illustrations in Architects Journal, and Gary invites him and the Dear Listeners in a game of Marvel Heroes Bodycare Bingo!

<ITEM> Into the valley of The Reviewniverse rode Gary & The Beast… and unafraid they review The Kitchen, The Mighty, Batman & robin, Captain America & The Mighty Avengers, UBER, Wicked & The Divine, Rumble, Crossed 100, and 2000AD

<ITEM> The podcast takes a turn to towards the base, as the boys come up with a novel way to discuss the 4 Dark Judges.

And that, my dreary dears, is that. The bitterest pill is hard to swallow, especially when it’s administered by a couple of cretins.

Click to download SILENCE!#129

Contact us:
silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comicsof London.

SILENCE #128

January 23rd, 2015

YOU DIDN’T STAND BY ME, NO NOT AT ALL

Oh well. you turn your back for 10 minutes and all the little piggies find themselves a NEW podcast to listen to. I bet this podcast has shiny baubles, trinkets and doodads that would make any listener turn it’s head… well let me ask you this dear listener, WHO LOVES YOU, AND WHO DO YOU LOVE???

SILENCE! that’s who. And just because Christmas sauntered into New Year like a saucy minx wandering into a sauce factory, and just because REAL. LIFE. JUST GOT REAL…do you think that makes it okay to just flip your wig for the nearest podcast that shakes it’s little tail-feather in your general direction??? Well do ya pilgrim? Whatever happened to HONESTY? INTEGRITY? INNERCITY (Good life, good life, good life, good life…goood life!)??? WELL?

Oh look I don’t know. I’m just paid to write this shit by the hour, and let me tell you the hourly rate ain’t great. So you get what you been given. And that’s a medium slice of podcast served up with a good dose of sass!

Gary Lactus & the Beast Must Die are here to guide you through the latest 4-colour mission pamphlets….so grab your Leiderhosen and letsbe avenue…

<ITEM> Relax ev’ryone..The OL’ SPONSORSHIP is here. And it’ just as scintillating as you remember. Somehow the pair find time for a discussion of Marvel Soooperhero films,and Alan Moore synchronicities.

<ITEM> What’s that coming out of the woods, it’s THE REVIEWNIVERSE! feat. The Humans, 2000AD, The Thrillcast, Colin McNeil, Chopper, Gore, The Dark judges, Judge Anderson, Savage, The Winter Soldier, Jupiter’s Legacy, Batman, Colin Hoult, N.Kanan’s Exit, Daredevil and just a bit more

<ITEM> Just time to big up Graeme & Jeff’s Baxter Building FF podcast and then it’s home for scones and dead badger pancakes. Ta ta!

Click to download SILENCE!#128

Contact us:
silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comicsof London.

What’s The Story?
After being sprung from jail — using an actual giant spring to escape — the Joker returns to his life of crime

What’s The Story?
The Penguin has just been let out of jail, and strange non-crimes involving umbrellas are happening all over town.