SILENCE! #136

March 24th, 2015

 

 

I WENT AWAY TO SEE AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE. HIS SISTER CAME OVER, SHE WAS OUT OF HER MIND

When comes the Borgunth? When comes Eigorrn, Lord of the Land of Many Eyed? When comes Scrotax the Elder Spanksayer? When come the Skalorg Sisters and their Chunthounds? When comes the Gargagrintz? When comes the Fire Puffin? When come the Knights of the Order of Panny? When comes the Scrandmaiden? When come the Prance-Mage? When comes the Gunt? WELL?? WHEN COME THEY???

Well they better get here soon, as I’ve laid on quite the spread. Scotch Eggs and everything. While we wait, what better way to kill some time than listen to Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die, the Chuckle Bros of the comics podcast stratosphere, as they usher in  To me, to you, to me, to you…

<ITEM> Sponsorshrooms grow in the damp, dark crevices of the admin section. Plus Stan Lee dildos? You heard it hear first true believers!!

<ITEM> Come on feel the noise. The noise of the howling empty void that is…The Reviewniverse! On the comics hot plate this week: Stray Bullets, Surface, Zero, Chrononauts, Loki: Agent of Asgard, Captain America and the Mighty Avengers, Mind MGMT, Batgirl, Batman Eternal and a bit of respect for Diana Schutz.

<ITEM> Sod your items! Clear out, and if you see Borgunth tell him the ginger beer is flat.

Click to download SILENCE!#136

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comicsof London.

SILENCE! #135

March 16th, 2015

 

YOU CAN CRY, YOU CAN MOPE, BUT CAN YOU SWING FROM A GOOD ROPE?

Ahh yes…um, look okay everyone…stop talking please…can you…can you… sorry, can you just… look please just sit down and stop talk… um hello? HELLO? I said..I SAID.. can you please just…no look put that down and just… look will you stop talking for just one… what? yes, well just come in and sit down and try not to… excuse me, would you mind just…? Look will you be quiet for just one..what? Yes..what? Yes I AM the substitute blurb writer, why do you… look can you just put that..no, no I COULD actually be a full time blurb writer if…what? Sorry, can you..OUCH! OKAY!!! WHO THREW THAT GRAPHIC NOVEL AT MY HEAD??? You KNOW how much those fully painted numbers weigh…Okay…now just settle down. Settle…what? WHAT? What do you mean I’ve run out of

<ITEM> The Beast Must Die & Gary Lactus have a particularly itchy case of the sponsorshingles, with the usual nods to Dave’s Comics and Gosh Comics, and an in-depth discussion of Zoos.

<ITEM> A smart tug on the winkie and we’re off into the Reviewniverse, with hearty happy earthy discussions of Star Wars, Darth Vader, Princess Leia, Surface, Ms Marvel, Ragnarok, Rat God, Howard The Duck, Steve Gerber, Marvel Dinner Comics, Hellbreak, Fantastic Four, Southern Cross and much much much much (not) much more.

<ITEM> It’s the brand new movie section we’re calling Everything Comes Back To Rocky IV, as The Beast discusses recent filmic treats Godzilla and Edge Of Tomorrow: Live, Die, Repeat, Cruise. He also watched Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs 2 but he’s not going to tell you the Dear Listeners, about that. The Tacodile was pretty great though, right?

<ITEM> Come on, we all need a good wee and some dinner, so let’s call it a night, eh? Have a good SILENCE!

Click to download SILENCE!#135

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comicsof London.

SILENCE! #134

March 9th, 2015



 BIG MONEY! BIG PRIZES! I LOVE IT!!

Oh I just don’t know who my favourite superhero is! You can’t ask that, that’s the hardest question EVER! Okay, if you twisted my arm, like reeeeaaaallly twisted it, and I absolutely had to choose I’d say The Purple Raider. No wait, I’d say Big Lunch…no actually it’d be Spiral Scratch. Or The Ice Breaker. No, hold on The Black Ram. Or The Kite. Or the Jazzler. No okay I’ve changed my mind, it’s Size Queen. Or Rainbow Robo. Or Mr Blister. Mother Time. The Lord of Steam. Phase One. The Living Statue. Cyclobix. Brain-Glow. Blaze 46. Red Harvest. Man-Atee. Advance Guard. The Questeteer. Gilded Lily. Feather Blitz. Governor Zero. Crab-Walk. Mr AARGH. Dry Spot. Cloudbuster. Shocktopus. Pop N Lock. Jellyfish Kiss. The Flickering Flame. Thunder Water. Lazer Lion. Battering Boy. Gene Genie. Terry Titan. The Blender…

STOP ASKING ME IMPOSSIBLE QUESTIONS. I HATE YOU LEAVE ME ALONE AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

<ITEM> And as if by magic…SILENCE! Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die and you of course. You. The Dear Listening You.

<ITEM> Sponsorshenanigans. An Avengers: Age of Ultron exclusive! Plus, the varying hardness of erections?

<ITEM> The podcast is a cannon, the boys are the cannonball, comics are the gunpowder and the target is the Reviewniverse. BOOM! Nameless, Crossed 100, Big Man Plans, Nemo: River of Ghosts, Descender, Hawkeye, Wicked & Divine, Guardians Team Up, Uber, Miracleman and mmmmmuch mmmmmore.

Now is the winter of your discontent. So why not listen to the perfect accompaniment.

Click to download SILENCE!#134

Contact us:

silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comicsof London.

SILENCE! #133

March 2nd, 2015

Your stare was holding, Ripped jeans, Skin was showing, Hot night, Wind was blowing, Where you think you’re going baby?

Right then. Gary Lactus here. I’ve just had a right old fuckabout with technology and I’ll be damned if I’m going to put any effort into writing a blurb for you right now. I’m halfway through a crème brulee and would much rather be giving it my full attention. So what I’m going to do now is list what happened.

The Beast Must Die couldn’t make it so I got folks to Skype in.

David “You Wynne Again” Wynne phoned and we talked Super Con, Criminal Special Edition, Southern Bastards, ODY-C and D4VE.

Al “What Are You Doing” Ewing got in touch and we spoke of Friends Of Ham, Uber, Satellite Sam, Hickman’s Avengers, American Tabloid, American Telly and British Funny Telly.

That’ll do. I have finished my crème brulee and want a bath now. A SPACE BATH in my SPACESHIP IN SPACE!

Click to download SILENCE!#133

Contact us:
silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comicsof London.

SILENCE! #132

February 23rd, 2015

THESE ARE THE FABLES ON MY STREET

 

 

It’s Oscar season! You know, that season where it’s okay to  hunt people called Oscar! But before you run and grab your pistols, shotguns and catapults, why don’t you rest up for a while and take in the latest podstravaganza from the Dempsey & Makepeace of podcasting, Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die! The podcast is SILENCE!, the time is now and the trousers are TIGHT! Too tight as a matter of fact…I’m seeing lights. Take me to the lights…take me now….

<ITEM> It’s a fist-sized portion of sponsorship, with the usual subjects, and some lovely jingles for some of the dearest of dear listeners. Oh and they talk about ancient ITV gameshow 3,2,1, because, y’know, comics.

<ITEM>  The Reviewniverse opens it’s welcoming arms and the boys take it’s embrace. Synergy, cosmic oneness and all that aul shoite…Multiversity: Mastermen, Silver Surfer, Affordable Amazement Catalogue, The Sound of Drowning, 2000AD, Rumble, Transformers Vs GI Joe, Wonder Woman, Hawkeye, and Frank Miller’s Holy Terror all come between the crosshairs.

<ITEM> The final item! Goodbye!

Click to download SILENCE!#132

Contact us:
silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comicsof London.

SILENCE! #131

February 18th, 2015

 

 

IN THE SEA THERE IS A WHALE WITHOUT ANY EYES

This…is the voice…of the Mr Rons! Welcoming you, your skin and ALL your internal organs to the family bucket-sized extravaganza that is this week’s SILENCE! Dundering halfwit Gary Lactus and professional irritant The Beast Must Die are joined by know-it-all princeling Bobsy in what is already being touted as the finest podcast of the year. Isn’t that special? Yes. Yes it is special. Mummy’s special podcast. Smart time!

<ITEM> Bit of the ol’ who’s yer sponsor, and The Beast tells the boys all about the magnificence of Grey Gardens.

<ITEM> Who’s afraid of the big bad comics? Not these three fearless psychonauts as they bravely push against the 4-colour skein and break through like calves hanging out the back of a cow into…The Reviewniverse! Plus for the first time in the history of time… the weighing of comics! So: Transformers v GI Joe – 68g, Darth Vader – 78g, Uber – 76g, The Names – 49g, Amazing Spiderman – 65g, Winter Soldier – 53g, War Of the Trenches -620g, Freud – 463g, Bitch Planet – 63g, Prometheus : Omega – 93g, Trencher, 2000AD – 75g, Shackleton – 208g, Hip Hop Family Tree – 554g, They’re Not Like Us – 46g

<ITEM> What are you looking at? Is nearly two hours of solid hott goldchatz not enough? Well it’s time that you lot learned to lower your expectations. Nope, lower than that. Lower. Sort of Real Housewives of Vancouver low. Good. Now kick back and enjoy.

Click to download SILENCE!#131

Contact us:
silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comicsof London.

SILENCE! #130

February 10th, 2015

SHE’S JUST SITTING IN HER ROOM READING BOOKS ABOUT UFO’s
 

Shhhh! Be vewwy, vewwy quiet…I’m huntin’ PODCASTS! Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu!

Those two titans of tedium are back to wet your collective whistles. And thank goodness, because can you imagine having to live your life with a dry whistle? The indignity..the trauma. Did you know that over 50,000 people a year have to suffer with the chaffing, itchy embarrassment and shame of a dry whistle? WELL DID YOU? If it wasn’t for these two brave podsoldiers waging their lonely war against dry whistles…well. I don’t know where we’d be.

Where are we?

Oh that’s right – SILENCE!!!

<ITEM> A healthy, happy, bouncing baby sponsorship! Featuring Gary’s SKLENT teaser, The Beast talking about seeing Richard McGuire discussing his masterful Here live, and Dave McKean (did someone say Arkham Asylum 2????)

<ITEM> Oh you, me and the Reviewniverse makes three! Bumper edition featuring Nameless, Annihilator, Multiversity Handbook, Bitch Planet, John Allison’s Scary-go-round, Expecting To Fly, 2000AD, Stray Bullets, Miracleman, Superman, 21st Century Tank Girl, Batman, Ant Man, Wytches, Saga, Ms Marvel, Dying & The Dead and probably some more.

<ITEM> What? No more items. You’ve had enough.

Gary Season, Beast Season, Gary Season, Beast Season…

Click to download SILENCE!#130

Contact us:
silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comicsof London.

SILENCE! #129

January 26th, 2015

CHECK OUT MR BUSINESSMAN, HE BOUGHT SOME WILD, WILD LIFE

Come on, that’s right…UP TEAM! Jolly hockey sticks! That bloody Gary Lactus, totally bloody solid bloke, fantastic under a high ball! And The Beast Must Die…absolute bloody legend! Exactly who you want in a tight spot! COME ON LADS, SCORE ONE FOR US!! YASSSSSSSSS! SILENCE! – 1, DEAR LISTENERS – 0!!

Half-time oranges anyone? Okay how about a half-time podcast then?

<ITEM> It’s The Beast Must Die’s birthday (sort of). Let’s all force cake down his gullet and light candles in his ears!

<ITEM>There’s some Sponsorshit, The Beast promotes his illustrations in Architects Journal, and Gary invites him and the Dear Listeners in a game of Marvel Heroes Bodycare Bingo!

<ITEM> Into the valley of The Reviewniverse rode Gary & The Beast… and unafraid they review The Kitchen, The Mighty, Batman & robin, Captain America & The Mighty Avengers, UBER, Wicked & The Divine, Rumble, Crossed 100, and 2000AD

<ITEM> The podcast takes a turn to towards the base, as the boys come up with a novel way to discuss the 4 Dark Judges.

And that, my dreary dears, is that. The bitterest pill is hard to swallow, especially when it’s administered by a couple of cretins.

Click to download SILENCE!#129

Contact us:
silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comicsof London.

SILENCE #128

January 23rd, 2015

YOU DIDN’T STAND BY ME, NO NOT AT ALL

Oh well. you turn your back for 10 minutes and all the little piggies find themselves a NEW podcast to listen to. I bet this podcast has shiny baubles, trinkets and doodads that would make any listener turn it’s head… well let me ask you this dear listener, WHO LOVES YOU, AND WHO DO YOU LOVE???

SILENCE! that’s who. And just because Christmas sauntered into New Year like a saucy minx wandering into a sauce factory, and just because REAL. LIFE. JUST GOT REAL…do you think that makes it okay to just flip your wig for the nearest podcast that shakes it’s little tail-feather in your general direction??? Well do ya pilgrim? Whatever happened to HONESTY? INTEGRITY? INNERCITY (Good life, good life, good life, good life…goood life!)??? WELL?

Oh look I don’t know. I’m just paid to write this shit by the hour, and let me tell you the hourly rate ain’t great. So you get what you been given. And that’s a medium slice of podcast served up with a good dose of sass!

Gary Lactus & the Beast Must Die are here to guide you through the latest 4-colour mission pamphlets….so grab your Leiderhosen and letsbe avenue…

<ITEM> Relax ev’ryone..The OL’ SPONSORSHIP is here. And it’ just as scintillating as you remember. Somehow the pair find time for a discussion of Marvel Soooperhero films,and Alan Moore synchronicities.

<ITEM> What’s that coming out of the woods, it’s THE REVIEWNIVERSE! feat. The Humans, 2000AD, The Thrillcast, Colin McNeil, Chopper, Gore, The Dark judges, Judge Anderson, Savage, The Winter Soldier, Jupiter’s Legacy, Batman, Colin Hoult, N.Kanan’s Exit, Daredevil and just a bit more

<ITEM> Just time to big up Graeme & Jeff’s Baxter Building FF podcast and then it’s home for scones and dead badger pancakes. Ta ta!

Click to download SILENCE!#128

Contact us:
silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comicsof London.

SILENCE!# 127

December 31st, 2014

  WE’RE WALKING IN THE AIR, WE’RE FLOATING IN THE MOONLIT SKY OR SOMETHING

Guests, guests, guests! That’s right! Guests! As The Beast Must Die was buried under a megalanche of seasonal commitment, Gary Lactus decided to throw a special New Years Eve party. Gary sure is a popular guy because he managed to get THREE guests to come to his brilliant party. I don’t know if you’ve ever had a party but three is actually quite a lot.

<GUEST> JAMES BAKER took time out from his third Christmas to chat about Isabel Greenberg’s The Encyclopedia of Early Earth,  Young Avengers Omnibus,  Wicked and Divine#6 and They’re Not Like Us#1. There’s also time to talk up Hayley Addis’s new project, Goblin Circus (go to haloquin.com) before he has to go and have his mystery dinner.

<GUEST> AL EWING ruined everything by coughing in the egg nog and going on about the Lille comic con. As revenge Gary reviews Mighty Avengers and Loki Agent of Sixis in his face.

<GUEST> MISTER ATTACK burst in and blustered beautifully about Transformers Vs GI Joe, Quantum and Woody and something called Super God Master Force amongst other things. Then technology broke and stopped the party.  
Apologies to ED 209 who did some top chat which is lost forever. Happy new year everyone! I kiss you: XXX    

Click to download SILENCE!#127

Contact us:
silencepodcast@gmail.com
@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comicsof London.